Even though many married couples have sexual problems, most of them are still ashamed to put them out in public. Come on, after all, sex is a completely normal and natural thing, and it shouldn’t be taboo.
Today we’ll open up one “taboo topic” (I say taboo because people really don’t speak about it the way they should), and it’s called the “no intimacy in marriage from wife.”
It happens when a woman is going through something and has a reduced sex drive or doesn’t fulfill her husband’s sexual needs at all. Both partners turn a blind eye to it and eventually start cheating on each other.
That’s why I always encourage couples to have open communication and seek professional help whenever a crisis hits their marriage. The truth is, the sooner you open up to someone about your sexual intimacy, the sooner you’ll get the help you need, and your marriage will be saved.
No Intimacy In Marriage From Wife: 16 Common Reasons
If your wife has a low sex drive or doesn’t have one at all, there might be a few reasons for that. In order to work on solving that issue, you’ll first have to find out what the real reason is your wife doesn’t want to engage in any kind of sexual activity with you.
1. Poor self-esteem
If a woman suffers from low self-esteem, it immediately affects her ego and makes her think less of herself. She starts doubting herself and her own capabilities, especially those she has in the bedroom.
She has a poor self-image, and she thinks you have a bad opinion about her physical appearance too. Maybe she has put on weight over the years or after having kids, and she has started hating her own body.
Now, it’s your turn to prove to her that she is wrong. You need to point out to her that you’ll love her forever, with all of her imperfections and flaws.
2. Breastfeeding and the postpartum period
If you’ve just had a baby and your wife is still breastfeeding or hasn’t had enough time to recover after giving birth, you need to be aware that she’s exhausted.
She needs to take care of the baby 24/7 while her body is still weak. You need to be considerate, especially if your wife doesn’t have any extra help with the baby, except you, of course, but I’m assuming you’re at work most of the day.
Pay attention to her behavior because your wife may also be suffering from postpartum depression. That may be the reason for her mood swings and the lack of physical intimacy in your marriage.
3. Going through menopause
Has your wife mentioned to you that she has started noticing the symptoms of menopause? If she has, then you should search no more for the reason she is avoiding physical intimacy because you’ve just found it.
Female hormones go nuts in menopause, and most women actually have less interest in their sex life when going through this phase of their lives.
If your wife is going through menopause, you need to show understanding. You have no idea and can’t imagine the changes her body goes through every day and how much all of that affects her physical and mental health.
4. Bad physical well-being
Does your wife have an illness? Does she have any medical condition you know about?
If she isn’t in the best physical health, then it’s obvious why she’s avoiding intimacy. She’s worried or maybe in too much pain, so it’s completely normal for it to affect her sexual needs.
5. Mental health issues and taking antidepressants
Depression, anxiety, and similar mental health issues are also very common reasons women start avoiding intimacy in romantic relationships.
These issues affect their mood, and they become completely disinterested in being intimate with their partner.
They may also try to solve their mental health issues by taking antidepressants, which affect a person’s sex drive and mood. You should also know that the side effects of those pills can be erectile dysfunction in men and vaginal dryness in women.
6. Stress and exhaustion
Is your wife working more than usual? Does she have a project with a deadline that is making her tired and stressed?
If your answers are yes, then the case is closed. Your wife is under stress, and she can’t relax or think about being intimate right now. Just be patient and wait for her to get that project done, and I’m sure she’ll shift all of her focus back to you.
Related: 14 Things To Know When Your Wife Wants A Half-Open Marriage
7. Lack of emotional connection
Do you still talk as often as you did at the beginning of your marriage? Do you still compliment her the same and shower her with romantic declarations of your love and emotions?
You need to pay attention to these things because they can really kill the emotional connection between partners. The fact is, without that connection, it’ll be hard to maintain physical intimacy.
Spend quality time with your wife, and whenever you see that something is bothering her, get her to open up to you. She needs to know that you’re her best friend and that she can share absolutely everything with you.
8. Trust issues
Did you betray her? Did you do anything that may have cost you her trust?
If your wife doesn’t trust you anymore or struggles with trust issues, that may be the reason she can’t make love to you.
Lack of physical intimacy is definitely a problem you need to solve in your marriage, but you should focus on dealing with those trust issues first. If you don’t get her to trust you again, not only will intimacy but your entire marriage be doomed.
9. Changed priorities
If your wife just got a job or you’ve just had a baby, then her low sex drive may be becauseher priorities have changed.
Perhaps she wants to become a successful woman, and she has put all of her focus on her job. On the other hand, if a baby has arrived, she’s aware that the little creature needs her 24/7, and she doesn’t have time to focus on you or your physical intimacy.
I’m not trying to justify it because I don’t agree with it at all. I’m just trying to make you understand the reason why your wife’s sexual needs have changed all of a sudden.
10. Unmet expectations
Are you aware of your wife’s expectations? If she has set the bar too high, that could also be the reason for her low sexual desire.
It could be that you don’t fulfill those expectations, and she doesn’t feel happy with your sex life. In that case, you need to deal with it soon because her disappointment may result in her finding another man who will be able to meet her expectations.
11. Anorgasmia
Has your wife ever struggled to orgasm? If she can’t become sexually aroused that easily or can’t reach orgasm even after both of you try very hard, she might have anorgasmia.
In case you’ve never heard of it, it really exists, and it’s not that rare a medical condition. Anorgasmia is when a woman has difficulty achieving orgasm.
Perhaps your wife is ashamed to admit it, but I’m sure you’ll be able to figure it out by yourself. Talk to her and offer to seek professional help together.
12. Husband’s erectile dysfunction
Do you have any problems down there? Is everything okay with your buddy, if you know what I mean? 😄
If you’re struggling with erectile dysfunction, maybe that’s the reason your wife avoids being intimate. It may be because you aren’t able to fulfill her sexual needs or simply because she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings or affect your self-esteem.
If you’re aware you have this issue, you need to deal with it immediately. Seek help from your health provider, and they’ll help you find the fastest and safest way to cure your erectile dysfunction issues.
13. Different sex drives
You may think that your wife has a low sex drive, but did you ever think that she thinks the problem is you because your sex drive is too high? Maybe she can’t meet your sexual needs, and it’s started to bother her.
There are some people who could have sex all the time, and I really get that, but you also need to understand your wife. Sometimes she simply isn’t in the mood, and being too pushy will only drive her away for good.
14. Your marriage has become monotonous
Was your romantic relationship more passionate and interesting than your marriage is right now? It happens in most cases that couples simply start having less sex after they get married, even though I don’t quite get the reason why that happens.
It could be because they stop flirting with each other, or they’ve simply had enough of each other because of the time they spend together.
Either way, you need to find a way to spark things up again, get rid of your boring routines, and find new and interesting things you can do together.
15. Having an affair
Unfortunately, cheating is also one of the common reasons a wife starts avoiding physical intimacy in a marriage.
She’s having an emotional affair and doesn’t want her husband to touch her anymore. This is especially true if she has caught feelings for the other man.
Perhaps she doesn’t know how to behave or how to admit it to you. She could also be scared of everything she may lose if you find out about her affair. However, there is no need to worry because if this is the case, the truth will be revealed sooner or later.
16. The worst reason of all… the cessation of love.
If this is the reason your wife doesn’t want to be intimate with you, it still doesn’t have to mean that your marriage is doomed. It is the toughest reason to cope with, but if you arm yourself with patience and strength, you’ll manage to win her over again.
You succeeded in making her fall in love with you once already, and I’m sure you’ll manage to do it again.
You just need to remind her that you’re still the same man she loved before, that you love her, and that you are ready to do whatever it takes to make her yours.
A woman sometimes forgets about her feelings simply because she doesn’t feel desired and wanted by her man. For that reason, you should never stop proving your love to her, and you need to make it clear how much you want her to be and stay a part of your life forever.
No Intimacy In Marriage From Wife: 9 Helpful Tips
No intimacy in marriage from a wife isn’t the end of the world, and it most definitely doesn’t have to be the end of your marriage. I have a few very helpful pieces of advice for you that will help you awaken the sexual desire within your wife and reignite the spark between you again.
1. Speak and try to understand her
Break the silence and speak to your wife. Get her to open up to you and try to understand the reasons for her reduced sex drive.
Perhaps your wife isn’t even aware of the fact you’re having less sex and that it’s started affecting your marriage. However, you can’t just speculate and make assumptions – you need to talk to her.
If she can’t or doesn’t want to open up to you, then you should really be worried because your problem is even bigger than you think. The worst thing that can happen in a marriage is when a partner loses trust in the other person and can’t get themselves to open up to them.
The bottom line is that it’s obvious that something is bothering your wife, whether it’s a personal or family problem or a health condition. Your job is to figure out what that is or get her to admit what it is to you so you can find a proper solution to her/your issues.
2. Don’t start the blame game
It’s obvious that your physical and emotional intimacy is struggling, but now is not the time to start looking for the culprit of that damage. Now is the time to stand together and focus on finding a solution.
Believe me, the blame-shifting game won’t do you any good. It’ll only create a barrier between you, and you won’t be able to understand each other, which will lead to serious discussions and fights.
3. It’s time to win your wife over again
You need to flirt with your wife and seduce her the same way you seduced her when you managed to win her over. She probably doesn’t look at you with the same eyes now, and that’s why you need to remind her about all the reasons she fell for you in the first place.
Buy her a nice gift or send a bouquet of her favorite flowers to her work. Write her a romantic text, or if you’re good with words, you can write her a poem, and I promise you she’ll be all over you after that.
4. Reconnect on an emotional and physical level
You’ve probably become more like roommates because of the lack of intimacy between you. That’s why you need to rebuild the connection between you ASAP.
Communicate regularly. Spend more quality time together. Go somewhere alone. Treat yourself to a nice spa day or a relaxing massage for two. Join a book club or find a hobby that will be interesting to both of you.
Once you manage to rebuild your connection and bond on a deeper level again, you will rekindle the passion between you too.
5. More cuddling!
Hug and kiss your wife more often. Maybe she longs for more cuddling, and you aren’t even aware of it.
You need to pay more attention to foreplay than what comes after it. After all, you need to please your wife’s emotional needs too. Also, cuddling will improve your emotional connection, which will be of huge importance for improving your physical intimacy.
6. Refresh your date nights
According to the book The Social Organization of Sexuality, which was published in 1994, about 20% of couples have no or less sex once they get married. And do you know why that happens?
It’s simply because people stop dating once they get married. This ruins the connection between them and immediately starts affecting their sex life.
You need to plan the most romantic date ever, and you’ll see how it’ll increase your wife’s sex drive.
Also, make those date nights a regular part of your marriage because that’s how you’ll keep the romance and the spark alive in your marriage, and you’ll never catch yourself in a situation like this ever again.
7. Find a great sex therapist
Are you unable to address the issue by yourselves? Everything seems pretty good between you, and you just can’t understand the reason for the lack of sexual intimacy in your marriage.
If you go to a marriage counselor, they might suggest a marriage retreat. In case you’ve never heard of this, it’s a kind of therapy where couples get to “run away” from their reality briefly and focus on addressing and fixing the issues in their marriage.
This therapy has helped a lot of married couples, and I hope it’ll help you too. You should give it a chance because, even if it doesn’t help you, it definitely can’t hurt your marriage.
8. Reignite the passion in your sex life
If your marriage lacks intimacy, the spark will soon be gone from your marriage, too (if it’s not gone already). You need to find a way to rekindle it again.
First of all, ask yourself, do you really speak your wife’s love language? Do you even know what her love language is? It’s also important to know what your wife’s turn-ons are.
Then, let’s go to the bedroom. Think of some playful foreplay and bring some interesting sex games into your bed. Also, don’t run away from trying different sex positions.
9. Give her time
Even if you can’t understand what’s affecting your wife’s sexual desire, please try to be empathetic and be there for her. Trust me, it’s only a temporary phase, and it’ll pass sooner than you know.
Living in a no-sex marriage is difficult, but it’s way more difficult to live without the person you love the most just because they weren’t able to fulfill your sexual needs.
Right now, the thing your wife needs the most is space, understanding, and support. She’ll be past her sexual dysfunction soon, and you’ll leave this hard time behind you in the past.
Can A Marriage Survive Without Intimacy?
My definite answer is NO. It can for a very short while, but sooner or later, one or both partners will start trying to find a way to please their needs in another way and with another person.
In most cases, sexless relationships turn into toxic relationships, and they end in betrayal. Lack of physical intimacy (or any other intimacy, in fact) can really harm the connection between partners to the point they’ll start behaving like complete strangers.
It’s quite clear that sexless marriages end in divorce most often. So, if you don’t want that fate to hit your marriage, you need to consult a marriage counselor and work on saving your marriage ASAP.
If you don’t do anything except hope that by some miracle things will get better in your marriage, your marriage will most definitely collapse.
What Happens To A Man In A Sexless Marriage?
The truth is, lack of sex can’t affect men’s physical or mental health that much. However, it can leave awful consequences on their emotional health and make them start thinking about ending their marriage.
Emotional connection is one of the most significant traits of a healthy marriage. Lack of any kind of intimacy can disrupt that connection between couples, and a man might start feeling completely disconnected from his wife.
Also, a lack of intimacy will definitely affect his mood. Eventually, he’ll start looking for alternatives that would allow him to fulfill his emotional and physical needs.
As I said, a lack of sex can’t affect a man’s physical health, but it may provoke some mental health issues. For example, it may lower his self-esteem and harm his ego, which may make him feel depressed and even anxious in his own body.
To Wrap It Up
Trust me, “no intimacy in marriage from wife” has become a very common situation. It happens to most couples, and as you can see, there are several reasons why it might be happening.
What I wanted to say is that you need to know that you aren’t alone in this. I get that living in a sexless marriage isn’t easy, but if you really love your wife, you’ll find a way to overcome these hard times and improve your marriage.
You won’t leave just her because that’s what cowards do. They run away when things get tough and don’t even try to make things better.
Support, understand, and love your wife now more than ever. Remember, the most important ingredient to make your marriage thrive again is LOVE, and only LOVE can get you out of this issue you’re dealing with.