Ele não sabe o que quer: 11 razões para isso e o que fazer

Senhoras, estou a ouvir-vos. Não estão sozinhas, acreditem. Cada uma de nós, pelo menos uma vez, fez uma pausa por um momento, expirou e disse, “He doesn’t know what he wants.”

Muitas vezes, o problema não está em nós próprios. Definimos claramente os nossos desejos e necessidades. A maior parte de nós quer aquele tipo de amor vintage e um relação séria. And now you’re thinking: “I swear to God if I hear him say that one more time, I’ll …”

Okay, okay, calm down, you will get wrinkles, don’t frown, and don’t stress. Somehow, it seems that whatever we do, it is simply not enough for them.

Men often seem distant when it comes to things that are important to us, which is good old courtship and romance (especially if you’re a romântico incurável como eu).

A probabilidade de se cruzar com um rapaz que não sabe o que quer, pelo menos uma vez na vida, é, no mínimo, ENORME. Então, o que é que se pode fazer quando isso acontece?

Let me help you. You can learn about the most common reason “he doesn’t know what he wants” and what you can do about it. So, let’s get started!

He Doesn’t Know What He Wants: 11 Possible Reasons Why

If a man doesn’t know what he wants, there’s no need to panic yet, but don’t minimize the seriousness of his statement. The best possible method to deal with these men is to learn about what’s going on in their subconscious. Here are the most common reasons why a man would say that he doesn’t know what he wants:

1. He’s only interested in hooking up or the physical part of your relationship

Por vezes, os homens só estão interessados em ficar consigo, mas recusam-se a reconhecê-lo se começarem a suspeitar que quer algo mais.

Also, sometimes it seems that everything he cares about is the S word, and that is the end of it. Even though it is a new relationship, it’s fun and exciting, but should it be like that?

Oh yes, let’s face it, we know how to romanticize things too much. We would like to be his número um. Queremos ramos de flores, chocolates, mensagens de bom diae beijos carinhosos, e gostaria apenas de ter companhia na cama no final do dia de trabalho.

Consegue adivinhar? Não é uma equação muito complicada.

“I don’t know what I want” is equivalent to “I’m interested only in the physical part of our relationship” or “I want to romper with you.” And that is when they start ignorando-o de repente.

2. He’s simply not into you

Sim, eu sei. Desde o momento em que nascemos, ensinam-nos que se um rapaz no jardim de infância nos puxar pelos cabelos, nos beliscar, nos provocar, e mesmo que nos ignore, é porque gosta de nós.

Bem, alerta de spoiler. E se he’s simply not into you?

Of course, it hurts to know that someone we like doesn’t feel the same for us, but that is the reality. As preferências e os gostos pessoais são coisas que não podemos controlar nos outros. Toda a gente tem o seu tipo ideal de pessoa.

Por isso, não importa quantas vezes mencione que foi rainha do baile de finalistas, que tem um diploma de uma boa universidade ou que é independenteA química ainda não é mútua.

3. Ele não tem intenção de deixar de sair com outras pessoas

Ai. Mais vale desistires agora. Um homem que está genuinamente interessado em ti nunca diria uma coisa dessas. Se quiser um relação duradoura with someone, you definitely won’t see other people.

But a man who doesn’t have any serious intentions with you won’t find that idea a horrible one. If you’re not on the same page, don’t fall into his “casual trap.”

If he’s suggesting this, it is more than obvious he’s looking for something casualmas com muitas pessoas, obviamente. Too bad his Tinder profile didn’t say so, but now you know. Now save your pride and let him have a low-key fling with someone else.

4. Algo mais o está a incomodar a um nível subconsciente

Sometimes the reason why a man doesn’t know what he wants is that he’s pressured by external things in his life. For example, he might be having problems at work or with his family.

Estas pressões externas podem afetar a sua vida amorosa e confundi-lo sobre o que ele realmente quer consigo.

If you think that this could be the case, just give him enough time and wait for him to come to you and tell you what’s really going on.

5. He’s carrying the burden of a past toxic relationship

His past often influences what he wants and why he doesn’t know what he wants. O seu relações anteriores could’ve been a mix of relações tóxicas, exs actuando como um louco, ex-namoradas zangadas, etc.

Talvez não tenha tido a oportunidade de desenvolver e melhorar a comunicação com o seu parceiro e de definir claramente os seus desejos.

As suas relações passadas afectam, por vezes, a forma como vive as potenciais relações no presente.

6. He’s interested in being friends with benefits

O que atrai as pessoas em todo o mundo é este fio invisível a que chamamos frequentemente química.

He walks into a room, and you’re suddenly hot, you’re blushing, and when your eyes meet – oh-la-la. It seems like he’s undressing you with his eyes, and you can’t resist it.

His “Christian Gray” linguagem corporal sinais say one thing, and he enjoys your company, but it doesn’t seem like he’s defined your relationship. Onde é que isto nos leva?

Para o reino conhecido como amigos com benefícios?

You’re not the only person in the world who has this problem. Men see friends with benefits as a perfect fling every now and then, minus the pressure and the “where is this going” question that they hate so much.

7. He’s still not over his ex

Except talking about you, for starters, he just can’t shut up about his ex. What’s up with that? They’re apenas amigos, he says? I don’t think so. Do you talk about your friends that much? I thought so.

Eu sei, ninguém gosta disto. Why in the world would you like to be someone’s replacement? Someone’s bad copy? That’s what he thinks.

You’re great and everything, but you can’t be her. You will never be her. You have two ways to approach that topic. Either be upset or act like an adult. Ask him honestly about it, seek an honest answer and move on if that’s possible.

8. Ele tem problemas de confiança

Beneath that male shield that he’s got pulled up to protect himself that you can’t get him to remove, he still has the emotional and fragile side to him. Os homens também são vulneráveis.

É claro que fingem ser homens fortes que têm dificuldade em derramar uma lágrima, mas qual é a causa disso? E se ele tiver sido magoado no passado? Perder a confiança em alguém que já amámos e mesmo perder um ente querido não é fácil.

We quickly bond with other people, and the loss we may experience is hard to bear for many reasons—the habits we have acquired with them and the memories and feelings we have for them.

Once you don’t have any of those anymore, you’re left hurt, which may affect your future relationship whether you like it or not. It simply happens.

9. Ele quer ir devagar

Although we know that couples are very much in love with each other at the beginning of a relationship, sometimes it is not good to spend time together 24/7 (assuming you’re in a relationship).

Maybe it’s not so strange now that he doesn’t know what he wants. Isto não é necessariamente uma coisa má e, para alguns casais, não é um problema, mas algumas pessoas precisam de passar algum tempo sozinhas. Maybe that’s why your sweetheart feels so confused.

He might think you’re thinking of moving forward in your relationship. How about moving in together? A ring on your finger? Men get brain alarms over these things, and it would be more than a good idea to talk to your partner about it.

10. He doesn’t want to hurt you

Here’s the truth. A man who doesn’t want to hurt you and who certainly doesn’t want the reputação de um destruidor de corações will often say he doesn’t know what he wants. Maybe that’s exactly what you need to hear. Maybe sometimes it’s better to hear the filtered version of “you’re not for me.”

11. He LITERALLY doesn’t know what he wants

He wants a perfect waist, skinny barbie showgirl, but also a lovely shy girl who can cook and clean after him. Someone he can take home for the holidays and not whisper in her ear, “I told you that skirt is too short.”

It’s a rare case you get both of them in one lady, fellas, but either way, you have to be clear with your wishes.

O que fazer quando um homem está confuso sobre o que quer

There are a few things you can do when a man doesn’t know what he wants, including talking to him about it, dar-lhe algum espaço, reverse psychology, and showing understanding. You’ll find all of these explained below:

Falar com ele sobre o assunto

Sometimes, the best way to ask someone about something or simply point out a thing that bothers you isn’t by circling around it. Seja honesto, franco e direto com ele.

Don’t push him away. Tell them what bothers you. Don’t be afraid to get emotional and real because that is simply how you feel.

If he still pretends like he doesn’t care, well, it’s time for you to step away. You can always leave some space for a “call me when you figure things out,” but if you don’t want to, afastar-se com orgulho. Não foste nada mais do que honesta e aberta com ele desde o início.

Dar-lhe tempo e espaço

This is one of the most challenging methods (speaking from experience), but it’s totally necessary. The most important fact of all is that this actually WORKS! Well, in 90% of cases.

By giving him time and space, you’ll relieve him of the pressure and give him enough time to think about what he really wants. Todos os homens apreciam uma mulher que esteja disposta a fazer isto. (Isto é algo que qualquer treinador de relações lhe dirá).

It shows that you’re not pegajoso ou carente. It shows that you both respect yourself and him. If that’s not a valid enough reason to ignite his desire to call you his girlfriend, then I don’t know what is.

Método de psicologia inversa

If you constantly feel like you’re chasing him, trust me, he’s wasting your time. And why would you want to waste your time with someone who’s obviously not interested in you?

Aproveitem esse tempo e usem-no para algo mais útil. Here’s an idea: comece a ir atrás de alguém que aprecie o seu tempo e esforço! Todos nós precisamos de um choque de realidade de vez em quando.

Além disso, adicione um pouco de psicologia inversa (ignorar as suas chamadas, ignorar as suas mensagens) se quiser e esperar que ele comece a correr atrás de si em breve. Tudo se torna interessante para os homens quando já não está disponível. (Triste, mas é verdade.)

You’re no longer an “errand boy” that he can have any time he wants. You’re someone worth respect now.

Mostrar compreensão e paciência

Don’t blame him for not knowing what he wants. If you do that, he might pull away even more. Instead, let him know that you understand how he feels at the moment (even if it’s not true). He will appreciate your efforts to stay calm when your mind is in total overthinking mode.

Se nada mudar ao fim de algum tempo, considere a hipótese de seguir em frente

“Maybe I want this, or that, I’m not sure….”

Don’t ignore the signs. There is a good sign, a sign that your partner will do his best to work on the relationship, and a common goal: improving your relationship and those horrible bandeiras vermelhas que ninguém gosta.

Se nada mudar ao fim de algum tempo, então afaste-se.

Lack of attention, ignoring you, if he’s taking you for granted. Umm, really, girl? I wouldn’t want to be taken for granted. No matter how much you like someone or enjoy someone’s company, don’t waste your time if you don’t feel a connection.

He obviously isn’t sure. He’s probably lonely, and due to his loneliness, he’s spending time with you. But if you’re not fulfilled with that relationship or the amount of time you’re spending together, that’s a red flag right there, and you should seriously move on.

O que é que VOCÊ quer?

Deixem-me ajudar-vos com esta questão. Basicamente, queremos alguém que lute pelo nosso amor, que nos conquiste todos os dias com os seus belos gestos, alguém que nos proteja e nos compreenda.

Este homem é aquele homem? É ele o tal? Gostas dele? como um louco? Achas mesmo que há um futuro para vocês os dois?

It’s okay to be a little bit selfish. Before we want happiness for others, we want to be happy ourselves. Se o seu intuição diz que esta relação não tem futuro potencial, porquê stressar com isso?

Parece muito disparatado quando alguém nos diz que há-de aparecer alguém melhor, mas há sempre alguém melhor. Por que não esperar?

Agir ou reagir?

You just can’t let go of that intuição que tem. Ele tem medo de se meter numa situação séria? relação de compromisso? Talvez ele só precise de um melhor amigo que o compreende para já e alguém que gostaria de tentar lentamente?

There are many clear signs you can recognize if he really wants to give your relationship a chance or if he’s just not that into you.

If he really wants to try, that’s a very bom sinal. Talvez daqui a alguns meses, esteja em primeiro lugar, e o seu vida amorosa pode florescer.

This rule does not only apply to frightened boys and girls. Every relationship requires patience, work, and good communication. That’s how a committed relationship works.

Listen to and understand your partner’s needs and desires. There are two of you in this relationship, not one of you.

Now you’ve finally heard them. Those sweet, sweet words you’ve been waiting for for so long. “I want a relationship with you.” And the skies are blue again. The birds are singing, and everything’s better now.

Truz-truz. Quem é que é? Finalmente, a felicidade. Felicidade de quem? A sua felicidade.

It seems like yesterday now, doesn’t it? You were having a hard time, and not a single piece of relationship advice from relationship experts worked. O vosso homem tinha um medo do compromissoe talvez até lhe tenha dado um ultimatomas olha para ti agora.

You’re spending a lot of time together, getting all these cute good morning messages from him, and you’re finally happy with this ending in your own life. It’s not a silly novel you’re reading this time – this is your own life.

So, believe that everything will fall into place if you’re meant to be together. Sadly, this is something lots of people forget.

Embrulhar tudo

I’ll summarize some of the main tips to implement when he doesn’t know what he wants. Trust your gut feeling, be patient, and give him some space.

Além disso, acredita que mereces estar numa relação recíproca, relação saudávele não unilateral.

A conclusão é simples: para encontrar o amor, o caminho pode não ser o ideal. Mas o caminho está lá, por isso, continue. Afinal de contas, todos os caminhos levam a algum lado.