It’s extremely difficult to even get to the stage of establishing no contact with a narcissist and even maintain it.
This is because we all know how highly manipulative they are and what all sorts of hoovering tactics they are willing to use just to suck you back into their vicious abusive circle.
You’ve been reading about what to do if he comes back, how to establish no contact, how to act.
You know that you have to ignore him and give him no reason whatsoever to talk to you and practically, you know that you have to be as boring as hell, so he loses interest and leaves.
Remember, it’s not your choice to break every connection with a narcissist. You may want it, but he will only leave you alone when he doesn’t have any options left.
It’s so agonizing living in the fear of what your narcissist might do next. You’ve been in similar situations with him before.
You thought it was all over and that you’ve got rid of him forever, but you were wrong.
He came back, doing even crazier things than before. So, even after you go no contact with him, you’re still living in fear that he will come back, trying to suck you back in and hurt you once again.
Once you go no contact, you’re going to feel even worse than before. You’re going to feel like a heroin addict going cold turkey.
You will want to come back to him because you’re addicted to the emotions you’ve been feeling while you were around him.
It’s a simple chemical process. That’s why you simply have to accept what has happened to you.
Treat it like a trauma because it is one and go to ‘narcissistic rehab’. Get clean, get sober and then think twice or even three times about doing any kind of action because your actions probably aren’t safe and you’re not thinking straight.
Now, the catch is, while you are going through this painful process of healing, your narcissist may come back and destroy all the effort you’ve been putting in making yourself feel better.
He will guilt trip you and manipulate you to come back to him, so he can hurt you all over again.
You simply have to cut off all contact with them. You mustn’t ask yourself whether he misses you or
You mustn’t stalk them on social media or ask your friends about them to see what they are up to.
Don’t drive by their houses in hope that you’ll catch a glimpse of them.
None of these situations is healthy for you and your healing process.
Even when you realize this and exclude him and everything about him from your life, you’re still not safe. Here are some things he could do even when you go no contact:
1. He announces he was the one who ended your relationship
You may learn this from his Facebook status or the fact he deleted all the pictures of the two of you from social media. He may even spread it to your friends, so you find out from them.
Either way, this could cause a huge trauma to you because you were the one who needed saving and not him.
He will appear defenseless and naïve and in that state of mind of yours, you are tempted to take him back and hook on him even more than before.
Your abandonment issues may kick in, but the only solution to this situation is to retreat and don’t go to any discussions with him.
Find someone who loves and cares for you—your family or your friends—and talk to them.
The feelings of abandonment and of being unloved will go away in time, especially when you have support.
2. He will make contact with you about random things
He will do whatever it takes, just to check if you are still hooked on him.
He will ask you unimportant things just to be a bit more present.
You see, narcissists don’t like to lose and they won’t just make peace with the fact that you discard them. They won’t give up their narcissistic supply that easily.
You have to stay strong in these situations because he will come back and ask questions or indicate he is dating someone else when he’s actually not. He will do this to see if you’ll be triggered and if you’ll react.
If you do, then he knows you’re still hooked on him and that he has an easy way back into your life.
You mustn’t react to these provocations. Don’t engage and maintain no contact because if you do, you’ll find yourself seeking answers, trying to get him to take responsibility and the result of all of this will be you getting hurt once again.
3. He will pretend to take responsibility and promise to change
He will do pretty much everything to get you back into the relationship.
He will accept to reconcile and he will lead a long and deep conversation with you in trying to find out what went wrong in his life to cause him to behave the way he does. Don’t fall for these narcissistic tactics and lies.
He is only saying this to get you to think that he has turned tables and wants to give it another shot, but this time like a new man, completely changed.
If he can’t contact you, he will send you messages that he is truly sorry and this is where the problem begins.
It’s so hard to resist this because you think that finally, he has changed. Finally, he has realized all the things you’ve been saying for so long.
Then, history repeats itself and you get back to him. At first, it will be nice until his ego wakes up and when it does, the abuse will be even worse than you’ve experienced until now.
He will punish you for making him crawl back to you, for making him be vulnerable in order to get you back.
What you have to do to avoid this is to go on with your healing process and find love within yourself.
Be your own source of happiness and you won’t be needing anyone else to fill in that void you’re feeling.
You’re not responsible for others, only for yourself. You have to understand that and learn to live that way and no one will be able to touch you, not even him.
4. He will use and guilt trip you into helping him
He will come up with all kinds of terrible things that happened to him.
He will lie that he has lost his job or that his mom is sick and he is in a terrible place right now.
He knows that you are a compassionate person and that you want to help those who need your help.
That is one of the reasons why empaths attract narcissists, due to their energy and their willingness to help others. Narcissists exploit that.
He will try to evoke sympathy and in that way, hook you back. So, what happens next? It’s hard to resist not helping someone you once loved, even if that person treated you poorly.
If you are that kind of a person, you will fall back into his trap very easily and God knows how you’ll pull out of it once again.
What you have to do is not to buy that crap! There is nothing in it for you except more pain and abuse.
You have to confront yourself and realize that you are not responsible for healing every single person who is broken.
If he really needs help, he will find someone else to provide it for him and whether this is true or not, you should stay away from him if you want to heal, get better and move on with your life.