It’s a well-known fact: if you’re trying to figure out how to get your ex back, going no contact is the right choice. You know most of the rules, but one thing still bugs you: How will you know that you’ve succeeded?
That’s why I’m here. I’ve compiled a list of 5 signs the no contact rule is working. If you can relate to at least three of them, it means you’re on the right track.
5 Signs The No Contact Rule Is Working
If you’re wondering if the no contact rule is working, take a look at these 5 signs:
1. The world doesn’t revolve around your ex anymore.
You no longer wait for your ex to come back to you. You no longer tie your happiness to your relationship with him. What you had was amazing, but it has no real power over you.
You’re able to appreciate the past without letting it affect you to the point where you’re unable to think about anything else.
Instead of pining over him (which is fine, btw, unless it lasts for a long time), you instead focus all your energy towards making your own life better.
Life goes on
I guess you realized the most important thing: life goes on, with or without them! You do your schoolwork regularly or try really hard to improve your job performance.
You meet up with your friends, find new hobbies, and go on little adventures every now and then because your only goal is to bring more happiness into your life.
And, you’re aware that you don’t need your ex for that to happen.
As happy as they made you, they were only one part of your life. The other parts won’t crumble just because you lost this one.
As a matter of fact, you didn’t exactly lose it. The happiness you had will always be in your memories, which doesn’t make it any less important.
2. Self-growth is your priority.
One of the 5 signs the no contact rule is working is when you start realizing that the heartbreak that came with the breakup wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.
Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s never pleasant to cut off a loved one from your life. Of course, it’s going to hurt like hell. And, you should give yourself as much time as you need.
However, you know you’re doing okay when you don’t look at the past in anger. Whatever your ex did to you doesn’t affect you as it once did.
Emotional detachment from the past
When you talk about them, you almost feel nothing. It’s as if the whole relationship happened to someone else; you just happened to be a spectator that’s retelling all the events now.
You don’t hold any grudges or wish you could’ve done things differently.
There are no regrets because you’re aware that everything that happened helped you become the person you are today.
And, now you feel excited for the future and everything it holds because no matter how bad things seem, there’s always a lesson in everything.
As Rainer Maria Rilke once said: ”Let everything happen to you; beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.”
When you find comfort in this philosophy, you know you have moved on.
3. Your well-being comes first.
You’ve lost count of how many times you used to put your ex’s needs before your own. The relationship you had with them was at the top of your priority list. Nothing was more important.
Even if your world was crumbling down, you still came every time they needed you. Even after you broke up, you felt like all it would take was one phone call, and you’d be on your way.
But, not anymore…
One of the 5 signs the no contact rule is working is you finally realize that your life is all about YOU. You’ve decided to build a healthy relationship with yourself, and self-improvement has become your number one priority.
Your ex no longer has power over you because you are now aware that they’re only a side character in your very own TV show.
The no contact period made you understand that you never really needed them, that you deserve to be a bit more gentle with yourself.
Taking care of other people is beautiful, but it becomes toxic when you use it to escape from yourself.
You didn’t deserve the heartbreak you experienced, but at least it helped you see how much you needed your own love all along.
4. You notice other people now.
You used to be so infatuated with your ex that you barely acknowledged other attractive people.
No matter how good-looking they were, you didn’t give them more than a second of your time. You had the one you wanted, and no one else existed for you.
This is why you probably struggled at first after the breakup.
But, then you started noticing the positive changes the no contact period brought to your life. There is definitely something different in your love life!
Suddenly, pretty people don’t escape your notice. More importantly, you start seeing them as potential partners. And, this makes you so happy.
Your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t on your mind anymore. Even when they are, you don’t really miss what you had. You don’t want them back.
You’ve come to terms with the fact that your relationship has ended, and while it was a great chapter in your life, you are more than ready to start a new one.
You allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable with someone else because you’ve realized that life is too short, and you can’t grieve over one person forever.
One part of you will probably always care about them, but that doesn’t stop you from forming a connection with someone else.
But I have to warn you about something important here: rebound relationships. Don’t get me wrong – getting back into the dating pool is a sign of great progress.
However, putting yourself out there is one thing. Jumping into a new relationship is something completely different.
You’re not ready for something serious just yet. If you try, you’ll just hurt yourself and break an innocent person’s heart.
So instead of trying to continue where you left off, give yourself some time to explore your options. Take it easy – this is not a race.
5. Your ex starts reaching out to you.
One of the 5 signs the no contact rule is working is when your ex reaches out to you. The time they spent in this radio silence made them realize how much they missed you.
Maybe they won’t be direct about their intentions straight away, but one thing is for sure: your ex wants to get back together!
How do they do it?
They’ll do it through mutual friends or even your best friends and family. On the other hand, a lot of people send “accidental” text messages to their exes or snoop through their social media accounts and start liking all of their posts.
One way or another, when your ex contacts you after the no contact period, it’s a clear sign they still love you and want you back. There’s no doubt about one thing: they miss you!
They will be especially curious once they see the new life you have created for yourself.
When they see how much you’re enjoying yourself in their absence, your ex will start wanting you more than ever.
They will be attracted to the new, happy you who is perfectly fine without them. And, that’s how you know that the no contact rule works.
It’s a sad truth, but the more you enjoy being without your ex, the more they want to be with you. Being rejected motivates them to win back your heart.
5 Signs The No Contact Rule Is Not Working
1. You’re not following the rules.
Well, the first one is pretty obvious. You can’t expect the no-contact period to give you the desired results if you’re not following the basic rules.
I know what you must be thinking now, But I just sent him one text message. But it was his birthday. But I didn’t call him; I called his mum.
Don’t laugh. I know this is exactly how your mind works. The rule is not called “some contact” or “occasional contact.” It’s called “no contact” for a reason! It means complete radio silence for a certain period of time.
Yes, it includes little things such as liking your ex-boyfriend’s pictures on their social media account and, of course, big things such as buying him a birthday present.
You can’t expect this to work if you modify the rules and do things your own way! I know that every situation is different, but relationship coaches around the world agree on this one, and I promise you they have more experience than you!
2. You’re obsessing over the breakup.
I know you’re trying to make your ex come back, but no contact won’t work if that’s the only thing you can think about. You should use this period for some serious self-improvement and even do your best to forget about him.
However, you’re doing everything besides that. You’re not spending time with your friends, you haven’t found a new hobby, and you’re most certainly not doing anything about your spiritual growth.
Instead, all you do is obsess over your recent breakup. Not just that: you reanalyze your entire relationship. You keep overthinking this person’s actions, and basically, you’re just patiently waiting for him to come back.
Don’t get me wrong: I know that your primary goal is to get your ex back. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here, would you?
Nevertheless, the no contact period won’t be beneficial if you sit around and count the days until it’s over. The goal is to distract yourself in the meantime and possibly do something good with your own life.
3. You’re stalking your ex.
So you’ve found a loophole. You’re not actually talking to your ex, you’re not sending him texts, nor do you call him.
But just because you don’t have any direct contact doesn’t mean you haven’t found a way to keep him in your life. Be honest. I know you’ve continued to stalk him!
Why is it wrong?
No, I’m not saying that you actually follow him around. But you do use the technology you can.
Even if you blocked him all over social media, you’ve made tons of fake accounts to keep track of his activity. You’re in touch with his family and your mutual friends all the time.
Let’s face it. You’re not hanging out with them because you like them that much. You just want to get information about him.
Well, let me tell you something: they talk to him about you! I know that this is probably what you want, but trust me, it’s not the radio silence you’re going for.
This man has no feeling that you’re gone. He keeps hearing about you, and I bet he knows who is behind all those fake accounts.
As a result, he feels like you’re still around. This way, he doesn’t get the chance to miss you. At the same time, you don’t get the chance to get over him!
4. You regret your decision.
It’s one thing not to be 100% sure about your decision. After all, you’re only human, and it’s normal to occasionally have second thoughts, especially when you’re in a crisis. Nobody told you this was going to go smoothly.
However, we’re not talking about short periods here. As far as you’re concerned, you should have never started this entire mess.
Truth be told, you regret going no contact, and if you could go back in time, you’d do everything differently. You keep on wondering how to get your ex back, no conditions, and no questions asked.
What happens next?
You won’t admit this out loud, but you’re ready to do whatever it takes to make your ex come back – even if it includes begging and lowering your standards.
If this is something you can relate to, I hate to say it, but the no contact rule isn’t working! You’re focused on the wrong things, you’re sending negative vibrations into the Universe, and honestly, you likely won’t make it.
I don’t plan on dashing your hopes, but if you regret your decision so badly, I assume you’ll reach out to them soon. And that’s where we go back to the first of the 5 signs the no contact rule is not working.
5. Your ex doesn’t reach out.
Let’s get one thing straight: you’re doing all of this to get your ex back, am I right? So naturally, if your ex reaches out, it’s one of the 5 signs the no contact rule is working. On the other hand, if he remains silent, you haven’t gotten the desired results.
You did everything by the book, but after the no contact period was over, you got no news from him. It happens rarely, but it still happens!
Does it mean that you’ve done all of this for nothing?
Was it all in vain?
Well, definitely not. After all, what else should you be doing? Don’t tell me it would be better if you begged him to come back.
Besides, I’m sure this period of time helped you as well. You’ve changed your focus, and whether you’re aware of it or not, the no contact period has helped your healing process.
I’m not saying that you’ve gotten over your ex completely. But hey, you think about other stuff other than just wondering if your ex wants to talk to you or not.
That’s some serious progress right there! Look at it this way: you’ve survived without this person for this long! How awesome is that?
What Are The Stages Of No Contact?
It depends on whether you’re the dumper or the dumpee. Did you go no contact, or did the other person go no contact first?
As you might know, the dumper decides to break things off while the dumpee is the one being abandoned. As you can imagine, each goes through a different range of emotions.
If you’re the dumpee, you experience the following stages:
Stage 1 – Heartbreak
Obviously, you’re heartbroken. You can’t eat, sleep or breathe without this person. You miss them like hell, and you’re ready to do whatever it takes just to get your ex back.
For you, the Earth has stopped spinning. Life has lost its meaning, and you see no light at the end of the tunnel.
You’re shattered in pieces, and the only way to come back from the dead is for your ex to come back.
Stage 2 – Epiphany
After that, there comes an epiphany. You start to realize it’s better this way. You don’t need them in your life, and losing them was actually a blessing in disguise.
You can live without them, and you’ll survive this. Not just that: once you heal, you’ll be stronger than ever.
It’s like you’ve taken your rose-tinted glasses off and see this person for who they really are for the first time ever. They never deserved you, and you’re lucky they cut you off!
Stage 3 – Self-love
Finally, the icing on the top: self-love. You learn how to put yourself first and realize your worth.
Instead of focusing on your past, you invest all of your energy in the future. You don’t mind being single. As a matter of fact, you enjoy it!
On the other hand, if you’re the one who ended the relationship, these are the stages you go through and the thoughts that go through your mind:
Stage 1 – Relief
At first, the dumper thinks they’ve made the decision of a lifetime. They finally got the strength to end this relationship. They’re single and free to do whatever they want, without anyone questioning their moves.
Stage 2 – Worry
After a while, they start to worry they lost you. Their ex isn’t reaching out, isn’t that strange? Is it possible that they forgot about them?
Whether they like it or not, they start to question their decision.
Stage 3 – Jealousy and fear
The next stage includes a lot of jealousy and even more fear! Their worst nightmare is coming to life: the person they counted would always be there has vanished from their life.
Their ex isn’t reaching out, they’re not sending any hints, and it looks like they’ve really moved on with their life!
Stage 4 – Regret
They have no other choice but to regret their decision. They fall into despair and agony. Now, they’re the ones going through heartbreak.
Finally, they suffer the consequences of their actions. They realize that this person’s absence is the worst thing that could ever happen to them, and they finally see their worth.
Stage 5 – Reaching out
After all the thinking and analyzing, they’ve made a decision: they’ll do their best to get a second chance. Some will be direct and beg for it, while others will do it more subtly.
Either way, the final result is the same!
How Long Does It Take For The No Contact Rule To Work?
The minimum amount of time for the no contact rule to work its magic is 30 days, but sometimes, it can last up to 90 days. After this period of no contact is over, your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend will either come back to you, or you’ll get over them.
But please keep this in mind: you won’t make your ex miss you, nor will the no contact rule work if you don’t stick to the rules.
What Is The Success Rate Of The No Contact Rule?
According to most relationship coaches, the success rate of the no contact phase is around 90%. That means that 9 out of 10 people contact their exes one way or another after they go cold turkey and cut them off completely!
What Does No Contact Do To A Man?
At the beginning of the no contact phase, most men feel anger and humiliation. Their ego is hurt more than their heart – they can’t believe their ex feels nothing for them anymore.
However, after a while, they get scared. They realize that their former partner is serious, and they keep on getting clear signs she’s moved on.
Finally, they fall into desperation. At this point, a man is ready to do whatever it takes just to end this agony.
Being familiar with the 5 signs the no contact rule is working and 5 signs it’s not is essential! If you want to achieve your goal, you have to be clear about your progress.
Are you headed in the right direction, or are you doing everything wrong? If you’ve realized you’ve made a few mistakes, don’t see it as the end of the world – you still have enough time to make things right!
Why Ignoring Your Ex Is Powerful And How To Do It Right
Wednesday 22nd of February 2023
[…] them forever if that’s what it takes. Take all the time you need until you realize that the no-contact rule is working and that you’re getting over your […]