When your ex boyfriend crosses your mind, which has been happening a little too often lately, you feel nostalgic. You miss him, and you are sure that he is the one you want to be with, despite everything that has happened between the two of you.
Well, it’s time to start doubting your own feelings when it comes to this guy. Because there is a huge possibility that you only think you miss him and that you’ve only convinced yourself you still have feelings for him.
There is a huge possibility that you actually don’t want your ex back in your life, and here are 6 things to help you understand that by yourself.
1. You don’t love him—you just got used to him
The truth is that this guy is your comfort zone which you are scared to step out of even though that is exactly what you should do. You got used to him and this relationship represents something familiar to you, despite all its negativity.
You just think you love this guy, but he is actually just an old habit which you have a hard time changing. While you think you are craving for your ex, you are actually craving for this sense of familiarity he has been giving you.
Deep down, you don’t want to get back on the dating market, and you don’t feel like letting someone new into your life. So the best possibility for you would be to come back to this guy. After all, you know that to expect from him, and you know how things would turn out this time.
Trust me on—going back to someone just because you got used to them and the sense of belonging they gave you is one of the worst things you can ever do to yourself.
2. He is the same man he was
When you think about going back to your boyfriend, deep down you hope that things would be different this time. You hope that he will change.
But the truth is that he won’t. You need to understand that this guy is the same man he was and that the of you will have all the same differences and problems if you get back together.
Nothing has miraculously changed in your personalities and between the two of you just because you’ve taken some time apart.
Yes, it is likely that you will have a honeymoon phase when you get back together, but things will soon go back as they were. After all, you broke up for a reason, didn’t you?
3. You don’t miss him—you only miss having a boyfriend
If you’ve been in a long term relationship, you’ve gotten used to having a romantic partner. And this is what you actually miss. You miss this sense of belonging and partnership which you had while you were in a relationship.
This means that you are actually scared of your single life. What you don’t know is that this can be the time of your life if you just learn to embrace it and focus on taking the best of it.
This can be a time in which you focus on yourself instead of on your partner. A time in which you understand that you actually don’t need a man to be happy and that you are a complete person on your own.
4. You only focus on the beautiful memories
When we look at something in retrospect, we tend to focus on the good times and push down bad memories because these are the ones which we wish to forget.
And this is exactly what you do when it comes to your ex. You forgot about all the tears you cried for him, and you only remember how he could make you smile. You forgot all the times the two of you argued, and you only remember the happy moments.
You focus on the beautiful memories that the two of you had together and on this guy’s qualities while you completely disregard his flaws.
Seeing your last relationship through rose-tinted sunglasses makes it look tempting. You see it better than it actually was, and it is natural for you to want to have this idealized version of it back.
5. You are scared of being lonely
It is natural to feel a little bit lonely and empty after you end a relationship. But that doesn’t mean that you miss or love your ex.
It just means that this feeling is unfamiliar to you, and it scares you. But what you don’t know is that being single and alone isn’t as same as being lonely.
Remember—you are more than enough for yourself. Besides, I’m sure there are other people in your life who you deeply care about besides your ex and these are exactly the people you should focus on to help you fill this void.
6. Your ego is hurt
There are times when you don’t want to have someone back in your life because you really think they deserve to be there. Sometimes, you feel heartbroken but actually the only thing which is hurt is your ego.
And there is nothing wrong about feeling like this.
It’s quite simple—you want to prove to yourself that you can always have this person, who was once yours, back. You want to prove to yourself that you still have an impact on this guy and that you are still important in his life.