I want my ex back so bad it hurts… Been there, wished the same thing. Of course, our stories probably aren’t the same, but I’m here today to give you some advice from my own experience and help you deal with this terrible feeling. But, to help you make a great game plan to get your ex back, it depends on what your true feelings and wishes are.
To be honest, my ex-boyfriend and I didn’t manage to work things out, but it still doesn’t mean my story didn’t have a happy ending.
I realized that he was never the right person for me, and I had enough time to finally understand that self-love should always be my top priority because it’s the most important thing. I can live without everyone except myself.
I don’t know about you, but learning these lessons truly represents the happiest ending for me.
I Want My Ex Back So Bad It Hurts: 9 Ways To Cope
You’re going through a hard time, and I get you… But, it’s really time to take a deep breath and start the healing process. Let the following advice guide you through it.
1. Take some alone time
First of all, you need to take some time for yourself. Do nothing, talk with nobody, and just be alone. You need that alone time to gather all of your emotions and thoughts and try to understand every one of them.
You need to do it to gain a fresh look at certain things. It’ll help you understand that everything happens for a reason and that some things, despite our wishes and desires, simply aren’t meant to be.
2. Accept and validate your emotions
You’re on a real emotional rollercoaster now, and you shouldn’t be trying so hard to end the ride. The truth is, the end of the ride won’t make your emotions go away.
You need to take the time to accept and process each and every single one of your emotions. You’ve lost someone you love, and you have every right to feel whatever it is that you’re feeling right now.
Don’t try to pretend like you’re a strong person by hiding your emotions because that’s actually what cowards do. Strong people validate their own emotions and try to deal with them in a healthy way.
3. Then, focus on healing
You’ll never heal if you keep obsessing over your ex. You need to listen to your heart because it’s begging for you to let go of them and start gluing its broken pieces back together.
Cry as much as you want to, but the time needs to come when you put an end to those tears. You need to gather the strength to pick yourself up and walk towards a path forward, or otherwise, you’ll lose yourself and be stuck in the past forever.
If you’re using social media only to find out the latest news about your ex, then it’s really time for a social media detox.
What good may that news bring to you? It’ll just slow down your healing process and keep you stuck in the past. So, disconnect from that virtual life and work on connecting with yourself, your emotions, and your thoughts.
5. Keep reminding yourself of things that led to your breakup
Admit it, your relationship wasn’t perfect, nor did your partner treat you well. There is a reason why you two broke up, and you should focus on that particular reason(s).
Do you really want to be treated the same way again? Did your ex really make you happy? Were you feeling truly loved throughout the entire relationship?
If your answers to these questions are negative, you should really reconsider why you even want to get back together with your ex. Keep those negative memories in your head because they’ll pressure you into finally letting go of your ex and moving on.
6. Establish a good support system
You’re going through a hard time, and it’s completely normal that you need someone to be there for you. That’s why your friends are there, to offer a helping hand when you fall down.
Needing someone to be a shoulder to cry on or to encourage you to move doesn’t make you a needy person. It makes you only a human being. Besides, having a good support system will help you go through all of this much faster and less painfully.
7. Rediscover the magic of being single
You’re free to do everything you couldn’t while you were in a relationship. You can hang out with your friends as much as you want. You can travel and visit all the places you have always wanted to.
Pour a glass of your favorite champagne (or wine, if you’re a wine-lover like myself 🤗) and drink a toast to being single again, to your new freedom and your new and amazing beginning.
8. Give yourself a chance to meet a new person
And by this, I don’t mean that you should immediately engage in a rebound relationship. You can try, but it won’t end well, trust me. You’ll only hurt yourself more and probably another innocent person.
When you meet someone you like, don’t be afraid to give them a chance. Don’t overthink it and wonder, “What if it also turns out to be a mistake?”
Well, what if it doesn’t? What if that new person turns out to be your true soulmate? I guess you’ll never know if you don’t try to give someone else a chance to win your heart.
9. Try to get closure once and for all
If you’ve been separated for a long time and still miss them and want to get them back, it’s probably because you don’t have closure.
You probably didn’t tell them everything you wanted to, and you didn’t leave things between you like you wanted to… Well, now is the right time, hell, it’s high time you do just that.
Call your ex and tell them everything you’ve kept in your heart for so long. Grieve in a way you need to. Let all of your emotions out.
Only once you get the proper closure will you be ready to move on and leave them behind.
I Want My Ex Back So Bad It Hurts: 9 Tips To Get Them Back
Whether it’s a gay relationship or straight relationship, here are the best ways to get your ex back quickly and permanently.
1. Work on yourself first
Before you work on rebuilding your relationship, you need to be ready to work on yourself. Your emotional and mental health was probably hurt after the breakup, so you should focus on improving those first.
You can’t save or fix a damaged relationship if you’re a wreck yourself. Besides, your partner will probably want to see some changes before they decide to get back together with you and give you another chance.
2. Break the no contact rule
If you want to get your ex back quickly, the first step is, of course, breaking the silence between you. And the only way to end the no contact period is normally to reach out to them.
Just send them a text message and ask them how they are. Try to take a friendly approach, and don’t immediately start talking about your feelings, the breakup, or anything related to your relationship.
If you get positive feedback, you should invite them out for a casual coffee date. Once again, if they accept your invitation, don’t immediately start talking about your relationship or your intentions about getting back together.
3. But also respect their boundaries
On the other hand, if your ex says that they still aren’t ready to meet with you, you need to respect that. Don’t be pushy because you’ll end up driving them further away.
Also, if they emphasize that they aren’t ready to reconcile or that they would like to be friends for now, you should be understanding and respect their wishes. Respecting their boundaries will show them that you genuinely care for them and that you really want to get back together.
4. Be honest about your feelings
You probably still feel a whole range of emotions, and it’s completely normal. Some of them are negative, and you probably think that bringing them up may be a bad thing.
On the contrary, you should let your partner know how you feel because they probably feel the same way. Plus, it’s a great start when it comes to rebuilding trust between you.
If you think that suppressing your emotions is a good way for a fresh start with your ex, trust me, it’s not. Sooner or later, you’ll have to face your emotions, which will be the real danger for your relationship.
5. Talk about your breakup
Your breakup was probably followed by a no contact period, and you didn’t even have time to talk about the actual reasons for ending your relationship. Now is the right time for that.
You need to acknowledge and name your issues to deal with them.
However, try to have healthy communication and don’t raise unnecessary conflicts that will only make things worse. If you do get into a fight, name-calling and blame-shifting are off-limits.
6. Accept your wrongdoings and apologize for them
If you want to win your ex back, then you need to forget about blame-shifting and emphasizing whose fault it was or who made more mistakes.
The fact is that breakups are never completely one-sided. Both of you probably had your share of mistakes.
Now, you should acknowledge yours, apologize for them, and let your partner know that you aren’t planning on repeating them ever again.
7. Prove that you want to make the relationship work again
You can’t just talk about your feelings and wishes to get back together. I’m sure your partner will need more than simple words.
You need to show them through your actions that you’re ready to put effort into rebuilding your relationship. You need to show them that you’re ready to work on yourself and your relationship at the same time.
Actually, you don’t have to say anything to them. You should make sure that your actions speak for you.
8. Stop overthinking things
If you’ve decided that you want to get back together with your ex, you need to be determined about it. That means no overthinking and no what-ifs.
You need to show your ex that you aren’t worried about the outcome because you’re sure about your feelings for them. Leave that relationship anxiety behind and show them that this time, you’re 100% sure you’ll make it.
9. Suggest attending couples therapy first
If your ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend thinks that your relationship really deserves a second chance, you should seek outside help. A relationship expert will help you overcome your issues and rebuild your relationship by establishing new and healthy foundations.
Even though most couples avoid it, couples therapy can really help you understand each other better and bond on a deeper level.
Why Do I Want My Ex Back So Bad? 6 Possible Reasons
You’re aware that your relationship was toxic, you went through a painful breakup, and your heart was broken into a million pieces… But, even after all of that, you still want them back, even though you are not quite sure why.
This list of possible reasons you want to get together with your ex may help you find the real reason and determine whether it’s really the right one… Whether you should really let your ex back into your life.
1. You still love them
Sometimes, the heart really wants what it wants, and you just can’t go against it, no matter how hard you try. Despite everything that happened between you two, the unfortunate truth is that you still love your ex.
You can’t focus on your healing and moving on because they’re the only thing you can think about. You search for them in everything you try to do, and all you hope and pray for is to get a phone call or text message from them.
Their absence has left such a huge void in your life, and no matter how hard you try, you simply can’t fill that void.
You can’t shut down your heart or turn off your emotions, and neither should you. If you love someone with your entire being, you should fight for them. Of course, if that person is truly deserving of your love.
2. You think that your relationship really deserves a second chance
The truth is, there is a reason behind every breakup. You don’t just leave a person without having a reason.
However, if you’re aware of those problems and issues that led to your breakup and that there were many more good things in your relationship, then it’s absolutely normal for you to want to reconcile with your ex.
Maybe breaking up was indeed a mistake, and maybe you can find a way to deal and solve those issues you had. If you’re ready to put some effort into making things work between you again, then you should really give your relationship (and your love) another chance.
3. You got used to them
Maybe you want to get your ex back because you were attached to them. Deep down, you’re aware that you don’t love them like you used to, but you feel lonely without them, and that’s why you still aren’t ready to let go of them forever.
That is the main difference between true love and attachment. When you love someone, you’re afraid of losing them because of what you feel for them, not because you’re afraid of loneliness.
You simply got used to them, the attention and care you had in your relationship, and now, you’re afraid to lose it all. However, you need to know that attachment is deeply unhealthy, and even if you get back together, your relationship is never going to last because of those toxic foundations.
4. You’re afraid of loneliness
If you were only devoted to your partner, if you didn’t have a life outside your relationship, the good chances are that you are just afraid of being alone and that it is the reason you want to reconcile with your ex.
However, don’t think that getting back together is going to help you with that fear. If the love is gone, you’ll still feel lonely in your relationship, and that kind of loneliness is the worst, believe me.
So many case studies have shown that a huge percentage of people return to an ex-partner driven by loneliness and selfishness, not love. But, the fact is that those kinds of relationships rarely ever have a happy ending.
5. You still think they are the right person for you
It’s so hard to let go of someone you were or still are sure is your soulmate. If, even after everything you went through, something in your chest is telling you they were the right person for you, then your wish to get back together with your ex is completely justified.
You’re actually afraid of letting them go because you don’t want to lose your only chance at true love. Well, let me tell you one thing: you aren’t even aware of how wrong you are.
If two people are meant to be together, nothing can ever separate them. If they’re each other’s soulmates, they will always find a way back to one another because you can’t lose someone God has destined for you.
6. You’re jealous because they’ve moved one
Unfortunately, this has become like an unwritten rule. As soon as someone sees that their ex is moving on with their life, they all of a sudden want to get them back.
Well, that’s wrong, and it can be hurtful for both sides. If your ex starts dating someone and you suddenly wish to reconcile, you need to keep your jealousy to yourself and wish them luck.
How Do You Make Your Ex Feel Bad And Want You Back?
If you don’t want to fight to get your ex back but want to make them fight for you, all you need to do is look happy. You need to look and behave as if you’re living your life to the fullest, without feeling any kind of regret.
You need to work on yourself and focus on becoming the best version of yourself. Once they see that you’re ready to move on, stronger and more beautiful than ever, it will definitely make them realize what they’ve lost.
In other words, you need to make them realize that losing you was a huge mistake, one they’ll never be able to forgive themselves for. So, instead of focusing on how to make them regret losing you, you need to focus on building yourself up in every possible way.
Should I Try And Win My Ex Back?
The truth is, you’re the only one who can give the right answer to this question. Only you know what’s happening in your heart and mind.
The most important thing you need to ask yourself is whether that person even deserves you. If you really think they’re the right person for you, then you have your answer.
However, you should give yourself a couple days to think about it and consider a few things while making your final decision. First of all, you should consider your honest feelings and everything that happened between you two.
If you still love your ex deeply, you should fight to get them back. On the other hand, if both of you made some deadly mistakes and hurt each other very badly, getting back together probably isn’t a good idea.
If there were a lot of mistakes on both sides, you probably became toxic for each other. It’ll be hard to make things work between you again, and you’ll both have to be prepared to work hard for it.
I get you, I really do… I was once in the same ‘I want my ex back so bad it hurts’ position, and that’s why I know how painful and overwhelming it is. You want someone you lost and don’t even know whether there is any chance of getting them back.
However, you need to understand that your world doesn’t revolve around your ex. You need to focus on yourself and your healing, and if you two are destined to be together, your paths will cross again.
And if you aren’t, if you aren’t each other‘s soulmates, then you need to make the right decision and let them go. By doing so, you’ll make room for the right person to enter your life.