So, you’re in love with a married man.
No matter how convinced you were that you could never fall in love with a married guy and despite the respect you have for a married union, it happened nonetheless.
I’m sure you’re already aware of how wrong this affair is and in how many ways this new relationship could go south.
But this is a tale as old as time.
Falling in love comes naturally to all humans, and sometimes you end up developing feelings you shouldn’t for a married person.
There isn’t a part of the world or a culture where it hasn’t happened and, as much as it hurts so many people, it’s all too common in its occurrence.
Especially if this is the first time you’ve engaged in such a complex scenario and you’re scared and disappointed in yourself for not trying harder to find a healthy relationship with a man who’s actually available.
I’m not going to pretend that I understand or am privy to the ins and outs of your loving relationship with a married man.
I’m not going to sit here and judge you for choosing to ignore your loved one‘s marital status in order to keep loving him in secret.
But I am going to instill a few words of wisdom in you, for the sake of your self-esteem and well-being.
My intention is not to break up your illicit relationship but to serve you some tough truths about your married man that your infatuation is forbidding you from seeing.
Regardless of how you two crossed paths, there’s only one way this is likely to end.
And it’s not ideal.
Perhaps you were high-school best friends, or you met on social media, through online dating, or text messages.
Anyone of these doesn’t justify the nature of your relationship, although it’s understandable how easy it can be to fall in love with a married woman (or man) when experiencing relationship problems.
You got tired of going through the same thing with those toxic losers day in and day out and you needed something better – something full time.
Meaningless hookups aren’t your thing anymore and you simply need a man, not a boy.
You’ve been on numerous dating sites which led to a bunch of potential boyfriends, and they all ended up being not good for you.
And then you stumbled upon him.
You didn’t plan it. It sort of just happened and you were just as surprised as anyone else would be.
With this guy, you just clicked.
There were no (obvious) red flags, he even told you that he loves you (and you knew he meant it).
You were treated with love, care, and devotion, and at the end of the day, what more could a girl ask for?
After your most recent break-up, this guy was a breath of fresh air.
He showed you how it feels to be in a healthy relationship (or so you thought…) and never once did it occur to you that he was having a physical and emotional affair with anyone other than you.
Fast forward to now: You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place.
You don’t want to be caught in the middle of this.
You don’t want to be in love with a married man.
This is not you.
But now, you’re here and you need to find a way to get out of this situation without causing any further damage.
Yet… You just can’t help but ask yourself: How did he have so much free time to spend with you if he’s got a wife?
Where was he during all your late-night phone calls? Do all men cheat?
There are so many conflicting emotions that are plaguing your mind right now and you’re in desperate need of good relationship advice.
Should you end this almost one-year affair?
Can you fathom seeing him face-to-face without letting his smooth-talking charm disarm you yet again?
Why is falling in love so excruciating sometimes?
You were so sure that he loves you and now you know nothing.
The first time you think you’ve met an actual decent guy, this is what happens.
Your self-esteem is at an all-time low and you don’t trust yourself with anything anymore.
There’s a married woman out there who has no idea you’re intruding on her marriage and you’ve never felt so angry at yourself for letting yourself be pitted against another woman.
If you’re in a tough spot right now and in dire need of relationship advice, I’m here to offer you some tough truths.
Your married man could easily be fooling both you and his wife, and God knows what else he might be up to behind your back.
In order to get a full grasp of this complex situation, here’s what you need to take into account before making an educated decision that will resolve your situation with this married person and help you find yourself again.
1. You might not be the only one
As difficult as it is to comprehend this, if this dude is already cheating on his wife with you, one needs to ponder whether or not you’re the only one he’s cheating with?
If he’s so good at sneaking around and doing the nasty with you behind his wife’s back, there could very well be another ”other” woman.
Which brings me to my second point. How can you trust him?
He’s already lying to one woman.
What’s to stop him from making a fool of you?
These types of men who cheat and so easily get away with it can’t really stop themselves from pushing the boundaries and testing out how many times they can actually successfully pull this off.
Are you sure you’re the only mistress in his life?
Can you declare with utmost certainty that he’d leave his wife for you one day?
Be careful with this guy.
He could be selling the same BS to another poor girl who’s buying it just like you are.
2. You shouldn’t be sitting around waiting for him to decide
A married man can tell you what he wants and you’ll believe it because you want it to be true.
But here’s a tough truth.
Married men rarely leave their wives for their mistress.
They fill your head with things they know you need to hear and go on living their married life, while you sit there impatiently and wait for his phone call.
Is it fair? No. Do you still keep waiting? Yes.
So you need to ask yourself why and for how long.
When will it become obvious to you that you’ll always come second?
He’s got his priorities (his wife and family) and you must focus on yours!
You’ll never get to sleep beside him and wake up next to him happy because he’ll always have to go back to her.
And every time that happens, your heart will break a little more.
Don’t do this to yourself. Pick yourself up, choose yourself, and leave him for your own well-being.
You deserve more than someone’s sloppy seconds and his wife deserves a man who won’t step out on her.
3. What he’s doing to his wife, he could easily do to you
Let’s assume he actually leaves his wife and commits to you.
He chooses you and makes this heartbreaking decision for his family.
For a while, you’ll be on cloud nine.
You’ll have everything you ever wanted.
He’s finally all yours.
You don’t have to share him with anyone and you don’t have to keep your relationship a secret.
You can go for a stroll down the street and hold hands.
You can go on a couple’s getaway and not hide under fake names.
But deep down, you’ll always wonder if he’s faithful to you.
You can’t lie to yourself – you know he’s already cheated, so how do you know he won’t do the exact same thing to you?
He can sweet-talk you all he wants, but when you know someone, it’s a different story.
So yeah, things will appear great and you’ll think you’re happy.
But this feeling will never stop nagging at you, making you question your entire relationship and his credibility every single day.
Is he worth it?
4. He’s highly unlikely to choose you
A married man has developed a sneaky tactic that enables him to keep stringing you along while making you believe every lie he tells you.
This isn’t the first time he’s doing this.
He knows just how to win you over and keep you hooked.
You might feel special and like there’s actual hope for your relationship, but as I said, in this situation, married guys rarely choose the other woman.
Words mean nothing when they’re not supported by actions.
And what have his actions told you so far? Has he told you anything and made it happen?
Is he making any progress with regard to his promise to leave his wife?
You might be in love with a married man, but if the feeling was truly reciprocated, he’d show it to you by doing something about the situation.
No matter the relationship problems in his marriage, if he isn’t showing any will to leave her, you should beat him to it.
5. You’re probably secretly enjoying the thrill of this
I know you’ll never admit this to yourself or anyone else, but there’s something truly hot and sexy about sneaking around and finding new, creative ways to go about your affair.
It makes you feel important and resourceful, and at times, proud.
I don’t expect you to own up to this, but you have to admit that there’s a tiny bit of truth there.
Your life was pretty routine-like until you met your married man.
And ever since, you’ve been living a completely different type of life – one that requires you to be sneaky and smart while keeping this huge secret under wraps.
It’s thrilling and exciting almost as much as it’s wrong and regretful.
Every day is a risk and a new adventure, and the fact that you never know where and when you’ll see him next is downright salacious.
You’re feeling the thrill of the whole thing while being cautiously aware of how wrong you are to feel this way.
And yet, you’re not doing anything to change it.
What does that tell you?
6. Him having kids makes it that much more complex
If your married man has children, the situation can turn that much more ugly.
Firstly, if he were to leave his wife for you, his kids would resent you for breaking up their family.
Do you want to take on this huge responsibility of being a major part of their life, all the while knowing they’re unlikely to warm up to you?
Every time they see you, they’ll be reminded that you were the reason for their mom and dad’s break-up.
This could cause a lot of conflict and bitterness, which will be detrimental to your romantic relationship as well.
Being in love with a married man is one thing… but when there are kids involved, it’s simply playing with fire.
Are you ready to possibly get burned?
7. You’ll never know the other side of the story (his wife’s)
A bad marriage is never just one partner’s fault.
It takes two to tango. And you’re never going to get the full story behind their failed marriage and how it all came about.
He can tell you whatever he wants, but do you really think that he didn’t play a part in his marriage crashing and burning?
If he’s bad-mouthing his wife, don’t you feel sorry for her?
Isn’t there a part of you wondering if she’s truly as possessive and controlling as he’s making her sound?
Or could he be manipulative and toxic, which gave her no choice but to be that way?
There are so many issues that he could be hiding from you, but his wife knows them all too well.
Think about that before committing to him.
Your relationship could fizzle out just as easily as his marriage.
Is your life worth this mess?
Is HE worth you sacrificing your dignity and trusting him blindly?
8. You’re a temporary fix for a broken marriage
Has it ever occurred to you that you might simply be his temporary saving grace while he’s struggling with his marital issues?
Men cheat and people lie. That’s a fact of life.
And you could be the victim of his manipulation.
You may have convinced yourself that this is a grandiose love story and that you were meant to be.
But it’s far more likely that you’re just someone with whom he gets to enjoy himself and forget about the world and his broken marriage.
At first, it’s sexy, fun, and thrilling.
But with time, it becomes difficult, challenging, and disastrous.
You start seeing him for who he really is and realizing that he doesn’t really love you.
He loves what you give him – relief from his relationship problems and a good time.
He doesn’t love you, he loves the feeling of being temporarily free.
How Do You Move On?
For starters, you start seeing this for what it really is, as opposed to what you want it to be.
A distraction from reality, where you live in your fantasy world that gives you the feeling of being loved and not used.
But being in love with a married man is just that – a fantasy.
You’ll never be his first choice.
He’s never going to wake up one day and decide to break up his marriage, especially if there are children in the picture.
You’re his breakaway from an unhappy marriage.
And as troubled as he may be, it’s not on you to be a fix to his emotional wounds.
You need to be brave enough to decide you’re done playing second fiddle.
You’re done taking crumbs of his love and from today on, you’re only going to look for guys who won’t use you as a temporary fix.
You are worth so much more.
A healthy relationship consists of two mature individuals who chose each other and fight for their love against all odds.
Two people who’d go to war for each other and never dare put their partner second.
A married man will never be able to check these boxes.
And at the end of the day, that’s what it comes down to.
You can make all the excuses you want, but it won’t change a thing.
He’s always going to put her first because his loyalty is primarily to her.
And yours should be to yourself. Put your own needs first.
Pick up the shambles of your broken self and admit to yourself what he never will.
It’s never going to be you. You’ll never get your happy ending with him.
Take the relationship advice from a person who’s been through the wringer and suffered the consequences of her poor decision.
A married man is loyal to his marriage and himself.
Make the right decision and leave dignified before he shatters your heart.
It’s not going to be easy, but in the long run, this is the best decision you can make and one day you’ll be grateful you did it.
You can choose to live in a fantasy world where you keep yearning for something elusive, or you can bring yourself back to reality and fight for a better future.
Which one will it be?