I know you’ve been through a lot with this guy. He was a man you loved more than yourself and a man you probably still have deep feelings for.

Every memory you have from the last couple of years is connected to him. He was there next to you, holding your hand through every good and bad thing that happened to you. He was there while you were growing to be the woman you are today, there to wipe away your tears when you needed him and there to put a smile back on your face.

When you first met this guy, he was everything you were searching for in a man. He was a dream come true—a caring and loving boyfriend, who was putting effort into your relationship. You really thought that he was your true soulmate and your Mr. Right and you couldn’t have wished for anyone better than him.

However, after years spent together, he changed. All of a sudden, it was like he became someone else and there was no trace of the man you once loved.

Maybe he started taking you for granted, thinking that he didn’t have to try around you anymore. Maybe he got tired of your relationship but didn’t want to end things because he felt safe around you.

Or he was like this all along. Maybe you’d just taken your rose-tinted glasses off and finally saw this guy for who he really was all along.

Or you’ve just outgrown him. Maybe you realized he wasn’t the one after all, maybe you realized that he wasn’t the man you could see yourself growing old with.

Either way, the two of you have parted ways. You were convinced that your story had reached its end and that you should move on with your life and leave this man in the past.

But that was when he reappeared. That was when he felt that you were getting over him and when his attempts to come crawling back to you started.

All of a sudden, this guy was acting as if he was ready to do whatever it took just for things to go back to the way they were. He kept giving you these promises, telling you that he’d go back to being the man from the beginning of your relationship, the man you fell in love with, and he started asking for one more chance.

So now, you don’t know what to do. Should you try it one more time, for the sake of everything the two of you been through or should you tell him your final goodbye?

Although this decision is only yours, let me tell you just one thing—you don’t owe this man anything. You don’t have to go back to him just because the two of you have a history together, if you don’t see yourself next to him in the future.

You don’t have to go back to him just because everyone around you expects you to or just because you think you’ve wasted years of your life on someone who ended up being only temporary. You don’t have to do it for the sake of the love the two of you used to share or for the man he once was.

What you guys had was great while it lasted. Nevertheless, things between you ended for a reason, right?

Please, don’t fool yourself, thinking that everything will be different this time. The reason for your break-up didn’t magically disappear and time didn’t erase all of your problems.

I know you are convinced you still love this man but trust me that the truth is quite different.

Trust me that you don’t actually love him—you love everything the two of you had and you love the memory of him.

With time, you forgot all the bad things that went on between the two of you and you forgot why you split ways. Only the beautiful memories remained and it is obvious that you feel nostalgic about those happy times. Nevertheless, nostalgia is not the same as love.

This relationship is nothing more than your comfort zone. This man is familiar to you and you are afraid to go through life without someone you got used to so much.

You are afraid that sometime in the future, you’ll blame yourself for missing out on your soulmate. You are afraid of feeling incomplete without him and you are afraid that you’ll regret cutting him off for good.

Nevertheless, you shouldn’t feel this way. It seems that you forgot how strong you actually are.
It looks like you are not aware that you can make it without him just fine. That you don’t need him or any other man to give your life meaning.

So please, instead of going back to him and trying to revive this old flame for all the wrong reasons, be brave enough to jump into your future without him. Be brave enough to write a new chapter of your life by yourself.

Selma June
A teacher. A dreamer. A writer. A woman who’s been through all of the things you are going through. A woman who’s learned on her mistakes and whose advice you can trust. A woman who is trying to find her place under the stars. A woman just like you.
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