Sharing your life with a selfish husband is a real nightmare. You feel like you’re handling the burdens of your marriage by yourself and as if you don’t have a real partner in crime to take over some of the weight.
A selfish husband is a spouse who takes care of his needs only. He is an egocentric douchebag who doesn’t give a damn about anything else besides his own well-being, let alone about making you happy.
This is a man who couldn’t care less about how his actions make you feel. He is lazy, immature and self-centered and doesn’t have any respect or appreciation for you.
Sounds familiar, right? Well, if this is something you can relate to, we present you with these 10 painful signs that you really do have a selfish husband and that it’s about time to make some crucial changes in your marriage.
1. He wants to be dominant
It is possible that you’re a woman who likes to be with an alpha man who knows how to take charge. This kind of guy knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to get it.
It is also acceptable if you have this dominant-submissive relationship in the bedroom. There is nothing wrong with a couple who enjoys playing games like this.
However, when you’re dealing with a selfish spouse, this dominance goes far beyond the sheets. In fact, this guy is doing his best to prove that you’re less worthy than him, that he is the number one priority in your marriage.
You two are simply not equals and he treats you like you are not as significant as he is. There is no compromise and no meeting halfway.
Your opinion doesn’t count. Your needs and desires are always unimportant. You’re not allowed to make decisions and to live your life your own way without consulting him first.
You literally have to ask for this selfish man’s permission before doing anything, which is, without a doubt, a form of emotional abuse.
However, he doesn’t put you in this position because he is jealous. He is probably a narcissist who wants to be above you. This guy wants to have complete control over your life.
Of course, having to deal with a selfish husband is ruining your self-esteem and mental health. However, that is exactly what he wants—to destroy you completely so he could go on with his selfish behavior completely unbothered.
2. He never takes responsibility
Another sign that your husband is selfish is the fact that he never takes responsibility for his words and actions. No matter what happens in your marriage, you’re always the guilty one.
Even when he takes the blame for hurting you, he’ll try making you think that you’re the one who caused his misbehavior. You’re the one who provoked him, the one who is exaggerating and the one who made him go crazy.
This selfish man doesn’t seem to realize that every relationship is a two-way street. So, it is practically impossible for you to always be responsible whenever something goes downhill.
Nevertheless, I want you to be aware that your spouse is perfectly aware of his mistakes. He just doesn’t care enough about you to admit them.
For him, it’s much easier to keep on accusing you of being guilty than working on resolving the problem.
He might be a narcissist who is concerned about keeping a positive image; he is always the good guy, while you’re the bad one in the story.
When you two fight, it’s all about ego. The only important thing is who is right and wrong.
This is the case because he cherishes his pride more than he cherishes your relationship. He is never interested in making a compromise and in finding a solution to your issues.
Besides, he doesn’t give a damn about how all of this will make you feel and how it will affect your self-esteem and mental health.
3. He doesn’t care about your needs in bed
One of the first examples of a selfish husband is his behavior in the bedroom. Don’t get me wrong—I’m not talking about his qualities as a lover here.
Not all of us are born to be studs under the sheets. Some men need more practice to get closer to perfection.
Besides, it takes time for a couple to reach harmony in the bedroom. You two have to both try to become compatible under the sheets and to make each other happy.
However, the problem arises when your selfish partner isn’t ready to put in effort into pleasing you. The only thing he cares about is his satisfaction and his own needs.
This guy follows his pace and rhythm. For example, he ignores you when you’re looking for intimacy but he pushes you too hard to sleep with him if he is in the mood.
After the action is over, he simply turns on the other side of the bed, despite the fact that you want to cuddle. He is not gentle enough and he doesn’t care whether you’re enjoying yourself at all.
On the other hand, if you’re the one who wants to try new things, he is never up for it.
It’s one thing if you two have different preferences and he certainly doesn’t have to do everything you want him to but the point here is that he doesn’t want to give any of your propositions a shot.
Consequently, for you, sleeping with this man has become real torture and you’ve started seeing it as a job that needs to be done. You can’t be relaxed in these kinds of conditions and you’re far from being satisfied. Without a doubt, these are legit signs your husband isn’t in love with you.
4. He is not involved in your interests
There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a spouse who has different hobbies and interests from yours. After all, just because the two of you are a married couple, it doesn’t have to mean that you cease to exist as individuals.
Besides, you have your girl best friends you can talk to about make-up, shopping and celebrities. So, if your hubby isn’t very keen on being involved in these, it doesn’t make him a selfish person right away.
However, with your marriage, things are different. Your husband’s selfishness is so intense that he has literally zero interest in anything you are concerned about.
It’s a huge effort for him to even do the simplest things such as watch your favorite movie with you or tell you which outfit looks better on you. He doesn’t care about your hobbies and other things you enjoy doing.
When you come to think about it, your husband knows very little about you. Yes, he is familiar with some basic information about you but he doesn’t know the little things.
He doesn’t have a clue what you love doing in your spare time, he never roots for you and he doesn’t know any random things such as the name of your favorite band or author.
At first, all of this probably doesn’t seem like a big deal. After all, he is a guy and you think it’s normal that he isn’t interested in these kinds of things.
However, if you dig a little deeper under the surface, you’ll see that his indifference hides much more.
You’ll see that your selfish spouse has never been there to hear you out throughout all of these years of marriage. For him, everything concerning you is irrelevant.
5. He doesn’t appreciate you
Nobody is saying that your husband has to kiss your feet for every single thing you do for him or that you should constantly point out the favors you do.
Marriage is all about mutual giving and receiving so if you’re a good wife, you’ll love him, be there for him and make sure he is well.
However, being an ungrateful asshole is something completely different. Your selfish husband doesn’t appreciate anything you do for him.
He doesn’t cherish the sacrifices you’re making for your marriage. He is acting like he doesn’t see all the efforts you’re putting into making your marriage work. You feel like nothing you do is ever enough for him to be pleased.
Not only that—what is even worse is that your husband’s selfishness prevents him from giving you anything in return. He doesn’t reciprocate your efforts, nor does he ever try to make you feel better and happier.
On the other hand, he doesn’t fail to notice when you do something that bothers him. He never forgets to call you out on your mistakes, while your good actions always get totally ignored.
6. He doesn’t respect your time
How many times has this guy stood you up? How many times has he rearranged the plans you two had together?
You can’t even count, right? Because this is something that happens on a regular basis.
This is a man who has no respect for your space or time, which is a sure-fire sign he has no respect for you either. Well, that is not something a good, loving husband should do.
I get it—you both live busy lives. You both have careers and extended family outside of this marriage.
However, you’re never allowed to be busy for him. You always make time in your tight schedule to hear him out, go out on a date with him or do something to put a smile on his face.
On the other hand, this man treats you like you’re always available. He expects you to spend your days patiently waiting at home for him to remember that he has a wife who needs attention.
Of course, he’s not like that with others. He doesn’t have a problem with standing you up when his friends call or when he has something better to do.
One thing is more than obvious—he wants to be your priority, while you should settle for being his second choice. It’s like this man has completely forgotten about his vows and the fact that he chose you to be his life partner.
Related: 5 Signs Of Miserable Husband Syndrome (+ Tips To Cope)
7. He takes you for granted
You’ve given your husband so many second chances that, sadly, it is possible that he’s started taking you for granted.
I’m not saying that you should play hot and cold games with him—after all, you two are adults but it’s not okay for him to have no fear of losing you at all either.
According to this man, you’re not going anywhere. No matter how he treats you, you’ll always be there for him.
It’s like there is nothing he can do for you to stop loving him. He thinks that he won you over ages ago and that his job was done when you said, “I do.”
He doesn’t make any romantic gestures, he doesn’t take you out and he doesn’t care whether you’re still attracted to him.
Your husband is convinced that you’re so crazy over him that his selfish behavior could never chase you away. It’s like you’re blinded and he doesn’t have to put any effort whatsoever into keeping you by his side.
8. He doesn’t care about your friends and family
Let’s get one thing straight—your spouse is under no obligation to love your best friends and family members. These people are a part of your life or the ones you chose to be next to you; he didn’t have anything to do with that.
Therefore, it is perfectly acceptable if your loving husband isn’t crazy about your friends and family, especially if they don’t like him so much either. He doesn’t have to hang out with them when you’re not around or treat them as if they were his loved ones.
However, he has a duty to respect them. Whether he likes it or not, when he married you, they became a part of his life as well.
After all, this man chose you to be his wife and he should at least make a minimum effort to have decent communication with the ones you care about.
Nevertheless, things are quite different in your marriage. Your husband doesn’t give a damn about your friends and family and he is very open about it.
He treats these people as strangers or even worse—as his enemies. He has no respect for them or your relationship.
Not only that—he is always complaining when he has to accompany you to a certain event. It’s too much trouble for him to spend some time with your people, despite knowing how happy that would make you feel.
On the other hand, he expects you to hang out with his clique and to be crazy about his family. If that is not one of the clear signs of a selfish husband, I don’t know what is.
9. His well-being is the only thing that matters
The truth is that your spouse couldn’t care less about your happiness. He can see you crying and being miserable and he won’t lift a finger to do something about it.
In your marriage, the only thing that matters is his well-being. He tries hard to satisfy his own needs, while yours are irrelevant.
When I say needs, I’m talking about financial, romantic, emotional and all other needs here. It’s pretty simple; this guy always comes first and everything in your marriage happens his own way.
This can be seen with little, everyday stuff. You two will go to lunch at a restaurant he prefers, even though you want to eat something different, you’ll watch a movie he wants to watch, if you’re good with money, you’ll be left without a cent in your pocket while he’ll have everything he needs…
However, it also happens with some big life decisions. He chose your kids’ names, he picked the house you live in, you always go on vacation to the places he wants to visit and so on…
One thing is clear—he only cares about making himself feel good. If that is the case, it’s time to ask yourself whether this man even loves you for real.
10. He treats you like his servant
Just because you’re a woman, it doesn’t mean that your selfish partner can act like you have to do all the household chores. However, this is exactly how things are between you and your hubby.
Even though you both have full-time jobs, when you two get home from work, you’re the one who does all the cleaning and cooking and the one who takes care of the kids. On the other hand, he just lies there, without doing any household chores.
Whether you like to admit it or not, this man treats you like his slave and servant. You’re constantly doing favors for him while he can’t move an inch for your sake.
He doesn’t see you two as a team. He has no duties and no responsibility but has all the rights in this marriage and that makes him a selfish husband.
