Navigating through the complicated world of dating can result in a whole load of headaches, tears, and tubs of Ben & Jerry’s. Finding someone to date who treats you right, respects you and who enjoys your company as much as you do theirs can be seriously hard work, not least thanks to the new era of boys on the dating scene—the fuckboys. Fuckboys are known for playing with girls’ hearts, treating them poorly, and generally wreaking havoc on the dating scene, while using Tinder and other dating apps as their playgrounds. Of course, not all guys are fuckboys, and these second-raters actually give the good guys a bad name. Having said that, learning how to spot a fuckboy and, more importantly, knowing how to deal with him, can help you to protect yourself from any unnecessary heartache and work the dating scene like a pro. Here’s how to spot a fuckboy and how to deal with him.
Bags of Confidence
Fuckboys are professionals at this dating game and more than likely have been on their fair share of dates. They know how to walk the walk and talk the talk, which leaves them with a lot of confidence in the dating world. Expect them to wow you with their confidence, blow you away with their chat and take control of the entire situation, but remember there’s a fine line between confidence and cockiness. At first, this presence can be a very attractive quality when dating, so it’s easy to get blindsided and swoon when you should be swerving. Someone overconfident and sure of himself may just be a fuckboy—so bear this in mind as red flag number one if something doesn’t quite sit right.
Lack of Attention
When you’re starting to date someone new, you should be in the exciting honeymoon phase where you can’t get enough of each other. If someone is showing you a distinct lack of attention at the beginning of a relationship, then we hate to break it to you, but they might just be a fuckboy. Someone who has their attention elsewhere and can’t dedicate the sufficient time and energy that you deserve is not worthy of your time. Someone who doesn’t pay you enough attention at any stage of your relationship is a fuckboy—and you can do better.
Standard Fuckboy Chat
Fuckboys have their own language—and it’s pretty easy to spot! They’ll be constantly apologizing for their behavior, making excuses for their lack of contact and showering you with compliments to try and stop you from being mad. If your boy spends more time apologizing to you than he does asking about your day, then get rid of that fuckboy immediately.
Lack of Commitment
Though every relationship moves at its own pace, there comes a time when a lack of commitment is evident. If someone you’re dating keeps canceling plans, changing your arrangements and ditching you, then you need to get one up on him and leave. A fuckboy will ignore you all day, only to send you a message at midnight asking if he can come over to ‘cuddle’, or only want to commit to you in his own way and on his own terms. Any lack of commitment is a lack of faith in your relationship, and quite frankly a classic fuckboy move.
Keeps You a Secret
Each different relationship unfolds with its own timing, and if you haven’t met the friends or family of the guy you’re dating yet and want to take it slow, then that’s totally fine. However, if your guy is actively keeping you a secret from his family and friends, avoiding mentioning you and using you to sneak around, then it’s pretty likely that he might be a fuckboy. Not being ready for serious commitment is one thing, but only pretending you exist when the two of you are alone? That’s not good enough. You need someone who is proud to be with you and wants to show you off to the world.
Other Girls on the Scene
When you’re dating someone they should be investing their time in you and you alone. Of course, when you’re first on the dating scene, you may both be entertaining other options and under no requirement to be exclusive. However, when you spend a little more time with someone and start dating more regularly, it’s generally assumed that you become exclusive as you give things a shot. If your guy has other girls on the scene, whether you know he’s meeting up with them, or you’ve seen comments on his social media channel or girls names you don’t recognize, the likelihood is that he could be a fuckboy. You should know your worth and know how much you can bring to someone’s life—so don’t ever settle for being just a part when you should be the entire thing.
Inability to Listen
They are masters of small talk. Getting you involved in chatting with them to gather as much information as they need to get you on their side is what they do best. They will ask a lot of questions to get to know you better but anything beyond that doesn’t interest them at all. This will leave you with an emotional void you won’t be able to fill. The easiest way to tell if they are really in the conversation for the sake of getting some, is to pay attention to whether they are really engaged in the conversation or they are answering your questions with statements about themselves. If you feel that the conversation has some depth and meaning to it, then they are genuinely interested in you. But if you get the feeling that the conversation is a one-way street, then you’re dealing with a fuckboy who has gathered all the information he needs and won’t bother going any deeper.
‘Nice Guy Charade
When someone is a nice person, believe me, they are completely unaware of it. They do good things because their conscience tells them to, but when you’re dealing with a man who is constantly bringing your attention to the fact that he is so nice, then you’re definitely dealing with a fuckboy. They have the need to convince you they won’t hurt you because they wouldn’t want to hurt a fly just so you can open up to them and trust them, only to get extremely hurt in the end.
How to Deal with Him?
If your man is displaying some of the red flags listed above, then we’re sorry to tell you that he is probably a fuckboy, and you deserve better. In a few words, when it comes to dealing with a fuckboy, the answer is simple—don’t deal with him. You should never dedicate your time to someone who doesn’t have the time, energy and affection that you need to keep you happy. In the complicated world of dating, ensuring that you are happy should be your number one priority. If someone brings you down or doesn’t make you completely happy, ditch them and move on. You should always be number one in your life, and when you know your worth, a fuckboy simply won’t do.
An Alpha female needs a man who will add to her life, not take away from it. If you think you’re dating a fuckboy, then show him the door and let him make way for someone who will make you happy. If you wait and take care of yourself, we promise that a real man will take his place.