Have you ever been in a relationship where nothing you do is ever good enough?
Where you’re the only one guilty for all of your problems and where somehow, you always end up taking responsibility even for the things you didn’t do?
If you can relate your romance with all of the above, you’re probably dealing with a narcissistic boyfriend who constantly puts all the blame on you.
Naturally, you can’t help but wonder what makes him do that.
Read on and you’ll find the answers you need!
1. You’re a suitable victim
Don’t get me wrong—the last thing I’m trying to do is blame you for falling into the hands of a narcissist.
You’re this awful man’s victim, he is the only one responsible for the way he’s treating you and nothing you did makes you guilty for his toxic actions.
However, the fact is that a narcissist won’t attack just anyone and they don’t choose their targets randomly, without any reason whatsoever.
Don’t take this as an insult but a narcissist searches for weak women he can mentally and emotionally abuse without much trouble.
These people are skillful manipulators and have extremely good psychological skills.
They lurk around, looking for the most suitable victim.
It is possible that you’re dealing with some deeply rooted emotional traumas even you’re not aware of, that you display signs of an insecure woman or that you’ve been taught that you’re always to blame ever since your childhood.
Either way, the point is that this guy would probably never chase a woman he knows he couldn’t manipulate and sadly, you’re not her.
2. His need to be perfect
If you’re wondering why narcissists never take the blame for their behavior, the answer is pretty simple—they can’t admit to anyone that they’re guilty, including themselves.
Of course, this doesn’t justify them because deep down, a narcissist knows exactly what he’s doing.
The first thing you need to know about this type of person is that they’re driven by their desire to be flawless.
It is their priority for everyone around them to see them as perfect as possible.
So, if a narcissist ever admitted that he was wrong, it would mean he has his share of imperfections, just like any other person in the world.
In fact, that would make him average and that is something he couldn’t stand.
This guy wants to be perceived as better than everyone else.
This is especially the case with his romantic relationships—he wants to convince you that he is above you in every way possible and that it is literally impossible for him to make any kind of a mistake.
You and most people have no trouble admitting that you’re just human beings made of flesh and blood and that you’re prone to making wrong moves from time to time.
However, this man would rather die than allow you to stop seeing him as superior to the rest of the world.
3. He knows he is to blame
Contrary to his behavior, the truth is that this man is perfectly aware that he is the one to blame for the fact that your relationship isn’t working and that you’re nothing but his victim.
He doesn’t think you’re responsible for your relationship problems—he is just doing his best to make you believe that you’re the sinful one.
Please, have this in mind the next time you start looking for excuses for this man.
Stop thinking that he is a poor soul, that his narcissism is stronger than him and that he can’t do anything to successfully control it.
Yes, he is dealing with a severe personality disorder.
However, his mental and emotional conditions don’t make him unaware of his actions.
4. He justifies his toxic behavior
Another reason why your narcissistic partner puts all the blame on you is the fact that he sees it as a way out of his dirty conscience.
He sees all of his wrongdoings and knows that he is responsible for the hell your relationship is in but he chooses to ignore that tiny voice in the back of his head that’s telling him to take responsibility and instead, decides to put all the blame on you.
There is actually not much philosophy needed here; it is way easier to accuse someone else for your own misdeeds than to confront them and admit to yourself and to the rest of the world that you’re the bad guy in the story.
It is easier to manipulate the other person into believing she is guilty than to face your toxic behavior patterns and accept the fact that you have a personality disorder and that you need help in treating it.
5. He wants to devalue you
A trait common to all narcissists out there is that they can’t stand being surrounded by people who love and respect themselves.
After all, how can he play with your head if you know how worthy you are?
You see, this man is in the constant search of admiration. He needs to feel superior to you in order to get the verification of his own value.
Therefore, a narcissist will always do his best to make you think less about yourself.
If he manages to convince you that you keep making one mistake after another and that you’re the one ruining your relationship, after a while, you’ll start to think of yourself as good for nothing.
According to this guy, you’re incapable of being a good girlfriend, so what more could one expect of you?
No other man would put up with you and your constant failures, so you’re much better next to him—the only guy who would ever agree to love you.
Putting all the blame on you is nothing but his manipulative technique by which he tries to devalue you and prevent you from seeing your own worth.
After all, only when he puts you down and only when he is above you can a narcissist feel good about himself.
6. He tries to minimize your feelings
“You’re too weak. You’re overly emotional. You’re exaggerating. It isn’t that big of a deal.”
How many times have you heard these sentences addressed to you from your boyfriend?
I bet it happened more often than you would like to admit.
Even when this guy has the decency to admit that he did something he shouldn’t have, he’ll find a way to turn the tables and accuse you of provoking him and making him do it.
Sounds familiar, right?
Well, he is doing all of this as an attempt to minimize your feelings and, eventually, make you question your own sanity.
After you spend some time under his influence, you’ll start wondering whether you really are taking everything too personal.
Is he right? Are you overreacting and making a fuss out of nothing?
These and similar thoughts you have are actually giving him the green light to continue with his behavior.
They give him the chance to keep on treating you badly and the best part is that you won’t be saying a word about it anymore.
7. He wants you to forget the initial reason of an argument
Every dating expert will advise you to tell your partner about what’s bothering you, to point out the things you don’t like in his behavior and if you two have healthy communication, you’ll sort everything out in no time.
However, when you’re dating a narcissist, this is utterly impossible.
Even when you try calling this man out on his actions, he turns the discussion into a blame game and eventually, makes you forget the reason for the argument.
Not only that—when he finds a way to accuse you of being guilty of whatever he did, somehow, you end up being the one who apologizes.
Instead of resolving your initial problem, the two of you end up fighting about who is to blame.
Therefore, after some time, you avoid starting any kind of issue with him because you know how everything will turn out.
You let him get away with his behavior because you know that if you open up the topic you want to resolve, you’ll just end up trapped in an endless circle of trying to prove who is guilty instead of coming up with the solution to your problem.
8. It gives him power over you
The guilty one is always the inferior one. And this is a fact your narcissistic boyfriend knows very well.
You’re the one who has to apologize, the one who has to find a way to make things right, the one who is seeking forgiveness and the one who has to accept all the terms and conditions which the other person puts in front of them.
In this case scenario, this role belongs to you.
On the other hand, your partner is the one who is being damaged here.
Therefore, everything has to be by his rules if you want to get his forgiveness.
The best part is that he is the bigger person here, by resolving you of your sins.
No matter how big the mistakes you make, he is always there to give you a second chance that you have to beg for.
In this kind of scenario, which is nowhere near reality, your partner has all the power over you.
And that was his initial intention all along.
9. He doesn’t care about you
This is probably the last thing you want to hear but the harsh truth is that your boyfriend puts all the responsibility for the problems in your relationship on you for one simple reason—he doesn’t give a damn about how all of this will make you feel.
He doesn’t care whether your conscience will eat you alive, if you’ll start thinking poorly of yourself or if all of this guilt-tripping will leave some kind of permanent damage on your emotional health.
The only thing important to him is that he feels great about himself and that his goals are achieved.
