Many people think that insecurities in a relationship stem from low self-esteem. This could be true, but many factors can trigger a woman’s insecurity, some of which are past traumas.
Truth be told, women can be greatly insecure during PMS when their hormones are going wild (speaking from experience).
What makes a woman insecure in a relationship is a complex question but nothing that can’t be answered.
Below you’ll find the main triggers and reasons for a woman’s insecurity in a relationship and how men can help them deal with it. So, let’s see! 😊
What Makes A Woman Insecure In A Relationship?
Being overly protective of your phone, playing mind games, or mentioning your ex more often than needed are some of the things that can make women insecure in relationships.
There are many causes of insecurity, so let’s proceed with a list of the most common things men do that make women insecure.
1. Making comments about other women’s appearances
Let’s be honest with ourselves. Both insecure women and insecure men (and those who aren’t insecure) hate when their partner comments on the appearance of people of the opposite gender.
This can happen on social media or in real life. Here are a few examples:
• A man and a woman are sitting in a park. A hot woman walks by, and the man can’t stop looking at her. He also comments on how hot she looks.
• Commenting on other women’s pictures on social media.
2. Being overly protective of your phone
What’s going through a woman’s mind when a man hides his phone and acts overly protective of it? Insecurity kicks in, of course!
This is pure logic.
Whenever someone tries to hide something from the other person or acts overly protective of it, we instantly start suspecting that they’re lying to us and doing something behind our backs.
That’s exactly what she thinks when her man starts taking his phone everywhere with him, even when going to the toilet. Of course, he could be doing that to kill time there playing video games, but if he does it every single time, his partner is bound to start feeling insecure.
3. Criticizing her opinions
What makes a woman insecure in a relationship? If her partner constantly criticizes her opinions, it’s totally normal for her to start losing her sense of self-worth and feel neglected.
Every single one of us has the right to express our feelings and opinions. This doesn’t mean we need to agree with other people’s thoughts, but we can at least respect them.
If a man doesn’t respect a woman’s mindset and doesn’t allow her to express her opinions without criticizing her, she will become greatly insecure in a relationship.
She will start losing herself because she’s not allowed to be who she is and feel able to speak what’s in her heart. She will become afraid of expressing herself in any setting regarding any topic.
4. Playing mind games (e.g., blowing hot and cold)
Any type of mind game is a warning sign, and it makes a woman feel suspicious of a man’s intentions. If you’re playing mind games with her, you’re forcing her to think the following things:
• Maybe he doesn’t like me that much.
• Perhaps I’m the problem here.
• I’m probably not good enough for him.
• I probably deserved this treatment.
If you ask me, playing mind games is one of the greatest destroyers of trust and everything sacred in a relationship.
You can’t manipulate your partner and then pretend like everything is perfectly fine. That’s not how relationships function.
5. Mentioning your ex too many times
Do you tend to talk about your ex more than necessary? We all have moments when we mention our ex in a certain context, which is normal.
The problem arises when you talk about your ex too much because this means they’re on your mind more than they should be.
That’s when the signs of an insecure woman start floating to the surface. She starts thinking that maybe you’re still in love with your ex.
Or maybe you’re still in contact with your ex and secretly seeing her. When a woman starts suspecting these things, trust instantly breaks, and her insecurities start to rule her.
6. Making (lame) excuses for committing
I’ve noticed that having commitment issues has become a real trend among men. I’ve had my fair share of dealing with men who have a fear of commitment, and it’s one of the worst things I’ve dealt with in my life.
If you’re one of those men who are scared of committing to one woman and are a pro at making lame excuses for it, stop doing it.
Whenever this happens, we women start thinking that the problem is us. We think that we aren’t hot enough, pretty enough, or interesting enough. We don’t know that the problem is you, and that is why we become insecure.
7. Unrealistic expectations
Having unrealistic expectations in a relationship has also become popular lately. This can negatively affect a woman’s self-worth and trigger an insecure attachment style.
So, what makes a woman insecure in a relationship? Unrealistic expectations are definitely one of the top things that cause insecurity.
It’s when a man starts comparing her with other women, subtly setting high standards for her appearance, and when he expects her to behave in a certain manner.
Unrealistic expectations stem from the desire for perfection, which, obviously, doesn’t exist. When a woman feels pressured to fit into an imposed role by others, she becomes insecure.
Unrealistic expectations should be replaced by healthy expectations in a relationship.
8. Keeping secrets from her
Are you keeping secrets from her or lying to her? Well, if a man does any of these things, a woman will start feeling insecure.
She will wonder why a man is hiding things from her, what is going on in his mind, and why he acts the way he does.
Even if you tell her the truth, she will still suspect that there’s something more going on there. Once she stops believing you, even when you’re telling the truth, things get complicated.
9. Ignoring her texts or calls
Why is he ignoring my texts all of a sudden? I bet this is one of the most famous sentences every single female has dealt with at least once in her life.
The pain of a man ignoring our texts or calls is one of the most annoying, and it definitely triggers signs of insecurity in us.
As a matter of fact, this doesn’t only apply to insecure people. No human being likes being ignored, especially by someone they care about.
Not to mention the consequences of being ignored. Ignoring can greatly impact our mental health and overall well-being. Will you still ignore her texts and calls after reading this? 🤔
10. Refusing to talk about your past
Our past relationships and other things from our past are part of us. This means we shouldn’t try to erase our past or be ashamed of it.
Refusing to talk about your past with your current partner is bound to cause relationship insecurity. This doesn’t only apply to women but everyone.
Let’s say that your ex-partner was a narcissist, but you don’t mention that to your current partner. This will most certainly negatively impact them and your relationship.
Why, you wonder?
Because chances are you’ll be hesitant about committing to your new partner and connecting with them. They will not know why and that’s why they will become insecure.
This is just one example and not a prototype of every relationship where a person refuses to talk about their past.
11. Staying in touch with your ex
If there’s one thing that can evoke feelings of insecurity in a woman, it is her partner remaining in contact with his ex. Being friends with an ex is not uncommon, but it can also be a huge problem.
A woman will want to know what exactly you two are texting, whether and when you see each other, and similar.
But she will not want to become needy or clingy, and that’s why she won’t ask you much about it. Still, that doesn’t mean she’s not insecure. She deals with her insecurity in silence.
12. Feeling neglected
What makes a woman insecure in a relationship? Feeling neglected, of course. An emotionally neglected woman will feel like she’s not worthy of love and attention.
Her self-doubt will prevail in every aspect of her life. By feeling neglected, I’m referring to a lack of affection, a lack of honest conversation, romantic gestures, and other things that make us feel special and valued.
When a woman feels neglected and ignored, she starts to pull away from a relationship. She enters a state of self-evaluation, which often ends negatively.
While she’s trying hard to restore her self-worth, she never succeeds as long as she’s being neglected in a relationship.
13. Broken trust
Trust issues are also a popular initiator of breakups and insecurity in relationships. If a man tells a woman that he will do something but doesn’t, he will lose her trust.
If a man lies to a woman, trust will be lost. Trust can be broken in multiple ways, and along with it starts the era of insecurity.
A woman will always think about what might happen next. She will live with the fear of future events because of her not-so-optimistic mindset.
They say that broken trust is like broken glass. Once broken, it will never be the same again.
5 Ways Men Can Help Women Deal With Insecurities In A Relationship
Now that we know what makes women insecure in a relationship, it’s time to find solutions for it. Here are the things men can do to help their women deal with insecurities in a relationship.
1. Compliment her
Compliments boost self-confidence and promote self-love. Remember to compliment both her appearance, personality, and her skills.
Think of the things she’s really good at and remind her of that often. You can even make a list of things you’re impressed with about her.
I’m sure this list will make her day, and it will be a great reminder of her greatness whenever she starts feeling insecure. The point here is to redirect her toward positive thoughts because that helps us overcome insecurity and other negative feelings.
2. DON’T play mind games
Don’t ignore her, let her wait, or play any kind of mind games. If you’ve done this, playing mind games is why she became insecure in the first place.
Well, that’s one of the reasons why you need to stop playing mind games with women. It’s neither fun nor productive. It will only make her lose her mind and question her sanity.
If you want to be in a happy relationship, don’t let mind games ruin your potential. You know better than that.
3. DON’T compare her with others
Instead of comparing her with others, let her know that she’s unique and beautiful inside and out. This will definitely boost her self-esteem.
Also, help her validate herself because her relationship with herself will reflect on her relationship with you.
Whenever you notice that she’s comparing herself with a prettier girl, focus on letting her know how special she is. List all of the awesome things about her and help her embrace her differences.
Don’t let her think she needs to chase perfection to feel pretty. She just needs to be herself because that’s the true definition of beauty.
4. Spoil her with thoughtful gestures
Many men forget about all the little things that mean the world to women, such as random hugs, forehead kisses, emotional love letters, etc.
Whether you’re in a new relationship or a long-term one, thoughtful, romantic gestures shouldn’t be forgotten. These gestures have the power to summarize your affection without using words.
Actions are indeed more valuable than words. Anyone can tell you that they care about you, but not every one of them is ready to show it.
So, be the man who shows what he feels, and that’s how you’ll help her deal with insecurities in a relationship.
5. Be open and honest with her
Be open and honest with her regarding your ex, your work, friends, and anything else that’s happening in your life. Don’t let her wonder about your whereabouts or why you didn’t text her for days.
Also, having an open conversation with her might help her uncover the root cause of her insecurity and confront her personal issues.
And last but not least, one of the greatest pieces of relationship advice ever: Don’t ever stop making an effort no matter what stage of the relationship you’re in.
Making an effort means you care. If a woman knows that you care, she will never feel insecure. Period.
Learning what makes a woman insecure in a relationship can help you understand her better and act accordingly. To men: Whatever you do, don’t blame her for feeling insecure.
Perhaps you’re the reason she acts that way, or the cause is something that happened in her past. Be patient, value her, and talk to her about it.
In severe cases of relationship insecurity, don’t shy away from seeking professional help. I’ll conclude with one of the most inspiring quotes about insecurities by Noah Centineo:
“I think we’re all dealing with insecurity, and we hide that insecurity from the world, which, in turn, just hides us from the world. And it’s only once we actually embrace these insecurities and love them that we can really love ourselves and others, fully.”