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15 Sure Signs A Commitment Phobe Loves You

15 Sure Signs A Commitment Phobe Loves You

Most people say that commitment phobes can’t change. You’ll invest all of your time, energy, and effort into this relationship, and it will all be in vain. You’ll just end up drained, exhausted, and scared to love again.

But is there an exception to this rule? What happens when you keep spotting the signs a commitment phobe loves you?

More importantly, how can you know if the signs are real? What if you’re just projecting your desires and imagination onto their behavior? What if you’re just comforting yourself and seeing signs that are not actually there?

Well, I think we’ve all been there – I know I have. And my experience has taught me how people with commitment issues behave when they truly love the other person.

15 Signs A Commitment Phobe Loves You

If a commitment phobe is acting like this, it’s a good sign he’s falling for you:

1. He wants to spend time with you

If a man wants to spend time with you, one thing is for sure: he’s falling for you. But just to be clear, we’re not talking about an average person here – we’re talking about a man with serious commitment issues.

When someone like this has the desire to spend a lot of time with you, that can only mean one thing: you’ve gotten under his skin.

The funniest part is that he is probably behaving like this without even being aware of it. He fails to realize that his walls are slowly being torn down, and he has no clue what’s going on.

The only thing this man feels is the unexplainable urge to be as close to you as possible.

All of a sudden, he’s never too busy to see you. No matter what happens, somehow, he can always fit you into his tight schedule. In fact, he’ll even cancel important plans last minute just to be with you.

2. He gets territorial

One of the most important signs a commitment phobe loves you is his possessive and territorial behavior. This man will never admit that he’s jealous, but he sure does display signs of jealousy.

Don’t worry, he doesn’t think of you as his property, and he doesn’t think he owns you. However, the truth is that he couldn’t stand the idea of you being with someone else.

He is not stalking you or behaving possessively in an unhealthy way. Nevertheless, you see how his facial expression changes whenever you text someone or talk to a cute coworker.

Of course, he won’t say anything about this because it would mean he wants to take your relationship to the next level, and that is a step he is still not ready to take.

But I can promise you one thing: this man would be absolutely heartbroken if he saw you falling in love with someone else.

3. His friends and family know about you

Commitment phobes usually hate PDAs. These people prefer keeping their love life as secretive as possible because it gives them the impression that their relationships are casual enough and that there is nothing to be scared of.

However, with you, everything is different. This man has no trouble being seen in public with you.

Not only that: all of his loved ones know about you. Maybe he hasn’t introduced you as his official girlfriend just yet, but one thing is for sure: they’re all familiar with your existence.

Without knowing it, this man is giving you a place in his life.

What should you do about it? Absolutely nothing! Just lay back, enjoy, and let things go their own course.

Don’t push anything too hard, but make sure you get along with his closest friends and family members. Before you know it, you’ll effortlessly become part of the group and achieve what no other woman before you ever has.

4. They let you in

The most common sign of commitment phobia is the walls commitment phobes build around themselves. If you observe things carefully, you’ll see that people with commitment issues rarely talk about themselves.

I’m not referring to everyday, casual things. The truth is that they don’t reveal much about their childhood, trust issues, deeply rooted traumas, past love life, emotional baggage… Basically, they hide all of their fears and vulnerabilities.

So, if you’re looking for signs a commitment phobe loves you, just see how he reacts when you ask him deep, personal questions. If he’s more than happy to open up and let you in, this man is already head over heels for you.

Actually, in most cases, he won’t even wait for you to tackle these issues – he’ll be the first one to start with the serious topics.

One thing is clear: he sees you as more than a lover – you’re his friend. He feels like he can trust you, and that’s exactly what made him fall for you.

5. He is scared of losing you

We’ve all been in this situation: a commitment phobe keeps showing red flags that he’ll never change. Whatever you do, you can’t get him to take your relationship to the next level.

So, you give him an ultimatum. You two either build a committed relationship, or you’re out.

Sadly, in most cases, a commitment phobe has no trouble letting you go. Even if he wants you to stay, his fears keep him from giving you what you want.

However, what happens when he shows how scared he is of losing you and agrees to your ultimatum? Well, that is one of the strongest signs a commitment phobe loves you.

Let’s get one thing straight here: giving a man an ultimatum should be your last resort as it won’t necessarily end well. However, sometimes you have no other choice.

6. He talks about his commitment phobia

If a commitment-phobe tells you: “I am a commitment phobe,” you’ve done half the job. You see, these people don’t go around telling others they have commitment issues. In fact, in a lot of cases, they’re unaware of their issues.

But if a guy is open about his problem and is willing to talk about it, it means he’s on a path of healing and recovery. He’s acknowledged that his behavior is not healthy, and he obviously wants to change.

Most importantly, you’re the person he opened up to about his fears and trust issues. You have to know that this is a big deal, so please don’t take this honor for granted.

Not only that: a man who loves you will talk to you about the causes and sources of his commitment phobia. He’ll be honest with you about his past love life, and he’ll tell you exactly what made him this way.

In this situation, your only job is to listen to him carefully and to offer him a shoulder to cry on.

7. He works on his mental health

One of the biggest signs a commitment phobe loves you is the fact that he is trying to make a difference. He realizes he has a problem and wants to work on his mental health for both of your sakes.

When he admits he has commitment issues, he doesn’t expect you to just deal with it. Instead, he puts a lot of effort into getting to the bottom of his trust issues and resolving his problems.

This is something you should appreciate above all. This man loves you so much that he is ready to face his biggest fears because of you. Trust me – this is the biggest and bravest step he could take.

All you have left now is to encourage him and hold his hand on this significant journey.

8. He values your opinion

This man doesn’t see you only as his lover. He appreciates and respects you as a person, which is sometimes even more important.

He frequently asks for your advice, and he clearly values your opinion. This can only mean one thing: he’s letting you into his life.

He doesn’t have to put a label on your relationship, but he definitely does treat you as his girlfriend. Actually, you’re even more than this to him – you’re his partner in crime.

With time, you’ve become his person. He’s started trusting you, and he’s realized he can rely on you. And for someone with commitment issues, this is bigger than plain romantic love.

9. He makes future plans

When a man displays signs of commitment phobia, he’ll avoid the “future talk” at all costs. He’s terrified of making any plans ahead of time because that would mean that he is in a serious relationship that is going somewhere.

It’s impossible to make any arrangements with commitment phobes. You can ask them to confirm your date next week, and they’ll run for their lives.

However, this man is different because he’s the one who initiates future plans with you. One thing is for sure: he can’t picture his life without you.

No, I’m not saying that he promises to spend the rest of his life with you. He’s not asking you to marry him or anything like that.

But please, don’t let this disappoint you. On the contrary, be grateful for the things he is doing. Baby steps, remember?

If your commitment phobe is booking you two a vacation together for next summer, trust me, that’s the furthest he’s gone with a significant other. He includes you in his holiday plans, and he doesn’t make any major life decisions without consulting you, even if those decisions will affect his life a year from now.

The best part is that you don’t have to push anything – he’s the one doing all the work. This is a good sign that this man is sure your relationship will be a long-lasting one.

10. He wants to know more about you

Looking for signs a commitment phobe loves you? The first thing you should pay attention to is his interest in your life.

I’m not talking about the fact that this man asks you about your everyday activities and whereabouts – even though this is a huge step for many. This guy wants to get to know the real you.

He scratches deep beneath the surface and tries to figure out who you are as a person. He asks all the important questions and remembers little things about you.

He is interested in your friends, hobbies, dreams, hopes, childhood… He cares about everything that might concern you.

11. He meets you halfway

In all of his past relationships, it was his way or no way at all. He didn’t really care about his ex-girlfriends, so he could act like this. 

What was the worst thing they could have done to him? Leave him?

But now, he cares about you, and he doesn’t want to let you go so easily. He knows that he doesn’t have the luxury of being so stubborn, so he’s mastering the art of compromise.

This man has no trouble meeting you halfway. He takes care of your needs and well-being. He wants you to be happy being with him!

12. He’s trying to change

You know what they say: you can’t change a man who doesn’t want to be changed. And that’s the biggest truth out there.

Nevertheless, when a commitment phobe falls in love, he himself feels the need to change. After all this time, he realizes that his fears are actually the ones caging him.

He’s become sick and tired of his inability to love. He feels the need to give himself completely to another human being.

He does all of this without you saying a word. It’s just that he wants to revive that vulnerable boy who fell asleep inside of him.

Finally, he’s brave enough to expose himself emotionally. And that’s exactly what he’s doing.

13. He works on his communication skills

People who suffer from a fear of commitment almost always suffer from a fear of communication as well. Don’t get me wrong – they can be the biggest social butterflies out there. They can be outgoing and have amazing social skills.

But I’m not referring to small talk here. Commitment phobes have trouble expressing their true feelings.

Instead of verbalizing them, they repress their emotions and hide them from the rest of the world, including themselves.

Therefore, if your guy starts working on his communication skills, it’s one of the signs a commitment phobe loves you.

You no longer get the silent treatment when he’s angry. Instead, he tells you exactly what hurt him, what’s wrong, and what you can do to fix it.

He doesn’t have a problem paying you a decent compliment without adding sarcasm and irony to it. He even uses babyish talk without being embarrassed about it.

He tells you he misses you directly. He talks about his plans and feelings without you having to guess what’s on his mind.

14. He becomes more reliable

One of the biggest problems about commitment phobes is that you can’t rely on them. These people are incapable of promising that they’ll be around a few days from now, let alone sticking to what they said.

Well, one of the signs a commitment phobe loves you is that he is turning into a real man you can count on. His actions have matched his words ever since he started falling in love with you.

Somehow, this man has begun taking care of you. You’re still an independent woman, but you know he has your back.

He’s there to hold your hand through tough times, wipe away your tears, help you out, and be there to solve your problems. You know that if you called him in the middle of the night, he would pick up and come running to you.

Your gut is telling you one thing: if you fall, this man will be here to catch you.

He’s ready to move mountains for your sake, and he’d rather die than leave you hanging.

15. He tells you

Truth be told, your gut tells you that this man is falling in love with you. He’s sending you romantic, loving vibes, and he’s done a lot of things to prove his feelings for you. But you need confirmation.

And that’s exactly what you get – a miracle. That’s right, a commitment phobe tells you they love you.

Well, just imagine how special you are to this man. He’s managed to defeat his biggest fear, and he’s gotten emotionally naked in front of you.

Don’t worry, he’s not like other guys. He’s not saying these three magic words to manipulate you, and he’s definitely not love-bombing you.

When a commitment phobe tells you he loves you, one thing is for sure – he definitely means it.

Do Commitment-Phobes Fall In Love?

Yes, commitment-phobes have the ability to fall in love and to love their significant other. However, they can’t build a healthy relationship until they work on their mental health and resolve their issues and deeply rooted traumas.

However, a commitment phobe can fall in love even while he or she still struggles with their fears. They have a hard time accepting it and an even harder time letting the other person in, but the feeling of being in love is in them, despite their attempts to fight it.

How Do You Get A Commitment-Phobe To Fall In Love With You?

If you want to make a commitment-phobe fall in love with you, you have to give him space to do so himself.

I know that your first impulse is to push him hard to change. You want him to commit and put a label on your relationship.

So, without even being aware, you become too clingy and needy. You nag him, pick fights, and, consequently, annoy him.

Well, trust me when I tell you that this is probably the worst thing you could think of doing. Instead of pulling him closer, you’ll get a counter-productive effect, and you’ll chase him away.

Instead, get him to commit using reversed psychology. Pretend that you’re perfectly fine with this arrangement and that you wouldn’t commit if your life depended on it, either.

This way, he’s the one who’ll feel the urge to cage you. He’ll start chasing you, and the tables will turn.

In the meantime, instead of begging for crumbs of his love and attention, show him what he’s missing out on. Show him that you’re the best girlfriend he could ever have and make him afraid of losing such a catch.

Why Do Commitment-Phobes Run Away?

This is not something anyone with commitment issues will admit, but deep in their hearts, commitment phobes run away because they’re scared of getting hurt. These people were, in most cases, once in a committed relationship that didn’t end well.

The heartbreak they went through has stuck with them since, so now they have a hard time relaxing in front of someone new. The last thing they want is to expose themselves to the risk of being hurt again. And engaging in a serious relationship is exactly that.

Basically, commitment phobia is like a defense mechanism for them. They build high and thick walls around their hearts to protect themselves from any potential emotional pain.

How Do Commitment-Phobes Feel?

People with a fear of commitment are genuinely scared of serious, long-term relationships. Actually, they feel anxiety when faced with the possibility of having to commit to a significant other.

They even get anxious when they see a committed, loving relationship in which a couple is fully devoted to each other. They start to panic, and the fear takes them over completely based on the mere possibility of their freedom being taken away from them.

To Wrap Up:

Even though there is nothing more rewarding than spotting signs a commitment phobe loves you, don’t let this be a green light for you to waste years of your life with someone who shows no emotion for you. As much as this hurts, some commitment phobes never change, and there is nothing you can do about it.

Here’s a piece of relationship advice: if your commitment-phobic partner doesn’t show any sure signs they’re falling in love with you in the first few months into the relationship, don’t get your hopes up. It’s always better to walk away in time than wait for a miracle that might never come.

On the other hand, if you see good signs that something is changing in your love life, appreciate your partner’s strength to open up to you. Know that you’re special to this person, and encourage them to abandon their fears.