If you’re dating a narcissist or if your close one is a narcissist, I’m sure you’ve noticed they have a unique way of fighting. Sometimes, it’s simply impossible to decode things narcissists say in an argument.
They’re such great manipulators and they have the power to make you believe everything they say. And it has nothing to do with your intelligence or naivety, they simply have that ability to gain control over people so easily.
Sometimes, those will be direct insults but, most commonly, narcissists will use manipulative and gaslighting sentences you won’t even understand at that moment.
To help you avoid their manipulation, I’ll guide you through some of the most common phrases narcissists use. The first time you hear one of them coming out of their mouth, you need to ditch them out of your life or simply set boundaries and silence them once and for all.
Manipulative Things Narcissists Say In An Argument
Let’s start with every narcissist’s favorite method and its, of course, manipulation. They have common manipulative phrases they use in order to gain influence over another person.
1. “I’m not going to do anything that could upset you.”
This is what they say but the truth is completely different. However, with this phrase, they’re trying to manipulate you into trusting them, which will make it easier for them to control you.
2. “I love you more than anything.”
They know how you feel about them and they’ll give you what you need the most; the confession of their love to you. Then they’ll use your feelings to manipulate you into doing whatever they want.
3. “I used to think you were a good person.”
4. “You’re so sensitive.”
They’re trying to degrade your self-esteem and damage your mental health. People with low self-esteem are always the easiest prey for narcissists.
5. “You have trust issues.”
Maybe you do have trust issues but don’t think that your narcissist tells you this because they care about your mental or emotional well-being because all narcissists have many traits in common and one of them is lack of empathy.
They just want to manipulate you into thinking that your trust issues are clouding your judgment.
6. “Others think I’m a pretty nice guy/girl. Too bad you don’t.”
An obvious red flag of a narcissist, right? They think they’re perfect, they think everyone else finds them perfect and they’ll want to manipulate you into thinking the same about them.
7. “No one else thinks that./Everyone else thinks the same way.”
Using these sentences, a narcissist will want to make you believe that your opinion is opposed to everyone else’s and that it instantly makes it wrong.
8. “We’re perfect together.”
Another way of love bombing. Don’t think they’re telling you this because they honestly think that way. They want to gain your attention again because they need it for their narcissistic supply.
9. “I’m the best thing that ever happened to you.”
Oh, yeah, sure they are. They have a very strong sense of entitlement and a very high opinions about themselves. Besides, they want to make you think it’s really the truth which would awaken your fear of losing them.
10. “It’s always something with you.”
Actually, both of you know that the truth is that it’s never anything to do with you. However, this is just their way of trying to avoid talking about a topic that doesn’t suit them.
11. “You’ll never find anyone as good as me.”
This is a very similar phrase to the one above. Narcissists have a sense of self-importance and they truly believe they’re always the best but in this way, they’re also trying to make you think that they’re truly the best choice for you.
12. “It’s my way or the highway!”
Well then, it should be the highway for you. As simple as that. If you allow them to blackmail you this way, they’ll gain complete control over you.
By the way, this can be used as a badass status for your social media. It’s really cool, right?
13. “If you do that I will not like you anymore.”
This is also another form of blackmailing and it’s the most awful one, the emotional blackmailing. When you’re in a romantic relationship with someone and they’re aware of your feelings, if they try to use those feelings to manipulate you, it’s called emotional blackmailing.
14. “Nobody likes you, they all laugh behind your back.”
They just want to block your communication with other people who might alert you that you’re in a relationship with a narcissist.
Things Narcissists Say In An Argument While Trying To Gaslight You
A narcissist will also try to gaslight you with these very common phrases below.
1. “You will NEVER have the confidence to leave me!”
They know about your self-esteem because you’ve probably always sought validation from them and never had the guts to stand up for yourself.
I’m sure they think you really won’t have the guts to leave them no matter what they do to you but they’ll tell you that because they’ll want to damage your self-esteem and hurt you even more.
2. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Trying to question your own sanity? That is a typical narcissist and their fav method; gaslighting.
3. “You’re so jealous and insecure.”
I doubt you are. You’ve probably confronted them with your doubts or maybe some evidence about their possible infidelity and they’re trying to get away with it.
On the other hand, if you really are, you should work on it and try to control your jealousy.
4. “I am not trying to control you. You are thinking about your ex-husband, and taking it out on me.”
And you didn’t even mention your ex-husband, right? I think it’s clear what they’re trying to do. Shifting the blame, plus making you feel bad.
5. “You’re not making any sense.”
In other words, they want to tell you that you’re crazy.
6. “You need to toughen up.”
They want to make you think that, because you’re being overly sensitive, you’ve started imagining things and making up some issues.
7. “You need help.”
Don’t let this sentence hurt you. The only one who needs help is them, not you.
8. “No wonder no one likes you.”
Don’t let them make you believe this. There are so many people who genuinely love and care about you, and they’ll always be there for you, no matter what.
9. “You are so childish/immature.”
Once again, trying to make you feel bad about yourself.
10. “You’re a bad person.”
No, my dear, you are not. Their narcissistic parents have made a bad person, yours have just made a naive person who fell in love with the wrong person.
11. “Listen to yourself! You are losing it.”
You’re losing it because you’ve finally stood up for yourself? No, right now you’re being more normal than ever.
Defensive Things Narcissists Say In An Argument
Check out these phrases narcissists will use to defend themselves when you confront them about something they did.
1. “You’re overreacting.”
Yeah, it’s always you, it’s never them. Yeah, right. ?
2. “That’s stupid.”
No, they’re stupid. Don’t let them affect your self-esteem.
3. “What do you get out of being all moody all the time? I hope that’s fun for you.”
If it’s true, if you’re being moody indeed, try to journal your emotions in a healthy way. However, I’m sure you’re not moody and your narcissist is only trying to make you believe that your ‘moodiness’ is guilty of your fights.
4. “I’m smarter than you so you should listen to me.”
Who says that? They’re the only ones who think so and don’t let them make you believe it’s really the truth.
5. “You’re always making shit up in your head.”
Then, you must really be very creative and imaginative when you can make so many things up in your head all the time.
6. “You always take it the wrong way.”
Tell them to explain it to you then if you didn’t understand it the right way. I’m sure they won’t be able to do so because you’ve understood it perfectly.
7. “Why are you being a bitch, get over it, I’m late, I was supposed to be here at noon but it’s 2:40 pm. Do you want to go eat or not?”
If a man would send me this message, he would never hear from me again. And I truly mean NEVER ever again.
8. “That never happened.”
That’s why you should never accuse a narcissist of anything if you don’t have the legit evidence to prove it. That way, they won’t be able to tell you this.
Things Narcissists Say In An Argument To Mock You
A person with NPD will try to mock and belittle you because it helps them feel like the bigger person. These are some phrases they’ll use to ridicule you and hurt your feelings.
1. “Grow up!”
They want to say they’re mature and you are not. And that you should probably admit they’re right because of it and end your argument. Well, all I have to say to you is that you’re crazy if you do that.
2. “You look stupid doing that.”
If you have fragile self-esteem, you’ll probably believe them and stop doing whatever it is that you’re doing. And they’ll once again succeed in manipulating you.
3. “You should get tested for schizophrenia.”
If they ever tell you this, you should immediately end the argument and every kind of conversation with them.
4. “You’re so crazy.”
You’re probably crazy because you’ve finally figured out their intentions with you and decided to confront them.
5. “You’re crazy, you weirdo, freak.”
These are very clear insults. And in a narcissistic rage, these are the phrases and ‘adjectives’ you should expect from them.
6. “Why can’t you be more like him/her.”
If you truly love someone and have honest intentions with that person, you wouldn’t compare them with your ex or any other person in the first place.
7. “You like being a victim.”
This is a very popular narcissistic phrase when they’re deflecting away from a fight.
8. “There’s something wrong with you.”
No, my dear. There is something wrong with them and don’t allow them to affect your mental health or self-esteem.
9. “You need a shrink.”
It’s not an insult to be needing or visiting a psychiatrist. However, when it’s said in this way, it immediately gives it an insulting tone.
Blame-Shifting Things Narcissists Say In An Argument
Blame-shifting is a technique narcissists use in order to make their victims feel bad for getting into an argument with them.
1. “Why do you always have to criticize me?”
They’re accusing you of being too critical because they want to make you forget their wrongdoings and things you were actually fighting over.
2. “I can’t believe you’re saying this.”
This is a very common phrase narcissists use in order to make their victims feel bad.
3. “You just look for something to gripe about all the time.”
It’s always you, it’s never them. But you should be aware of the truth and don’t allow them to get to your sanity.
4. “It’s not my fault, you made me do it.”
Trust me, you can’t control nor can you ever make a narcissist do anything they don’t want to do.
5. “You need to learn to communicate better.”
Your communication skills are the real issue, not the mistakes they made. Yeah, sure.
6. “You’re the one with the problem, not me.”
And you indeed are. You’re the one dealing with a narcissist which means you have the real problem, not the other side.
7. “You’re being irrational.”
You’re probably being irrational because you’ve finally gathered the strength to confront them. Then, if that’s the case, keep being irrational.
8. “If you wouldn’t piss me off I wouldn’t have to say mean things to you.”
How many times did they make you angry? Did you ever insult and hurt them the way they insult you? I think not and that explains it all.
9. “It’s your fault that I feel this way.”
You can make a person feel a certain way but it’s again only up to them how they’ll deal with those emotions. That part is something you can’t affect.
10. “It’s always your fault.”
Maybe it is but it’s only from their point of view. If you take a look at the facts, you’ll understand that the truth is far away from that.
What To Say To End An Argument With A Narcissist?
If you want to de-escalate a heated argument or completely shut down a narcissist, here are some of the best and most common phrases for that job. Be sure these phrases will do the job perfectly.
• “I hear what you’re saying.”
This is something a person with borderline or narcissistic personality disorder needs to hear in order to calm down. You need to make them feel understood and heard. It’s when they’ll probably shut down and end the argument.
• “We both have a right to our own opinions.”
You don’t want to continue the fight with a narcissist but you also want to make it clear that you don’t give up on your opinion? Use this sentence and they’ll understand what you wanted to say perfectly.
• “I am capable of doing what I want regardless of what you think.”
With this phrase, you’ll show your strong self-esteem and resist narcissistic abuse. You’ll show them that you’re strong and that you don’t allow any other human being to control or interfere in any way in your life.
• “Well, this is not going very well. I am sure we can do better. Let’s take a “No-Fault Do-Over” and try again.”
This phrase will definitely help you de-escalate a fight with your narcissist. Of course, if they agree with you and stop with the argument until you cool your tempers.
• “I don’t like how you’re speaking to me so I will not engage.”
This is the best way to shut down a narcissist. You simply decide you won’t engage in such toxic communication with them and turn your back on them.
• “Let’s agree to disagree.”
This phrase simply means that you don’t and won’t agree with them but you also don’t want to engage in a more heated argument.
• “I can work with this, but I draw the line to be insulted or yelled at.”
If you want to handle the argument with a narcissist with grandiosity, this is the phrase you’ll use. You’ll still be trying to argue with them in a healthy way but you’ll also set boundaries where you draw the line.
• “Your anger is not my fault and I refuse to take the blame for it.”
One of the narcissistic traits is taking their anger and their negative emotions on their close ones. And it’s definitely not something you should allow them, no matter how deeply you love them.
Don’t allow them to blame you for their anger because it’s simply up to them and their inability to deal with negative emotions.
• “I understand that you’re upset and disappointed, and I’m willing to listen to your thoughts and feelings.”
If it’s a family member or a person you deeply love and care for, you’ll talk with them in this way. You’ll show them that you understand them and you’ll try to get them to open up to you about their true feelings.
How Does A Covert Narcissist Argue?
The first thing a cover narcissist will use in an argument with you is blame shifting. They’ll try to blame you for every bad thing and they’ll try to persuade you into thinking that you should be the one apologizing to them.
If that doesn’t work, they’ll try to convince you that you’re imagining it all. Their only goal is to make themselves seem innocent and they’ll do absolutely everything to achieve it.
Convert narcissists have a fragile ego and if you keep disagreeing and blaming them, they’ll reach out for their favorite weapon: the silent treatment. If they know you love them deeply, they are also aware that it’s the best way to ‘punish’ you for your resistance to their narcissistic methods.
In The End
Did you ever hear any of these phrases and things narcissists say in an argument? If you have, you should stay away from the person who said them to you because it’s obvious you were dealing with a narcissist who was trying to manipulate you.
They’ll try to insult or belittle you because they’ll want to devalue your fragile self-esteem. On the other hand, that will allow them to gain control over you.
The next time you start an argument with a narcissist, use one of these examples mentioned above to shut down your narcissist forever. If you can’t throw them out of your life, at least keep them at a safe distance and don’t let them harm your peace of mind.