Why don’t you just leave if it’s that bad? Easier said than done, right?
Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where there were so many highs but at the same time so many lows? Were they constantly pulling and pushing at the same time? And it felt like a vicious cycle?
That’s what trauma bond is. The attachment to someone who’s destructive, manipulative and/or abusive.
Only those who truly love someone, but sometimes feel like they’re forced to hate them know how this bond can be strong.
But why, why can’t you just run away from a person that’s obviously causing you pain?
1. You become physiologically addicted to abuse
The reason why people become addicted to abuse is because of the body’s natural response to trauma. When we experience a traumatic event, our bodies release hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol.
These hormones can act as a numbing agent and can cause us to become addicted to the endorphins that are released during the abusive experience.
The trauma bond can be so strong that it is difficult to break, even when the victim knows that the relationship is unhealthy or damaging. This is because the body has become so used to the experience of abuse that it craves it, even if it is damaging.
2. Trauma withdrawal is excruciating
Second guessing. The first symptom and the most common reason why trauma victims always come back. You start to wonder if you were the toxic person or if you are the one who’s in the wrong.
Long story short: you gaslight yourself.
This withdrawal is always followed by guilty craving. You revisit their social media and if you catch some of their hints the first you’ll do is text them. And then the whole cycle repeats itself.
3. Mirroring and future faking
Mirroring and future faking are dangerous games that abusers play. They pretend to be the perfect fit for the victim, absorbing a wealth of information to create a false identity.
These empty promises make false hope for the future and trap the victim in a trauma-bonded relationship.
You get a false sense of the twin flame connection from the mirroring. A twin flame is a soul connection between two people who have an intense bond and connection beyond the physical world. It is often considered to be a soulmate connection but on a much deeper level.
But the sad reality is that this is all fake. They only copy-pasted your behavior so that you might think you have a real thing going on.
4. Helplessness and fear of abandonment
Do you ever feel like you’re stuck in an unhealthy, yet so strong emotional attachment? Like you’re so scared of being abandoned that you feel helpless and you can’t break free? Well, that’s what a trauma bond is and it’s not easy to get out of.
It feels like you’re superglued to each other and most often it’s based on fear of abandonment and helplessness.
The fear of being left out in the cold can be a scary thought, but it can also lead to a powerful connection between two people. When faced with fear, the individual is likely to cling to the person providing comfort and support, creating a feeling of security and safety.
This can be an invaluable asset in dealing with a traumatic event – creating a strong bond that can help the individual cope.
5. Sense of safety
The sense of safety provided by a trauma bond is one of the main reasons why these bonds can be so strong and hard to break. When people experience a traumatic event, they often feel unsafe in the world and may develop trust issues.
The presence of someone who understands their experience and has been through the same situation can provide a sense of security and comfort.
When you share a deep bond with someone special, it can be hard to break away. But when you feel safe, you can open up and share your innermost thoughts and emotions.
This connection can be incredibly strong and can create an intense and unforgettable connection between two people and here’s your reason why the trauma bond is so strong.
Keep in mind
Trauma bonds are an incredibly powerful force that can often shape our lives.
While trauma bonds can be difficult to navigate and break free from, understanding the underlying forces of trauma bonding and its impact on our lives can be the beginning of healing.
All these previously mentioned reasons can make you think that breaking a trauma bond is impossible, but with courage, resilience, and the right people around you, you can definitely make it work!