Have you ever been in a situation where you really liked someone to the extent of constantly daydreaming about them, texting them regularly and doing all the other things that people do when they’re crushing on someone? Yes, you probably have been.
Now, what happened after they reciprocated those romantic feelings?
Were you on cloud nine or were you so uncomfortable that you ran for your life from them?
If you couldn’t bear the thought of mutual romantic attraction or romantic love in any sense with them, then you might be a legit lithromantic!
Lithromantic (also known as akoiromantic or apromantic) is a romantic orientation on the aromantic spectrum, aka the asexual spectrum.
(The term akoiromantic has been suggested as an alternative to lithromantic, owing to controversy of the appropriateness of lesbian culture.)
Contrary to demiromantic, who is a type of grey-romantic who can only experience romantic attraction after developing an emotional connection, lithromantic people don’t desire reciprocation or any kind of romantic relationship with anyone they like.
Now, this doesn’t mean that they’re overly introverted, shy or incapable of establishing communication with other people (and especially someone they like).
Lithromantic individuals usually flirt with other people and they develop romantic feelings for them (or even fall in love with them but when those feelings are reciprocated, aka when they realize they’re also being liked by them, they simply ignore it or run away because they’ve got no desire for love in a relationship and they don’t want their feelings to be reciprocated.
It’s important to mention that this has nothing to do with an individual’s sexual orientation (asexuality, lgbtq etc.), sexual attraction or sexual feelings.
Regardless of whether you’re straight, bisexual, demisexual, pansexual, akoisexual or asexual, you can still be repulsed by romantic connection and fit the definition of being a lithromantic.
And if you’re wondering whether you belong to the crew of lithromantic flag orientation, take a look at the following signs that will tell you whether you’re a legit lithromantic (or something else)!
12 CLEAR SIGNS YOU’RE WHAT’S KNOWN AS A LITHROMANTIC
1. You feel emotionally unavailable
A lot of people become emotionally unavailable after some traumatic event like a sudden break-up, infidelity, dealing with psychopaths, narcissists, players and other toxic crew.
When that happens, you instantly close yourself off and lock in your emotions.
You create a safe haven far away from any type of romantic feelings, reciprocity, emotions and love.
You become emotionally unavailable and even if you start liking someone, you simply can’t do anything about it and you don’t want to do anything about it (especially if they show that they’re also interested in you).
It’s okay to feel like this for some time after a painful event but if you feel like it for a long amount of time and you don’t see that it will ever stop, then you might be what’s known as a lithromantic.
You might have blocked the need for romantic connection out of the fear that you’ll get hurt or disappointed again and that’s why you run for your life when the object of your desire or anyone else shows any sign of affection toward you. And that’s how you entered the zone of lithromanticism.
2. You have no desire to be in a romantic relationship but you can’t explain why
You’re crazy over that one person and they’re on your mind 24/7 but when you think about a romantic relationship with them or any kind of romantic connection, you instantly freeze because it makes you feel totally uncomfortable.
It’s evident that you don’t feel the need and you have no desire to be in a romantic relationship but you can’t explain why.
When people feel strong affection for someone, it’s natural for them to wish that their dreams come true, aka that they will finally get the chance to commit and create something meaningful and if they don’t wish that, they usually know the reason why they’re not ready for it at that moment.
Usually, it’s because they have other priorities and can’t find time to commit to a relationship, they have doubts, or they simply don’t feel ready yet and need more time.
But if you can’t think of any valid reason why you might be feeling this way, the chances are that you’re a legit lithromantic.
Another indication is if it happens often. It’s one thing if you have no desire to be in a particular relationship but it’s a whole different thing if this keeps happening again and again.
Then you know the root of the problem is probably deeper than you thought.
3. You’re repulsed by the idea of romance
When you see a couple holding hands or kissing on the street, do you feel comfortable being in their vicinity? Or do you feel totally disgusted and repulsed by it?
If you’re feeling uncomfortable and totally repulsed, then you might be what’s known as a lithromantic who can’t simply comprehend the idea of romance, let alone witness it.
The reason why this is so may stem from your perception of love from your early childhood.
For example, if your parents were not really keen to ever show romantic feelings in front of you, you might have developed a certain dose of repulsiveness toward it (even though the same thing can happen if they overdid showing romantic feelings).
Another reason could be a bad break-up and as a consequence being disappointed in love, affection and any type of romance.
Usually, when you’re repulsed by something, there’s a valid reason behind it but often we’re unable to find the root of the problem until we rewind all past events and possibilities.
4. You fear romance
If you’re not repulsed by the idea of romance, you might instead fear it, which is a whole different concept.
You know that you fear romance when the idea of opening yourself up to another human being simply scares you to death.
You know that you fear romance when you’re abnormally scared of even thinking about connecting with another human being because it feels totally weird and terrifying.
Again, this usually happens due to past traumatic events, like a heartbreak, unrequited love, infidelity or being the victim of any kind of manipulation.
Because of that, you no longer feel safe to even think about romance, let alone experience it.
It becomes your biggest fear and your biggest nightmare that you don’t know how to overcome or deal with.
5. You feel comfortable only with platonic relationships
Whenever you find someone on online dating sites or in real life and even if you go out on a date, the only type of relationship you’d ever want with them is platonic. It’s the only type of relationship you feel most comfortable with.
So, even if you’re sexually attracted to them or both sexually and romantically attracted, you still don’t do anything about it because you don’t want a reciprocal relationship.
You’re okay with how things are but the other person has no idea about any of it and that’s where the clash occurs.
They start asking you lots of questions because they can’t decipher whether you want something more serious with them or not.
And they often accuse you of playing with their feelings, of course, if they’re really determined about wanting something more with you.
And explaining all of this to them would be a real pain in the ass, so the majority of time, you just keep things to yourself and move on.
See also: The Top 15 Signs You’re In A Queerplatonic Relationship
6. The feeling of romantic love vanishes over time
Many lithromantic people who actually end up in a relationship as they have a certain amount of romantic love for their partner later find out that all of it has vanished over time.
They lose every trace of romantic feelings for their partner and the only thing that’s left is platonic and sexual feelings for them.
In some cases, romantic love comes back to them from time to time but is never fully restored.
Sometimes, it turns into a gray-romantic love that is somewhere in between strong affection and denial.
You see, there are many levels of lithromanticism where individuals experience different perceptions of romantic feelings and romantic relationships.
While some people are totally repulsed or they fear any type of emotional connection or relationship, others decide to enter a relationship but over time, their romantic love for them disappears due to their lithromantic nature.
When that happens, there are two possibilities: they either continue being in a relationship as lithromantics or they run for good. It all depends on the current level of their lithromanticism.
7. You’re repulsed by the idea of physical touch
Being repulsed by the idea of physical touch doesn’t have anything to do with sexual touch or any reference to it.
It’s more about the general idea of physical touch or better said, it’s about romantic touch.
So, if you can’t stand seeing other people holding their hands on the street, hugging or God forbid cuddling in your vicinity, it means you’re repulsed by the idea of physical touch and that’s why you can’t stand being touched by others either.
You have nothing in particular against it but it’s just that the idea of physical touch makes you feel totally uncomfortable.
Every lithromantic feels the same way because romantic touch means connection, warmth and potential commitment.
Given that lithromantics don’t need and don’t want to be involved in romantic relationships, they instinctively avoid any type of physical touch and if it happens, they make sure to show their disapproval of it (either by their facial expressions or by using words).
Also, some lithromantics tend to make excuses about why they don’t want to be hugged that day and it’s usually something about having a bad day or similar.
8. You’re not comfortable with any sort of bond with another human being
Every lithromantic falls on a different spectrum of lithromanticism, which means they all have unique perceptions and experiences.
Some of them are uncomfortable with a sexual relationship, a romantic relationship or with both.
And some of them are not comfortable with any sort of connection with another human being.
This means avoiding meaningful conversations and usually preferring small talk only, avoiding any kind of physical touch, avoiding being vulnerable in front of others (and especially in front of the person they like) and sometimes making excuses for their weird behavior or similar.
If any of this sounds familiar to you, chances are that you belong to the lithromantic crew.
You’re not comfortable with any sort of bond with another human being because it’s not something that brings you joy and instead it’s utterly tiring and even repulsive to you.
And that’s the main reason why you avoid like the plague every chance to bond with another human.
9. You fantasize about relationships with fictional characters
Given that being a lithromantic means having an aversion toward any type of romantic relationship or romantic connection, many lithromantics develop this tendency to fall for fictional characters instead of real-world people.
And the reason why they do it is pretty logical. Some lithromantics tend to fall for their favorite character from the book they’re reading, a movie, TV show or similar.
They fall for them because they subconsciously know that they will never have a chance to develop feelings for them and make things reciprocal.
Their fictional character will always stay fictional, so they don’t need to fear that they will develop a romantic relationship with them, given that it’s something totally unwanted and repulsive to them.
That is why some lithromantic individuals spend great amounts of time constantly fantasizing about their favorite fictional character, after which they find another and then another.
It’s like living in a fairy tale where you can choose to adore anyone you want without fearing that your feelings will be reciprocated.
It’s the perfect safe haven for every lithromantic out there.
10. You feel uncomfortable talking about someone you like
When we’re in a relationship or we have a crush on someone, it’s natural for us to want to share all the details with our close friends and the people we trust.
But when you’re a lithromantic, things are not that simple. Lithromantics feel strong discomfort when talking about their partner or someone they like.
And they feel even greater discomfort when someone is being really persistent in finding out more about their romantic feelings and everything that’s going on in their head.
When that happens, a lithromantic’s feelings for their partner or someone they like might even disappear into thin air because talking about it makes it more real and a lithromantic simply can’t stand that.
They want to keep their feelings just to themselves because by doing so, they’re keeping them private.
But by sharing everything with other people, they’re risking making things look official and that is when they start feeling serious discomfort that can even cause losing their feelings for the person they initially really liked.
If something like this has happened to you, then you know that you’re a legit lithromaniac.
11. You keep all of your crushes a complete secret
When we like someone, it comes naturally to us to tell them how we feel even if we risk being laughed at with our romantic attempt.
Some people don’t have a problem with this and they always tend to say how they feel no matter what because they don’t want to feel regret as a consequence of not being brave enough to act on their romantic feelings.
And some people, like lithromantics, keep all of their crushes a complete secret, literally for the rest of their life.
Similarly to having a crush on fictional characters, by doing so, they’re safe from reciprocity, mutual affection and things like that, which are totally repulsive to all lithromantics out there.
So, you definitely know that you’re a lithromantic if you never, ever even think about telling your crush how you feel and it’s not because you’re afraid of doing so but because you don’t want to.
There’s a huge difference between being a shy person and a lithromantic.
Being shy means wanting to share your feelings so badly but being unable to do so because of anxious thoughts and possible rejection.
But being a lithromantic means being perfectly capable of sharing your feelings but not doing so because you simply don’t want to.
12. You first develop sexual attraction before romantic attraction
Because of their aversion toward reciprocal romantic feelings, many lithromantics tend to be focused on their sexual attraction and that’s the reason why they develop it first.
If you’re only focused on seeking out sexual partners, it’s because you subconsciously want to avoid developing any kind of romantic attraction toward anyone.
But sometimes it just happens. Some lithromantics develop a strong romantic attraction after some time and some of them admit it to their partner and some not.
Some lithromantics need to first develop sexual attraction in order to be able to develop romantic attraction and vice versa.
As already said, there are many types and variations of lithromantic orientation and every single lithromantic experiences it in their own way.
If any of the above signs sound familiar to you and especially if the majority of signs sound familiar to you, then you know you’re subconsciously refusing any type of romantic connection for some (unknown) reasons and now you know you’re a lithromantic for sure.
See also: 7 Signs You Have Philophobia – The Fear Of Falling In Love