Being emotionally attached to someone special is the best feeling in the world- especially if the other person feels the same way. Nevertheless, frequently, attachment can become unhealthy in a finger snap.
But how do you know what your attachment style is? Are you really in love or just feel the need for love?
Is there a way to tell if someone is attached to you? What’s the difference between love and attachment?
There are situations when you have an intense emotional connection with someone but you have a hard time defining it. Also, you can’t seem to figure out if your feelings are reciprocated.
Well, in that case, you need the help of an expert and you’ve come to the right place. Here is everything you need to know about attachment including the signs that someone’s emotionally attached to you.
Emotionally Attached Meaning
Before we get to the point, we have to be clear about what emotional attachment is.
In simple words, the emotional attachment means feeling strong affection for someone and more. You have this uncontrollable urge to be next to this person and let’s not forget the powerful bond you two share.
Possessiveness also characterizes this type of attachment in most cases. You want this person for yourself only and just the thought of them not feeling the same way makes you lose it.
But this doesn’t mean that being attached to someone is necessarily a bad thing- it all depends on what you do with your feelings.
If your feelings aren’t reciprocated, there is definitely a possibility of hell breaking loose. On the other hand, this kind of emotional connection can also be a basis for a healthy relationship.
Types Of Emotional Attachment
Relationships are difficult as it is, but to make things even worse—which you kind of expected because nothing can go smoothly—there are 3 different types of attachment when it comes to men:
Friend attachment
Friend attachment is very common. You begin building a relationship with him, but his feelings for you remain only platonic.
This is definitely a friend-zoning alert. You can forget about having a romantic relationship with him. He has blocked you in that way and once you get blocked, there’s no way of getting unblocked.
Yes, the truth is that you two shouldn’t be lovers only if you plan on having something serious- you should also be best friends. But in this case, you’re nothing but good friends and that’s the whole problem.
The issue about this is that usually, a friend attachment starts off similarly to an emotional one. It’s quite difficult to tell these two apart, especially if you’re the one who wants something more.
In this situation, getting carried away is a piece of cake. Here you have this man who wants to spend time with you, who values your opinion and who obviously has some feelings for you.
Naturally, you assume that he is falling in love with you. Then, out of the blue there appear his stories about other women.
At first, you convince yourself that he is doing it all to make you jealous. Nevertheless, soon enough you realize that this man sees you as his buddy and that realization hits you like a cold shower.
Yes, the truth is that he loves and appreciates you. But that’s how everyone feels about their real friends.
If this is something you can relate to, I can give you one piece of advice only: back off! Don’t torment yourself by staying next to him just because you hope that one of these days he’ll finally start seeing you as girlfriend material.
Physical attachment
Physical attachment is based solely on your looks and chemistry. It happens when you’re exclusively led by your hormones, desires, and primal instincts.
But, as you know, real chemistry is not enough if you want a serious relationship.
You can start with it, but after the honeymoon phase is over, the chemistry will fade and you’re left with nothing.
Your sex may be great in the beginning, but after some time, that will fall apart, too.
Nevertheless, just because this isn’t a real deal- it doesn’t mean that it can’t rock your world.
Romantic attachment
Finally, the thing you’re here for: romantic attachment. Love attachment is something you should be interested in. That is the real deal.
This is the kind of attachment that encompasses both friend and physical attachment- because you can’t be real partners if you aren’t friends and if you don’t share strong chemistry.
This type of attachment is the final phase when you can be absolutely sure that a man wants to be your forever person. It’s something you’ll have and feel for the rest of your life.
Being able to reach this level of attachment shows that both you and your potential romantic partner are emotionally mature. This is the crown of your relationship and the strongest possible foundation for a healthy relationship and true love.
How Do Guys Get Emotionally Attached?
Men, well, they are a completely different story. It is not said that we are completely two different worlds by accident.
There is a damn good reason for that. Women are verbal beings and they like to express themselves in words, while men hide their true feelings, the fact they are emotionally attached.
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They keep it inside because most men are not that good with words. Maybe they are scared of rejection or humiliation if the feelings are not reciprocated.
So, they will show if they are attracted to you but in a subtle way with little adorable signs.
It is up to you to decode them and see if he wants you to respond.
Give them a break—it’s not that easy to court a girl if you are not sure she likes you back, especially if the man is just another nice guy scared to do something stupid and lose you.
Actually, when you think about it, these signs will also tell you if he is a nice guy or a bad boy because bad boys don’t have the time to do these things.
They get right to business and usually, that business leaves you alone and heartbroken.
So, if you see these signs, not only can you be sure he is attached to you and likes you, but you can also be positive that he is a good guy.
With the Devotion System, you’ll get his attention and his devotion – for as long as you want it.
Signs A Man Is Emotionally Attached To You
Women are open books when it comes to their feelings. We are just that type of people. When we like someone, when we are attached to them, we’ll let them know.
We’ll be straightforward because there is no point in wasting any time—you have to get down to business right away.
He likes spending time with you
This is one of the most obvious signs he is attached to you.
He will use his free time which was usually reserved for relaxation for you.
He will go and hang out with you because he likes you, and he definitely has some feelings for you.
I know, some of you may say it’s because he thinks he can have sex with you, but what if you’ve taken sex off the table? What then?
If he still hangs out with you, does it mean that he is with you only because he is interested in taking advantage of you?
You see, it doesn’t because he really has no ulterior motive. Your relationship is not physical, it’s not sexual because you are not friends with benefits, so you can be sure he is not in it for the sex. He is in it because he likes you.
He contacts you all the time
Not a day can go by that he doesn’t call or text you. Isn’t this adorable? He wants to see if you’re okay and he wants to let you know he’s thinking about you, that he’s missing you.
I know this sounds a bit pushy and stalkery, but not if it is adorable. There is a big difference between being creepy over the phone and absolutely cute.
If you like him and if he doesn’t bother you by wanting to see your every move, if he isn’t acting possessive, then it’s just adorable.
He genuinely wants to see if you are okay and in the end, he just wants to say “hi” and show you he exists and is thinking about you.
He is only interested in you
He is focusing his whole energy on you. You can be sure that you are the only woman for him.
He is spending all this time with you; he’s calling and texting you just to see what you’ve been up to and most importantly, he is not dating other people.
Okay, you can definitely be sure he is attached to you and wants to have something with you.
He is going above and beyond
Who doesn’t love gifts and dinners for Valentine’s Day? For most of your guys, you know what you’re getting and you kind of expect it.
But, what if your guy can’t afford all those beautiful things he gives you, all those beautiful places he takes you to?
Well, if he does it anyway, then he is really giving everything he’s got to win you over. You mean that much to him.
He looks at you in a special way
You just know this kind of a look. Once you see it, you know it’s the look that says he wants you and only you. You can see love in his eyes; you can see admiration.
His face is peaceful and happy while he is looking at you. You just can see that this is it.
This look cannot be faked. You can be a world-winning actor but you can’t fake that look.
Not even a narcissist in disguise can fake this look. It’s genuine and you’ll know it when you see it.
He always puts you first
Let’s get one thing straight. If he doesn’t put you first and if he acts selfishly, you can be sure he is not the man who’ll stick around longer.
If he only takes care of himself and his needs, he’s probably even a selfish lover, and he is not the man for you.
Don’t think that a man who only thinks about himself is going to take you to a restaurant or actually pay any attention to you.
But, a man who is willing to do anything for you and who cares about your needs and you, in general, is the man who is attached to you and wants to be with you.
He introduces you to his family and friends
One of the most important signs that he is interested in you and wants to be with you is when he insists on you meeting the most important people in his life—his friends and his family.
He likes you that much that he wants to show you off to his loved ones.
He wants to get their approval, but even if he doesn’t, that won’t stop him because emotional attachment is not something you can easily forget.
He asks for your opinion
He really cares about what you think. Whenever he needs help, he knows he can come to you. He knows you won’t judge him or tell him ‘I told you so’.
He knows you’ll help him as much as you can. When he needs advice, he will seek yours because he knows that you will do your best to give him a suggestion that is in his interest.
He likes the way you think and he respects your thoughts—that’s why he wants to hear your opinion.
He is leaning closer to you
He is not doing this on purpose. It’s just the law of attraction and he is attracted to you big time.
Whenever he is close to you, he can’t help but lean to you because he wants to be with you and his body wants it, too.
He will never ambush you and capture you, so you don’t have anywhere to go if you don’t want him to lean to you.
He will always leave you a bit of space for you to move back if you feel uncomfortable.
He is not pretending to be something he’s not
Around you, he is his genuine self. He doesn’t want to act to be something he’s not.
This is yet another sign of his attraction, of romantic attachment.
He wants to be himself because he knows you won’t judge him. He doesn’t want to play you because you mean so much to him and he refuses to gamble away the chance of being with you.
He knows that masks fall sooner or later and he doesn’t want to risk it. Either you like him or you don’t.
He moves mountains for you
There is nothing he can’t do for you; nothing is too difficult. It is not because he is a sucker. He enjoys it because he is emotionally connected to you.
He loves you and it’s not a problem to do anything you need him to do. He will use extra effort to take you out on a nice date.
He will really try to plan things out as well as possible so you could be happy.
He is honest
He opens up to you and there are no secrets. I mean, he won’t tell you his whole life story the moment he meets you, but when your relationship becomes more complex, he won’t hide anything from you.
He will answer every question you ask him because when you are in the picture, his whole life is an open book.
He knows that liars will always be labeled as liars.
Even if they repent for their lies, no one will trust them completely ever again. He doesn’t want to take that risk with you.
He wants to commit to you
He is positive that you are the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with.
He knows that your emotional connection is over the moon and he doesn’t want to risk losing that.
Dating other women is out of the question because he only wants you. You are the source of his happiness and the meaning of his life.
It may sound cheesy, but you are, and you are one lucky girl to have that something so many other women are dreaming about.
If you find yourself in these signs, then congratulations—you’ve got a man that is completely in love with you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you.
He is not a liar; he doesn’t pretend to like you because he has no other motives to be with you except the fact he wants to.
Give him a chance because he’s probably too scared to say something directly.
Well, men are like that—what you can do but make the first move!
FAQs
Is He Emotionally Attached To Me?
When a man feels a romantic attachment to you, he’ll have his eyes for you only. You two don’t even have to be in an actual relationship just yet but he’ll be committed to you either way.
This guy isn’t interested in any other girl besides you. Spending time with you makes him the happiest man alive and all he wants is your validation that he’s good enough.
He cares about your well-being, puts you in the first place, and is ready to do anything just to be near you. Not only that: this guy is also obsessed with your love life.
He wants to find out if you’re dating someone else and what type of men you like, so he can know whether he stands a chance or not.
If this sounds a lot like your guy, there is no doubt about one thing: he is attached to you.
How Do You Know You’re Attached To Someone?
When you’re attached to someone, you feel close to them even when you’re physically apart. Whenever you’re with them, you feel at home. Their hug is where you belong and feel more secure than ever.
You enjoy this person’s presence more than anything and you would spend every second of your day with them if you could. You can’t get them out of your head, as much as you try and you can’t picture your life without them there.
You romanticize your entire relationship and you see this person as way better than they actually are. You look at them through rose-tinted glasses and it’s like you refuse to notice any of their flaws.
It feels good, I know. Nevertheless, always remember that no one is worthy of losing yourself.
No matter how attached you are to this special someone, please don’t detach from reality. Most importantly: don’t ever stop putting yourself first.
How Do I Stop Being Emotionally Attached?
Overcoming unhealthy attachment is not easy but it can be done. You just have to understand that you can live without them, even though it doesn’t appear that way now.
Instead of putting that much focus on your loved one, work on your self-esteem and remember that they don’t define you. Don’t forget that the steering wheel of your life is in your hands, so please don’t ever put your own happiness under someone else’s control!
You know, all of this attachment is cute- to a certain extent. But the moment it grows into emotional dependency, it’s a red flag that you have to do something.
You know exactly what I’m talking about, otherwise, you wouldn’t be wondering how to stop being attached, would you?
There is a huge difference between unhealthy and healthy attachment. When you feel the second, you feel this beautiful emotional bond with the person you care about.
Nevertheless, when you have an unhealthy attachment style, your relationship becomes the only thing that matters. All of a sudden, your best friends and family members become unimportant. What is even worse, you completely disregard yourself.
The person you’re in love with dictates your entire life and your entire mood depends on the way they treat you. You feel incomplete without them and letting go is not an option.
Well, here is exactly how to heal yourself from this kind of unhealthy dependency.
Find the cause of your unhealthy attachment style
Curing the consequences without finding the cause is in vain, don’t you think? That’s exactly why you must dig deep inside of yourself and figure out the reason for your unhealthy relationship patterns.
Is it the fear of being abandoned? People who have been deserted in the past develop a phobia of history repeating itself.
If you’ve been left behind by someone who meant the world to you, it’s natural that you’re convinced everyone will treat you the same.
Another common cause is abuse. If you’ve ever been a victim of violence, you’ve probably lost the sense of self-worth and you desperately hold on to the people you care about, assuming you don’t deserve their love.
Also, your behavior can be caused by emotional neglect in the past. If you’ve felt unloved and unwanted, you’re ready to do whatever it takes to prevent something like that from happening again.
Ironically, your neediness usually has a counterproductive effect and you end up chasing away the ones you love.
Stop falling in love with potential
The next thing you should do if you want to detach yourself from someone is to stop romanticizing things. Let’s be honest: most of the time, you cling to all the could haves and should haves instead of seeing the reality.
You seeing your future with a guy doesn’t make your relationship perfect. But that’s exactly how you see it- without a single flaw.
The moment you meet someone you like, you start picturing the two of you tying the knot, raising a bunch of kids, and riding together into the sunset.
Basically, you don’t attach to them- you attach to the idea of the life you want with them. Sometimes, you don’t fall in love with a person- you fall in love with the idea of love.
And once you stop doing that, you’ll also stop getting attached so fast.
Concentrate on self-progress
Being attached means spending all of your energy on the object of your affection. It usually includes thinking about them all the time, religiously stalking their social media pages, struggling with negative thoughts about whether they’ll leave you, doing your best to fit into their life…
In order for this to stop, you have to shift your energy to someone else. No, I’m not advising you to start dating more people at once just to get your attention from this one person.
I’m talking about you here. You have to put your entire focus on yourself instead of racking your brain about your (potential) partner.
If you want to get rid of your unhealthy patterns, you have to build your self-confidence. It means realizing that you’re good enough with or without them and most importantly, understanding that someone else would love you, even if they left.
You can’t achieve any of this unless you engage in some serious self-improvement. That includes becoming your best self and turning your long-forgotten goal and dreams into reality.
Once that happens, you’ll start appreciating yourself more. You’ll regain your sense of self-worth and you won’t need anyone’s validation.
Besides, you won’t have any time and energy left to obsess over them. And that’s your final goal, isn’t it?
Set some behavior rules
You control your emotions- it’s not the other way around. That’s exactly why you have to learn how to control yourself in this kind of situation.
Set some behavior rules for yourself and stick to them, no matter what.
Start with seemingly little things, such as promising yourself that you’ll never double or triple text your (potential) partner if they haven’t responded to your first text. Promise yourself that you won’t ask them if they love you every day just because you need reassurance.
Another good idea is to choose a day of the week when you’ll see your friends and family without your BAE. I don’t care how in love you might be and how badly you want to see your person on this day as well- there is no chance in hell that you’d allow yourself to break this rule.
The examples are endless but the point is the same. You don’t have to cut ties with this special someone but you have to find a way to detach yourself from them.
Get help
Finally, if you notice that all of this is taking a toll on you, it’s time to get some help. A good idea is to talk with your good friends or family members. Sometimes, you just need a person of trust to hear you out and be your shoulder to cry on.
Also, there is no shame in talking to a mental health professional. They will present you with different strategies to ease your pain and help you deal with this issue in the healthiest way possible.
Is It Love Or Emotional Attachment?
While love’s primary goal is making the other person happy, attachment is directed towards fulfilling your own needs. Even though many people think that love and emotional attachment are synonyms, there are some key differences between these two concepts.
Selfish vs. selfless
Truly loving someone means wanting the other person to be happy, with or without you. It is all about wanting their well-being, even if that doesn’t include you.
On the other hand, attachment is usually all about you. Yes, you’re obsessed with your bae but you’re doing it for all the selfish reasons.
Maybe you cling to them because you’re scared of dying alone, maybe they give you everything you’ve been looking for or just fit into your idea of your perfect match.
Either way, your final goal is to fulfill your own emotional needs- not theirs.
Freeing vs. possessive
Being attached means wanting to have full control over your loved one. It means being overly possessive and not giving them enough space to breathe.
Love is different. When you love someone, you give them all the freedom in the world. Fear doesn’t paralyze you, you’re aware of your values and you don’t even think of caging them.
At some level, you’re behaving like this on purpose. As much as you love your person, you don’t want them around if you have to keep them from leaving.
Wanting vs. needing
Another crucial difference between attachment and love is the one between wanting and needing.
You might love this person to the moon and back. Despite that, you still know that you’d survive without them. You can live without them- you just choose not to.
On the contrary, being attached means desperately needing this person in your life. It means holding on to them and grabbing them like a straw.
In this case, you’re sure that you can’t make it without them. You need them like you need the air to breathe and that’s exactly what’s unhealthy about your style of attachment.
What Is Attachment Theory?
An attachment theory states that your adult attachment style is solely influenced by the type of emotional connection you had with your primary caregiver. In short, it claims that the relationship you had with your parents dictates every other relationship later on in life.
The theory was originally suggested by John Bowlby, a psychoanalyst and a psychiatrist in the 1980s.
Four attachment styles
According to attachment theory, there exist four different styles of attachment in adults and each one of them corresponds to styles of attachment in children. Here they are:
Secure
You don’t allow your insecurities to get to you. In fact, you’re extremely confident when it comes to your relationship.
You don’t let doubts get the best of you and you’re never needy.
If all of this is true, your style of attachment is definitely secure. It can only be a good sign: a sign that you’ve had an intense emotional connection with your primary caregivers. It taught you how to express love, how to recognize it, and how not to get too attached.
Anxious-preoccupied/ Anxious-ambivalent
This style is first on the list of insecure styles of attachment.
Adults with an anxious-preoccupied style probably dealt with inconsistent parenting back when they were children.
The moment you start thinking about yourself, you’re overwhelmed by negative thoughts. But you’re not like that with others. Actually, you see all of their qualities and consequently assume that everyone is better than you.
You’re an overthinker and you keep on analyzing every single detail regarding your partner, in fear that he’s about to leave you behind. This is the main characteristic of an anxious-preoccupied or ambivalent style.
Even if it’s all butterflies and roses, you can’t fight the idea that your partner will walk out on you. You picture different scenarios and look for ways in which he could turn his back on you.
Love avoidant
People with an avoidant style of attachment won’t allow themselves to depend on anyone. They’ve been through a lot and every time they thought they could count on someone, they ended up betrayed.
Their independence and liberty are the number one priority. They couldn’t stand being caged, even though we’re talking about a golden cage.
Anxious-avoidant/ Fearful-avoidant/ Disorganized
If you have this style of attachment, you’re afraid of intimacy. No, I’m not talking about the bedroom activity here.
Instead, I’m talking about fully exposing yourself spiritually to your partner. Just the possibility of having to open up to others might scare you.
This doesn’t mean that you’re not on the dating market anymore. You’re 100% percent invested while it’s all fun and games but the moment things get a little more serious- you run for your life.
To Wrap Up:
You’ve learned everything there is to know about emotional attachment and you’ve figured out the signs a guy is emotionally attached to you. What more could a girl in a modern dating pool ask for?
Well, using this new knowledge wisely would be desirable. Trust me: if you play your cards right, and I’m sure that’s exactly what you’ll do- every guy will go crazy over you.
Plus, this is the best chance to heal yourself from your old attachment traumas so you can get a fresh, new start.
