We’ve all been there in one way or another.
It’s never easy trying to piece yourself back together after having your world shattered by a cheating partner, all the while learning to love yourself again.
It takes a lot of energy, patience, and faith getting over such a traumatic breakup, especially when this is the person you planned your entire life around.
The most draining part of the process of getting over him is his incessant pleas to take him back.
He’ll faithfully promise it was merely a lapse in judgement that meant less than nothing and he would never dream of doing it again.
As if it wasn’t difficult enough as it is, now you have to fight your persistent urge to forgive him because you just don’t want to stop loving him.
And who can blame you!
Up until recently, he was your world.
He was your best friend, your rock, and the person you could laugh for hours on end with…
And now, he’s just somebody you barely recognize anymore, but don’t want to let go of.
If you’ve recently been cheated on and you’re contemplating taking him back, I feel you. I really do.
It’s truly devastating letting go of somebody who means that much to you, but sometimes, even though you can’t see it at the time, that is exactly what you should do.
I wish I had known certain things before I forgave my cheating ex and went back into that emotional turmoil, but trust me, it’s never the same.
Learn from somebody who’s been through the wringer, and let my mistakes help you make the best decision for yourself.
Here are all the things you should be aware of before you decide to take him back.
1. Your past issues will never stop haunting you (no matter how much you ignore them)
If you forgive him and decide to take him back, at first, it’s going to feel like pure bliss.
He’ll be on his absolute best behaviour and he’ll make amends every chance he gets.
He will shower you with love, affection, and gratitude, and you will feel like a queen.
You will be able to temporarily ignore the cold fact that he did in fact cheat on you. You’ll try to put it behind you, and for a while, you’ll succeed.
But then one day it will just come creeping back.
He’s going to say something or do something that’s immediately going to take you back to the day you found out, and you will remember what he’s capable of.
You’ll try to ignore it, but it won’t be possible.
He took you for granted, he decided to sleep with another woman, and you’ll never be able to fully forgive and forget, no matter how hard you’ll want to.
2. Getting past his infidelity is going to be hard work and it won’t happen overnight
You’ll actively try to move on and stop focusing on what he did. You may even consider therapy.
You’ll do whatever it takes and you will truly try to move past this.
But the thing is, it’s always going to be in the back of your head.
When you walk down the street and he merely glances at another woman passing by, you’ll be pissed.
He’ll be texting somebody, and all you’ll be able to think about is who the other person is and if he’s making a fool out of you again.
No amount of therapy is going to be able to make you forget, and your paranoia and anger are always going to be there.
Learning to live with this is a long, draining process that doesn’t always work, and sometimes, that ends up being for the best.
3. Your insecurities are going to swim to the surface
At times, you’ll wonder what she looks like. Is she prettier, thinner, or younger than you?
Is she more easy-going and carefree? Does she make him laugh like you can’t?
Or is she simply a beast in the sheets that you just can’t compete with?
All these questions are going to be popping in your head and they will make you as insecure as it gets.
It’s going to be exhausting as hell comparing yourself to his side chick.
You’ll hate it that he made you so weak and self-conscious, but it’s going to be your reality whether you like it or not.
4. The fact that “the other woman” is still out there somewhere will be torture
You won’t be able to get her out of your head. You’ll try to find out her name, where she lives, and whatever else you can get your hands on.
You’ll get your girls to stalk her on social media. The deeper you go, the harder it’s going to be to let go and, frankly, you won’t want to.
And the worst part is if you find out she is hot, young, and everything you’re not, it’s over.
You’ll never stop comparing yourself to her and you’ll be secretly pissed all the time.
You will torture yourself constantly, and your relationship is never going to survive this.
There are rare instances where the partner that was cheated on is truly capable of moving past all of this, and finding it in herself to truly forgive and start afresh.
But unless you feel like you can live with all of these unfortunate things that are going to catch up with you at some point or another, I suggest you remove yourself from this situation and heal elsewhere.
He won’t bring you peace that you need right now, so let him go, and find your strength and confidence again before you make any permanent decisions.
Take it from someone who’s lived this nightmare and learned the hard way. True love awaits you… it’s just not with him.