Beta Male Definition
According to The Urban Dictionary, a beta male is “An unremarkably careful man who avoids risk and confrontation. Beta males lack the physical presence, charisma, and confidence of the Alpha male”.
They are “men who are lower ranking in the social hierarchy and surrender their right to mate to alpha males”.
Even though this term is taken from ethology, it is also frequently used in the manosphere, where you have alpha, beta, gamma, and omega males.
I’m sure you’ve seen it on different TV shows where this division is even more stereotypical: simply put, the alpha male is usually the bad boy while the beta male is the good guy everyone makes fun of and has no luck with the girls.
Well, a beta male is much more than this. In fact, just like any other personality type, this one also has its advantages and disadvantages.
9 Alarming Disadvantages Of Being A Beta Male
I won’t lie to you: as a beta man, you possess some not so appealing personality traits. There are some things about you that you need to start working on ASAP if you aspire to some self-improvement.
But hey, that’s why I’m here: to open your eyes and reveal the harsh truth to you. Here are the most important disadvantages of your personality type.
Alpha females see you as the “nice guy”
For as long as you can remember, people have been characterizing you as “the nice guy”. In fact, you’re probably the kindest person in their lives.
At first, someone would assume that this is a great thing. After all, being nice is a good quality.
Well, not in today’s society. Truth be told, every alpha female who told you that you were a nice guy rejected you and ended up with a not-so-nice guy.
Actually, in most cases, they dated the men they initially thought poorly of. They ended up in a relationship with those guys they classified as jerks and players.
You see, the problem is that you’re too nice. Yes, you’ve heard it right–that is also a thing.
You are simply not firm enough. You don’t challenge females nor do you inspire them to fight for you.
Instead, most of them see you as their safety net. They consider you to be too weak and delicate and that’s not the quality people respect in others.
To be honest, when you’re this nice, you’re indirectly inviting people to take advantage of you. You’re sending a message that you won’t rebel against whatever they do to you.
People pleasing is in your blood
The next quality all beta men possess is people-pleasing. This is another characteristic you might even like about yourself, but trust me–it won’t bring you anything good.
Being a people pleaser is much more than just choosing kindness. It means that you’re ready to disregard your own needs and desires to make others happy.
You’re not like this with your loved ones only. Instead, you treat your coworkers, acquaintances, and even strangers as if they were more important than you.
You constantly apologize for the things you’re not guilty of; therefore, you always feel responsible for everything going wrong and you never blame others for their share of mistakes.
The problem is that you don’t have the ability to say “no”.
When someone asks you for a favor, you’ll go out of your way to make it happen, even though you’re busy, tired, or just don’t feel like doing it at the moment.
Not only that, you also agree with everyone. Actually, to be precise, you act as if you agree with everyone to avoid hurting their feelings.
Even if someone does you harm, chances are that you won’t say anything about it. Instead, you’ll accept their awful treatment without calling them out on their actions.
You see, most people around you will applaud you for this quality. They will commend you for letting them treat you the way they want without saying anything about it.
I bet you’ve been in this type of situation a million times. Well, the ones who truly love you will tell you the harsh truth: nobody will appreciate or respect you for being a people pleaser.
One of the beta traits is a huge self-esteem problem. The issue here is that your insecurities are getting the best of you.
You don’t believe in your own abilities and capacities. Instead, you keep comparing yourself to others and you always come up with the same old conclusion: you’re worse than everyone else.
When you stand next to any other man, you’re focused on his qualities while you concentrate on your flaws.
You become overwhelmed with the fact that he is more handsome or more intelligent than you, and immediately, you think that you don’t stand a chance next to a stunt like him.
Naturally, you won’t say this out loud. However, trust me, everyone in your surrounding notices how you feel about yourself.
You send an insecure vibe that can’t be hidden as much as you try to hide it. Of course, there is no theoretical way that all of these men are better than you.
After all, that’s not the issue. The issue is that you are convinced that they are better than you.
This is especially problematic when it comes to approaching the opposite sex as well as talking to other people in general.
No matter how successful and good looking you are–you’re not aware of your own worth. And, it shows.
When you enter the room, you never lock eyes with other people there. Your palms start to sweat when you have to escape your comfort zone.
Whenever you talk to someone (especially girls), you lower your voice and the nervousness overtakes you. You get tongue twisted and your voice starts to shake.
Basically, you’re convinced everyone is staring at you and looking at your flaws.
The bottom line is that you don’t love yourself as much as you should. So, you don’t think anyone else would have a valid reason to love you either.
It doesn’t matter how self-secure he is, a true Alpha man always thinks that he can do better.
Instead of comparing himself to others, he puts an effort into defeating the man he used to be because he considers this guy to be his only real competition.
This type of guy has a goal: to always be better today than he was yesterday. He is focused on self-improvement and his life always goes forward.
Well, that is one of the main differences between alpha and beta males. The truth is that you’re stuck in your comfort zone without having the courage to escape it.
If you’re honest, you’ll say that you’re everything but happy with your life right now.
You’re not satisfied with your career, you hope for a better love life, you are not crazy about your personality traits, and there are probably some habits you’re dying to change.
There is nothing strange about this–we all have some things we want to change about us. But, the point is that you’re not doing anything about it.
You might dream of success. However, you don’t strive for it.
You’ve accepted your life the way it is now and you haven’t moved from a dead spot in ages. You’re so scared of failure that you set low-effort goals in front of yourself, which make disappointments impossible.
Basically, you’re too scared of making any changes. You’re frightened to take any risks and you possess no decisiveness needed for self-improvement.
As a beta man, you don’t take your life into your own hands. Instead, you act like someone will show up at your doorstep with a magic stick and finally get you to move.
Well, newsflash: that won’t happen. You’re the creator of your own destiny and it’s about time to come to terms with that fact.
Scared of confrontation
When was the last time you had a real argument with someone? When was the last time you spoke your mind and raised your voice about the things you weren’t satisfied with?
That’s right–you can’t remember because it has probably never happened.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying that you should go around and pick fights without a valid reason just to prove your toxic masculinity.
I’m not advising you to get all physical and punch someone in the face every time you don’t like something or things don’t go your way.
However, that doesn’t mean that it’s acceptable to keep behaving like this. You have to learn how to stand up for yourself if you want to earn respect and appreciation.
No, I’m not saying this just because you’re male. This doesn’t mean that you necessarily have to be loud or aggressive to prove a point.
I’m telling you all of this because you’re an adult human being who needs to know how to confront those who are doing you harm.
I don’t care if this is your boss, your parents, or your girlfriend we’re talking about. There is no point in nodding your head to everything these people say and agreeing to do whatever they ask you to do.
Besides making you look bad, this kind of behavior will also cause you a lot of stress.
This anger and other negative emotions you’re feeling won’t magically go away just because you didn’t express them in a given moment.
Instead, they will pile up inside of you throughout the years. Sooner or later, you’ll probably explode and everyone will wonder what got into you.
You don’t defend your attitudes
The same goes for defending your opinion. Maybe this is connected with your political attitudes, religious beliefs, or thoughts about a certain social matter.
Whenever you’re surrounded by people who think differently than you, you won’t speak your mind. In most cases, you’ll obey whatever they have to say.
Even when others don’t manage to change your opinion, you’ll pretend that they did. You feel insecure when it comes to defending your attitudes and you assume that you’ll make yourself a fool if you speak your mind.
It’s not that you don’t believe in your ideas–you’re just terrified of speaking about them out loud, especially when you know nobody else will back you up.
It’s like you need other people to assure you that your opinions are not wrong.
Well, this is not how an alpha man would ever behave. After all, that is one of the things that make him an alpha in the first place.
This guy is ready to confront the entire world when it comes to his opinions. Some might call him stubborn, but the fact is that he knows how to fight for what he believes in.
Forever in the friend zone
Whether you like to admit it or not, you can see a pattern when it comes to the guys stuck in the friend zone: in most cases, they’re shy introverts who don’t know what they want nor know how to get it.
Simply put, friend-zoned men are usually beta males.
You’re not an exception. For as long as you can remember, girls you liked saw you as nothing more than their friend.
No, this is not me justifying their actions. If they noticed that you loved them, but knew that they couldn’t offer you their heart back, they should have let you go on time.
Instead, they kept on giving you false hope. Most of these girls took advantage of your feelings and used you in every way possible.
Even though this was a horrible thing to do, the truth is that you were the one who allowed it.
Deep down, you knew that neither of them would reciprocate your love, but you weren’t leaving the situation either.
So, why does this scenario keep on happening to beta men? Why did it happen to you more than once?
Well, remember the story about Mr. Nice guy? That is exactly how most girls perceive you.
You’re great on a piece of paper. In fact, when they describe their perfect man, they’ll name most of your qualities.
You’re amazing for the role of their male friend and they can’t seem to find your flaws. However, the harsh truth is that you don’t attract them.
No, this has nothing to do with your physical appearance. After all, that’s the last thing women fall for. Besides, I bet you’re a handsome young man to begin with.
The problem is that you don’t have the decisiveness they need. You don’t have the courage to present your intentions from the start.
Let’s be honest: when you like a girl, you usually approach her as a friend. You think this is an easier way to get under her skin.
The bottom line is that you’re scared of rejection. You’re convinced that most women wouldn’t fall for you if you hit on them directly, so you pretend to be their friend.
With time, you hope that the girl of your dreams will fall in love with you. You’re there to help her heal her broken heart, to wipe away her tears, and to report on duty whenever she needs you.
Basically, you expect her to notice what a great guy you are. You sit there patiently waiting for her to ditch all those jerks she’s been complaining about and understand that you’re the man of her life.
When that doesn’t happen, you get all disappointed. You feel like you’ve wasted so much time and energy on something that was doomed to fail from day one.
Not only that: you’re also angry at this girl. How did she have the audacity not to choose you when you have all the qualities she is looking for?
Well, the truth is that you’re not a real alpha. You never awakened the passion in her and she never actually saw you as boyfriend material despite all of your amazing traits.
An introverted shy guy
Even though there exists a bunch of introverted alphas, the truth is that a beta will rarely be an extrovert.
You might be surrounded by a lot of people, but all of them are your old friends and acquaintances you’ve known forever and feel comfortable around.
Your social circle is pretty much closed. You don’t enjoy meeting new people and you get all anxious among strangers. Simply put, you’re an introverted shy guy.
It’s not that you don’t have the desire to extend your circle–you’re just too terrified to do it.
You don’t think these new people will find you amusing, you’re scared that they’ll make fun of you or you’re certain that you’ll make a fool of yourself around anyone who doesn’t really know you.
If you could pick between spending a wild Saturday night at the club or a quiet evening at your best friend’s house, you’d always choose the latter.
Don’t get me wrong: being an introvert isn’t necessarily a bad thing. After all, that’s a part of your personality.
However, when you make the alpha male vs beta male comparison, this, among other factors, is also an indicator of which group you belong to.
Contrary to you, an alpha male can’t wait to get in a new crowd. He is so self-confident that he knows he’ll steal everyone’s attention and get in the spotlight.
He is not excited about meeting new people–he is overjoyed with the fact that others will have the opportunity to meet him. An interesting point of view, isn’t it?
A follower–not a leader
The first word that comes to your mind when you think of an alpha male is the word leader. If you compare them to the social hierarchy of the animal kingdom, you’ll think of wolves or chimpanzees, right?
On the other hand, when you think of a beta male, the first word that comes to your mind is the word follower. Again, in reference to the animal kingdom, he is the lower dog of the group.
Well, as a beta man, that’s exactly what you do most of the time: you follow other people’s lead. Instead of taking responsibility for your own life, you put it in someone else’s hands.
Why do you do it? Simply because it’s easier that way.
Actually, it has been like this since forever. Even when you were a kid, you looked up to other boys instead of it being the other way around.
You’ve never been the captain of your own ship–you’ve always been nothing but a crew member. It’s like you don’t enjoy being in charge. Or, maybe you don’t know how to take over that role?
You might be a skillful worker, but you prefer having someone above you telling you what to do instead of imposing your own ideas.
You’re not the guy who tries hard to become the boss–you’re satisfied with just being a part of the team.
The bottom line is that you don’t have the dominance needed to be the leader of the pack. You’re not a born pioneer and you don’t have the courage to walk the path nobody before you ever took.
Instead, you’re spending most of your life in someone else’s shadow. You never get the spotlight and your talents can’t be seen because you’re too quiet to show them to the rest of the world.
Even though you’re not hurting anyone with this behavior, you’re harming yourself. There is a lot of your potential that will be left unused because you’re not taking the initiative.
For starters, you don’t have to have a bunch of followers behind you. Instead, become the leader of your own life and that will be more than enough.
11 Exceptional Advantages Of Being A Beta Male
Looking at things up to now, it seems that being a beta type of guy is the worst thing in the world.
You’ve read these disadvantages of your personality and relating yourself to more than one of them has crushed your broken self-esteem even more.
Well, luckily for you, this is far from the truth. Instead, there are numerous amazing things about being a beta male. Here are the best ones.
Reliability is non-negotiable
The number one positive trait of most beta men is your reliability. We all know that this is not a common characteristic among the stronger sex, so you can only assume how unique you are for possessing it.
Simply put, people trust you. Yes, that’s right: alphas might have the ability to make the girls feel physically safe, but you give them something more significant: emotional security.
Basically, when you make a promise, you’ll do everything in your power to fulfill it. You don’t make excuses and justifications for your lack of responsibility.
People count on you and know that you’ll show up whenever they need you. In fact, in most cases, you’re the first one they call in the case of an emergency.
You’ve never bailed out on someone. You’re not a backstabber and you wouldn’t betray another person’s trust, even if your life depended on it.
Even though this is an amazing quality for those around you, you can’t really say it serves you well. Actually, the truth is that it has brought you more harm than benefit.
Throughout your life, a lot of people have tried using this quality of yours, but instead of appreciating you, they ended up taking advantage of you.
At the end of the day, you feel like everyone’s safety net. You’re the first one they call when they’re in trouble.
They expect you to always be there to drag them out of their mess–to be the one to resolve their problems, and show up the moment they need you.
However, when they’re having the time of their life, they’re nowhere to be found. They don’t remember you nor do they give you a hand when you need one.
Loyalty comes first
Loyalty is another amazing trait of beta men. You’re loyal to your family, friends, the company you work for, and most importantly–to your romantic partner.
For starters, you’re faithful to the core. When you’re in a committed relationship, there is nothing that could make you fall under the temptation of being with another woman.
It’s not that you just wouldn’t have an actual physical affair outside of your relationship-you wouldn’t flirt with other girls either.
Having dating apps installed, checking out other women, or engaging in an emotional affair while you’re taken is also out of the question.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t fall in love with someone else while in a relationship.
After all, you’re just a human being made out of flesh and blood and you don’t have full control over your emotions as much as you try.
However, if that happens: if you just start to like another person, you’ll call it quits with the girl you’re currently dating.
You’re not one of those men who keep girls as backup plans and remain in a relationship until they’re certain that their new affair will work out.
Nevertheless, you’re much more than a typical loyal boyfriend. Your loyalty is a part of you and you wouldn’t trade it for anything else.
When you care for someone, you do it all the way. There is nothing this person could do to make you stop loving them.
You support the ones important to you no matter what.
Maybe you won’t be the first one on the frontline to actually fight for their sake, but you’ll definitely give them the emotional support they desperately need during hard times.
Consistent and steady
With you, there are not many surprises. In fact, people usually get what they signed for.
No, this doesn’t make you a boring individual–it only means that you’re consistent. Even though you don’t stand up for your attitudes, in most cases, you behave according to your beliefs and principles.
Basically, people know what they can expect from you. You’re fair and rarely contradict yourself.
Never an egocentric
Alpha males are mainly egocentrics. They think that they’re God-given beings whose needs are more significant than anyone else’s.
They refuse to admit this, but men belonging to this group are usually kings of selfishness. They rarely care about other people’s feelings and are ready to do whatever it takes to get their way.
Well, luckily for everyone in your surroundings, you’re nowhere near this. In fact, you always put others before yourself.
You’re ready to make incredible sacrifices for your loved ones. For you, nothing is impossible when it comes to their happiness and well being.
The problem with this quality of yours is that it often means that you put yourself last. Besides, what other place could you possibly get after everyone else gets their turn?
Most of the time, you completely disregard your own emotions and needs in order to satisfy someone else’s. After all, you’re a champion at people-pleasing, remember?
Look, being this selfless is amazing for others, but nevertheless, it can be devastating to your own mental health.
The problem is that you love all those people more than you love yourself. You obviously forgot that you have to put yourself first if you want to achieve real happiness and joy.
A real, mature man
I’m sure you know a bunch of immature guys who don’t have a clue what they want from their lives. Of course, I’m not referring to anyone’s age here–I’m talking about their mental state.
These mama’s boys don’t have a clue as to how to take care of themselves. They expect to be served and they’re not looking for a girlfriend–they’re in search of a maid who will replace their mother.
These guys need an alpha woman who will tell them what to do… a parent who will continue raising them and show them the way.
Being someone who usually follows other people’s lead, you might assume that you fit the description perfectly. Well, that is where you’re wrong.
Actually, you’re pretty mature.
In fact, most of the time, that was a problem with your social skills: even from your early youth, you always acted older than your age. Your peers considered you to be too serious for them.
However, as you’re growing older, this has turned out to be a great advantage. After all, who doesn’t want a mature friend or a boyfriend?
Now is the time when all of your beta characteristics come to its place. All of a sudden, you’re not considered to be weak for letting others get their way–you’re a grown-up who doesn’t waste his energy on stupidities.
You’re no longer considered not firm enough for not standing your ground at all times–you’re an adult who accepts the possibility of a compromise.
You’re not too serious because you don’t joke as often as you’re expected to–you’re now deep in thought. You’re not accused of not being impulsive enough anymore–instead, you’re appreciated for being reasoned.
Not a commitment-phobe
What is the biggest nightmare of all single girls in their twenties and thirties? Bumping into a commitment-phobe who is terrified of long-term relationships, that’s right.
Sadly, most men run from any possibility of exclusive relationships. They want to use their young years to be with as many girls as they can.
Instead of being in a long-term relationship, they choose to party and to explore their options.
That shouldn’t be the problem, you must think. Everyone has the right to do whatever they want as long as they don’t jeopardize anyone else.
Well, the issue here is that they do exactly that: they keep on hurting the girls around them. No guy will be straightforward about his intentions and desires to fool around.
On the contrary, in most cases, he will promise a girl the world. Then, when the moment to take their relationship to a higher level comes, he does everything he can to avoid any kind of responsibility.
All of a sudden, he’s not ready for anything serious. He is not emotionally available, he doesn’t want to put a label on their relationship, and he needs some time to figure things out.
Well, the good news for all girls around you is that you’re nowhere near these guys they keep encountering.
You don’t have any trouble with commitment. In fact, you aspire to it in all of your romantic relationships.
Once you start your love story with a girl, you play no games. You are putting effort into making your relationship work.
You don’t lead her on until someone better comes along. You don’t use her as a rebound girl or to make your ex jealous.
You don’t manipulate her, and you don’t convince her you love her just so you could break her heart and consequently repair your own deflated ego.
You don’t take advantage of her kindness just to make yourself feel better.
When you’re in a relationship, you give yourself wholeheartedly to the other person. You go all the way in and you don’t hold any parts of yourself back.
The truth is that sometimes, you end up getting hurt. But hey, at least you always know you gave your best, right?
A great listener
This is a quality everyone around you simply adores. I’m sure people have already told you this, but you’re a great listener.
Of course, this skill of yours goes hand in hand with your empathic traits. You have this amazing ability that not many possess: the ability to walk in other people’s shoes.
Besides, you’re incredibly patient and calm. When someone talks to you about their problem, you won’t interrupt them and switch the story to your own life.
Instead, you’ll just sit there and listen. What’s even better is that you’ll put your entire self into their issue.
You’ll give them advice only if they ask for it without imposing your opinion on them. You won’t make their confession about yourself. Most importantly: their secret is safe with you, no matter what.
You’re kind and helpful
You’re not just a typical nice guy who pretends to be nicer than he really is. The fact is that you truly are a kind person with an enormous heart.
Let’s be honest: you’re a human being. Therefore, you’re far from perfect. Sometimes, you do things you shouldn’t and you treat some people worse than they deserve.
But, at the end of the day, you have no bad intentions. You’re a loving and caring person who would help out a stranger, let alone a loved one.
The problem is that most people think that you’re a fool just because you’re a good person. You helped them once, and all of a sudden, they expect you to always be at their service.
Remember: it’s up to you to set your boundaries. It’s your job not to allow them to treat you like you’re their doormat and to show to the world that you have some dignity as well.
Whatever someone does to you, you’ll never lose your respect for them. After all, you’re a man with excellent manners who stays a gentleman to the very end.
Even when you’re in the middle of a fight with someone, you’ll never insult them or hit them below the waist. No matter what happens, there is a boundary you won’t cross.
Above all else, you know how to treat a lady. You’re respectful towards the girls you meet and towards your exes, despite the way you two broke up.
Honest and truthful
With you, there are no lies. You might not always speak your mind directly, but when you do, you’ll always tell the truth.
In fact, the only lies you will tell are white ones. Sometimes, you’re not honest enough simply because you don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings or because you want to keep them from the awful truth.
Basically, instead of giving someone the red pill, you’ll always choose the blue one. However, you’ll never consciously deceive someone else for your own benefit. That’s simply not in your blood.
You’re not one of those men who will lie to hide their mischiefs. Not the one who will go behind your partner’s back or fool her in any way possible.
People believe you because whatever you say, it is the truth, which doesn’t have to be questioned or verified. More importantly: your word has a certain weight and it shouldn’t be taken lightly.
While you’re younger, most girls don’t see you as boyfriend material. You’re not exciting enough and you don’t make the butterflies in their belly throw a party.
Let’s be real: no high school girl dreams of a consistent and reliable boyfriend. This practice goes on for years afterward.
Instead, most of them are looking for a stunt who will show them a good time. They will go after guys who give them thrills and passion they’ll never forget.
Most girls will chase dudes who are the leaders of the pack. Dudes who capture everyone’s attention and who have all eyes on them. At that age, most girls chase alpha men.
The trick is that these guys are usually players. They know it very well that they’re desirable, so they use every possible opportunity to get under every girl’s skin.
Eventually, in most cases, these adventures end with a massive heartbreak. The girl who turned you down for some scumbag is now disappointed in her own choice.
So, after all this time, she sees you as a dream come true. This kind of scenario happens regularly and will continue happening throughout the years.
You see, you might not be boyfriend material, but you sure as hell are husband material, which is, of course, much more important.
You’re the kind of man every girl wants to grow old with. A man who will bring her much needed peace and who will make her feel safe, no matter what.
They fall in love with you for all the things they used to rule you out for: for your responsibility, punctuality, consistency, and introversion.
All of a sudden, their dream guy doesn’t go clubbing every weekend. They get tired of fighting other girls for him and they have had enough of the constant breakups and makeups that add spark to their relationships.
Besides, when their biological clock starts to tick, women begin to see what an amazing father you’d be. Now, after all this time, they see you as the perfect role model for their kids.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that a girl who chooses you will do so just because you’re convenient. It doesn’t mean that she won’t fall in love with you.
On the contrary, she most certainly will. She will just grow into a mature woman with a different set of priorities.
To Wrap Up:
Even though you might fall into a certain category or type of guy, remember one thing: you’re an individual for yourself.
Therefore, it’s up to you to choose which beta male traits you will nourish and which ones you’ll try to change.
The question is: can you do it? Do you have what it takes to make the best out of all of your personality traits and become a better version of yourself?
The Complete Guide To Dating An Alpha Male
Thursday 12th of January 2023
[…] she responded was that for her, a beta male is actually the kind of guy we had been describing as toxic earlier in this […]