What are the worst types of guys? Of course, the not-so-appreciated but well-deserved award goes to guys with mommy issues.
I’m sure almost every one of us has encountered at least one guy who struggles with mommy issues. And, I’m sure it was not a pleasant encounter/relationship.
From the first time we met, I knew he was a mama’s boy, but I couldn’t help but fall for his ocean-deep blue eyes. His eyes did cost me a lot, but somehow, we managed to work things out between us, and guess what? We’re still together and deeply in love. ?
Well, it wasn’t actually somehow because we both put a lot of effort and hard work into making it work. That’s precisely why I’m here with you today, to share a few tips and tricks that will help you deal with your mama’s boy and help him get over that complex.
How To Recognize Guys With Mommy Issues: 9 Red Flags
Before I teach you how to deal with these ‘mama’s boys,’ you need to know how to spot them. So, beware of these red flags below because they’re the most surefire signs of mommy issues in men.
1. Self-esteem/self-worth struggles
A guy with mommy issues has pretty low self-esteem. That’s because he became used to the constant reassurance his mother gave him, and he probably lacks that now in your relationship.
He’ll struggle with self-worth and start wondering whether he really deserves to love and to be loved.
Sometimes, he won’t be aware of his qualities, while he’ll prioritize his flaws and has eyes only for those imperfect parts of him. It won’t only affect his life, it’ll also affect all of his personal relationships, and his partner won’t be able to help him if he doesn’t allow her to.
Sigmund Freud, the neurologist who introduced the term Oedipus complex to psychology, has also said that this complex affects guys’ mental and emotional well-being – their self-esteem in particular.
2. Difficulties in emotional well-being
The reason guys with mommy issues engage in toxic, unhealthy relationships is that they aren’t emotionally stable. They have extreme mood swings and are terrible at dealing with and displaying their own emotions.
They’re always needy, and their emotional immaturity is all too obvious. Their personal relationships are drama-filled and are definitely beyond healthy.
They’re also prone to playing emotional games with their partners, which only backfires sooner or later. The word empathy doesn’t exist in their vocabulary, and it’s like they want to poison everyone around them with negative energy.
3. Lacking healthy boundaries
The problem is that guys with mommy issues don’t even know what healthy boundaries are. Their primary relationships, the ones they had with their parents, were absolutely boundary-free, and they got used to forming those kinds of relationships.
They’ll block every attempt their partner makes to set healthy boundaries – all that because they’ll actually be afraid of them. They won’t be sure whether they’ll be able to respect and fulfill them, and they’ll choose to rather ignore them completely.
4. Seeking constant reassurance and validation
This is connected with their self-esteem issues. They choose to be blind when it comes to their qualities and choose to only see their flaws.
They have a very bad self-image, and it’s the thing that drives women out of their lives the most.
Their mother gave them constant validation and boosted their self-esteem that way. Now, they expect the same from their partner, and if the other person doesn’t give them that constant reassurance, their ego will be completely crushed, and they’ll totally lose confidence in themselves.
5. Trust issues
They were taught not to trust anyone, and it’s no wonder they’re left with such huge trust issues that impact all of their personal relationships. Parents should teach their children to be careful to whom they give their trust, but it’s wrong to teach them they shouldn’t trust anyone except them.
That’s why their kids develop such unhealthy attachment styles with them. They become overly dependent on their parents while refusing to welcome any other person into their lives, and all of this because of their trust issues.
Sometimes, no matter how much their partner tries, she won’t be able to bring those walls around him down. His trust issues won’t allow him to go ‘all in’ in that relationship.
6. Controlling behavior
This was also caused by the toxic relationship they had with their mother. That relationship lacked boundaries, and they probably controlled each other all the time.
Now, these men will control their partners because they think it’s okay and that it’ll help them maintain their relationships. Their partner will feel like they don’t have the right to their personal space, and sooner or later, the relationship will start to suffocate them.
They won’t be able to endure that control for too long, and they’ll decide to end that unhealthy relationship.
7. Angry outbursts
These men also can’t deal with their negative emotions, which is why they have such sudden and often angry outbursts. They get angry over small, unimportant things, and they’re unable to deal with it.
They also react in the heat of the moment, and the worst thing is that they don’t regret what they say and the things they do while they’re under those intense emotions.
Once they cool off, they simply move on as if nothing happened. When their partner confronts them about it, they deny it because they genuinely think they don’t have anger issues.
8. Not being able to take responsibility for his deeds
Adult life simply doesn’t work for him. He still expects his mommy to be there whenever he needs her to fix his mistakes and take responsibility for them.
This is probably what will annoy his romantic partner the most. He’ll try blame shifting, or he’ll simply deny his wrongdoings.
On the other hand, he’ll demand his partner admit her mistakes and apologize for them. It’s really unfair, and I’m sure the other person won’t be able to take it for too long, no matter the feelings they have for them.
9. Attachment issues
The unfortunate fact is that these kinds of men will almost never form healthy, secure attachments with their female partners. They’ll develop either insecure attachment, anxious attachment, or avoidant attachment style.
Of course, according to attachment theory, all of these types of attachment aren’t healthy, and they’re mostly caused by childhood trauma and bad experiences. It explains the complicated relationship they have and their inability to maintain a healthy relationship.
As much as they try, their partner won’t be able to make them change their attachment style – they can only encourage, help, and be there with them through their journey of rewiring themselves to develop healthy attachments.
10. Seeking a caregiver, not a partner
He definitely doesn’t see his female partner as his other half, his romantic partner. He sees a mother figure in his partner, and he expects her to be his nurturer.
That’s why their relationships are mostly unhealthy and complicated. When their partner fails to respond to their needs in the way they want, they immediately start feeling like they lack emotional support or that their partner simply doesn’t want to make them happy.
Also, it’s the reason they create such unhealthy attachments with their partners. If their partner tries to fulfill their needs, their overly-codependent nature will immediately surface.
11. Being impulsive, immature, and reckless
This is the shortest description of a mama’s boy, right? They behave completely recklessly and heedlessly… They’re immature jerks, and it seems like they don’t plan to grow up, like ever.
They never think about their actions, and they don’t care if someone is hurt by their actions along the way. It makes them seem completely heartless, but this is very far from the truth…
They are actually emotional and do care about others, but it’s just that they always expect their mommy to come running every time they do something bad and clean up the mess they made.
7 Ways To Deal With Guys With Mommy Issues
Now, the thing you want to know most of all is how to deal with a guy who has mommy issues. I have a few tips for you below that will instantly improve and change your love life.
1. Set boundaries now and forever!
You need to be loud and clear when it comes to your boundaries. Make the need for alone time and your personal space a priority, and introduce your guy to the possible consequences if he chooses to disrespect your boundaries.
You can’t expect your relationship to be healthy if it lacks healthy boundaries. You may try to ignore it for some time to keep that person in your life, but sooner or later, you’ll understand that you aren’t happy in that relationship, and you’ll give up on them.
2. The key is in communication
The only way you can deal with a guy who has mommy issues is through healthy and regular communication. You need to earn his trust and get him to open up to you.
You need to know about his traumas and possible triggers for this complex he’s struggling with. Otherwise, you won’t be able to help him if you don’t know the possible causes of his mommy issues.
3. Try to understand his struggles
In most cases, these men aren’t even aware they have this complex. It’s because they were taught to live like that since they were kids, and they consider their behavior completely normal.
On the other hand, if your man is aware of it and wants to change, you need to be there for him. Listen to him, be empathetic, try to understand him,m and be his support on his way of change.
4. Learn to recognize the triggers
Your man probably won’t always display these signs of mommy issues from above. Only certain things and situations may trigger it, and you need to recognize what those triggers are.
Once you find out the possible causes and triggers of his mommy issues, only then will you be able to help him deal with it. The truth is, you can’t solve a problem without knowing what caused it.
If you or your relationship triggers it in any way, you’ll need to change your approach and behavior with your man. Maybe you simply remind him of his mother because you’re too bossy or something similar, and that’s why he sees a mother figure in you.
5. Provide emotional support
Your man needs to know he has your emotional support and can count on it no matter what and when. If at any moment, he feels your relationship lacks emotional support, his mommy issues will only grow stronger.
If he tries and wants to change for the sake of you and your relationship, be there for him. It’ll show him that you honestly care about him, and he’ll be encouraged to continue with his change process.
6. Help him boost his self-esteem
This is the first thing he needs to change about himself, and if he doesn’t focus on his self-esteem, you’ll never be able to fix your relationship.
He needs to see himself in a completely new light. He doesn’t need to think big, but he needs to at least be realistic.
He can’t continue being so hard on himself because he really doesn’t deserve it. Just because his mother criticized him all his life or made him feel like he needed validation to develop a personal relationship doesn’t mean he’s worth less than others.
You need to encourage him not to allow the toxic relationship he had with his mother to ruin all the others he has right now in his life. Building up his self-esteem will open the door to a new chapter in his life, the chapter of true, adult life.
7. Help him seek professional help
I don’t know why, but it’s harder for men to seek professional help than for women. Maybe their egos function differently, or they simply can’t admit they need help.
However, the fact is that your man needs the help of a mental health professional. You might not be able to recognize the triggers and causes of his mommy issues, but a professional most definitely will.
It won’t only help him feel better in his own skin and get rid of those mommy issues and all the unhealthy patterns they carry, but it’ll also help you fix and save your relationship.
What Are Daddy Issues In A Man?
A man who has daddy issues was raised by a toxic dad, and that left some harmful consequences on his mental health that lasted into adulthood too.
This kind of man carries deep childhood trauma, and it won’t be easy to understand or find a common language with him. He’ll have different needs and won’t show his emotions that easily, but the truth is, these kinds of guys need love and emotional support more than anything else.
They might struggle with trust issues or won’t be able to show their emotions adequately, but once you make them fall in love with you, they’ll show you what true love looks like.
Why Do Guys Have Mommy Issues?
The biggest reason men develop this complex is because of the unhealthy, toxic relationship they have or had with their mothers.
They probably had an overprotective mother with whom they created a very unhealthy bond that now affects all of their adult relationships. Or, on the other hand, maybe their mother abused them, which also affected their emotional and mental health.
Because of these toxic bonds with their toxic mothers, they struggle with insecure attachment issues, and every time they enter into a romantic relationship, their childhood traumas come to the surface.
How Do Mommy Issues Affect Relationships?
In most cases, guys with mommy issues struggle with insecure attachment issues, trust issues, clinginess, low self-worth, and dependency… They need constant reassurance and emotional support.
Unfortunately, sometimes, their partners aren’t able to answer all those needs or fight with their issues, and they choose to give up on their relationships.
People with Oedipus complex also aren’t quite able to set or respect someone else’s boundaries, and that’s also one of the reasons most of their personal relationships end or aren’t healthy.
In A Nutshell
The mother figure is one of the most important figures a person has in life. Actually, the relationships we have with our parents affect all the other relationships we create in life. If those relationships are toxic, a person may develop an Oedipus complex, which will greatly affect all of their adult relationships.
Guys with mommy issues definitely aren’t the most perfect romantic partners. However, that doesn’t mean they don’t deserve a chance.
You know how people say, if you want something hard enough, you’ll make sure you get it? If you want to build a healthy relationship with a guy, no matter the issues he is struggling with, you’ll do everything you can to make that happen.