Cómo aliviar el estilo de apego ansioso (19 consejos útiles)
Todos tenemos diferentes estilos de apego. En realidad, desarrollamos diferentes estilos de apego al entablar diferentes tipos de relaciones.
If you’re struggling with the anxious attachment style, also known as the ambivalent attachment or anxious-preoccupied attachment style, and want to know how to self-soothe anxious attachment, stay with me because I’ll give you the best tips to self-regulate.
Once you learn to deal with your attachment style, you’ll notice how it’ll affect and improve every aspect of your life, especially the social side.
I’ve struggled with an anxious estilo de fijación la mayor parte de mi vida, así que, créeme, te entiendo perfectamente. I’m going to share the experience of my path to recovery with you, and I truly hope it’ll serve you and help you change your attachment style from anxious to secure attachment.
Cómo aliviar el estilo de apego ansioso: 19 consejos
If you’re struggling with this estilo de apego ambivalenteA continuación te indicamos cómo puedes aprender a autorregularlo y a afrontarlo de forma saludable.
1. Aprender a respirar correctamente
So many mental health and emotional issues can be controlled by proper breathing. People don’t quite believe in it, but it’s really true.
When you get anxious about something, your breathing also changes, and if you don’t control it first, your anxiety only gets bigger. If you learn to control your breathing, you’ll also manage to calm your anxiety enough to think of a way to deal with it completely.
• Wave goodbye to your anxiety and get into a relaxed state
También puedes probar a hacer yoga, meditación u otras actividades que te ayuden a relajarte. Una técnica de meditación es respiración conscientey deberías probarlo cuanto antes.
You won’t only learn how to breathe when you have an anxiety attack, but you’ll also learn to breathe properly in general, which is highly important for your general well-being.
2. Tómate tiempo para ti
El primer paso para curar tu estilo de apego ansioso es aceptar y admitir que lo tienes. Para aceptarlo plenamente, necesitas estar solo.
Necesitas reflexionar sobre tus relaciones pasadas. Necesitas organizar tus pensamientos y emociones. Y, por supuesto, para hacer todo eso, necesitas tener algo de tiempo a solas.
• Acceptance is the first step to pulling yourself together
Only when you accept you have this type of attachment style will you be able to deal with it. If you keep denying it, that means you’re running away from facing it, and it definitely won’t help you deal with it.
3. Piensa en los desencadenantes del apego ansioso
Childhood trauma may be the trigger for your attachment style. However, maybe you’ve dealt with too many parejas evasivas en el pasado o personas tóxicas que afectaron a tu salud emocional y mental.
Tal vez la razón por la que tiene un estilo de apego ansioso es que estuviste en varios relaciones tóxicas o entornos tóxicos durante un largo periodo de tu vida, y dejó secuelas en tu salud mental.
Ahora, cada vez que entablas una relación romántica, piensas que la otra persona te dejará y te romperá el corazón.
• You can’t move on without finding the root cause
Even though I get you, and it’s true that none of it is your fault, you still need to find what triggers your attachment style and then deal with it. In other words, you can’t deal with it if you don’t know what provoked it.
Cuando encuentres la causa raíz, tienes que centrarte en ella. Ocúpate primero de ello y eso pondrá fin a tu ansiedad.
4. Comprometerse con el autocuidado
It’s important to vuelve a centrarte en ti mismo. The reason your self-esteem got so damaged is that you don’t engage in proper self-care or you neglected yourself totally.
You’re probably a people-pleaser, and I assume you’re someone who always takes care of others, but it’s time to pay yourself some attention.
• Listen to your body, mind, soul, and heart
Tienes que escuchar a tu cuerpo. If it’s saying that it’s tired, then slow down for a moment and take a rest.
If your mind is telling you that it’s overwhelmed, then you need to dejar de pensar demasiado todo. Overthinking, overanalyzing, and worrying too much won’t solve anything.
Ahora, tu alma… If your soul is showing signs of tiredness and exhaustion, if it feels neglected, then you need to drop whatever you’re doing and pay some attention to it.
And, probably the most important part: if your heart is telling you that it’s tired of being disrespected and se da por sentado...tienes que olvidarte de los que hicieron que se sintiera así. Find people who will love you and remind your heart that it’s worthy of love.
5. Tu salud mental y tu bienestar emocional son importantes
We all deal with certain things and problems in life, and most of us neglect our well-being while dealing with those things. However, that is something you shouldn’t allow yourself to do no matter what.
Your emotional, physical, and mental health need to be and stay your main priority in life forever. Everything else can wait. If you notice your health is suffering, drop whatever you’re doing and focus on your well-being.
• Get rid of whatever harms your peace of mind
This will do wonders for both your mental and emotional well-being. If you’re surrounded by people who don’t see your worth or bad, gente tóxica, it’ll affect your mental health and make you feel anxious.
On the other hand, if you keep holding onto someone who continually hurts you or doesn’t want to be part of your life anymore, it’ll damage your emotional bienestar. It’ll only deepen your anxious attachment, and you may never know how to maintain una relación sana otra vez.
6. Presta atención a tu autoestima
It’s high time to do a self-esteem check. If you have baja autoestima, then it’s one of the triggers of your attachment style.
• Low self-esteem te convierte en presa fácil para los apego inseguro estilo
And if you really struggle with self-esteem, you need to work on improving it. You can’t move on from anxious attachment if you don’t aumentar la confianza.
7. Comprende que eres digno de amor.
Y quien diga lo contrario, tienes que dejar que salga de tu vida. Mereces amor, y mereces ser amado de la manera más perfecta.
As long as you don’t understand this, you won’t be able to create a estilo de sujeción seguro. Tu vida social sufrirá las consecuencias.
• You just need to learn how to recognize amor verdadero y deja que entre en tu vida
The reason you think you aren’t worthy of love is that you always meet the wrong people and let them into your life and heart. You fail to read them and their real intentions for you.
8. Nutre y mantén vivo a tu niño interior
We all like to hang out and spend time with small kids, right? Why is that so, you think? Well, it’s simply because children are naive, funny, and kind-hearted. They always manage to make our days better.
Por ello, debe intentar mantenga su niño interior vivo. You’ll laugh more often and lead a happier and more peaceful life.
• Don’t be afraid to let your niño interior fuera
Also, don’t be afraid to show others your inner child, and don’t ever be ashamed of it. That child in you can only carry your biggest qualities and help you a lot when it comes to your social life.
9. Encuentre una manera de calmar su sistema nervioso
When you’re dealing with stress on a daily basis, I know it’s difficult to stay calm. You get nervous, and that affects your entire well-being.
• Everything is so much easier when you decide to simply chill out
Sin embargo, hay que encontrar la manera de reaccionar ante el estrés de forma más manera saludable. Sometimes, you simply need to chill out and promise yourself that no matter what happens, you won’t allow it to bother you or make you feel bad and anxious.
10. Autorregula tus emociones
You own your emotions, and only you can regulate them. Don’t expect others to control your emotions because that is impossible.
• Stop repressing and start accepting
It’s completely okay to have negative emotions from time to time. However, you need to learn to deal with them in a healthy way and make them go away. Don’t ignore or bury them somewhere deep down in yourself because that will only make you codependiente de su pareja.
11. Asegúrate de que tus necesidades emocionales están cubiertas
Part of a healthy relationship is both partners fulfilling each other’s emotional needs. And it’s a fact that you can’t expect the other person to meet your needs if you constantly choose to ignore theirs. However, the thing is also…
• Don’t expect others to fulfill your necesidades emocionales if you can’t do it yourself
Tienes que aprender a cumplir tus necesidades emocionales y exigencias. Tienes que aprender a escuchar y comprender tus propias necesidades. Esto es la clave de la felicidad y un estilo de apego seguro.
12. Poner fin al comportamiento de protesta
Sometimes, you display protest behavior, right? You start denying that you have the anxious attachment style and don’t want to face it at all.
• Muster up the courage to face reality
It’s easy to deny and ignore things. However, it won’t make them go away. As long as you don’t completely accept your attachment style, you’ll never be able to deal with it.
13. Afronta tu miedo al abandono
Éste es uno de los principales desencadenantes del estilo de apego ansioso. Cuando tienes patrones de apego poco saludables en una relación de pareja, temes constantemente que tu ser querido te abandone tarde o temprano.
Those thoughts make you anxious, and as long as you don’t deal with them properly, you won’t be able to build a estilo de sujeción seguro. Tienes que entender que las rupturas también forman parte de la vida y que la gente vendrá y se irá de tu vida.
• One day, someone will come, and they’ll never let you go
It’s true that people will come and go from your life, but it’s also true that one day, someone will come, and they’ll never want to leave your life again. That’s why there is no reason for your miedo al abandono.
14. Deshacerse de los pensamientos negativos
¿Quieres saber cómo calmar el estilo de apego ansioso? Lo primero que debes hacer es despejar tu mente de pensamientos negativos.
You think you can’t affect it, but the truth is, you’re the owner of your body, mind, and heart, not the other way around.
• Negative thoughts alimenta tu ansiedad
De hecho, el pensamiento negativo es el mejor alimento para la ansiedad y la estilo de apego ansioso. The more you keep thinking negatively, the more anxious you’ll become. That will result in the inability to form and maintain healthy and stable partnerships.
15. Asegúrate de tener patrones de pensamiento positivos
Sé que es más fácil decirlo que hacerlo, pero para tratar tu estilo de apego, necesitas empieza a pensar en positivo.
It’s not easy to have a positive thought pattern when you’re dealing with so many fears and issues, but if you want it really hard, you’ll find a way to redirect your mind to think positively.
• Arm yourself with positive thoughts
Your anxiety won’t stand a chance if you decide to think positively from now on.
Understand that we all go through some bad things, but if you keep a positive perspective, you’ll always come out a winner.
16. Dejar de buscar constantemente consuelo y validación
I get that your low self-esteem makes you seek out constant reassurance from other people, but you need to stop for a moment and be honest with yourself… Do you really need it? Do you really have the need for low self-esteem?
First of all, stand in front of a mirror and be honest about whether the person standing in front of you deserves to wait for other people’s reassurance. Then, look around and tell me whether everything you achieved and gained to this point now doesn’t prove your worth.
Of course, it does. You just need to admit it to yourself once and for all. Stop doubting your self-worth. You are worth so much more than you think you are, and it’s high time you realize it.
• Get the validación que tan desesperadamente necesitas de usted mismo
After changing the way you see yourself, now it’s time to change the way you speak to yourself. You need to validate yourself instead of buscando la validación de los demás.
Sé amigo de ti mismo, no enemigo. Sé realista contigo mismo y anímate con palabras positivas.
17. Rodéate de gente que te quiera de verdad
La mayoría de nosotros somos conscientes de nuestro estilo de apego, pero la mayoría también optamos por guardárnoslo para nosotros mismos, temiendo que los demás huyan si lo descubren. Desgraciadamente, eso es muy erróneo.
If you’re dealing with an attachment style that doesn’t allow you to engage in a relación romántica or harm your social life, it’s highly important to share it with someone you love and trust.
This is really one of those things you can’t deal with and go through alone. You need to have your loved ones near you, and they need to know the demons you’re dealing with.
• Your support group will help you get through this
Your loved ones will do whatever it takes to make you feel accepted and loved. They’ll also help you find ways to end your anxious patterns and build a secure attachment style.
They’re there for you, and they’ll constantly remind you of your worth and how much you actually deserve to be loved. You’ll get all the validation you (think) need from them.
18. Don’t run away from engaging in intimate relationships
Una persona ansiosa también puede tener dificultades para establecer una conexión íntima con los demás. Simplemente tienen miedo a la cercanía emocional, por lo que optan por evitar ese tipo de relaciones en lugar de enfrentarse a sus temores.
That’s probably the biggest similarity personas ansiosas tienen con evasores. Sin embargo, si quieres aprender a autocalmar el apego ansioso, tienes que dejar de huir de las relaciones íntimas.
• Dealing with your fear of intimacy
First of all, try to find what triggered your fear of intimacy. Once you find the root cause, deal with it first – it’ll help you control your fear and leave it in the past.
Also, talk to your partner about it. If they honestly care about you, they’ll understand you. They’ll take things slow and wait until you show them clearly that you’re ready.
There is nothing wrong with going slow in a relationship, but avoiding intimacy will definitely harm your relationship. Sooner or later, it’ll create emotional disconnection or blockage between you and your partner.
19. If you’re in a relationship, make sure it’s a healthy one
No matter your feelings towards your partner, you should never stay in a relationship where you don’t feel respected, loved, and appreciated. Because if your SO doesn’t make you feel that way, it’s more than obvious they don’t love you.
When you engage in a romantic relationship, put effort into making it work and building healthy foundations for it. If you constantly fail to make your relationship a healthy one, then you need to know when it is the time to end it because it’s a sign that you and that person aren’t meant to be.
- Quiérete a ti mismo ante todo
Don’t waste your time on the impossible. Don’t ever allow anyone to make you feel unworthy of love or to make you doubt your self-worth.
Tienes que quererte a ti mismo y saber siempre quién eres en la vida. En el momento en que notes patrones poco saludables en tu relación, tienes que afrontarlos al instante o renunciar a esa relación.
¿Qué desencadena el apego ansioso?
En los años 50, los psicólogos John Bowlby y Mary Ainsworth construyeron la revolucionaria teoría del apego. Investigaron y llegaron a la conclusión de que cada persona desarrolla un estilo de apego en la primera infancia, que afecta más tarde a sus relaciones adultas.
Es decir, cada estilo de apego se desencadena por primera infancia eventos. If someone was emotionally neglected or abused by their parents, they’ll probably form an anxious attachment style.
Además, tratar con parejas evasivas y tóxicas puede ser una desencadenante del desarrollo del estilo de apego ansioso. La baja autoestima y las dudas sobre la propia valía también pueden provocar este tipo de apego.
If you don’t feel good in your own skin and don’t have a good self-opinion, you’ll constantly seek validación de otros.
That need for reassurance will make you engage in a codependent relationship, which means you won’t be able to build and maintain a healthy relationship with another human being.
Otros desencadenantes de este estilo de apego pueden ser que alguien tenga expectativas poco realistas y que sea codependiente en otra persona. Ese miedo constante a quedarse solo o decepcionado puede ser una causa de ansiedad por el apego.
¿Cuáles son los signos del apego ansioso?
Hay muchos signos de un estilo de apego ansioso, y la mayoría de ellos son bastante claros y muestran claramente los patrones de apego ansioso de una persona. Sin embargo, los más evidentes son el apego, la codependencia y la necesidad de reafirmación y validación constantes.
La mayor diferencia entre los ansiosos y los apego evitativo estilos es que el persona evasiva huye de la conexión emocional y tiene miedo de comprometerse en serio, relación sana. Por otra parte, las personas ansiosas son miedo de un ruptura por miedo a quedarse solos.
En persona ansiosa es casi siempre codependiente en su pareja romántica debido a su baja autoestima y porque los necesitan para validación.
Also, someone with anxious attachment has self-worth issues and feels unworthy of love. They’ll tolerate toxic and unhealthy behavior from their partner because they think they deserve it but also because of their fear of abandonment.
They’re constantly in search of a romantic partner because they can’t function alone (at least, that’s what they think), unlike fearful avoidants who run away from love because they’re afraid to be hurt.
¿Cómo se siente el apego ansioso?
You feel unworthy of love and everything good and positive. When you find that one person who loves and accepts you, you stick to them no matter what because you think you’ll never find another person who’ll love you again.
You become codependent on your loved one, and you’re basically ready to do whatever it takes just to keep them by your side. Losing them becomes your biggest fear, and that thought makes you anxious 24/7.
Cada vez que percibes un peligro potencial en tu relación, las emociones fuertes te abruman, y tu baja autoestima te hace creer que tu pareja va a romper contigo.
Empiezas a pensar que todo lo que haces es malo, y necesitas que tu pareja te recuerde constantemente que eso no es cierto. Also, your confidence crashes completely, and getting positive feedback from your partner means everything to you. That’s why you never stop seeking validation from them.
Anxious attachment style feels like everyone else is better than you. Your own thoughts are killing you, but it seems like you can’t find a way to run away from them. Anxious attachment makes your day-to-day life miserable, and until you decide to break that cycle, you’ll never be truly happy.
En conclusión
Entonces, ¿has descubierto cómo autocalmar el estilo de apego ansioso? ¿Comprendes ahora mejor este estilo de apego?
Espero que lo hayas hecho y que mis consejos te ayuden a construir un estilo de apego seguro.
Even though most people think that attachment styles are connected with attachments someone makes in early childhood and with their primary caregivers and can’t be changed later in life, it’s not true.
It’s connected with our childhood, but by working on yourself, you can change your attachment style. Conozco a muchas personas que han dejado atrás el estilo de apego ansioso, ansioso-evitativo o evitativo y han construido un estilo de apego seguro.
Well, I have a little confession to make… I belong to that group of people too. I rewired my brain, and today, I’m proud to say I have a secure attachment style. And trust me, if you follow these tips carefully, you’ll be able to build this style too.
