Non ci parliamo da una settimana dopo un litigio: è finita?

Couples fight, no matter how much we’d all like to deal with our relationship problems in an easier way. Opinions clash, needs don’t get met, and everyone makes mistakes – conflict in a relationship is inevitable.

Il modo in cui gestite una discussione dipende in larga misura dalle vostre capacità comunicative e dalla vostra intelligenza emotiva. Tuttavia, il vostro atteggiamento ha l'impatto più significativo sull'esito del conflitto: what it is you’re looking to achieve from an argument with your partner.

Un litigio può trasformarsi rapidamente in una rissa quando le emozioni sono alte e things are said in the heat of the moment that you’d normally never say to your partner. If either of you is looking to win the fight instead of striving to solve your problems, then the last thing you’re going to reach is a solution.

This is what usually leads to situations in which you might end up thinking, “We haven’t talked in a week after fight – what should I do?” There’s really only one thing to do if you want to save your relationship: Ingoiare il proprio orgoglio e tendere la mano.

We Haven’t Talked In A Week After Fight – What Should I Do?

Lack of contact doesn’t have to mean that the relationship is over. If your anger has subsided by this point and all you’re left with is the thought, “We haven’t talked in a week after fight,” your worry that things might be serious is understandable.

Se il vostro partner ha interrotto la comunicazione dopo una forte discussione, la preoccupazione e l'incertezza possono rendervi ansiosi. Your partner keeping their distance can make you think they want to break up, but it’s too soon to panic.

It’s normal for coppie da combattere, and your relationship can recover as long as you’re prepared to work to solve your problems. So what should you do – contact your partner, or give them space? Le cose miglioreranno se gli darete spazio o se vi metterete in contatto con loro?

Capire questo aspetto è una sfida perché unless they’ve let you know what‘s going on, you can’t be sure whether they want you to contact them or not, but this is exactly where the answer lies. Deciding what to do depends on which one of the following two situations you find yourself in.

1. Se il vostro partner vi ha fatto capire che ha bisogno di spazio

Lasciateli in pace.

Se subito dopo il litigio, il vostro partner vi ha detto direttamente che bisogno di spazio or told a mutual friend that they can’t talk to you right now, you’re aware of the reason for the lack of contact. This isn’t the time to push and be clingy.

In this case, respect your partner’s wishes and give them space to work out their issues. You can’t make your partner talk to you until they’re ready. Don’t try to get them to explain things right now, and especially don‘t try to continue the argument.

Potrebbero aver bisogno di tempo per tenere il broncio per un po'. Forzare le cose dopo che il vostro partner vi ha detto di non mettervi in contatto con lui non farà altro che prolungare la situazione.

If you dwell on what happened and what they might decide, you‘ll drive yourself crazy thinking about what’s going on. Lasciate perdere per ora per concentrarvi su voi stessi e sulla vostra vita. È più facile a dirsi che a farsi, ma il modo più semplice per non pensare a nulla è trovare qualcosa che vi tenga occupati, preferibilmente facendo qualcosa che vi piace.

2. If your partner hasn’t contacted you since the fight

Contattate.

If you haven’t heard from your partner at all since the fight, you can’t possibly know what’s going on. Your partner might be hurt and need space to work out their feelings, or they might be punishing you. They might be playing games, but avoid the temptation to push back.

Your partner might be stuck in a win/lose mindset and believe that you’re to blame for whatever happened and that you should take the first step. Questo tipo di pensiero non trova posto in un relazione sana, and it’s something you should work on after things have calmed down a little.

Nevertheless, if you’re trying to avoid a breakup, the first thing to do is put your ego aside. Someone has to take the first step, and it might as well be you. Right now, stop focusing on who was right or wrong. Think of your relationship: is being right worth losing it? Mettere l'amore davanti all'orgoglio.

Quanto tempo si deve aspettare per comunicare con gli altri dopo un litigio?

Unless your partner has explicitly told you not to contact them, then do it as soon as possible. If your partner has told you that they need space, don’t contact them until they do. Otherwise, you won’t know what‘s happening until you get in touch.

Potrebbero ignorare il vostro messaggio, nel qual caso you shouldn’t contact them again. They‘ll know you made a move and that the ball is now in their court. They might let you know that they need some time until they’re ready to talk, in which case, dare loro spazio fino a quando non si raggiungono.

Forse il vostro partner stava solo aspettando che foste voi a fare la prima mossa e a dimostrare che ci tenete. If there’s goodwill and a desire to continue your relationship on both sides, you can get over this. Don’t wait for your partner to contact you – reach out and extend an olive branch. Let them know that you’re willing to work for your relationship.

Un buon modo per mettersi in contatto è inviare un messaggio di testo o una segreteria telefonica. This doesn’t put immediate pressure on them to respond like a phone call would, and it gives the both of you the chance to organize your thoughts. Poi, dopo la risposta, potete organizzare un incontro o un altro modo che vi permetta di conversare.

Come comportarsi con il partner dopo un litigio

Communicate with your partner sincerely and respect both of your feelings. There’s no need to be meek and walk on eggshells to avoid spooking your partner. Instead, encourage them to speak up and let you know when they can‘t talk about something.

Your and your partner’s mental health are important factors in the health of your relationship. Le questioni personali possono rendere difficile la risoluzione dei conflitti. It’s important to be understanding and give each other the benefit of the doubt.

1. Pensate al litigio prima di parlare con il vostro partner.

Una discussione può iniziare quando si chiede al partner di fare un lavoro di routine e finisce in lacrime, porte sbattute e silenzio radio. Prima di provare a parlare con loro, riflettete seriamente sul vostro recente litigio. e altri litigi per capire perché una cosa meschina è degenerata e come evitare che si ripeta.

Alcune domande da porsi:

• Was the reason for the fight something that’s been bothering you for a while?

Sometimes couples fight about the same thing over and over again or bottle something up until it explodes. It might be a conflict in their values or a behavior they’re unwilling to change, but it has to be dealt with.

• Did you say something they can’t get over?

Sometimes in the heat of the moment, things are said that don’t seem like a big deal to one person but cut deep and feel overwhelming to the other.

• How did you act in the fight?

Quando comunicate, tutto, dal tono della voce al linguaggio del corpo e alle parole che usate, dice al vostro partner come vi sentite e viceversa. Se durante il litigio eravate molto arrabbiati e vi sentivate vendicativi, il vostro partner potrebbe pensare che i vostri sentimenti per lui siano cambiati.

• Were you fighting to win the fight or to solve the problem?

Costruttivo gli argomenti possono essere utili nelle relazioni. They help you see the other person’s point of view and can even bring you closer together. When all you focus on is proving your point, conflicts end in resentment instead of solutions.

• Do you fight often?

If you often fight about insignificant things, it usually means that there is an underlying issue you’re not dealing with. Before you can move forward, you have to figure out what it is and how to address it.

• Are there other signs that there are issues in your relationship?

Just because you and your partner aren’t best friends (yet) isn’t in itself a problem. On the other hand, if you don’t like spending time together, don’t listen to each other, if you complain and criticize each other, you might be in trouble.

• Did you hurt your partner on purpose?

Sometimes when you‘re hurt and angry, all you want to do is make the other person hurt too, even though you later regret it. Sometimes anger lingers, and people take it further when they should let it go.

For example, posting pics of you partying with friends on social media the next day when you know your partner will see them while they’re hurting.

• Are you willing to work on your problems?

Questo è fondamentale. A meno che entrambi non siate pronti a lavorareLe vostre discussioni continueranno a ripetersi e il vostro ragazzo o la vostra ragazza potrebbe diventare il vostro ex ragazzo o la vostra ex ragazza.

Answers to these questions might give you the answers to ”Why won’t my partner talk to me in a week after a fight?” and “How can I get them to come back?“ You‘ll get a picture of how to apologize and how to approach your partner. Really giving it some thought might even give you an idea if it’s space they need.

2. Don’t view arguments as zero-sum games.

La situazione meno vantaggiosa dopo un litigio in una relazione è quella in cui entrambi i partner si incolpano a vicenda e cercano di avere il sopravvento facendo in modo che l'altra persona si rivolga per prima. If at least one person demonstrates the willingness to communicate and reconcile, it can get easier – just don’t be the one to wait for your partner to do so.

Be honest: it’s very possible that you are also experiencing toxic thoughts and negative feelings regarding who’s to blame e cosa significa essere quello che fa la prima mossa. Prima si abbandona l'idea che chi tende la mano sia il perdente, prima si può intraprendere la strada per migliorare le cose.

Being the one to forgive doesn’t imply that from now on, the other person can do whatever they want or that they’re somehow the winner of the fight. Dovreste comunque avere dei limiti che rendete noti al vostro partner e che vi aspettate vengano rispettati. In una partnership non ci sono vincitori o vinti.

Spendete le vostre energie per cercare una soluzione invece di cercare di vincere la discussione.

3. Siate compassionevoli.

If your partner is reluctant to communicate after the fight, don’t try to force them to open up; instead, give them the option and let them know you’re willing to listen. Emotional distance following an argument isn’t necessarily a sign of a dysfunctional relationship, but it can mean that the person who’s withdrawing isn’t equipped to deal with the situation.

Se il vostro partner vi sta dando il trattamento silenzioso or stonewalling you, it doesn’t have to be seen as an immediate sign that they’re trying to manipulate you, although it can be. Whether it’s a coping mechanism when they’re feeling overwhelmed, they’re too upset to continue, or a manipulation technique can be determined from other aspects of your relationship.

Trying to reach someone who doesn’t want to talk can be frustrating, but trying to force it won’t have any effect aside from making you argue again.

4. Pensate a ciò che dovreste dire.

When you approach your partner, do so with the best intentions and with an idea of what you want to say. Here are some things you might want to include to let your partner know you’re ready to communicate.

• Offer an explanation, but don’t look for excuses. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t mean it if it has hurt your partner.

• Let them know you feel bad about the fight. Be specific if you especially regret saying or doing something. Apologize if you think that’s what you need to do, but make sure your apology is genuine.

- Assumersi la responsabilità per il suo comportamento durante il combattimento e qualsiasi cosa l'abbia portato.

• Express regret about the fight e riconoscere il proprio comportamento.

• Ask your partner how you can make things better. Fate sapere cosa vi serve da loro.

• Show how much your partner means to you and that you want to deal with your problems. Promise – and mean it – that you’ll do better.

- Dite al vostro partner che la vostra relazione è più importante del litigio. and that you don’t want to fight anymore.

5. Sapere quando chiedere aiuto.

Se le cose non possono essere risolte da soli, si consiglia di rivolgersi a un professionista. Se entrambi volete rimanere insieme, dovete imparare a gestire i conflitti e ad affrontare i problemi di fondo della vostra relazione.

Questi sono alcuni segnali che indicano che i problemi nella vostra relazione potrebbero essere troppo grandi per essere risolti da soli e che dovreste chiedere aiuto:

- Minacce. If you’re constantly threatening to break up while you fight, one of these days it’s going to happen. You need to examine why this happens.

- Ultimatum. Questo è l'opposto del compromesso, che è uno dei pilastri di una partnership.

- Derisione. Chiamarsi per nomefare cose solo per fare dispetto all'altra persona e altri segni di voler fare del male all'altro.

- Infedeltà. Rebuilding trust after infidelity is a long and difficult process that can be too much to handle. If you’ve decided to continue your relationship after infidelity, consulenza relazionale potrebbe rendere le cose più semplici.

- Risentimento. Se durante le discussioni si tirano fuori cose non solo di ieri sera, ma anche dell'anno scorso, è possibile che ci siano questioni irrisolte.

Raggiungerli o lasciar loro spazio?

Dopo un grande litigio in una relazione che finisce con voci alzate, lacrime e una riluttanza ad affrontare i problemi reali, entrambi i partner si sentiranno feriti e arrabbiati. The first time you fight with your significant other in that way will be the last time you fight at all unless one of you reaches out because there won’t be a relationship to fight about.

“We had a fight” can easily turn into ”We haven’t talked in a week after fight,” which può trasformarsi in una rottura, a meno che qualcuno non si faccia avanti e non cerchi di sistemare le cose.

You don’t have to be the one to do so, but if you see that your partner hasn’t contacted you in a couple of days and hasn’t given you an indication that they need space, rather than waiting for them to come around, essere quello che si mette in contatto.