Sexiness is not something you can just decide to acquire and then turn it off and on as you please. It’s a quality that is just there and requires being nurtured and worked on. You have to know your body and be comfortable in it, no matter how it looks each day. Feeling sexy in your own skin takes work and effort but once you get there, nobody can tell you otherwise.
A great sex life is extremely dependent on how you see yourself and feel about your naked body. If you are insecure and hesitant, you will unconsciously project that onto your partner and he will see you the way you choose to see yourself. So, it’s of the utmost importance that you learn to rock your body and get in touch with your inner sensual goddess, so that your partner can appreciate you in all of your sexy glory.
There was a time when you were insatiable in bed. Your partner could just look at you a certain way and you would both know what was about to ensue. You were like a wild beast who couldn’t wait to get a hold of your guy and show him how naughty he’d been!
Your confidence was at an all-time high and your sexual appetite was unmatched! You could go all night and it was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette afterward. But nowadays, watching Real Housewives or counting sheep seems to be more interesting than the thought of getting it on. You don’t really know what’s going on with you but you wish you could turn back time and go back to that sexy, flirty girl that you used to be.
Don’t worry, that girl is not gone! You just buried her deep enough to make you worry about yourself but you can easily get her back.
Many of us will blame work, kids, bills and hobbies for our lack of bedroom shenanigans but in reality, that is not what’s causing the cooldown! The real problem lies in the fact that women simply don’t find themselves sexy anymore, once the kids arrive and their time is consumed with taking care of everyone but themselves.
Transitioning from being a sexy, willing and eager beast in the sack, to the role of a mother who barely has time to wash her face in the morning, is a not an easy task.
This is not something you can just conjure up, you can’t just become that girl in an instant. You have to acknowledge the fact that your life is now different from what it used to be and be willing to find a healthy balance that will leave you, your partner, and your kids happy and fulfilled.
You most definitely can get your sexy back. And how? First, you need to change the way your brain sees sex. Usually, you tend to see it as something you give and your partner receives, therefore doing it for him, and you just can’t find the strength or will. But once you start seeing sex as something for yourself, your perspective on it will change.
You need to start seeing it as a treat for you, above anything else. Think of it as a reward after a long, draining day. Let it be something that motivates you to do those chores as efficiently as possible, so that you can relax with your partner and get a little action under the sheets, and well-deservedly so, might I add.
Getting back to that sense of feeling wanted and needed will help you regain your mojo. Give it a few times before it becomes your norm again and before you know it, you won’t have to make yourself get it done like it’s some kind of a chore but rather look at sex as something sexy and sensual that you can’t wait to do after the chores are done and kids are sound asleep.
See, when you finally go back to having sex on a somewhat regular basis, you automatically start feeling that much sexier! It’s a cycle that helps you better every aspect of your life, be that your job, your friendships or hobbies. You will do everything with ease once you start feeling like yourself again during midnight romps with the hubby.
Here are 20 ways to get your inner goddess back, as soon as tonight!
1. Remind yourself of the last time you did it.
Take a few minutes out of your busy day and replay in your mind the last time you and your partner had a really satisfying romp under the sheets. Think of all the specifics surrounding it and how he made you feel. Remind yourself of how good and powerful it felt and whet your appetite!
Remind yourself of how you want and deserve to feel that way again. Being a mommy is amazing but you are so much more than that. Wake yourself up to all of the alluring aspects of sex and of how confident you felt that particular time. That will awaken your appetite for sure and you will want to rip off your partner’s shirt that same night, guaranteed!
2. Touch yourself. (I don’t mean that way but now that you’ve thought about it… why the hell not)
Instead of just taking a quick shower, drying yourself off and running off to tend to the kids, do it a little differently this time. Take your time, for starters. Don’t rush anything. Take a long, warm bath and relax. Light up some candles and put on soothing music.
Take as much time as you need, because peace and quiet is a privilege for you nowadays, so make the most of it. After you’re done with the bath and you have dried yourself off, rub some lotion on your legs but don’t just slap it on. Gently massage your legs and your entire body, until you’re feeling fresh and beautiful.
Do your skincare routine, regardless of how long it takes. Your skin deserves to feel alive and you will feel so rejuvenated and relaxed afterward. Do something for you and please yourself, however you choose to take that. (Any way will do the trick.)
3. Watch something sexy.
Is George Clooney your go-to guy? Make sure to add his hottest movies to your list and watch one alone, without being interrupted. That way, you can do whatever the hell you please. Or whichever movie floats your boat… there is no judging here.
Women (like men!) are visual creatures. When you feast your eyes on some delicious eye-candy, you will awaken your hidden desires and reignite that flame that you’ve been ignoring for so long.
What are you waiting for? Go see that movie that always does it for you and treat yourself to some sexy alone time. You know you need it!
4. Stop comparing your body to that of Victoria’s Secret supermodels.
Throw away any magazine that contains images of young, hot, sexy girls with bodies that you know are Photoshopped, and are really impossible to maintain as a busy mom. Stop idealizing girls on TV that you watch every single day and just remind yourself that you are no longer that girl and your life is amazing the way it is.
There is no way all those girls could pose practically naked on magazine covers after having two kids pushed out of them! At least not without the help of a lot of Photoshop.
Whenever you see those size 0 bodies, remind yourself that those images are unattainable and that yours is more than fine, thank you very much.
5. Ditch the clothes that make you feel unattractive.
If sweats are your go-to clothes after work, you have some serious shopping to do. Putting on sweats the minute you get home from work is the least productive way to feel sexy again. This is not how you will achieve it.
You don’t have to walk around the house in fishnets but invest in some clothes for around the house that show at least some skin and aren’t too loose, to get a glimpse of your figure.
It can be a cute T-shirt and leggings or a silky camisole with your favorite new sweats. Either way, try to revamp your wardrobe a little bit, because it all starts with how you feel about yourself at home, which is where you spend most of your time.
6. Have a much-needed girls’ night out.
When you decide to do something just for you, it will remind you of the girl you used to be. Before taking on the role of a mother and wife, you were a young, wild, spontaneous, carefree girl who knew how to have fun and enjoy life.
It’s time you remind yourself of that girl who knew the importance of putting yourself first from time to time. And guess what? After having spent some well-deserved time with your girls, you will feel fresh and rested and your husband is surely going to love seeing you back to your full glory!
There is nothing more important than taking good care of yourself. Because when you make sure that you are okay and at your full strength, you will be much more capable of taking care of your family.
Don’t feel bad about needing some time for yourself. When you learn to take care of yourself first, everything else will fall in line organically.
7. Hit the gym.
There are so many reasons why you should hit the gym. It’s a great stress reliever, it makes you feel good about yourself when you need to pick yourself up and it allows you to punch the living hell out of something when you’re having a crappy day.
Whenever you’re feeling low, hit the treadmill or lift some weights; even going hiking or walking in nature will help you reduce your stress levels and make you feel strong and capable again.
When you’re taking care of yourself, you’re helping yourself feel more sexy and powerful. And when you feel powerful, there is nothing you can’t do. So let yourself shine and do this for yourself.
8. Take a walk down memory lane.
Take out that old album of when you two first started dating and remind yourself of who you were back then. Memories of your past will take over you and you will start feeling so nostalgic and wanting to get back to that.
Listen to the music you two love or some songs that remind you of him so that when you’re not together, you’re reminded of him, and your thoughts are focused on all those sexy places.
Remember when lust was the number one feeling at the beginning of your relationship? Trust me, it’s still there, and you can easily retrieve it. Get nostalgic about all those sexy times when you just didn’t care about the outside world and the next time you see him, you won’t need him to talk you into anything. You will likely be the one initiating sex.
9. Accentuate the most beautiful part of your face.
If your eyes are your most attractive feature, make sure to pop them with a new eyeliner, or if your lips are the part of your face you love the most, put on a hot, new gloss and let yourself look sexy.
When you primp yourself up a bit, you get in touch with your feminine side, which automatically enhances your desire for sex and intimacy.
But don’t do it for anyone but yourself. You’re the only one who doesn’t see yourself as beautiful as you really are, so get your hands on a fancy, new make-up kit and work on changing that.
10. Buy new underwear.
Get rid of all your old undergarments that you’ve had for years, that don’t make you feel or look sexy in any way. You know, those ripped, stretched granny panties that for some reason you just can’t seem to get rid of but definitely should!
You don’t have to wear G-strings or anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, just get something lacy and cute that will help you with your self-esteem.
There is no rule that forbids you from wearing boxer shorts, as long as that is what makes you feel good about yourself. Just make sure to invest in some new underwear, because it will help you feel sexier and also, your partner will be thankful as well, let’s not forget about him.
So, next time you take off your clothes, your guy will have his jaw on the floor, and it will give you that confidence boost that you need, and the rest is on you two.
11. Let go of your worries.
When you are so concentrated on worrying all the time, there’s no time left for you to feel sexy. There is always going to be something to worry about, so learn to compartmentalize.
Take time each day to take care of as many things as you can but at a certain point, learn to let go for the night, and take care of yourself. You’re going to get everything done, so worrying about it will help solve nothing and it will only make you less prone to get it going in the bedroom.
Learn to let your thoughts and worries go away when it’s bedtime. Tomorrow is a new day and you will take care of things then. But right now, focus on your present situation and make it as enjoyable as possible, primarily for you but also for your partner.
Each morning, take five minutes to just breathe.
Close your eyes, stay focused, clear your mind, and breathe deeply. When you start your mornings with a sense of calmness, you will feel more in touch with your body.
Not to mention, it will help you start your day in the best way possible. Just try to create a relaxing, comfortable atmosphere that will help kick-start your day and make you feel happy to be alive.
Plus being able to start the day focusing on your own well-being can’t be a bad thing. If anything, it gives you some extra me-time and you’re not going to say no to that, are you? Didn’t think so.
13. Appreciate what you see in the mirror.
From being very young, we are taught to scrutinize every part of our body and feel bad about not having that perfect figure that magazine models seem to have.
Instead of doing that, stand in front of a full-length mirror, completely naked, and focus on the things you love about yourself.
Your beautiful tummy that changed after giving birth is still there, holding on, looking not too shabby, after what it went through, so be proud of it.
Love your boobs, however big or small they may be! They are yours, so love them proudly. If you have a perky bum, show it off and walk with confidence.
When you learn to love each body part individually, it will make it so much easier to love yourself in whole.
14. Turn off your phone and all the other screens in the house.
Learn to shut off for an hour each day. Turn off your phone, your laptop and all other screens. Let go of all the distractions and just focus on yourself. Be your own priority for an hour.
Read a book, watch a TV show or do your nails. Your choice.
Just zone out and worry about yourself and remind yourself of how amazingly well you’re doing and how you deserve some pampering.
Don’t feel bad about not doing anything for a whole hour. We all deserve some me-time.
Even if you don’t think you’re a good dancer, it really doesn’t matter. What does matter is how it’s going to make you feel!
Go clubbing with your girls, get a few shots and move your hips to the rhythm of the song! Forget about the world and be present.
When you shake it like there’s no tomorrow, you will get in touch with your sensuality and remind yourself of everything your body can do!
You will start feeling so sexy that you won’t want to stop. And if you don’t have time to hit the clubs, that’s okay, too. Make it a dance party for one then!
Turn on your stereo, put on your favorite dance songs and make sure you’re home alone so you can light it up and completely let loose and get lost in the rhythm.
It may seem crazy now but when you do it, you’ll realize there’s no feeling quite like it.
There’s nothing like a few songs that make you shake your tail feather and get lost in the night. So stop wasting time, put on that music and get to work, you sexy thing!
16. Create a place at home that is kid-free.
There’s no buzzkill quite like seeing your kids’ stuff when you’re in the middle of starting something up.
Make sure you have a kid-free zone at home that won’t distract you from anything you might find yourself doing. In most cases, that is the bedroom.
In every other part of the house you’re Mom and Dad but in the bedroom, you are lovers with no distractions and no cute faces of your babies that will ruin the mood.
Make that a sexy environment that won’t hold any toys, diapers, bottles or suchlike. Just two partners, in a kid-free zone, doing their thing.
17. Spice things up.
Do something you normally never do. It can be as simple as taking on a new hobby that you can do together or you could book a weekend away for just the two of you.
Whatever it is, make sure it is exciting and new, because there is no aphrodisiac like excitement! Be spontaneous and make a spur-of-the-moment decision.
Ask Grandma and Grandpa to take the kids for a night and go to a hotel. Or just have a hot date night. Anything that will make you see why you fell in love in the first place.
Being Mommy and Daddy is the best thing ever but everybody needs a break from their everyday role. Indulge and enjoy yourselves!
18. Go to a spa.
Just because you’re a mom does not give you an excuse to let yourself go!
Hit the spa. Get a mani, a pedi and that Brazilian wax you’ve been dying to try! Pamper yourself and let yourself be girly and enjoy it. It’s been too long, hasn’t it?
When you forget to take care of yourself that way, you can literally feel the sexiness leaving your body. Don’t let that happen and every once in a while, treat yourself to a relaxing spa session.
And why? Because you’re worth it, hot mama!
19. Dim the lights and light up those candles.
Create a sexy atmosphere that will literally make you see yourself in a brand new light.
Set the mood and turn off those strong light bulbs. Instead, light up those scented candles you bought so long ago but never took out of the drawer. Create a beautifully-lit environment that will give you a soothing feeling and bring a sense of calmness to your home.
It will create a warm glow over everything and let’s be honest, it looks so much more flattering than the harsh light from the ceiling.
Make those little changes around the house that will bring you closer to your inner sensuality.
20. Practice yoga.
From being surrounded by so many friends who practice yoga, I have come to realize that they feel much sexier and at peace with themselves than I do.
I asked around what it is about yoga that is so alluring and they all told me that it simply makes you feel in touch with your body and soul and creates a worry-free atmosphere that makes it hard for them to worry about looking a certain way and they are able to appreciate their body in their full, raw form.
I must say, I really am intrigued, so I suggest we all start practicing yoga and see what the fuss is all about.
If it’s anything like my friends have been telling me, then boy, we’re missing out!
So, get on the bandwagon and let’s get to know our bodies and minds outside of the toxicity of the outside world and let them just connect and bring a sense of positivity and acceptance.
We all need some of that in our life.