To my hero, my rock, and my best friend… To my mother.
First of all, I must apologize to you for taking so long to write this letter. It took me almost ten years, but you used to say that it’s never too late to do a good thing.
You left me too soon, with hundreds of unsaid words and even more unexpressed feelings. I know that you didn’t want that either, but life can be unfair sometimes.
I am left in this world with the hope that you are in a better place now and that you finally found your peace.
You were always trying to be a better wife, a better mother, a better daughter, a better friend… and you were. You were THE BEST mama!
You used to say that we won’t be able to understand you and Dad until we have our own kids. And you were right.
Now that I have my daughter, I am aware of all the sacrifices you had to make to raise us. And because of that, I am so very sorry that I can’t thank you enough or to show you how I appreciate it.
But even if you were here, one lifetime wouldn’t be enough to thank you for everything you’ve done for us.
Now I understand that life was never as easy and perfect as you always tried to present it to us.
All we could see on your face is a smile because you wanted to protect us from bad things and evil people.
A smile was your weapon against all the bad things that happened in your life.
We never even assumed that you had any problems because it was your decision not to show us anything except love and happiness. And I am very grateful for that because we had a carefree childhood.
I remember how we used to borrow newspapers from Grandpa just to read the horoscope from it.
And how you used to say that you’re glad I am a Sagittarius because I could protect you with my arrow if something or someone attacks you.
But now, I even hate reading horoscopes because of that evil sign – CANCER. Oh, how life can be ironic sometimes. Unfair and ironic, I think, those are two words that describe it truly.
Your zodiac sign was Cancer, and your granddaughter is Cancer, also. That’s why July is the hardest month for me.
I have to celebrate your and her birthday, and I have to go to your “resting place” (if I call it a grave, it’ll mean you’re never coming home again) because you also passed away in that month.
That’s why July feels like an eternity for me every year. That’s why cancer became my worst enemy that took you away from me at a very young age.
I am so very sorry I couldn’t shoot it and protect you from that evil enemy. I am sorry I failed as your Little Archer.
But mom, I swear that I will help people to fight it every day of my life. Oh, if only I could prevent it from leaving another young girl without her mother ever again.
You were a fighter and maybe you did lose in that last round, but you never surrendered.
That’s why you are a true hero. And your rival, our sworn enemy, cancer, is the biggest coward because it always attacked you when you thought the game was over.
And remember this: Heroes never die, because they live in the stories of other people. And that’s how you are still here with us.
I talk about you every day to your granddaughter and that is how we bring you back every day.
You left us with so many life lessons, so many recipes of our favorite meals, so many beautiful memories, and unconditional love.
You left us so many pieces of yourself but you also took a piece of each of us with you.
I was wondering if we will ever get that piece back again. Or you are keeping it for the day we see each other again?
Even if we get it before then, we will never be whole again until we see you and know for sure that you’re doing great up there, just like you did down here.
I have so many things to say to you, but if only I could see you one last time, for a second at least, I wouldn’t spend our time on words, I would just hug you tight.
That hug would show you how loved and missed you were all this time. I wish I had known how precious our time was, but I always thought that you will be always here. And now I know that, in some way, you will be.
Maybe you are not physically present, but you are here in every other shape and form.
In my mind, my rhymes, my poems, and my heart. The only thing I think I couldn’t resist saying would be these three words: Love you, Mama…
I asked God so many times just to send you in my dreams. But you never came, not even there.
At first, I thought that you were angry because I didn’t say that final goodbye to you, for which I’ve apologized to you every day since.
But I was in another city, studying, trying to make you proud. I know that you were always hoping how I’d finish a great school and become an independent woman one day.
So, I hope you are proud of me now from wherever you are.
Now I have a great husband, beautiful daughter, the best family a person could ever ask for, but still, the best compliment I get is when people say that I look, walk, or talk like you.
Dad says that every time he hears my laugh, he thinks that you’ve come back home.
I don’t have many photographs of you because you didn’t like that, just like I don’t like now, so I don’t blame you for that. The photographs of you in my mind will never fade.
This is not just a letter for my momma… I wanted to write an open letter to all of you who sympathize with me, but also to all of you whose mothers are still here and alive.
Please don’t neglect your mothers. Please be patient with them in their old age like they were with you in your teenage years. Please help them and visit them any time you can. Please don’t let anyone or anything be more important.
Please make sure they know how loved and respected they are. And make sure that you never leave them without telling them how much you love them.
You never know what tomorrow brings, and you’ll forever regret it if you didn’t take the time to say “I love you” one last time.
I hope you know how missed and loved you are, Momma. Hope to see you one day again. Until then, be brave and cheerful as you always were.
Don’t worry about us, we are safe because we have a guardian angel who takes very good care of us.