Something was always pulling me toward you. From the day we met and long after, we became a part of history, the chemistry between us was unbreakable.
I think if I was to run into you, the butterflies in my stomach would go wild and I would get this incredible urge to be between your arms, even though I know you are no longer mine.
Luckily, I hardly ever see you. We don’t move in the same circles anymore. Pulling myself away from you was hard enough as it was and it really is easier that we don’t see or talk to one another.
I am writing this to say I will never forget you but I am not ever going back to you either.
We had our time to make it and I really got all my hopes up that we would, even though I knew deep down I was fooling myself.
We had a bumpy start and the whole relationship was bumpy. I never knew where I stood with you and it used to drive me crazy.
One moment you were all over me and the next you were ignoring me completely. One day you were giving me the world, the next you wouldn’t even want to be a part of my life.
For every step forward, we would take ten steps back. We were falling behind rapidly and there was nothing I could do about it. There was nothing I wanted to do about it.
I knew you were playing games. I knew you were not ready to commit for your own reasons and I was subconsciously choosing to pay that price just to be with you.
I knew you were messing with my mind and my heart but I couldn’t resist you.
Every time I laid my eyes on you, I would forget about all those tears I had cried because you hadn’t shown up on my doorstep like you said you would a few nights before.
I would forget about nights when I couldn’t sleep because I spent them analyzing every moment we spent together. I would forget about everything I was missing and I would be captivated by just your smile.
You would pull me close with those strong hands of yours and I would lose my mind. Everything I wanted to say and everything I wanted to talk about would fade into oblivion.
The only thing that mattered was you and me and that magnetic force of chemistry pulling us closer and closer together.
Your body fragrance was mind-blowing. Your kisses were so gentle and at the same time so strong that it resulted in that perfect combination of sexy and sweet that suited me the best.
We couldn’t keep our hands off each other when we were left alone, no matter where we were. Every touch was filled with electricity, tension and desire.
But I craved your mind too. Our chemistry went beyond sexual, we connected on an intellectual level too. We could talk for hours about anything and everything and I really felt like you got me.
That’s why the end hurt so much. We had it all and we didn’t know how to make something out of it. We didn’t know how to make our relationship last.
Better said, you were too scared to stay.
There was something inside of you that made you run as soon as things would get a bit serious. Whatever I did to change that didn’t change anything. I tried to be understanding.
I gave you the space you needed. I bent over backward to make you happy. I gave you everything and it still wasn’t enough. You were still going in and out of my life and I couldn’t take it anymore.
The last time you left, with all intentions of coming back, I didn’t let you back. I realized I had wasted years waiting for you to stay and never leave my sight. Waiting for you to conquer your fears and be the man I deserved.
There are still days when I want to answer your texts or call you and just talk endlessly. But I can’t. I know that if I heard your voice I would back down and let you in again.
If that was to happen, we would just go back to where we were. You would still behave like my heart has a switch and you can turn my feelings on and off by request.
I can’t handle that anymore. You had too many chances to be the man that I needed and you never used them.
I am not over you yet. At least not completely. Chemistry is still there. Love is still there. Desire is still there but I need more, I need safety and commitment and you are never going to give me that.
Leah Lee – Writer. Dreamer. Adventurer. Eternal Optimist.
I am an English language and literature professor and writing came naturally alongside that. It was something I did for me until I decided to share it with the rest of the world.
I write about love, emotions, relationship issues and ways to solve them and most importantly about empowering women to become the best versions of themselves.
My inspiration comes from all that I’ve been through in life, and it was a bumpy road but full of valuable lessons. I hope that my experience will do some good to all of those who like to read my work.