For most of my life, I have given attention and affection to all who asked. I’ve put everyone else’s needs before my own, which led me to ignore my own.
The only thing I got from trying to make everyone around me happy was a broken heart.
That made me realize that no one is worth my tears and my pain. It made me realize that I don’t love myself.
Others have forced me to hate myself and whom I have become.
I was never supposed to be the person I have become. I know I’m not that person deep inside.
I know that a long time ago I was satisfied with myself, I loved and respected myself but life forced me to change—you forced me to change.
I was full of negative energy and sadness was raging inside me. It came out of me, destroying everything I loved and making me feel even worse than I already did.
But I didn’t want to show what was going on inside my mind. I concealed that depression and anger that was raging inside me, which led me to the point of almost utter self-destruction.
Others wondered how I could be so positive even when my life was falling apart. I’ll tell you how.
Although I’d almost lost my self-respect and self-love, in my darkest times I rediscovered it. I found shelter in myself from all the anger that was growing inside me.
My good side, my love for myself, conquered the sadness and the fear I felt because I was scared of becoming more than enough for myself.
I was scared of becoming someone I once was.
I survived heartbreaks like every other person. I choked on my own tears and I spent a whole lot of nights awake, crying out your name.
I spent days not wanting to get up out of the bed, trying to find the reason why we didn’t work out.
I blamed myself for not trying hard enough, but then I realized it was not my fault. It was never my fault. I just wasn’t something you needed, nor were you something that I needed.
I spent too much time trying to make you happy that I forgot about my own happiness. I ignored my feelings to the point that I lost my true self.
I tried to be enough for you, but I was never supposed to be yours in the first place. You walked into my life with one purpose only and that was to remind me to respect and love myself and to never change for anyone’s sake.
That was the lesson I learned the hard way, but it was worth it, so thank you.
When we broke up, I thought I was going to be lost. I thought I’d lost my strength because I thought you were the one who gave it to me. I thought you were the reason
I kept going and fighting. Now, I realize you were holding me back.
You were making me hate myself and what I’d become. That isn’t supposed to happen with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.
After surviving that emotional roller-coaster, I have finally found someone strong. I found someone who is pushing me to want more.
I found someone who told me it’s alright to be something you want to be.
I found someone who told me it’s important to love yourself and only then can you love someone else.
That someone was me.
I want to give all the love I used to give others to myself. That way I’m going to grow stronger and when I mature completely I will be able to love someone who truly deserves it. But first of all, I have to find myself.
I know that after all I have been through, after I realized what I needed, that I’m the one who is in control of my life. I’m the one who decides what’s right and what’s wrong with me.
I’m the one who can change the course of my own happiness. And I wouldn’t be able to do it without your help.
I wouldn’t be able to do it if you hadn’t left me and made me realize that I have to find myself, which after so much pain and so many tears I finally did.
After I found myself and chose to love myself, I realized that I’m going to spend the rest of my life with myself and because of that I have to make peace with myself.
I have to be my own best friend and the only person who I can change is me.
