Dear ‘love of my life’,

I still remember that night when I said it was over. I remember you standing in front of me and looking at me like you are looking at a stranger in the street. I still feel those chills in my body when you just said, “Okay”.

Without even trying to fight for me. Without even trying to talk to me and to apologize for all that shit you did to me. You accepted my decision like it was the most normal thing in the world.

Wait! Who is crazy here?

Do you just let go of the one you love so easily?

Don’t you fight for someone who means the world to you?

Those questions kept running through my head while I watched you leave. I didn’t know what you felt inside of you. But I know that I didn’t get the reaction I wanted to see. You left me like I was never yours. Like we haven’t spent all these years together—dreaming about the house we will buy and our kids that will play in the backyard.

With only one word, you sank all my boats. Your ignorance made me feel like a fool. It looked like I was the only one who was in love in our relationship. It looked like I was the only one ready to fight every second.

And you? You were just a coward because you let me go so easily. Like I never belonged to you. Like you never cared about me. Like I was just a stranger in the street. And that moment, I realized that I don’t want you anymore. I don’t need a man who won’t fight for me. I don’t need an almost relationship. I deserve so much more from my life, and unfortunately, you can’t provide me with that.  

I wanted you to fight for me, but you couldn’t do even that!

If you are such a coward who lets go of the one you love, then I don’t need you either. I want a man who will be there for me in my moments of sorrow. I need a man who will support me in my decisions. I need a man who will give me his hand when life gets rough.

And, baby you are not that man. And you never were. I was just blindly in love with you so I couldn’t see other men who were trying to win me over. I trusted you when you said that you want to marry me.

I trusted you when you said that you want me to be the mother of your children. And I bought all that shit like an idiot while you had a different plan in mind. You made me feel so safe with you but you were thinking of good ways to leave me. And I felt that something was wrong. I saw that in your eyes. Your eyes weren’t the same as before. They weren’t looking at me with the same passion.

Instead, they were cold, like someone turned off that flame that was burning inside of them. And the eyes are the mirror of the soul. That’s how I knew something was wrong. But I never imagined something like this could happen.

I never thought the love of my life will let me go. I just thought we are experiencing a bump in the road and that we will solve all our problems with talk. But I was so wrong. I didn’t see this one coming. And I must admit it knocked me off my feet. I couldn’t believe that this was happening to me. To us. I thought we were a happy couple—the one that will grow old together. But no, God had a different plan for us. He wanted to see us separated.

Young woman walking on snow looking on the side

And now, when I look back, I am a happy and a satisfied woman. You want to know why? Because I was saved from a man who didn’t deserve me. From a man who would sell me for his dreams. From a man who was a coward and couldn’t give his heart. To the man who was afraid to love and to be loved. I don’t want a man like that. I wanted a man who would fight for me, but you even couldn’t do that. You didn’t show me any respect. You didn’t say that you were sorry.

You just left me like I was a dog in the street. You didn’t care if I would be okay, if I would scream and have a nervous breakdown. You just left like I was never yours. And thank you for doing that. Now, I know what I want from my life. Now, I know what kind of man I deserve. I know my worth and I know that I won’t give you a second chance.

Because I gave you so much more than you deserved—so many sleepless nights waiting for you to come home. So many talks late at night, telling you that you shouldn’t be worried about our problems, because if we love each other we will solve them all.

In all that mess, I failed to see that you didn’t want us to solve it all. You wanted to ruin our kingdom that we were building together, so we can’t enjoy it. For some reason, you thought that we can’t work. And I wanted us to work. I really did.  

But your words were the last ones. And I couldn’t do anything about that. I can just thank God for saving me from a broken man like you. Because my life with you would be everything but happy. With a broken man, nothing is easy, and I wasn’t ready for someone like that. I wanted you to fight for me and tell me that you would rather be alone than with someone else.

But unfortunately, I never heard those words coming out of your mouth. I heard just a simple “Okay” that I will remember until I die. And just because of that word, I will never let myself have an almost relationship like I had with you.

And you?

One day, I hope you will look back at what we had and regret every single thing you did to let it end!

With zero love,

The girl who gave up