In case you don’t know what it means to be an emotionally unavailable woman or how to deal with one, you’re in the right place because I’ll explain it all to you in this article.
To be honest, it’s not that difficult to recognize this type of woman. She carries huge emotional baggage from the past and has scars that are almost impossible not to notice.
Some people may say that she is heartless but that’s not true at all. She just had too many bad experiences in the past that made her develop that avoidant attachment style.
Just because she doesn’t want to build a deep emotional connection with other people and keeps that emotional distance from all the others, it doesn’t make her stony-hearted because she does care and validate the feelings of other people indeed.
That emotional unavailability and the fear of intimacy make it hard for her to establish a healthy relationship with a man, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve to be loved, too.
The truth is that it’ll be challenging to build and maintain a successful intimate relationship with an emotionally unavailable woman, but in the end, you’ll see that it was all worth it.
You’ll understand that you really got a unique woman who’ll love you in the most unique, strongest and deepest way possible.
We’ll talk about the signs of emotionally unavailable women a bit more, but first, let’s explain what being emotionally unavailable exactly means.
What Is An Emotionally Unavailable Woman?
She has a hard time opening up to someone and talking about her feelings.
Maybe she had a troubled childhood or was a part of an abusive relationship. That awful experience could be the cause for her emotional unavailability.
She is someone who has low self-esteem and who is commitment-phobic.
She believes she doesn’t deserve anything good in her life and that people will let her down sooner or later.
She tends to choose unavailable partners because, in that way, she can distance herself.
That’s why all her romantic relationships fail. She could never find happiness with anyone, and she thinks she never will.
Whenever someone tries to approach her, she creates a wall around herself. That is her defense mechanism because she doesn’t want to be hurt again.
All she wants is emotional availability and a committed relationship, but it is hard for her to develop them.
Emotionally Unavailable Woman Traits
Below are 16 signs of an emotionally unavailable woman and if you notice some of them in the early stages of your relationship, don’t end it or give up on this kind of woman. Be with her, support her and show her that she deserves to be loved as we all do in fact.
That will benefit her mental health, help her overcome the fear of intimacy and she will again be that happy girl who loves life so much!
She is not interested in getting to know you
A woman like this doesn’t want to get to know you better because she is scared of what she might reveal.
The truth is that all of her previous relationships taught her to protect herself since she has been hurt many times.
Now, it has become a part of her life, her defense mechanism. And she can’t do a lot about it.
But if you put some effort and show her that love is a beautiful thing, she will eventually open up to you.
She just needs some time, and if you give her what she needs, she will transform your life into the most beautiful love story.
She is casual about relationships
An emotionally unavailable woman is not like the rest of the women. She is totally casual about relationships, and she will admit it. She is active on different dating apps and she texts with other men on social media even when she engages in a serious relationship with someone.
She just wants to be seen as someone who doesn’t care at all for other people’s feelings, but in fact, she just keeps her guard up (and probably calls you ‘bro’).
If you try to make a long-term relationship with her, she might get scared and vanish.
She won’t come back until she feels good about it. You can call her but she won’t answer. You can text her, but she won’t text you back.
She will be the unavailable partner you didn’t have before. But there is something mysterious about her that will make you try to get to know more about her.
The most important thing is that you give her time to learn more about the new emotions and emotional needs she is facing.
First of all, you need to become her best friend, so she can relax and later develop an intimate relationship with you.
She is available if she wants to be
An emotionally unavailable woman won’t care about your feelings so much.
Not because she doesn’t want to but because she thinks it is not important.
Just because she doesn’t put her feelings first, she thinks that she shouldn’t do it for others as well.
As you start to get to know her better, you will sometimes recognize that bitchy way of treating others.
But that is not her at all. That is just her defense mechanism. She thinks that others won’t hurt her if she doesn’t catch deep feelings for them.
Those are traumas from her past relationships while she was dating unavailable men.
She needs a lot of time and patience to recover and be the old version of herself.
But if you give her your support and care, she will reciprocate in multiple ways.
She asks for attention all the time
She will ask for your attention all the time, and that is a part of her. If you talk to someone else while she is there, she will interrupt you so many times just so you could pay attention to her.
Things like that are red flags you shouldn’t ignore but try to work on.
Just because she had heartbreak in her previous relationship doesn’t mean that she can act badly toward you.
Because of her past partners who were narcissistic, she struggles to make healthy and committed relationships.
A close relationship and the emotional intimacy simply don’t mean the same to her as it does to other people.
She fears giving her heart to a man while others crave something like that to happen. Unavailable people are her people and she feels the best in their company.
She doesn’t like any type of commitment
An unavailable woman fears any type of commitment because of her past relationships.
She was probably a victim of some narcissist who destroyed her, and now she has health concerns.
She suffers from low self-esteem, and all her romantic relationships are mostly a fail.
If she acts like this, just know that this is just one of the telltale signs of a woman who has been through a lot.
She probably had a troubled childhood where she couldn’t talk about her emotions openly, and now she has problems with establishing any kind of meaningful connections with other people.
If your past is hunting you in a similar way, you should visit a psychotherapist, for the sake of your mental health. They will teach you to fight, accept and embrace your own emotions in a healthy way.
But even if this girl faces all these problems alone, she also needs someone to love her.
So, just because it will take a little bit more to win her over, don’t give up because she is worth it.
She is dominant
Some guys really like dominant women, but if you feel like a fool every day because she makes all the life decisions instead of you, you will eventually explode. So please, don’t let that happen.
Be aware of the fact that she is emotionally cold and doesn’t have feelings for others.
She will always want to be the one who rules everything and who makes all the important decisions, not even asking you if you are okay with them.
Remember that a relationship is not a one-way street and that you should also decide about things that matter to you. It is true that unavailable people do things like this, but, if you hold your line, she will respect it.
On the other hand, if you let her walk all over you, she will definitely use that.
Since this is one of the biggest red flags, I suggest you talk to her openly about the future of your relationship. That is the only way you can develop a healthy relationship with her.
She will make you feel guilty about everything
Emotionally unavailable women will never admit that they made a mistake.
That’s why a woman like this will try to make you feel guilty about everything.
If you two fight about something, she will act like a victim, and she will never allow you to get away with anything that hurt her.
She has an enormous need to control everything and to blame you for the things you didn’t do.
She has suffered some pretty big heartbreaks in the past, and that’s why she acts like this with you.
Her emotional unavailability is making her look like a bitch. I am not saying she is, but that is how it looks.
The truth is that she needs to work hard on improving herself, and once she realizes how to act in a relationship, she will be an ideal woman to be with.
She never relies on you
This woman won’t rely on you because she doesn’t need anyone’s help.
She thinks that she doesn’t need a man to complete her and that she is already whole.
That’s why she would rather struggle with getting something done instead of asking for your help.
She knows that is a bad thing, especially in love relationships, but she can’t help it.
This isn’t something that should surprise you because most unavailable people do this.
Her past relationships left scars on her heart so deep that she won’t recover that easily. She doesn’t want you to fix her but to hold her while she is fixing herself.
Even if she is in a long-term relationship, she won’t let her man come close to her.
She will always be the one who will take care of herself and who will fight for her own rights.
She wants it all
One of the telltale signs of an emotionally unavailable woman is the fact that she wants it all, and she wants it now.
Sometimes she acts like a child who wants that candy but can’t get it. That’s why the relationship with her will be hard to handle.
She will always put herself first, and she won’t think about your feelings so much.
That doesn’t mean she is bitchy. It just shows that she has gone through a lot in her past relationships.
She thinks that if she doesn’t get everything at the same moment, you don’t love her.
What she doesn’t understand is that the world doesn’t revolve around her and that others have feelings as well.
If you care about her but you see that you can’t have a normal relationship with her, try to talk to her.
Explain to her that she needs to start living by some new rules and that that is the only way to develop a normal relationship with you.
Her career is more important than you
I know a career is very important to all of us, but we should distinguish between our private and business lives.
It is a fact that money makes the world go round, but that shouldn’t be a priority for her. It means her loved ones’ lives are less important than her business goals and clients are.
Tell her that you two should each take some time for your business lives but on the other hand, you should spend some time taking care of things that happen in your love lives.
Explain to her that relationships are all about love and support and that you can’t give her everything if she doesn’t want to repay you with the same. If she cares about you at all, she will listen to you and change.
But if not, you can’t force her to do something that she doesn’t want to do. All you can do is offer her your help.
The rest is on her. It is up to her if she will accept your help or not. Even if she doesn’t, don’t take it too personally—because she definitely won’t!
She expresses love in strange ways
The fact is she does feel things, but when it comes to expressing her feelings, she just freezes.
If you feel bad about it, you can just imagine how it feels for her. Some women do this on purpose in order to make guys respect them.
I would say that this is a proven tactic for a happy relationship. On the other hand, women like this can’t affect the way they feel. I mean, they can pretend, but everything has its expiration date.
With her, you will always feel a little bit awkward, and you will never know if she is pretending to be happy with you or she really is.
If you think you can adjust to her temper and her behavior, then you should stay with her.
But if you feel bad about the way she acts, it is time to separate because you will just suffer more.
Who knows—maybe you’ll start dating again after a while, after everything falls into place.
She prefers listening
If you caught yourself with a woman who tends to listen more than speak, you can be sure she is emotionally broken.
For some reason, she feels better when you are the one who is talking.
Sometimes she wants to hear your opinion, so talk while you can because this sort of woman is very moody.
It means she will let you talk one moment, and the next, she will say that she has a headache and will just leave.
That happens because of her mood swings, but if you know her well, you will know that she doesn’t mean anything bad when doing it.
She just feels she should do something like that, and she doesn’t think about how it could make you feel.
Maybe to some, that is strange, but to her, it is completely normal to put herself first and do things she feels comfortable with.
She thinks you are not worth being with her
Even if you act crazy by buying her expensive gifts, making romantic dinners and wearing your heart on your sleeve all the time, for her that’s not enough.
She would object to every guy who approached her, though, and that’s a fact.
It means you can work your ass off, but she still won’t be pleased. I just wonder why women like this have this kind of opinion.
Is it something in their genes or have they suffered trauma during their childhood? Because, honestly speaking, I can’t find any other valid reason for that kind of behavior.
You should know that no matter how much you try, you will never be enough for her.
A woman like this will keep being unavailable until she resolves the issues inside herself.
It is not about you—it is about her, and no, this is not a cliché.
She will never settle for less than she deserves, and if she doesn’t think you are the right one for her, all your efforts will be in vain.
She is a perfectionist
Let’s be honest—I am also a perfectionist, but I am not as cold as an ice cube.
I have feelings for others, and sometimes their happiness is more important to me than my own.
The catch is, this is one of the common signs of emotionally unavailable people.
If you want to be her partner, you will probably have to be a freaking rocket scientist.
These women always aim high, and they never stay in a relationship with an average guy.
She is the kind of woman who wants to use all of her potential and use life as best as she can.
Sherry Gaba, LCSW, says: “People that focus on the facts or the analysis of an issue but never talk about feelings or express how they feel are often emotionally unavailable.”
That’s why this kind of woman will overanalyze everything except her own feelings. Instead of talking about her emotions and expressing them in a healthy way, she chooses to keep quiet about her emotional state and to keep her feelings for herself.
She is constantly angry
It is okay when people are angry for some reason, but she doesn’t have any reason to feel that way.
She gets mad about some trivial things that you could handle by just talking.
Whenever she has the chance, she will complicate things instead of making them simple.
You will see that, in a relationship with this type of woman, you will never get as much as you give and that no matter how much you try, she will never be fully satisfied.
The bottom line is that emotionally unstable women are very difficult to live with.
If she is like that at the beginning of your relationship, you can just imagine how brutal she will be after 10 years of marriage.
She could transform into something that you would never want to see in your wildest dreams and to be honest, it won’t be something that you will like.
If you notice some of these signs, think twice before you put a ring on her finger!
She doesn’t even try to understand you
A woman like this won’t try to put herself into your shoes. That is simply not something she does because she always puts herself first.
Even if you are suffering and have some problems that you want to share with her, she will talk about her own problems.
She won’t even listen to you because it is not important how others feel but how she feels.
As cold-hearted as it sounds, this kind of woman will never miss her wellness spa day or a girls’ night out to stay at home and talk about things that are bothering you.
She is sometimes pretty selfish, so think twice before you start any serious relationship with her.
Chances are weak that she will change unless she starts working on herself.
In Sum
As you could see, dating an emotionally unavailable woman can be a real challenge. This kind of woman needs to change her life from the core to be able to provide a man with a happy and healthy relationship.
She knows what she wants from her life, and she won’t accept anything less than that! So if you think that you are strong enough to deal with her, just bring it on, and make the first move.
I just want to warn you that it won’t be so easy to handle her because she will want everything to be on her own terms. You’ll need to change her without her noticing what you’re trying to do.
And the only way to change her is to show her that she can be truly loved. Loved in an unselfish, the most honest and unconditional way.
So, I am asking you: Are you strong enough to love a broken woman?
This would be a great article if it didn’t get rude?? Over half of these aren’t emotional unavailability, maybe a few bullet points. The advice shouldn’t be “Shes psycho! leave her!” (exaggeration), but maybe rather “Tell her about how you feel and work through it, but don’t hold on to pointless hope forever.” afterall, a healthy relationship with someone you care about should be the both of you working together to overcome obstacles and flaws. :^)
You’ve got great insights about the Article, Thanks and keep up the good work!
http://diceview.com/10-ways-to-save-a-relationship-in-crisis/
I didn’t realize I was e/u until I found myself facing my toughest adversary, in the relationship I’m in presently. The “signs” in this article hardly speak to our personalities.
I would describe myself as, an introvert who has my shit together. My “guy” (because a “boyfriend” title has implications) is an extrovert, who has his shit together.
I call him my “adversary” for the reason that he’s my mirror. Being emotionally unavailable, is more than, the narcissistic traits that this article primarily covers. It’s a reflection of something that’s broken inside yourself.
Neither me nor guy, will give up our residences. We’re workaholics, we don’t cuddle (it’s suffocating to the both of us) I never call him, he checks in when he feels like it, we stand one another up often, we’re very private people, and, any question that requires an explanation to our relationship, is overtly side-stepped or, ignored.
We can spend all day with each other and never say a word. We can talk all day without getting on one another’s nerves. We don’t trust each other. I promised to never leave him, then, I disappeared for a week. He says he’s coming over and never shows up. We’re broken. We don’t try to fix each other.
I am an emotionally unavailable woman – so I deliberately stay away from relationships or tell guys to stop pursuing me. I feel happy all on my own and find so !any things to do I hardly have time to think about love. I am not insecure, needy or dependent on others and I do not treat blue collar workers with disrespect. I don’t have anger issues or think o myself as superior, neither am I bitchy. A lot of my friends say I am the kindest person they know. But I will not small talk with you or wait for you to sort out your complicated emotions, if u get mushy on me I will just leave. I can go out on a date with a guy and ignore him the next day – will not answer his calls or texts. Why? Because I know he is being needy and demands more emotional support from me then what I can give and the whole process exhausts me to the point I actually get headaches. The next moment, when something pops up and I need his help, I will not be ashamed to ask him for it. For me, intentions are more important than daily procla!actions o love, which I feel are unnecessary. I prefer to show love thru action than affection or words.
So, you’ll ignore a guy that shows any interest in you, but if something “pops up” and you need help, you’ll give him a call. Oh well, at least you don’t look down on blue collar workers…that’s decent of you.
Swap the sexes- men are portrayed a lot more positively as c/p types than women are. Most points are negative or geared towards negative impressions on c/p women. Google this in men and all of them- most are geared towards positive reflections of men it makes them sound like they’re too good for anyone. These articles come across as sexist- it’s still a problem. There’s no mentioning of men as angry/negative/self absorbed if they are c/p’s- they’re just ‘guarded’ and they’re having too much fun or something.
hmmm…. sounds like it hit a nerve or maybe you were banished’s ex……….
I’ve just recently come to understand, as my 2nd marriage is ending by her demand after a long-term marriage, that I’m attracted to emotionally unavailable women. Over 70% of the points in the article describes both spouses, and both indeed had traumatic childhoods. I’m also attracted to smart women. It is not as hard to discover a woman’s intellect long before having a grasp on her ability to connect at an emotional level. At least I’ve learned something about myself through this mess.
Honestly, this is mostly just an independent woman. The woman your describing is not evil or entirely “fucked up”, she’s just not the typical woman. She’s not a super needy cry baby who won’t let her man do the things he likes, because she has a life of her own. It is wrong to assume that a woman with the attributes is emotionally unavailable as well, the traits you have given and described are not what emotional unavailability is like. Sorry, but you should do your research before you decide to make an article like this.
This is poisonous.I’ve experienced some of these dramas. Most of these women have daddy issues or similar. they considered themselves as self-worthy, independent, yada yada but tbh just purely selfish. plus they will seek your attention constantly but pay no attention at all when you needed. they will not support you rather pity you and treat you without any consideration. I have dated women for a long time and have met very few of these women. Some are flexible and you could give love, comfort, attention as much as they deserve. Leave them unless you have to, because longer it gets more poisonous things become. They will say whatever tf they want so It’s better to leave or move out from em. Love those who are deserved to be loved. leave the rest behind because they have chosen to.
This is a clear sign of a sociopath. Get out of the relationship fast if you are noticing this type of personality in your partner. I just realized myself that I was dating one and now seeking therapy because of its destructive ending.
Incoherent, inconsistent and plain bs in my humble opinion. This is not emotional unavailability is.
This is nonsense.
Great article. This was my ex gf to a tee. I let the relationship go on longer than it should have and was crushed when it ended. I felt so loney in the relationship but she seemed to be able to sense that at times and reel me in with some affection. I was literally begging for affection and any deep conversations that I tried to have made her uncomfortable and we never had any satisfying conversations . The only time she was genuine with affection was when she had had a few drinks. When the relationship ended, I always thought I could have done more and deluded myself into thinking she was changing and I should have held on a bit longer. I believe I only hung on b/c I was very physically attracted to her. Currently, I am in a relationship with someone who is emotionally available and it is much much better. The one regret I have is that I was not honest with her about my feelings and that I let her make me feel bad about a lot of things instead of calling her out on it. Had I expressed myself, I believe the break up would have been easier instead of leaving it on very unfulfilled terms(though I shouldn’t be surprised since the relationship felt unfullfilled). If you find yourself with an emotionally unavailable partner, run. Only she can decide when she is ready to change and if she isn’t changing for you, I guess that just means you aren’t important enough to her for her to make any changes in her life. You can’t fix other people