When you start seeing signs that you’re dealing with an unfaithful partner, the first question you ask yourself is “Is he cheating on me am I paranoid?”
You don’t know whether you’re overreacting, or if this guy really is making a fool of you and sneaking around behind your back.
Naturally, you feel helpless. You don’t want to accuse your loved one of doing something he hasn’t done and make yourself look crazy but you don’t want to keep on living a lie either.
The following questions can be thought of as an “Is he cheating on me or am I paranoid” quiz.
Answer them as honestly as possible and if most of the clues point toward him having an affair, it’ll help you decide what to do.
1. Have you had these doubts in the past?
Whether they like to admit it or not, there are some people who constantly accuse their partners of infidelity, even when they have no reason to doubt them.
They’re simply possessive and jealous and can’t help but be suspicious of their loved ones.
If you’re one of those people, you’ve probably asked yourself “Is he cheating me, or am I paranoid?” before. You’ve probably experienced this type of relationship anxiety before. However, previously it’s turned out to be a false alarm every single time.
Luckily, once you had all the evidence, you realized that it was all a part of your imagination. Your boyfriend was never cheating on you and it was all in your head.
In this case, maybe it’s time to rethink your doubts. There is a huge possibility of history repeating itself.
I know you can’t control this but if these questions are something you have struggled with before for no particular reason, there is a chance that you have nothing to worry about this time either.
On the other hand, it’s a completely different situation if this is the first time you’ve ever faced these doubts.
In this case, it is likely that your gut feeling is trying to send you a message and that these suspicions are something that should be investigated further.
After all, you’ve never accused him of cheating in the past.
Therefore, something different must be going on in your lives for you to even have these thoughts in the first place and you’re probably not just paranoid about your partner cheating.
2. What do your friends think?
You and your partner are the only two people in your romantic relationship.
You’re the ones whose opinions matter, the ones who should be making all the decisions, and the only ones who will suffer the consequences of those decisions.
However, when you’re going through these kinds of struggles in your mind, sometimes it’s not a bad idea to talk to a third person. You need a wider perspective on things.
You need someone who will tell you the truth, as harsh as it can be. Someone who will be objective enough to look at things realistically.
Basically, in this situation, you could use the view of someone who is not biased and who has absolutely no emotional involvement in the story or your relationship.
The best people for the job are your closest friends, co-workers, or family members.
Just be careful who you confide in because there are some evil people who will use your secrets and vulnerabilities against you when you least expect it.
Sit down with your best friend or a close family member and tell them what you see. Ask them directly: “Is he cheating on me or am I paranoid?”
Make sure to be as honest as possible. Instead of talking about things the way you see them, tell them everything exactly as it is.
Of course, none of these people can be the judge. They can never tell you for sure what’s going on in your relationship.
Nevertheless, they can open your eyes and tell you if it’s more likely that you’re just paranoid about your partner cheating or that he really is having an affair.
3. Does he hide his cell phone?
One of the first telltale signs of cheating is that the cheater starts hiding his phone out of the blue.
After all, this is his main means of communication with his lover, so he has to make sure you don’t get your hands on it and find out about his affair.
Therefore, this is the first thing you should pay close attention to when you’re asking yourself “Am I paranoid or is he cheating on me?”.
Has he suddenly started taking his phone to the bathroom? Has he stopped charging it in some place visible?
Has he started sleeping with his phone under the pillow? Has he changed his password or turned on fingerprint or face identification?
It is one thing if your boyfriend or husband has been doing all of this since you first got together. Maybe he is just a man who values his privacy and in that case, there is probably nothing to worry about.
However, if he used to be completely open about everything going on on his phone or laptop but has suddenly shifted his behavior, that’s a bit strange.
There is absolutely no doubt that he is hiding something.
Maybe he is not texting one woman in particular. Maybe he is active on dating sites, such as Tinder, which is a problem enough and is also a type of cheating.
In that case, don’t snoop around and become a stalker, even though this is probably the first impulse you have. After all, you should respect his privacy.
Instead, ask him directly if you can see his phone. If he makes a huge fight out of it and gets all defensive, I’m sorry to break it to you but your doubts are probably true.
4. Did his schedule suddenly change?
You’ve been with this man for ages and up until now, you two have had a healthy relationship. You know the essence of his being and naturally, you know his schedule.
You know at what time he usually wakes up, where he drinks his coffee, when he comes home from work, and how often he goes out with his friends.
Nevertheless, his routine has suddenly changed, without any specific reason and that is an alarming sign.
When someone is having an affair, they need time to spend with their lover. However, this becomes a problem when they live by a strict schedule.
That is why they have to change their routines to fit their lover in and that is exactly what your partner is trying to do.
Therefore, all of a sudden, he allegedly starts going out with friends more often than before. He is always so busy at work that he has to work overtime (however, his finances don’t seem much better).
If you don’t live together, he’ll probably tell you that he was sleeping late every time you couldn’t reach him.
He might tell you that he’s going to sleep earlier just to avoid seeing you and so he can have some time to see the other woman in his life.
Even if he tells you where he is at, it is likely that he has changed his usual restaurants, coffee shops, or clubs.
He doesn’t want to be seen with his lover and he is afraid that he might run into you so he goes someplace else.
5. Has he become different in the bedroom?
Many women say that they figured out that their significant other was cheating on them because he stopped sleeping with them.
After all, this guy is having some fun under the sheets with his lover so he doesn’t have enough energy to please his girlfriend or wife.
Besides, the sad truth is that being with this other woman is more interesting for him.
He is doing everything he can to prove to her that he is this big stud and he has no desire to put any effort in when he is around his romantic partner.
Well, even though this can be a big red flag, you need to bear in mind that there may be some other reasons behind this problem.
Maybe your boyfriend is experiencing some health problems that he doesn’t want to talk to you about, or maybe he is not happy with his performance in bed and that dissatisfaction has killed the mood.
Maybe he is on the verge of depression.
Either way, before accusing him on being a cheater based on this sign only, it would be a better idea to talk to him honestly about the situation.
On the other hand, you should be aware that some men’s performance under the sheets actually improves after or during an affair.
This entire situation brings them excitement and they feel like better lovers just because two women want them at the same time.
Another thing that may give you a hint that he is cheating on you are some of the new moves in the bedroom.
Maybe he’s been educating himself and wants to experiment but there is also a possibility that this new woman has shown him some tricks which he is using on you as well.
6. Has he become more attentive?
When your partner becomes more attentive but at the same time your gut feeling is telling you that something is wrong, the question “Is he cheating on me or am I paranoid?” is inevitable.
After all, this man has finally become the boyfriend you’ve always wanted him to be and you have a chance of having a healthy relationship but even that doesn’t satisfy you.
You feel guilty for your thoughts but you can’t chase them away, no matter how hard you try.
Well, let me tell you one thing. It has been proven that any sudden shift in behavior that starts without any apparent reason can be a sign that something – including infidelity – might be going on.
So, you’re not crazy for having your doubts. In fact, many women who have been cheated on say that their partners became extra kind and loving the moment they started their affairs.
The problem here is not this man’s behavior. What is off is his change in behavior, which has come out of nowhere.
I won’t lie to you: there is a chance he’s been cheating on you. However, he feels guilty for his behavior so he has become extra careful towards you.
There is also a possibility that he is subconsciously or deliberately trying to mask his shameful actions.
He assumes that you’ll never get to the bottom of his actions if he takes care of you and treats you like you’re the only woman he has eyes for.
7. Has he changed his appearance?
Being attractive and taking care of your looks isn’t reserved for women only.
In fact, it is great when you see a man who is still interested in looking his best for his partner, even after years of relationship or marriage.
However, it has been proven that men who cheat suddenly change their appearance for the better.
After all, he knows that you love him no matter what so he thinks there is no need to dress up for you. Nevertheless, things are different when it comes to this other woman.
He’s just met her and wants to make the best possible first impression. Besides, this girl still hasn’t gotten to know him so all he has are his looks.
Out of the blue, a cheater changes his haircut. If he has grey hairs, he might even dye them back to the original color.
He stops wearing old sweatpants and T-shirts when he goes out. Instead, he changes to fancy shirts – or even suits.
He changes his deodorant and perfume. He showers more often and pays special attention to his skin care.
This is especially the case if your partner has found someone younger. He pretends to be more compatible with this girl and does everything he can to look like a bachelor again.
Related: Why Do Cheating Husbands Stay Married? 12 Most Common Reasons
8. Has his social media activity changed?
When your significant other is cheating on you, his social media activity will change.
This is especially the case if he is presenting himself as a bachelor instead of as a cheating husband or boyfriend, which he actually is.
You can tell that something is not right if he has deleted all of the photos of you together from his social media profiles.
Of course, it’s different if he has never posted any clues of your relationship from day one because he is simply the kind of person who wants to keep his relationships off social platforms.
However, if his profiles were full of your presence but that has changed and he has no valid excuse for this change, you might see it as a big red flag.
9. Does he respond to your calls and texts?
Here is another telltale sign that he is cheating on you connected to his cell phone. In today’s era, we’re all stuck to our phones most of the time, right?
Well, your partner is behaving differently. In fact, he rarely responds to you texting him and neither does he answer your calls.
When you confront him about this, he tells you that he hasn’t heard his phone ringing, that he hasn’t seen your text messages, or that he forgot to reply.
However, when he is with you, he doesn’t let his cell phone out of his hands for even a second. He is constantly texting someone and is secretive about it.
Unfortunately, I have to disappoint you and tell you that him answering your calls and texts at the same speed he always has isn’t a guarantee that he is being one hundred percent faithful.
After all, there is a possibility that this other woman knows about you. Yes, as much as this appears hard to believe, he might ask her to be silent while he is talking to you so you don’t suspect a thing.
10. Is he secretive about his finances?
When you’re wondering “Is he cheating on me or am I paranoid?” one of the first things you should pay attention to are your partner’s finances.
This will be somewhat difficult to do if you are not married or don’t live together. After all, you are separate individuals and you have no access whatsoever when it comes to his money.
Nevertheless, even in this scenario, you can still notice some changes if you look closely. Has he started complaining about being broke all the time but you can’t see where his money is going?
He hasn’t made any investments, his paychecks are the same, and he hasn’t made any crucial changes in his life to justify his lack of cash.
I hate to break it to you but it’s possible that he’s spending his money on a side chick.
After all, he’s just met this woman and it is clear that he wants to impress her, so he might be getting her expensive gifts or taking her out on fancy dinner dates.
Don’t forget that living a double life isn’t cheap. Not to mention the effort, energy, and time he has to put in.
However, before accusing him and sentencing him for something he might not have done, talk to your partner.
Maybe he is going through some financial difficulties he doesn’t want to burden you with, or he is saving to take you on a trip or to buy you something nice.
Of course, if he gets all defensive and refuses to give you an explanation, something is probably off and you should prepare yourself for affair recovery.
