I feel like I am being bombarded with this #relationshipgoals hashtag in almost every social media account I own. And in some, I can recognize genuine relationship goals, while in others, I don’t get the point.
It was cute at first—photos of happy couples, photos of grandma and grandpa after 60 years of marriage, photos of two best friends, photos of someone and their pet and so on and so on. There is a deeper meaning in every one of these photos and they send messages of love, happiness, togetherness, friendship and I could see what they were getting at.
But after a while, people started posting all this fake stuff and putting it under #relationshipgoals. You could see that every photo was staged, all the love the couples were displaying was forced and that the people weren’t living in the moment, they were only captured like that in photos so they could display it to their broad social media community.
That made me think about what relationship goals in terms of couple love are actually about. So I made a list that is better than anything you will ever see under #relationshipgoals:
1. A relationship goal is not to make other people envious, it’s to make two people in a relationship happy.
If you are a couple who love each other, you shouldn’t feel the urge to prove anything to anyone. Why should you care about what other people think and put a burden like that on your relationship?
So what if there’s hardly any trace of your love on social media? That doesn’t make your love less, that makes your love more. Because the love you feel is something private, rare and special and your focus should be just on the two of you. It doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks.
2. Having your own little universe.
There is nothing that screams perfect relationship more than when a couple has mutual understanding, support, respect, and communication. They talk about things only the two of them can understand. They laugh at things nobody else gets. They are so close that sometimes just a look is enough to make the other smile. It’s about understanding each other on a deeper level. It’s about dreaming together and making future plans.
3. Having enormous trust in each other.
We all know that relationships are based on trust but when it comes to putting that word into action, we are all a bit slow. Shouldn’t one of the true relationship goals be to be with someone you can trust completely?
Sadly, lack of trust is what ruins most relationships these days. We have all had our trust broken so badly at some point that we don’t feel like we can risk letting our guard down and having faith that this time things might be different. So we spend our time doubting and questioning and suffocating potentially good relationships.
If you choose to be with somebody, you should have a little faith in them and consider them trustworthy. So, the next time their phone rings, don’t bend to see who is calling, don’t check their phone left unsupervised and don’t create scenarios in your head that don’t have a true connection to reality. If there is something you should know, believe me, the truth has a way of coming out when you least expect it.
4. Cherishing simplicity.
Love is all about those little things that have great worth. It’s about spending time together in the best way you know how. It’s about smiling and crying together. It’s making an adventure out of something as simple as grocery shopping or a car ride home. It’s waking up next to that special someone and having a sense of belonging. It’s valuing the things you do when you are together.
So don’t go to places you don’t like or you don’t care about just so you could put a hashtag with #relationshipgoals on it and impress your social media friends. You don’t need a fancy dinner if you are having an awful time fighting with your partner, especially if you are not the fancy dinner type. Wouldn’t a candlelit pizza with just the two of you being cozy and happy be so much better?
5. Committed but free.
Sometimes the fear of losing someone special makes people hold on too tightly. This leads to some behaviors that will most likely suffocate a relationship, so they feel this urge to text 24/7, or FaceTime when they don’t text, or spend every waking moment together.
When you are living your relationship goals, you feel confident in your relationship. You know your partner is committed and he doesn’t have to text you every 5 seconds or see you every day. You know that the love you share won’t change, no matter what.
6. Being included in each other’s life.
It’s talking about everything and nothing. Being best friends and lovers at the same time. It’s when your partner sees his future with you, so he makes a place in his life for you. You know each other’s families and friends and you include each other in your plans.
You think about what effect your decisions will have on your partner. When you are in need of advice, they are the first one you go to. When one of you is making some big life decisions, the other is their greatest supporter.
7. Taking care.
We are all more than capable of taking care of each other but from time to time it’s nice to have somebody to do that for you. Especially if you are sick and in desperate need of someone to make some homemade soup or tea. Even if they are there just to fetch you something or put one more blanket on you, it’s nice to know you are not alone.
On the other hand, it’s nice even when your health is perfect. The person who truly loves truly cares. They go out of their way to make the person they care about happy. And a little pampering never hurt anybody.
8. Sex is important but not mandatory.
When you are in a long-term relationship, your sex life slows down a bit. But that’s not something you should be worried about. It’s a natural occurrence, even though a lot of people wouldn’t admit to it that easily.
Sex is an important part of any relationship and it’s perfectly normal to spend time with each other and not have sex every time. Sex is something that should never be forced and if one you is not in the mood, it’s not a big deal. There is plenty other stuff you can do together; talk, laugh, lie down and relax, cuddle, watch a movie or listen to some music, just enjoy each other’s company. It’s the best form of intimacy you will ever experience.
9. Staying true to yourself when in a relationship.
So many people think that they have to change to please their partner. Sure, a relationship is about making compromises and finding a common path but that doesn’t mean you have to change from the core. Nobody should change to fit somebody else. By doing that, you lose yourself and become unhappy as a result.
One relationship goal should be compatibility. Finding someone imperfect that you fit perfectly with. All those happy couples on social media aren’t happy because they are perfect, they are happy because they have found somebody who love them in spite of their flaws.
A good relationship should make you happier, more confident, radiant and full of energy. It should enhance you and your feelings and not make you feel like you are not enough. You should feel comfortable with your partner.
Your strengths and your weaknesses should not be intimidating. The other side has them too. The relationship of your life will be with somebody who likes your weirdness and uniqueness and not with someone who is trying to change you into ‘normal’.
10. Fighting makes you closer.
All couples fight. The ones who are not are bottling up their emotions to the point of a catastrophic explosion that will probably be the death of them. Of course, there are fights you should avoid, like throwing stuff at your partner or getting aggressive in any way. If your fights look like that, you should reconsider your relationship and most probably end it.
But if your fights include hearing both sides and making good arguments, you are on the right track. That kind of fight where you learn something about yourself and your partner makes the relationship grow.
So don’t believe in those fairy tale relationships of pure harmony. Fights are a normal occurrence and they can improve your relationship if you find a common language or improve things that are wrong.
11.You are completely into each other.
You have that physical connection and it’s something that cannot be put into words. When lust is mixed with love and mutual understanding, there is nothing that can top that. There is no need to post photos of the two of you slobbering all over each other or lying in bed for everyone to see. That’s just distasteful.
People’s private moments should be just that—private. Relationship goals shouldn’t contain photos of you lying half naked in bed. The passion you share is clearly a relationship goal but keeping that fire for the eyes of just the two of you will only make it that more special and extraordinary.
12. Handling each other’s flaws.
It sounds a bit harsh but it couldn’t be truer. We are all flawed in some way and sometimes those flaws, just like our strong points, are deeply incorporated in us. The main objective here is to be with a person whose flaws you can handle.
There are people out there with maybe even minor or insignificant flaws but we wouldn’t last a second in a relationship with them or tolerate any of it. But when it comes to the person we truly love, we accept those flaws as part of them and we also grow to love or at least manage to tolerate them. We adjust to their flaws like they adjust to ours.
13. Making each other fall in love every day.
Couples in long-term relationships often forget to say things or do those special kinds of things for each other because they assume that the other side knows how they feel. It’s never a good thing to assume that.
Tell your partner you love them from time to time, if not every day. Tell them they look handsome, hot or beautiful when you see that they made an effort or simply compliment their casual messy look because surely it’s adorable. Go on dates. Go on an adventure together. Take a road trip. Travel. Spend time together.
Those small displays of affection, happiness and togetherness should never go out of style and should never be taken for granted. Even if you know that somebody will probably be in your life forever, that’s not a reason to stop making an effort.
Try living these 13 relationship goals I listed because they are true, human and genuine and maybe you will have the chance to achieve the ultimate goal of being each other’s everything and sharing your future together.
Remember: Relationships are never about other people, social media follows, likes or comments, they are simply about the two of you making it work. You might have your ups and downs but that’s what makes you grow and makes your relationship stronger.
Don’t buy into those photos on social media. They are just plain photos, frozen fragments of time. They are not real and we shouldn’t believe everything we see on social media anyways.
In a nutshell, relationship goals can be achieved if you are a person who is able to have a normal, healthy and loving relationship, if you are with someone who sees you for who you really are and wants you to be happy, and if you are with someone whose love for you matches your love for them.