He always texts me back within a minute. He’s caring, thoughtful, and affectionate. He literally treats me like his queen. Damn, I think I’m truly in love with him.
These were my thoughts a few years ago when I was in a romantic relationship. I couldn’t figure out for some time if I truly loved him or if I imagined that I was in love with him, so I made a list of things that I like about him.
I had to read the list a few times to realize that back then, I obviously had no idea what true love was. I thought it was true love just because of everything he did for me and the way he treated me. I thought I was in love with him just because he made me feel that way.
Now, I see that I was never in love with him, but I was in love with how he made me feel when I was with him.
Does this even make sense to you? I hope it does because it makes perfect sense to me. I also think I’m not the only one who has experienced this fake love filled with euphoria.
Do you think you’re going through the same thing? How can you know if you’re truly in love with him?
“The course of true love never did run smooth.” – William Shakespeare
I think we have a collective problem regarding fake love representation, and for that, I blame the media. I used to believe that true love looks exactly as the one portrayed in movies.
It looks something like this:
A man is courting a woman. She’s playing hard to get here and there, he’s trying harder to win her, and after that, there are a couple of plot twists, but nothing serious because their love is stronger than anything in the world.
Then come the scenes where he serves her breakfast in bed and buys her some stylish dresses (if he has money for that, of course), they seldom argue over things, and the pinnacle of their love is romantic dinners with scented candles and soothing music in the background.
The funniest of all is the fact that we ALL fall for that every single time. We start imagining how it would feel to be in their place; to experience such a grandiose love, a.k.a., “true love”.
But, does this love have anything to do with true love?
I don’t think so. Instead of searching for true love in romantic movies, I should have read what William Shakespeare wrote. He wrote that the course of true love never runs smooth, and I think he, himself, had no idea how true this is.
No, you’re not truly in love with him just because he buys you everything you want, texts you always on time, or fulfils your every wish. Those romantic dinners are only an illusion and not a representation of what love truly is.
The wise guy I’m texting once said this: I would never take you on a first date in a restaurant or a coffee shop. These places sell you an illusion of how awesome you will feel with that one person. Of course, everyone feels awesome when they drink or eat in a fancy environment.
So, I asked him where he would take me on a date, then.
He said: To nature. Nature is the most realistic setting for couples and those who are dating. It can tell you a lot about the other person, whether they are constantly complaining about the heat and other random things or if they know how to enjoy and just be themselves. It doesn’t create an illusion, and it gives you an opportunity to connect in the most intimate way.
I was really impressed with his answer and I thought about it a lot. Here’s what I concluded:
True love is like nature. It is unpredictable, wild, and powerful. You cannot define it or be in control of it. You can only feel it, become one with it, and enjoy it.
So, how do you know that you’re truly in love with him?
You know you truly love someone if you have no idea why
Remember what I said in the beginning about the list of things that I loved about my now ex boyfriend? The fact that I made a list of things I loved about him is valid proof that I never really was in love with him.
If you “love” your partner just because of the things he does for you and how he makes you feel, then this is one of the tell-tale signs it’s not true love. No matter how weird it sounds, you know you’re truly in love with someone if you have no idea why you love them in the first place.
You know everything about them from their imperfections and weirdest habits to their amazing romantic skills, yet still, you have no idea why you’re in love with them. This is because love cannot be defined by something the other person does for you.
Love is constant giving and receiving.
Love is arguing and compromising.
Love is making mistakes and never repeating them again.
Love is never perfect and it will never be (except in movies). You don’t love someone just because of the things they do for you, but because of who you are and who they are when you’re together.
True love is beyond materialism, pleasure, scented candles, and other things. One of the undeniable signs that you’re truly in love with him is the ability to trust him and be yourself with him.
True love is not only sharing happiness with each other, but it’s also wiping each other’s tears. True love is the feeling of empowerment when you fight together against the world’s injustices and help each other cross obstacles.
You know you’re truly in love with him when being in his arms feels like home. When you look him in the eyes and realize his happiness is a reflection of your own.
You know you truly love someone if their happiness is more important to you than your own
Yes, it’s nice to be with someone who will do anything for you and who can make you happy in every aspect of your life. But, this is not a measure of true love.
You know you love someone if you no longer worry only about you being pleased and feeling content. You know you love him when you realize that you’re a part of something bigger than yourself.
Yes, it’s nice to be with someone who agrees with you on everything and nods at every single thing you say. But, this is not true love.
True love is not about finding the perfect partner at the most convenient time. It is about constantly motivating each other to be stronger, bolder, and better. It is about going through plenty of ups and downs and still not losing hope or stopping in believing in the power of your love.
You know you’re truly in love with him if selflessness has become your favorite word in your dictionary.
True love works on the principle of two people striving to do their best every day and looking for ways to improve each other and make a stronger bond.
It might sound stupid, but yes, you know you truly love him if you let him eat the last piece of the cake because you know it’s his favorite one. Or, when you can’t fall asleep before telling him good night or sending him a good night text.
You know you love him if you don’t have trouble thinking of new ways to remind your partner that you love him.
When you’re trying to figure out if you’re truly in love with him, don’t just think about how he makes you feel, but about how you make him feel.
Are you doing your best to make him feel loved? Are you only focused on receiving instead of giving?
True love is like nature. It is unpredictable, wild, and powerful, but it still needs balance to exist.
In nature, everything is interconnected. Every single animal and plant has their own purpose. By giving and receiving, they are creating the balance that is needed for both them and all the people on earth.
The same thing applies to true love. You can see it as a plant in which both partners need to make an effort to establish balance and help the plant flourish.
Of course, the plant (love) will go through some bad days when you will think that there’s no hope of keeping it any longer.
If you give up, then you know it’s not true love.
If you continue fighting for it, then you know you truly love him.