Let’s cut to the chase: if you’re looking up warning signs a man is using you for money, you probably already suspect that it’s happening to you. You deserve better than that, and you know it. Even if he cares for you, if your money is a deal breaker, you must let him go.
When feelings get involved, if your partner isn’t genuine, your own well-being takes the passenger seat. You must remind yourself that you come first, so here it is once again: you deserve to be loved for who you are and not for what you have.
If you decide that the guy you are dating is definitely a leech, be determined and end things. It’s going to hurt, but unless you cut him off immediately, it will only hurt more as you go along. He won’t change, no matter what he says. You deserve better.
So let’s get right into it: here are the red flags you should watch out for.
25 Signs A Man Is Using You For Money To Be Wary Of
If your significant other wouldn’t be with you if you couldn’t pay for things, then you have to ask yourself: should I be with this person at all?
Some people come to arrangements that involve one partner assuming financial responsibility, but unless you’ve agreed to something of the kind, then your money should have no bearing on your relationship. If it does, you’re in a toxic relationship.
It’s not hard to tell when someone is using you for money. They’re never really open about it, but they can’t help themselves if they need you to front the bill. Finding the way to ask you to pay for something becomes an art, but if you pay attention, you can easily spot the signs a man is using you for money.
1. He never offers to pay
A guy who can’t bear to part with his own money yet eagerly accepts yours is either cheap or a freeloader. This kind of guy won’t pay even if he invited you to an expensive restaurant – even going Dutch is too far for him.
If he often claims that he’s forgotten his wallet or never even mentions the possibility of paying, it’s because he never intended to pay in the first place.
When a guy is financially struggling but isn’t a gold digger, he isn’t pleased about you paying every time. If you were in a healthy relationship with a man who couldn’t afford to pay, he would talk to you instead of pretending that he was going to but couldn’t.
2. There’s always something he needs money for
He keeps asking you for money and says he really, really needs it, he’ll pay you back, he swears. The money is for his sick pet, or he needs your help to start a business. His car needs a rare part, and his bank is having issues for some reason no one understands.
If he’s always coming up with stories about why he needs money and promising that his issues are all valid reasons why you should agree, he’s probably too lost in his lies to realize how suspicious his behavior is.
3. He’s very interested in your financial situation
A clear sign that a man is using you for money is if his interest in your bank account exceeds his interest in you. No matter how close your relationship is, he has no business getting involved in your finances.
Sharing your money situation with a guy would make sense if you were planning to get married and share what you have with each other, but a guy who has nothing to contribute – or doesn’t intend to – showing interest in what you have available is more than suspicious.
When you decide to get rid of him and finally meet a good guy after this toxic relationship, you’ll look back and realize how inappropriate this was.
4. He has no source of income
He flaunts new things he’s bought, but you have no idea where he gets the money from. What even is his job? If his answers are vague and if he gets defensive when you try to talk to him about it, he probably doesn’t do anything that provides him with an income.
If he’s apparently always having ‘cash flow issues’ or if it’s never his fault whenever he gets fired, he’s suspicious. No source of income means that other people are the source, most probably you.
5. He’s living beyond his means
Being broke with an expensive taste in itself isn’t a telltale sign of a gold digger, but insisting on the best when you can’t afford it is. If he’s jobless and without an income, yet he always wears expensive clothes and has the latest gadgets, he has to be getting them from somewhere.
The most likely answer is that he’s using credit cards and loans that he plans to repay with money he gets from you or is planning to get from you. Try refusing when he asks you for a certain amount of money and see what happens.
6. He has a history of dating rich
An easy way to spot a gold digger is to look at his previous partners. Have they all been wealthy and able to support his lifestyle? If he’s a professional sugar baby, you might unknowingly be his latest sugar mama.
Being upfront about wanting this kind of relationship is different from trying to deceive someone to get what they want. Lots of people are happy to support their partners indefinitely, but the difference between that and what he’s up to is that he’s dishonest and trying to trick you into it.
7. He’s always at your house or moves in with you
One of the reasons he’s always at your place is that he doesn’t have to spend money on basic household needs if he’s using yours. He might also prefer your house if it fits his tastes more closely than yours. If your TV is bigger than his, you bet that he’ll be staying over a lot.
If he takes it a step further and moves in with you, ask yourself why he’s living with you and how it happened. Is your relationship at the level where you would want to live together? Was this a step you were both eager to take?
If it was a move initiated by him, does he contribute to the household, or is he simply staying at your place while you do everything? The answers to these questions can give you insight into whether he’s using you.
8. He gets angry if you mention his money issues
Getting suspicious, wondering, ‘Is he using me for money?’ and confronting him about his money issues is to be expected if you’re the one always paying for everything and financing his lifestyle. If his intentions weren’t based on what he can get from you, he’d be embarrassed about it, and he’d talk to you about his problems.
So if he gets angry or defensive when you broach the topic, he’s using his response as a distraction from the real issue. It’s emotional manipulation with the purpose of making you drop the subject and continue buying his lies.
9. He doesn’t have any future goals
Being unemployed isn’t a sign of a gold digger. It can happen to anybody and in those times, relying on your loved ones to help you out until you get back on your feet is normal. Most people in that kind of situation are eager to find work and reclaim their independence.
Not this guy, however. If he’s happy when he doesn’t have to go to work or if he can’t hold down a job because he doesn’t care, it’s one of the warning signs that you’re dealing with a leech. If he’s completely fine depending on other people to support him and has no ambition, you should be wary.
10. He encourages you to splurge
Guys like this like to live large. He wants things he can’t afford, so he finds someone who can. One of his methods of getting something is to encourage you to indulge in something instead of being direct and asking you to indulge him. He believes it will work because you’ll include him.
If he often pressures you to spend a large amount of money, he’s just trying to profit from it or at least get some crumbs. Next time he suggests you treat yourself, get the thing, but for one person – yourself – and see how he reacts. If he gets mad or sulky, he clearly wanted it for himself.
11. He suggests doing things that he can’t afford
A sure sign that he’s using you is if he invites you to buy or do something he clearly can’t afford. He might then ‘forget his wallet’ when it’s time to pay or expect you to follow through and organize things after he suggests them.
Clearly, this is another method he uses to get something from you. A gold digger has no dignity, and his only care is to get what he wants. He’s not interested in doing things with you, just in doing them, and you’re a convenient wallet he brings along.
12. He has opinions on how you should spend your money
You don’t need relationship advice to know that someone who thinks they have the right to tell you what to do with your own money is trying to control you in some way. Another type of toxic person might do it to gain influence over you, but a leech like this guy does it because he cares for that money more than he cares for you.
His only concern is your financial status and the availability of your money. If you invest it, spend it on something you want that he doesn’t care about, or give it to someone else, then he’s losing access to it, so he feels like he has to protect his interests.
13. He worries about other people and your money
When a man wants your money all for himself, other people are a problem. Because his only concern is how to use people, it never occurs to him that not everyone is like that. He worries that your loved ones might get what he believes belongs to him because that’s what he would do.
When another man shows up around you and shows genuine interest, a gold digger might act jealous and anxious, but not for normal reasons. He’s not worried that he might lose a woman he loves, but he feels threatened because you might choose someone else over him and leave him broke.
14. He gets upset if you forget your wallet or say no
When you’re not in the mood to do something that he asks you to do, he’ll get upset if he had his eyes on whatever splurgy activity he suggested. Getting upset if you refuse him something he wants if you think it’s too much or if you can’t pay for it is a form of emotional blackmail.
He’s trying to make you feel guilty for his response, but don’t forget that his feelings are not your responsibility. When you try to enforce your boundaries, and he tries to push them by making you feel bad about yourself, it’s toxic behavior you shouldn’t fall for.
15. Spending a quiet night in is unacceptable
Always ready to go out and party, always up for an adventure or a trip, always eager to get new things and do new things – all of these would be a sign of an exciting person if it weren’t for one thing: he’s up for it if you’re the one footing the bill.
If he wasn’t interested in your money, he’d be happy doing things that don’t require any. If all the activities he suggests have a price, it’s a good sign that you’re dealing with a gold digger.
16. He’s not really interested in your life
Apart from your money, nothing in your life is really interesting to him. If he doesn’t care about your day but cares about your salary, you should seriously consider moving on from this toxic relationship.
Someone who likes you shows it in many ways, but the first one is that everything about you is fascinating to him. If you stay with a man who only cares about your worth and how he can profit from it, you’ll miss out on someone who’ll love you for you.
17. There’s no emotional connection
A healthy, serious relationship is impossible without an emotional bond. If he’s emotionally unavailable or you can’t seem to connect with him, it’s a sign that he doesn’t care about having that kind of relationship with you.
On the other hand, you should also be careful if he’s trying to establish an emotional connection too quickly, and he’s very insistent about it. Trust your gut feeling and pay attention to whether it seems genuine or if he’s just trying to manipulate you and keep you hooked.
18. He doesn’t make an effort
If a guy is not putting effort into your relationship, he’s not the guy for you, whether or not he’s in it just for the money. You don’t need a guy who won’t appreciate you and show you that he loves you with his actions. The whole relationship isn’t just your responsibility, and if it continues, it will only result in heartbreak.
It’s even worse if he makes no effort and he’s using you for money. What are you getting from this relationship? You’re not getting love and affection, and you’re giving him both, in addition to what he needs you to buy for him. Do yourself a favor and get out ASAP.
19. He doesn’t tell you where he’s going or what he’s doing
In a healthy relationship, partners trust each other and don’t need to know where the other person is at all times. However, if someone is either secretive or acts like his daily activities are none of your business, that’s not it.
Leaving you out unless you’re needed to pay means he sees you as nothing but a sponsor for his lifestyle, so he only includes you when he needs something. If he thinks that you have no right to his personal life, but he has a right to your money, don’t give him the satisfaction.
20. He leaves the room when his phone rings
Closing his social media apps when you’re looking or leaving the room to talk on the phone means that he’s hiding something. He might be cheating, but he might also just be leading a life that doesn’t include you. If he comes back from his phone call asking for a donation, just drop him.
This isn’t something that you should tolerate, and it’s a clear sign that you’re nothing but an ATM to him. If he has his real life that you’re not a part of, do yourself a favor and leave him for someone who’ll be happy to make you a part of his.
21. You suspect that he’s unfaithful
Your gut feeling telling you that he’s unfaithful might be enough, but if you want to be sure, pay attention to his behavior and try to spot the most common signs of cheating. These signs apply to most people, so if you can check several of them, it’s highly likely that your intuition is right.
If he’s cheating on you and still taking your money, he’s despicable and doesn’t deserve to call you his girlfriend. Drop him and move on because whatever he says, he doesn’t have your best interests at heart, and he won’t ever change.
22. He doesn’t want to meet your friends and family
A guy you’re in a relationship with finding excuses to get out of meeting your friends is suspicious. If you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s a definite red flag. Someone who cares for you wants to be a part of your life, and that includes your loved ones.
A gold digger doesn’t care about you or your family. All he cares about is when you’ll buy him that thing he wants or how much pocket money he’s getting next. When he doesn’t even want to pretend he cares, you know he’s a lowlife. Say bye and get on with your life.
23. You feel like he wouldn’t care about you if you had no money
Being selfless instead of being selfish is one of the key differences between a genuine connection and a toxic relationship. If your gut feeling is telling you that he wouldn’t care for you if you had no money, it’s probably right. You’re feeling that way because you simply don’t want to admit to yourself that he’s using you.
It’s time you put yourself first and stop caring for this leech. Focus on what you want, and if it includes him, aim higher. Let your taste be better than that.
24. If you’re having money issues, there’s a problem
Getting upset with you when you run out of money is one of the clear signs that money is all he cares about. He’s using you emotionally and financially without caring about your feelings. When you can’t pay for his expenses, you’re of no use to him.
In case that your financial situation doesn’t get better, you’ll become worthless in his eyes, and he’ll move on to someone else he can use. If it does get better, his feelings will suddenly reawaken. Don’t let it get that far, and get rid of this guy.
25. People tell you that he’s using you
Your best friend is telling you to break up with him, and your family is telling you he’s no good – it might be time to have faith that they mean well and stop using excuses. Stop defending him to yourself and your loved ones.
Don’t try to explain behavior to others the same way he keeps spinning tales to leech things off you. End things without looking back.
Put Yourself First
It would be great if none of the above signs a man is using you for money apply to your relationship, but if they do, it’s now time to deal with it. You need to make a decision – and this decision has to be what’s best for you.
Can you be in a relationship knowing that your partner loves your money more than he loves you? Is it worth it to invest your feelings when he prefers that you invest your funds? It might seem that what you get from him is enough, but do you really think you should settle?
Love yourself more than you love someone who doesn’t deserve it, and save your effort for someone who’ll appreciate it.