She was promised love before and was left without it.
She was told she was loved and still was left all alone. She believed others, only to see that trust backfire in her face.
And she wants to believe you too but the pain is still there, keeping all those walls up high.
The pain is still there, keeping you out and keeping her safe. She wants to believe you and she doesn’t, both at the same time. Because how could you love her? When no one else did, how could you?
She let people in before, only for them to raid her heart and soul.
They took what they needed and left, leaving her empty and drained.
Leaving her to pick herself up, when she knew there was no one out there to give her a hand. When she believed that she was the reason, the cause of her own pain.
When she was left wondering if there was something she could’ve done differently. Was there a chance for them to work out if she had only tried a little bit harder?
And with time, she slowly realized that no matter how hard she tries, she can’t make people stay when they don’t want to.
So, why would you want to stay?
She used to believe in love, you know? She believed that she would love someone wholeheartedly and he would love her too.
She believed that she would have someone by her side to grow old with. Someone who would love her even when her hair turned gray and her face was all wrinkled up with time.
But it wouldn’t matter because he would love her for who she was.
It wouldn’t matter because when he looked at her, he would see the woman he fell in love with.
A woman with waves of brown hair, freckles on her face and blushed cheeks, loving life and fighting the odds.
She used to believe but she no longer does. She used to fight, but she gave up a long time ago. Why haven’t you given up yet?
She was left alone too many times.
People who swore to love her for eternity, ghosted her. People who promised her they would be there, weren’t there when she needed them.
People who took her love and warmth, left her to freeze.
And when you promise her that you will be there, to love her, she fears you’ll leave too.
When you tell her that she’s the one for you, she already sees you walking away, like all the others before you did.
When you hold her tight, she already feels the loneliness that will hit her once you leave.
She wants to believe you but the idea of you staying is what terrifies her to death.
The idea of someone making her believe all over again, only to break her, is what’s worrying her.
She is afraid to trust you, because after the calm comes the storm. And she knows she can’t survive another one.
She was convinced that she’s both too much and not enough.
She is too much to handle and not enough to hold onto. She’s too much to take in and not good enough to love.
She was convinced that every part of her was wrong. How do you recover from something like that?
How do you get back on your feet when they’re too broken to keep you standing? How do you keep on going when there’s nothing left to look forward to?
And even when she seems like she has it all under control, there are still days when she can’t get out of bed.
And there are days when she gets out of bed, only to walk around empty and hollow.
She is set to autopilot, doing things that are expected of her, but not living them. Not loving them. Not loving herself. So, how can you love her?
She wants to trust you. She wants you to pass by all her defense mechanisms, she wants you to be the one to put the millions of pieces back together.
She wants you to be the reason she listens to loves songs and understands them. She wants you to be the cause of her butterflies and the reason behind her smile.
She wants to bare her soul to you and show you the most gentle and vulnerable parts of her. But she needs you to meet her halfway.
She needs to know you’re in it as much as she is. Tell her that you’re afraid too.
Tell her that the thought of giving your heart to someone terrifies the shit out of you but that she’s worth it.
She’s worth all of it. Make her believe that you love her and she will. Show her that there’s no one else for you and she will be all you ever looked for.
Once she lets you in, that’s the only home you’re ever going to need. And you’ll be hers too.
