Skip to Content

Why Is My Girlfriend So Mean To Me (16 Reasons + Ways To Cope)

Why Is My Girlfriend So Mean To Me (16 Reasons + Ways To Cope)

Your girl has too frequent mood swings and it simply became unbearable? At first, you thought she’s just having a few bad days or that it’s that time of the month and how it’ll all pass but you were wrong because it’s not passing?

You can’t find more excuses for her passive-aggressive behavior nor can you tolerate it anymore. You keep pondering and thinking about the same thing: ‘why is my girlfriend so mean to me?’.

Don’t worry, I’m here to help you figure out the reason why your girlfriend’s behavior towards you has changed and how to fix it.

All I can say to you right now is that even though it seems like there is no proper reason or explanation for her bad behavior, trust me, there is. And you’ll definitely need to get to the root cause of her passive-aggressive behavior, if you want and plan to save your relationship.

Why Is My Girlfriend So Mean To Me? 16 Possible Reasons

So, here are all the external factors that may affect your girlfriend’s mood and cause her bad behavior. The answer to your question ‘why is my girlfriend mean to me’ is hidden in one of these possible causes.

1. You hurt her

a man and a woman are arguing

Your actions may be the reason for your girlfriend’s bad mood and behavior. She probably isn’t acting out without a reason, so try to go back to the past few days and think about whether you did something that could hurt her.

If you did, if you remember your wrongdoing, try to make it right. Apologize to her and convince her that you’ll never repeat that mistake again, or at least, that you’ll try not to repeat it.

2. Her feelings for you have gone

Unfortunately, this is one of the most painful possible reasons why your girlfriend is mean to you. Maybe she fell out of love and all of her feelings for you have disappeared.

I know what you’re thinking right now and I completely agree with you. It still isn’t a reason to be mean or abusive towards you. She can simply break up and make things easier for both of you.

However, it may be that all of the love she once felt for you has turned into hate. Maybe you disappointed her or she got sick of your toxic behavior and she started hating you. Her mean behavior may be a clear sign of the hate and despise she feels for you.

3. She’s having an affair

Don’t be surprised if you run into your girlfriend’s profile on a dating site or you start noticing traces of her infidelity because her bad behavior may be a red flag that she’s cheating on you.

Perhaps she isn’t brave enough to leave you, so she’s being mean to you in order to make you break up first. If she continues to behave the same way and disrespect you, you should grant her wish and end your relationship.

4. She has a mean personality

Was your girlfriend always mean to you? Did she exploit that bad mood and behavior from the very beginning of your relationship?

Think about this. If the answers to these questions are affirmative, then unfortunately I have very bad news for you. Your girlfriend is mean by her nature and you’ll hardly make her become a better person.

5. She struggles with personal problems

You need to check whether your partner is dealing with some personal issues that you know nothing about. And yes, she should be the one telling those things to you but maybe she’s too shy or she simply doesn’t want to involve you in those problems.

Talk to her and ask her if this is the case. If she decides to admit it to you, you should listen to her, give her your support and ask her whether you can help her in any way. If she rejects your help, you should respect it and let her fight her personal problems by herself.

Just make sure she knows you’re there for her no matter when and what.

6. Hormonal changes

a confused woman argues with a man

The female body is truly a magnificent thing. The number of changes and transmissions it goes through during life is simply unbelievable.

Those changes may be one of the reasons for your girl’s bad or changeable mood. Maybe she’s in those times of the month or maybe she’s having health issues. If her bad behavior is to be blamed on her hormones, you really need to be patient and show understanding to your better half more than ever.

7. Mental health issues

Does your girlfriend struggle with depression or anxiety? Did you notice any strange episodes in her behavior?

If your girlfriend gets weird and moody all of a sudden and without a proper reason, it may be a red flag that she has mental health issues. Depression is a very serious illness and, unfortunately, it can be caused by hormonal imbalance.

8. Disappointment due to unmet expectations

The truth is, at the beginning of the relationship, we all set high and unrealistic expectations. Fortunately, most of us lower those expectations once we indulge in a more serious relationship and get to know our partner on a deeper level.

However, some of us also decide to keep our expectations and end up disappointed after some time. Their partner simply fails to meet their high expectations and they conclude that it means they don’t love them.

If this is the problem, you need to know that it’s really not your fault. Your significant other needs to learn to keep her expectation bar at a realistic level and she won’t have to go through this again.

9. She realizes you aren’t compatible

Maybe all this time both of you have failed to realize one important thing… You aren’t compatible despite the feelings you have for each other and you probably won’t be able to maintain your relationship.

Your girlfriend may realize it now and that’s the reason she’s acting so weird. She’s mad both at you and herself for not noticing it sooner.

10. She’s dealing with trust issues

She may have trust issues from before or you may have done something and lost her trust. She’s behaving so meanly because she’s mad at you for losing her trust and she knows too well that every relationship is doomed to fail if there is no trust between partners.

So, if you’ve cheated on her or betrayed her in any way, try to fix that. Make her trust you again and don’t ever gamble with her trust again.

11. Lack of respect

There is only one surefire answer to your question ‘why is my girlfriend mean to me’, and that is because she doesn’t respect you enough.

You know the saying: when there is no respect, there is no love either. Your girl isn’t even afraid that her bad behavior may make you leave her because she doesn’t even love you.

She’ll continue with her passive-aggressive behavior and sooner or later, you’ll realize that she really doesn’t respect you. You’ll start losing the respect you have for her and along with losing that respect, you’ll also be losing your feelings.

12. It’s her way of seeking attention

a woman argues with a man while they are sitting in a car

If your girl has mood swings too often and without any proper reasons, you might be dealing with a huge attention seeker. Maybe she just wants to be in the center of attention and this is her way of getting there.

She knows that you’ll think about it all the time and that it’ll bother you. She also knows that you’ll try to get some answers out of her or her close people and that kind of attention is precisely the thing she’s looking for.

If you want a drama queen in your life, then go for it. However, if you want to live a drama-free life, you need to end your relationship asap.

13. Or, a manipulative technique to control you

Does she show her bad behavior and then come to cuddle you after a few moments as if nothing happened? It’s obvious that she’s playing with you.

Your girlfriend is a great manipulator and by being passive-aggressive, she just wants to drive you crazy. She wants to lower your self-esteem, which would allow her to control you easier.

If this is the case, then it’s also obvious that she doesn’t love you the same way you love her. Remember, a person who honestly loves you could never manipulate or play with you. Also, controlling behavior isn’t a sign of love.

14. Bad past experiences

If your girlfriend has just ended a toxic, abusive relationship, it may also be one of the reasons she behaves so mean towards you.

Someone has hurt her in the past and now, she can’t trust you or any other man. She isn’t angry at you, she is angry at all males and she’s angry at herself for allowing another person to hurt her the way that person from her past hurt her.

15. Low self-esteem

You’re wondering what is the connection between your girlfriend’s self-esteem and her bad behavior? Well, if she has low self-esteem, she might be projecting her bad mood and flaws onto you.

It may help her feel better in her own skin but it never lasts for too long because it’s definitely not a way to deal with low self-esteem.

16. Your angry girlfriend is actually angry at herself

Just because your girlfriend is being mean towards you, it doesn’t mean that she’s angry at you. It may mean that she’s angry at herself, too.

She isn’t happy deep down and she definitely isn’t pleased with herself. She longs for changes in life but she simply doesn’t know where to begin.

It all affects her self-worth and she starts asking herself whether she’s really worthy of being loved by someone.

Also, maybe she hurt another person in the past and now, the karma has come to take its toll. She’s probably regretting her past deeds now and she isn’t able to forgive them to herself and that’s why she has those frequent mood swings.

See also: My Husband Is Mean To Me And It’s Slowly Ruining Our Marriage

11 Effective Ways To Deal With A Mean And Angry Girlfriend

Follow these advice and I’m sure you’ll manage to help your girlfriend change and save your relationship.

1. Try to step into her shoes

a woman with tied hair is talking to a man

When your girlfriend gets angry or moody, the best thing you can do to help her is to understand her. Put yourself in her position and try to imagine how stress or her personal problems would affect you.

Would you be moody? Would you try to vent it out on a person you love and know won’t resent you? I think you would, too.

2. Search for possible reasons on her social media

If you can’t find out the real reason from your girlfriend, you should go on a little investigating trip.

Search her social media, and talk with her friends and co-workers. Ask them whether she is having some personal problems you don’t know about and maybe they’ll reveal the real reason for your girlfriend’s bad behavior.

3. Don’t allow her to use you as a punching bag

The thing is, no matter the reason your girlfriend has for her bad behavior, you should never allow her to treat you as a punching bag. She should know that she can share absolutely everything with you but she can’t vent out to you every single day.

Help her deal with her emotions or personal problems she is having but help her deal with it in a healthy way. Venting out on you won’t help her, it’ll just make her suppress her emotions which will create even bigger issues and problems.

4. Confide in your best friend

You need to share your sorrows and the issues that are bothering you so much with your loved one. It doesn’t matter whether it’ll be a friend or a family member, the important thing is that you trust that person.

Ask them to keep that a secret because you don’t want your girlfriend to know that you’re sharing things from your relationship with other people. Who knows, maybe that person gives you a piece of advice that will solve all of your problems.

5. Get her to open up to you

You need to reconnect with your partner if you want to find out the reasons behind her bad behavior. The only way you’ll do that is through communication.

You need to encourage her to open up to you and if she trusts you, she’ll do it. If she doesn’t trust you, on the other hand, then it’s no wonder she behaves the way she does.

6. Focus on creating healthy boundaries

a man and a woman are sitting on the couch and talking

If your relationship was based on healthy boundaries, these kinds of things wouldn’t be even happening in the first place. Your partner would know she can’t behave the way she does and she would do everything in order to control her mood.

You love her, I get it. Love is a truly challenging thing sometimes. You love someone you’re sure isn’t the right person for you but you still can’t delete them from your heart or out of your life.

However, you need to reset the boundaries in your relationship. Your girlfriend should respect you and know where the line is. Don’t tolerate her disrespect just because you love her because true love never tolerates disrespect.

7. Work on improving your communication style

Unhealthy communication can never lead to a healthy relationship. Communication between partners is the most important foundation of a successful relationship and a couple can never last and maintain a good relationship if their communication style is poor.

If she doesn’t want to talk, if she needs personal space, respect her wishes. If her bad mood and behavior affect yours, you need to calm down.

Don’t react in the heat of the moment because you’ll regret your actions if they are controlled by your intense emotions.

8. Stop neglecting the little things

It’s true that most men think it’s impossible to understand women. However, it’s also true that most women get angry or change their mood because their partners keep ignoring and neglecting the little things that mean so much to us, women.

Remember your important dates and surprise her with a nice gift or act of affection every now and then. Tell her you love her more often. Write her a love poem. Thank her for being a part of your life and for everything she does for you.

9. Her bad behavior doesn’t have to mean your girlfriend hates you

Even though it’s probably something you’re thinking about, you should know that your girlfriend’s bad mood doesn’t mean she hates you.

She may be holding some grudges against you but hate is a very heavy word.

If you try to walk in her shoes, you may succeed in understanding her. Right now, all you can do is be there for her, give her your complete support and hope that you’ll get through it all together and forget about everything as if it never even happened.

10. If nothing changes, your relationship status should

If your girlfriend keeps denying she has a problem and doesn’t even think about changing her bad behavior, you should give up. You can spend your life trying to change someone or something that obviously doesn’t want to change.

You don’t deserve to be with someone who doesn’t love and, most importantly, appreciates you.

You need to know when enough is enough because otherwise you’ll lose yourself and it’s indeed the only thing you’ll never be able to forgive yourself.

11. Allow your heart to give up

The more your girlfriend continues to exploit her passive-aggressive behavior, the less you’ll love her. The truth is, your heart can’t keep loving and holding onto someone who keeps breaking it and doesn’t even care about the damage they do to you.

Perhaps you’ve created a toxic attachment or maybe you simply got used to your partner but the truth is, you don’t love them the way you did before. You simply can’t because of everything they did to you.

Deep down, your heart knows it, too. You just need to listen to it more carefully and allow it to finally give up. To finally let go of the person who did so much damage and left indelible marks.

What Is A Toxic Girlfriend?

a man and a woman are sitting in a cafe and arguing

If your girl is always in a bad mood, if you can’t communicate in a healthy way with her, if she struggles with anger issues, if you constantly feel like you’re walking on eggshells around her… Those are all clear red flags you’re dealing with a toxic girlfriend.

The truth is, you can’t expect to build a healthy relationship with a toxic partner. No matter how much you try, their mean behavior and toxic attitude will keep poisoning your relationship.

The reason for her toxicity may be a lack of feelings for you or deep mental health issues. However, that’s not even important.

The important thing is that she’s toxic and that you’ll never be able to be completely happy in that relationship.

If your partner doesn’t change, no matter how much you try to keep it all together, the foundations of your relationship will slowly be falling apart until one day they completely crush down into pieces.

Why Do Girlfriends Get So Moody?

We all have bad days, it’s a fact. However, feminine hormones are different from male and women can never deal with some things and emotions the same way men do.

When a woman is in those times of the month, those hormones start changing and it all affects the woman’s mood. That’s why frequent and unexpected mood swings are actually quite normal during PMS.

Another possible cause of female mood swings may be mental health issues. If a woman struggles with depression or anxiety or some similar mental health issue, she isn’t able to deal with personal problems and intense emotions in a healthy way.

Also, menopause and pregnancy can also be causes of frequent mood changes in a woman. During those periods, a woman’s body goes through different transformations and it’s really hard for a woman to deal with it all without allowing it to affect her mood.

How Can I Control My Girlfriend?

The truth is, you can’t and you shouldn’t. You shouldn’t even think about it because it won’t help you save your relationship.

As a matter of fact, it may help you save it but it definitely won’t help you fix it. You’ll keep her in your life but your relationship will remain toxic and it’ll keep getting worse and worse.

You can only motivate and encourage your significant other to change for the sake of your love and relationship. Pour your heart out to her and let her know how her bad behavior affects your relationship and harms your mental and emotional well-being.

Don’t threaten her with a breakup because that might only get her in an even worse mood.

Remember, you shouldn’t be thinking about ways to control your girlfriend. You should help her learn to control her own mood and emotions because that’s the key to saving your relationship.

To Stay Or To Leave… That’s The Question

I’m sure that this ‘why is my girlfriend so mean to me’ question isn’t the only question that wanders around in your head. You also wonder how to know for sure when to stay and fight and when to cut the line and leave for good.

Well, it’s actually easy to answer that question. If you notice that your girl is really trying to change and putting effort into fixing your toxic relationship, you should give her another chance and keep fighting.

On the other hand, if she doesn’t give a single hope that she’ll ever change her mean behavior, if your relationship doesn’t get any better, you should give up on her and make that relationship a part of your past.

No matter how much you love or care about someone, you should never tolerate disrespect and bad behavior. Neither love nor anything else is ever a good reason for staying in an abusive relationship!

Why Is My Girlfriend So Mean To Me (16 Reasons + Ways To Cope) Pinterest