You’re used to watching out for red flags of a guy who sees you as nothing more than a booty call. You know the type: the one who only calls you after midnight and who’s clearly not interested in building a deeper emotional connection.
But what happens when the tables turn around? What are the signs he doesn’t want to sleep with you?
Yes, these things happen, as well. I know that for most of the time we dehumanize men and think of them as sex machines who would do anything to get laid.
Nevertheless, sometimes you couldn’t drag him into the bedroom, even if his life depended on it. The biggest problem with this is that usually, girls have a hard time taking hints.
You don’t even take this as an option. You’re young, attractive, and funny- who wouldn’t want to sleep with you?
Well, I hate to be the one to break it to you but it appears that you’ve run into an endemic species.
11 Signs He Doesn’t Want To Sleep With You
You know how you act when you don’t want to have sex with someone? Well, men and women are pretty much the same, despite all of their differences.
So, when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you, here are some behavioral patterns he is likely to display.
He friendzoned you
If you’re being honest, you’ll admit that this guy probably doesn’t see you as more than a friend. It’s the bitter truth but he simply doesn’t look at you like that.
You put a lot of effort into seducing him but the fact is that he doesn’t see you as girlfriend material. Of course, this has nothing to do with your appearance or personality and it certainly doesn’t make you any less worthy.
You might not be his type- that’s all. This man is obviously different and he doesn’t have the ambition to sleep with every pretty girl on the planet.
On the other hand, he appreciates all of your other qualities- otherwise, he wouldn’t have kept you in his life at all.
He thinks of you as a great person he just wants to be best friends with. He enjoys spending time with you and would never ruin the amazing friendship you have for a night of meaningless sex.
Of course, you don’t share his opinion but that’s a whole other thing.
The bottom line is that for this guy, you’re one of the boys. He even often calls you “dude” or tells everyone that you’re the closest thing he’s ever had to a sister.
You probably do have a significant place on his priority list but that doesn’t mean he sees you as a sexual being. I’m sure he loves you- just not the way you would want him to.
He avoids physical contact
You don’t usually agree to have sex with someone and then just proceed on doing it. The fact is that the foreplay itself actually begins way before the bedroom.
When someone is into you, he’ll use every chance he gets to touch you. I’m not saying that you must cuddle or make out while eating dinner on your first date but when a guy wants to sleep with you, he’ll definitely engage in some kind of physical contact.
Or at least, he’ll try doing so and it’s up to you whether you’ll let him or not.
For example, he’ll grab your hand, hold you a bit longer in his arms when hugging you or put his hand on your knee when he’s telling you a story. The examples are endless but I’m sure you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Well, this kind of interaction is nowhere to be found with you and this guy. Actually, he pushes you away every time you try to make some contact.
Obviously, he doesn’t literally push you away but he does everything in his power to avoid giving you an opportunity to touch him.
He’s always the first one to let go when you’re hugging (beware that he’s also never the one to initiate these hugging sessions). When you grab his hand, he just holds it there before pulling away without grabbing you tighter or putting his other hand on top of yours.
Whenever you touch him, his first reaction is to pull back. It’s like an instinct he can’t control which makes it more than obvious that this man isn’t comfortable with your skin on his.
His body doesn’t have the desire to join with yours on this innocent level so how do you expect your intercourse to feel?
I know what you must think- he probably doesn’t want to be all pushy or he is playing hard to get. Well, honey, stop with the self-deception.
Let’s not forget that he is just a human being. Trust me- if he wanted to touch you (and if he weren’t bothered by you touching him), it would be very clear.
He doesn’t let you invade his personal space
One of the biggest warning signs he doesn’t want to sleep with you is the way this man literally doesn’t let you near him. It’s not that he just avoids your touch- he also doesn’t let you invade his personal space.
You can see it in the little things that seem irrelevant but actually matter more than you think.
When you like a guy, will you sit next to him? Yes, you will.
If you’re in a crowded room, will you choose to yell a little harder so he could hear you or you’ll pull closer to him? I know that the latter is the answer.
Well, the Mr. in question doesn’t behave like that at all.
Even when you two dance, it’s never to slow music. When you meet at a restaurant or a coffee shop, he’ll choose to sit as far away from you as possible. If you’re in a car together, he’ll never put his arm on the armrest if yours is there already.
Sounds funny, I know. But pay attention to these things and if most of them are true- I’m sorry but he doesn’t want you close to him.
Test him and see what happens
Make a test to see if this is true. If the two of you are standing or sitting next to each other, move an inch in his direction (but don’t allow him to notice that you’re doing it on purpose). I bet that he’ll instinctively move an inch away.
Don’t get me wrong- he’s not doing it on purpose. It’s not like you smell bad or something like that.
He’s not doing it to offend you either. He’s actually probably not even aware of his actions- it’s just an impulse he gets every time you come close.
Most of us are like that. We don’t feel comfortable with others invading our personal area.
Of course, that doesn’t include the ones we like and want to sleep with you. So I guess, this alone excludes you from that group, doesn’t it?
He never flirts with you
Yes, some guys suck at flirting while some are born professionals. But hey, when he’s into you and is trying to get you to sleep with him, he’ll flirt with you, this way or another.
It might turn out to be awkward and he might be terrible at it but he’ll give it a shot, there is no doubt about that.
He’ll tease you, he’ll make slightly inappropriate or ambiguous dirty jokes, he’ll ask you trick questions. Not only that: he’ll also go out of his way to make you laugh and to make himself look like a macho man.
But there is no flirting on sight when it comes to you and this guy. When you try to tease him or engage in some flirty behavior, he looks at you like you’ve lost your mind and probably even straightforwardly asks you if everything is okay.
He just doesn’t get it. He doesn’t take your hints and he most definitely doesn’t respond to them accordingly.
If someone overheard your conversations or read your texts, they would think that you’re definitely buddies There is no sex, love life, or flirting in your communication.
Instead, most of the time, all you have is small talk. You discuss the weather or the way you spent the day but there is nothing hidden underneath these ordinary topics.
Nevertheless, it’s not just the way he talks to you. To be honest, he never gave you a sexy look, never winked at you or smiled at you in some special way.
I’m not saying this man doesn’t care about you- he just doesn’t love you that way.
He is not into drunk texting
Every girl in the world knows one of the first unwritten rules of modern dating (or hookups and one night stands, to be exact): if a guy only reaches out to you wasted and after midnight- he’s got only one thing on his mind and that’s not a serious relationship.
Yes, that’s right- he’s using you as a booty call. He’s been partying all night but he couldn’t get lucky. Or he’s just bored at the house and can’t sleep after a heavy night of drinking.
There you are, thinking how cute it is that he remembered you when he can’t even think straight- that must be a sign of love. It’s not- it’s a call for sex.
Well, imagine how terrible things must be when you don’t even get this. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not trying to tell you that drunk texts and calls in the middle of the night are goals because they’re not.
But frankly, they’re one of the biggest signs a man wants to fool around. Yes, that’s pretty much the only thing he wants to do but still, the point is that he wants to sleep with you.
On the other hand, the guy we’re talking about clearly doesn’t think of you even when his sex life is on the lowest. Tough break, I know.
A brighter perspective
Nevertheless, look at things from a brighter perspective: at least, you know where you stand. I know you want to get nasty with this man but believe me when I tell you that you’re much better off without his drunk texts.
Actually, every relationship expert will tell you the same: everything that’s happening is not such a bad thing.
Trust me: seeing the signs he doesn’t want to sleep with you beats seeing the signs he just wants to sleep with you any time. You might not see it now but with time, you’ll figure it out and you’ll be happy with the way things turned out.
He never compliments your appearance
I know what you’re about to say: personality is what keeps someone around. It’s what makes us fall in love and what makes us stay together.
And I couldn’t agree more. You can have the hottest supermodel by your side but if you two don’t get along and don’t have any shared interests- what’s the point?
But let’s not idealize things here either. The personality gets you to stay- that’s true. But appearance is what draws the opposite sex’s attention.
Look, men and women are not that different. When you want to screw a guy, it means you find him attractive. The same goes both ways.
Basically, what I’m trying to say is that a man who wants to sleep with you will eventually make a comment about the way you look.
No, he doesn’t have to be vulgar about it. He doesn’t have to say anything that might humiliate you.
A compliment every now and then will be enough. Yes, some guys will tell you that you look smoking hot in that dress or that they can’t get enough of looking at your big butt while some will be more polite and tell you that you’re exquisitely beautiful tonight.
The point is pretty much the same- the ways it was made differ.
On the other hand, this guy will compliment you on other things. He will tell you what a great best friend you are or that you’re an amazing professional in your area of expertise.
They will comment on everything besides your looks, perfume, and other things guys normally grab onto.
Social media likes and comments
Another thing to pay attention to is his social media activity. But you won’t be analyzing his posts this time- instead, you have to check out your feed.
You post a sexy selfie on your story- does he reply? He doesn’t have to say anything but does he even react with an emoji? I guess not.
You post a photo of a Netflix screen. Suddenly, he asks you for movie recommendations.
The same goes for liking and commenting on your photos and posts. He’ll rarely have any reaction to photos of you. On the other hand, he agrees with the attitudes and values you promote on your social media accounts.
He doesn’t show any signs of jealousy
A man who likes you sexually will always be jealous of other guys around you. He doesn’t have to be your actual boyfriend but that won’t prevent him from hating on every male in your surroundings.
He’s threatened by them and he is also a little possessive- even though you’re technically not his. That’s what makes him a human being.
The point is that neither women nor men can control this jealousy. We think we can but it always shows.
So stop lying to yourself that your guy is just a professional in pretending not to be jealous. Come on, he’s the one who gives you advice on your love life without a problem. And he never tells you to break up with the guy you’re seeing.
The harsh truth is that he couldn’t care less who you sleep with. He honestly wants you to find love and doesn’t see himself as a part of an equation.
It would be better if you stop trying to make him jealous because it obviously won’t work.
He fails to notice the little things about you
As far as this man is concerned, you can cut your hair off completely, he probably wouldn’t notice until someone brought his attention to it. Once again- he doesn’t see you as his potential partner and that’s why he fails to notice little things about you.
Let me reveal a little secret to you: a man who wants to have sex with you, fantasies about the act before it takes place. It’s perfectly normal and it’s something women do as well so don’t pretend that you don’t know what I’m talking about.
Yes, he will probably pleasure himself thinking about you. But that’s not all; if he’s falling in love, sometimes, he’ll just lay in his bed, picturing you next to him.
In those fantasies, his images of you are very vivid. He undresses you slowly and enjoys the idea of having you in front of him.
That’s how every single detail about your appearance gets stuck in his head. And that’s exactly why he would notice the slightest change in your looks.
But not this guy. He doesn’t pay attention to details about you and that shows his level of interest.
He never checks you out
He might try to hide his feelings forever but when a guy sees a girl he’s attracted to, he can’t resist but to check her out. He won’t just glance over her- he’ll give her a detailed head-to-toe inspection.
Nevertheless, this is the man who never does that. You can be wearing your shortest and tightest skirt or your pajamas- he’ll be looking at you the same.
In fact, he doesn’t even make eye contact. When you look him deeply in the eyes, he just looks away.
Of course, this signal alone might mean that he is shy. Maybe he is insecure and doesn’t have the confidence needed for prolonged eye contact.
But if it’s combined with all the other signs he doesn’t want to sleep with you, everything is pretty much out in the open.
He doesn’t treat you specially
A pretty good sign a man has feelings for you is the fact he treats you way differently than his other female friends. It doesn’t have to be something huge but everyone (including you) sees that, for him, you stand out.
It might be the little things such as always sitting next to you or telling a joke and waiting for your reaction.
But these things are nowhere to be found with your guy. To make it even worse, he doesn’t only treat you the same as all of his female friends– he treats you as if you were his guy best friend.
No one-on-one time
Here is a big sign that can help you confirm your doubts: he never initiates one-on-one time. Instead, this guy always wants to hang out in groups.
Even when you ask him out, he’ll invite another friend to join you two. Is it possible that he doesn’t notice all the cues?
I think not. It’s more likely that he wants to avoid an awkward situation of having to literally turn you down.
Either way, the bottom line is that this guy has no romantic or sexual interest in you.
He is overly respectful
What girl doesn’t enjoy being around a perfect gentleman with manners? But hey, there is no such thing as politeness in the bedroom.
I’m not saying that your guy has to turn into a rude jerk if he wants to have sex with you. Nevertheless, the problem is that this man is overly respectful.
He never crosses the line- not even a tiny beat and that is starting to annoy you. It’s clear that he doesn’t sexualize you at all; which is sometimes as awful as objectifying you.
How Do You Know If He Wants To Sleep With You?
When a guy wants to sleep with you, he’ll make his intentions very clear.
He’ll start with obscene jokes, he’ll most definitely initiate at least some kind of physical contact, he’ll compliment your appearance and he’ll be checking you out all the way from top to bottom.
Basically, he’ll be doing everything the opposite of the signs listed above. He doesn’t have to tell you about his desires straightforwardly. But trust me- when he makes a move on you, you’ll know.
It will be more than enough for this man to just look at you directly in the eyes for you to realize what he wants.
Let’s not forget that at the end of the day, we’re animals. We know a mating call when we see one.
7 Sad Reasons Why He Doesn’t Want To Sleep With You
Having to deal with the fact that some guy you like doesn’t want to have sex with you is a hard pill to swallow. But what if the man you’re in a committed relationship suddenly loses interest in bedroom activity?
Trust me- this is even more painful. Nevertheless, sadly, it frequently happens- especially in long-term relationships that have gone into a rut.
Finding out that something is off in your relationship is not the easiest thing to handle.
After you have spent so many years with your partner, you think there is nothing that can shake your relationship but then, all of a sudden, you see him distancing himself from you.
You are trying to get close to him and seduce him but every time you try something he cuts you off, saying that he wants to watch a movie or that he is tired.
You catch yourself worrying about why your guy doesn’t want any physical contact with you and wondering if he is still attracted to you.
You can’t live normally because this is something that is bothering you and you don’t know how to solve your problem.
Well, if you have experienced something like this, the best thing you can do is be honest about your feelings.
Ask your partner what is happening and why he is acting so distant. Even if the answer is a bad one, at least you will know it.
You’ve seen all the signs he doesn’t want to sleep with you, now is time to discuss what causes your man to avoid you in the bedroom.
When we are talking about the real reasons some men can become distant, here is a list of the most common ones.
He has someone else
This is one of the most common reasons why your man doesn’t want to sleep with you. Here is the bitter truth: when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you, he’s probably sleeping with someone else on the side.
As rough as it might sound, he doesn’t have the physical strength or capacity for two full shifts a day.
Less sex than usual can lead you to the fact that your man has someone on the side.
All the love and affection he should give to you he is giving to someone else and you feel so bad about it.
You ask yourself why he is not attracted to you anymore and why you are not enough for him.
You can’t believe that after all that you have gone through he has found someone else and that your love story doesn’t mean anything to him.
What to do?
Yes, extramarital affairs are probably the number one cause for lack of sex. But that doesn’t have to mean it’s what happened to you.
That is why you should, under no circumstances, jump to any conclusions. You two already have your own share of problems so let’s not accuse your partner of doing something without any valid proof.
But even if you feel like crap at that moment, you should react to what is happening to you.
You should talk openly to your partner because that is the only way you can solve the problem.
And if you can’t find any middle ground at least you will know how to cope with all the emotions that are inside you.
He might not be able to get over problems from the past
If you and your partner were faced with some problems in the past and you decided to move on, maybe he lost interest in sleeping with you because it still hurts him emotionally.
If he is not connected with you on an emotional level, he won’t be able to do that on a physical level either.
Yes, this happens to men as well. He just can’t picture himself being so close to you, after everything you two have been through.
What to do?
Again, the best way to find the root of the problem is with a calm conversation.
You shouldn’t overreact immediately because he might be suffering more than you thought.
Instead, try to have a calm and normal conversation like two adults and be open about your problems.
That is the only way you can get to where you want to go. Maybe in some cases, you won’t be able to continue the relationship but at least you will know what the main problem is.
You are not at the same emotional level as him
Maybe your man thinks that you are not interested because your behavior doesn’t show that he is the most important person in your life. He puts you and your well-being in the first place but he feels that his love and effort are not reciprocated.
If you are always working and if you are busy with your friends, it is normal that he will think that you don’t want him like before.
He might be having a war inside his head but never actually telling you anything about that.
So, when you try to get close to him, he will immediately pull back because he will think that you only do so when you need something.
That can be a valid reason for not sleeping with you but it is just because both of you are thinking of something that is not the truth.
What to do?
Communication is the key to a happy and healthy relationship and if you are more open about everything that you are going through, you won’t have any problems like this.
What was the last time you two had a decent conversation? I bet even you can’t remember.
Well, how about you change that? Start from there and I promise you that the bedroom activities will follow.
He has problems at work and is stressed out
Trust me, when a guy has problems at work, being intimate with you will be the last thing on his mind. Of course, this goes for all of his other issues as well.
He will think about solving the problem all the time and he won’t be able to focus on you. This is especially the case for those old-fashioned men who are used to resolving everything on their own.
Actually, this kind of guy won’t even bother you with his problems.
That’s why he won’t be interested in sleeping with you at all. Guys behave like this when they have some problems that they have to solve.
Not only will they become physically distant but they will also pull back emotionally.
What to do?
A guy will never admit to his partner that he has a problem because he thinks that will make him vulnerable but in fact, only open communication is the way to solve anything that is bothering him.
If you notice that he doesn’t talk to you that much and that he prefers spending time alone, you should ask him if you can help.
Maybe he just needs a little push to open up to you and to work things out.
He has health issues
Your man may pull away from you if he has some medical problem that affects his sex drive but he doesn’t want to talk about it.
It is known that a partner often hides all their problems from their loved one because they don’t want to make them worry.
If you see that your man is acting distant and that you don’t recognize him anymore, you should do something about it.
Changing the routine in your relationship or spending more time with him might work and he might revert to the old version of himself.
What to do?
The most important thing is that you are his biggest support in case he has health issues. Everything is much easier when it is done as a couple.
For starters, do your best to be full of understanding. Keep in mind that no human being’s sex drive can be at its highest unless they’re in a state of wellness and good health.
What is important is not to set any diagnosis by yourselves. Before you do anything, pay a visit to a doctor or a sex therapist and see if there are any medical issues involved in this problem.
He is not attracted to you anymore
One reason why your man is not sleeping with you can be because he is not attracted to you anymore.
This is probably the reason you’ve been looking for, especially in case that your sexual relationship wasn’t this lousy from the beginning but nothing except your change of appearance has happened lately.
People change over time and he might be going through some phase in his life where he doesn’t know what he wants.
If he is not attracted to you because your body changed because of pregnancy, then he is a real douchebag who doesn’t deserve you.
Any guy should make a monument to the woman who gave him kids and if a man doesn’t know to cherish that, then he doesn’t deserve you.
What to do?
If you are worried because of him pulling away and if he tells you that he doesn’t want you anymore, there is no need to waste your time on a man like that.
Leave him while you still can because he doesn’t deserve your presence, not even for a minute.
On the other hand, if you really did let yourself go, stop with those practices! Start taking care of your body and looks all over again.
Of course, you won’t be doing it because of him but because it’ll make you feel better.
He suffers from performance anxiety
This one is pretty common when a guy is about to sleep for the first time with a new girl. So, if you’re at the beginning of a real relationship and your sex life isn’t all butterflies and roses- your boyfriend’s performance anxiety might be the problem.
He’s so scared that he’ll let you down that he prefers not sleeping with you at all over allowing that to happen.
It’s obvious that this guy is insecure and has some serious self-esteem issues.
What to do?
It all depends on the severity of the case. Sometimes, it will be enough to praise his bedroom performance a little bit more.
That way, you’ll chase away all of his doubts and he’ll believe you that he’s doing a great job.
If that doesn’t succeed, he’s probably dealing with some deeply rooted traumas and issues you’re not qualified to solve. That’s why a sex therapist is your choice!
On the other hand, maybe he’s aware that he’s a stunt in the bedroom. But did you make it clear that you want the same thing he does?
Has it ever occurred to you that this guy isn’t making the first move because he’s not so certain whether you’ll turn him down or not. In that case, you better give him a green light right now!
What Does It Mean When A Man Doesn’t Want To Sleep With You?
I won’t sugarcoat it for you. If a man displays signs he doesn’t want to sleep with you, your relationship is in a crisis (if you’re together) or he doesn’t like you that way (if you’re just getting to know each other).
Your man refusing sex is probably just a consequence of a much deeper issue he’s dealing with. His behavior might have different meanings: that he’s having an affair, that he’s stressed out, or that he’s dealing with some health problems or even performance anxiety.
Nevertheless, whatever the reason is, I want you to know one thing: this doesn’t make you any less of a woman.
To Wrap Up:
The most important thing to have in mind is this: A man displaying the signs he doesn’t want to sleep with you doesn’t make you any less worthy. You’re still beautiful and attractive and I’m sure you’ll find someone who’ll see you that way.
It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about your long-term boyfriend or about some dude who doesn’t give you the attention you want- this is not your fault and not something you should blame yourself for.
I’m begging you one thing only: don’t let this unfortunate situation ruin your confidence.
Most importantly: don’t feel guilty for seeing it as a problem. You’re made of flesh and blood and it’s perfectly natural for you to see sex as a huge part of every healthy relationship.