For most people, attachment is something you should avoid since they connect it to unhealthy attachment styles many of us tend to have.
However, what they don’t know is what true, healthy attachment is all about.
So, what exactly are the crucial differences between a “regular” type of romantic love and an “attachment” kind of love?
How can you recognize whether you’re experiencing one or another?
Read on and find out.
Temporary vs permanent
The first major difference between romantic and attachment types of love is in their duration.
You see, romantic love is a temporary fix—it gives you what you think you need in a given moment.
It helps you heal, fill the holes in your heart. It helps you grow and is usually connected to a certain stage of your life. Sounds amazing, right?
Well, attachment kind of love is even better because it is completely independent of the place your life is at right now.
It doesn’t have anything to do with your surroundings, education, career or age simply because it never stops.
I’m not saying that romantic love necessarily has to be short-lasting. However, in comparison to a lifetime, it can be classified as temporary, while attachment love is permanent.
An attachment kind of love is more likely to end up with marriage and family, while romances are more often ended before they grow into something bigger.
Don’t get me wrong: this doesn’t mean that the type of relationships based on attachment love can’t be broken.
Nevertheless, even if something like this happens, the fact is that they always hold a special place in your memory.
Longing vs having
You know how you meet a guy and go crazy for him until you get him? How you’re ready to do whatever it takes just to get under his skin and make him completely yours?
However, some time after you reach your goal, your emotions slowly start to fade away. You got what you wanted, and you’re not so head over heels for him anymore.
In fact, he stops being so appealing and interesting to you. After all, you’re certain he isn’t going anywhere, and there is no more need for you to fight for his attention and emotions anymore.
If this sounds like a familiar pattern, it is a clear sign that you have been experiencing a romantic kind of love.
It is actually based on your ego which can’t stand not getting what it wants, and the moment this certain person becomes yours, your feelings start to get colder.
Therefore, what we have here is a typical example of longing and craving. On the other hand, attachment love is represented by having.
You feel the same way about your partner when he’s around you and when he is far away.
You enjoy his presence, and you never get bored of him just because you see that he’s fallen for you hard.
Passion vs compatibility
Another important difference between these two types of love is the reason why they start in the first place.
They say that romantic feelings are actually a result of chemical reactions in your brain and happen due to an impact of certain hormones which make you attracted to your special someone.
Therefore, all of this together results in passionate love. You don’t have to like your partner’s personality traits.
You don’t have to agree with him on important life matters, and you two don’t have to get along to get involved in a romantic kind of love.
You two are drawn to each other like magnets without any special reason.
You share incredible passion and strong chemistry which prevents you both from thinking straight.
While I’m not saying that physical attraction and sex are uinmportant in an attachment kind of love, they’re definetely not its essential components.
In fact, attachment love’s major foundation is compatibility.
This doesn’t mean that you and your significant other have to be the same person or that you have to agree on literally everything.
However, you definitely need to have some similar attitudes and want the same things from life.
When you’re compatible with someone, your characters match. The other person feels like your missing part of the puzzle, and it is someone you can see yourself growing old next to.
Excitement vs peace
In certain periods of our lives, we all crave butterflies and fireworks.
And you’re no exception: the last thing you would ever settle for is a boring relationship which doesn’t cause a rollercoaster of emotions in your heart and entire body.
You want to be with someone you’re incredibly attracted to, someone you can’t live without, and someone who gives you thrills just by looking at you.
Well, if this is the case, you’re dealing with a romantic kind of love.
I won’t lie to you: this love makes you feel alive more than anything. It makes you enjoy every breath you take, and it awakens all possible emotions within you.
However, when you get a little bit older, you see that there is a huge difference between loving someone and being in love with that person.
And this excitement we’re talking about is a sign you’re feeling the latter.
On the contrary, when you’re experiencing an attachment love, you’re overwhelmed with peace.
No, your being calm next to your partner doesn’t mean that your relationship is stuck in a rut: it means you’ve managed to find the real deal.
In romantic love, your partner is your lover, and in attachment, he is also your best friend.
He is not just the person who turns you on and someone you’re in a relationship with: he is your confidant, the first person you go to when you need advice or are going through hard times, someone you trust the most, and someone who understands you better than anyone else.
In romantic love, the two of you are romantic partners and nothing else. In attachment love, on the contrary, you are life partners.
Common vs rare
The final difference between these two types of love lies in their frequency. You’ll probably have more than one romantic kind of love in your life, making it a quite common experience.
However, attachment is less likely to happen.
In fact, you may consider yourself lucky if it strikes you even once because many people spend a lifetime without ever living through something as powerful as this.
