Instead of wasting my time being angry, frustrated and confused about why or how we ended the way we did, I choose to look at it from a healthy and thankful perspective.
Weird, I know. Those are the last words that you’d expect to hear from me now but I genuinely feel no resentment toward you anymore.
That ship has sailed.
During the time that has passed since you and I parted ways, I felt every emotion there was on the spectrum.
And it wasn’t all roses and butterflies. Not by a long shot.
First, I was pissed. And I mean SO pissed. And I think you know why.
We spent almost two years basically living together and planning a future by each other’s side.
We talked about where we wanted to move to and we seriously considered getting that gorgeous Golden Retriever we saw at the shelter that day.
I was happy. I felt fulfilled. I for sure thought I had found my missing piece and I felt so safe and comfortable around you.
You made me feel that way. I know it wasn’t all in my head.
So when you decided to do what you did, you can understand how incredibly pissed and confused I was.
You took away the only good thing I had going for me at that moment in time (our relationship!) and you decided it was no longer something you wished to proceed with, as if I was a temporary fling to pass time with until a better person came along.
Who the fuck does that?
And that left me utterly inconsolable. Drying my tears on my pillow for weeks on end type of inconsolable.
I could no longer stand being so mad. It almost turned me into a complete psycho.
I’d look at your photos and I just wanted to punch you but then tears would come streaming down my face and I’d just weep, staring at something that no longer existed.
And I just couldn’t believe you and I no longer were what we used to be.
I would wonder why this was happening every single night as I was trying to get to the bottom of it.
Why would you pull the rug from under me so unexpectedly and undeservingly? How did my emotions not matter to you?
You must have known how gutted you would leave me and yet… you didn’t seem to care.
I didn’t know if you’d found someone else or if I simply no longer pleased your every need but it hurt like a motherfucker.
Until it no longer didn’t.
After I was finally done with the grief part of it, the most unexpected thing happened.
I suddenly felt a weight being lifted off my shoulders. I felt empowered.
It was like I could finally see things from a safe distance and it all started to make sense.
I’m not saying I was suddenly, magically healed or anything.
But I for SURE felt like things were finally starting to make so much more sense.
After being pissed and crying my eyes out, my perspective was back. I could finally see clearly.
I could see you for who you really were and I could see our relationship for what it actually was, instead of what I idealized in my head.
Sure, I loved you and for a while there, we were so good together.
But after doing some serious soul searching, I realized we didn’t belong with each other.
Even though I loved you, our break-up was what I needed to realize what I deserve.
And it wasn’t you!
See… what I finally realized was that a person who loves you deeply and unconditionally does not leave you broken and in pieces the way you did me.
So what I really want to do here is say THANK YOU. Thank you for teaching me that you were not a guy worthy of my tears.
You were not somebody who deserved my love or my efforts. You were a lesson on what never to settle for ever again!
And today, with a clear head, a healthy mind and a happy outlook on life, I can proudly say, thank you for teaching me I can do SO much better than you!
And I say this with zero resentment, zero anger and completely thankful for learning this (even if it was the hard way).
Now, I am no longer focused on hating you for what you did to me and my self-esteem.
I am no longer focused on resenting you for wasting two precious years of my life.
And I no longer want to punch you in the face (well, okay… maybe a little bit).
But you get the gist of it.
If it wasn’t for you leaving me all alone and in the dark, I would never have realized what real love truly is and what never to confuse it with.
Thank you for that!
If it wasn’t for you, I never would’ve realized that I am more than deserving of that over-the-top grandiose love story that I will tell my grandkids about one day, making them wish to find something exactly like that.
I would always settle for what I could get… but now, my standards are higher and my tolerance for assholes like you is much lower.
And I have none other than YOU to thank for that, my dear, sweet ex.
Now, I only accept pure, genuine people into my life whose intentions are clear from the start.
I no longer tolerate half-assed efforts that are basically huge red flags of what awaits me in the future. No, sir, not anymore.
Don’t get me wrong. If a good guy comes into my life and sweeps me off my feet, I’ll welcome him with open arms!
But until that happens, I am perfectly happy on my own. And feeling better about myself than I ever have while I was with you.
Ultimately, you didn’t break me. You just reshaped me into a better, stronger and an all-around improved version of myself. And for that, I will forever be thankful!
All the best,
The One That Got Away
