We have all said so many times that it’s over and that we’re done with our ex but we get back together with them in most cases.
Getting back together with an ex seems super easy. One of you sends a message or invites the other person out and that’s it.
But the real question is what happens next and how to successfully get back together after a break-up?
How to work through all issues that made you break up in the first place?
How not to allow the emotional baggage from the past restrain you and start all over with your ex-partner?
Yes, when you think about it, it may sound easy but rekindling with your ex is never so simple.
Giving someone a second chance, especially if that person has hurt or betrayed you, is risky and you can never be sure that it’s the right decision for you.
However, if you really love your ex-boyfriend and you want to solve your issues and rekindle with him, these tips may help you to do so.
Getting back together after a bad break-up is possible.
You can start from the beginning and have a much better new relationship with your ex-partner.
And these tips from our relationship coach will help you for sure.
Give both you and your ex-partner some space
Before you even agree on getting back together or talking about it, you should give both of you some space.
You have to decide whether getting back together is really the best decision for both of you.
You have to be alone and think about your feelings. Think about the reason why you two broke up.
Think about your shared memories and the first time you two met.
You have to clear out your feelings and some things in your head before you speak to your ex-partner about giving your relationship a second chance.
Also, think about the time you two spent separated. Did you enjoy single life? Or did you miss your ex-partner terribly?
After you’ve re-examined yourself and you’re sure of your feelings and how much you love him, you should wait for your ex-partner to be ready to rekindle your relationship.
Give him space too, because he also needs to think about everything and make a decision that will be the best for both of you.
You should be aware that there is a lot of pressure for both of you and maybe he needs some more time.
However, waiting shouldn’t be a problem if your love is true.
If you get back together too soon, without even thinking about your break-up and your relationship, you won’t be able to make things work again and the break-up is going to happen again for sure.
Respect the no contact rule
There are some things you have to respect during the break-up and no contact rule is one of those.
It’s absolutely some of the best relationship advice you’ll ever get from anyone.
What is the no contact rule and why is it so important when it comes to how to successfully get back together after a break-up?
Well, the answer is very simple. The rule orders that for a period of time after the break-up, you shouldn’t text, call or see your ex.
This is because you have to give them time and space, some room to breathe or simply to realize if they care about you at all.
In that period, you can focus on yourself. Work on yourself. Do some things that you enjoy doing.
Do whatever will keep you occupied so you won’t even think about calling or texting your ex.
If you want to get your ex back, it’s really important to fully respect this rule.
It will make you realize some things and if everything goes how it should, if your ex even wants to rekindle with you, this rule will enable a fresh start for you two.
Decide whether it’s really worth it
While you clear out your feelings, you should think about your past relationship. Think about those not so good moments.
What were the actual reasons for your break-up?
Did your ex-partner do something horrible to you and will you ever be able to forgive and forget it completely?
Are your feelings really stronger than your relationship issues? Is reuniting with your ex-boyfriend really the best option for you?
If they have already put you through a heartbreak, is it really worth it to go through all of it once again or are you sure that this second time will be better?
There are so many unanswered questions that you have to think about.
Also, you have to think about yourself and your personal issues and solve those first.
Communicate more effectively
You have to be able to talk to your ex-partner about all things that were bothering you while you were dating.
It’s the only way you’ll be able to solve those things and make your relationship work again.
Your ex-partner can’t read your mind, so you’ll have to communicate with him.
You won’t agree on some things but you have to find a way to solve those without fighting over them or raising your voices.
There is nothing that can’t be solved by talking.
You both should change some things, especially those that your ex-partner doesn’t like about you and vice versa.
If you want something from your significant other or you think that you deserve an apology from him, you should tell him that and explain your reason for it.
A loving relationship is made out of two people who respect, love and talk honestly to each other.
Those are the main foundations of every healthy relationship and until you fulfill each one of them, your relationship won’t work the way you would want it to.
Be honest and tell your significant other how you feel…
Come on. Let all of your feelings out.
You two broke up and it’s perfectly normal that you’ve been dealing with some negative feelings too so let them out.
Your ex-partner needs to hear how you actually feel.
Don’t lie about it or try to sugar-coat it because sooner or later, your true feelings will come out and you’ll have an even bigger problem then.
Also, you should never bottle up your feelings.
Even if you can’t talk to your ex-partner about them, you should open up to your best friend or a family member who you trust with those things.
Bottling up your emotions will only make things worse for you because you won’t be able to fool yourself.
When you’re in a loving relationship, you have to be able to tell your partner how you truly feel and if they really love you, they’ll try to understand you.
Tell them how you feel about them, how strong your feelings for them actually are.
Tell them when the last time was that you were truly happy and why you don’t feel like that anymore.
If you don’t love them the way you used to, they deserve to also know that.
… but at the same time, be ready to listen to what your ex-partner has to say
If your ex-partner listens to you and starts talking about his own feelings for you and your relationship, you should listen carefully to what he has to say.
You have to know how they feel because both your feelings are equally important.
Don’t interrupt him, just listen to him while he’s talking and you can say your opinion once he finishes.
It’s probably not easy for him, just like it’s not easy for you.
There are so many mixed emotions and neither of you can think clearly.
Ask your ex-partner what his reason was for the break-up.
Ask him how he really feels about you and if he is sure that a reconciliation is the best solution for you.
Tell him that no matter what, he can always trust you and open up to you.
You’ll always be there for him, to listen to him and advise him the best way you can.
You aren’t only ex-lovers or two people who are trying to get back together, you’re also friends and people who know each other the best and who want nothing but the best for each other.
Ask him to talk with you about his ‘post-break-up life’.
Did he enjoy the single life or was it that he couldn’t stop thinking about you?
Was he feeling well and relieved or was he depressed because of the break-up?
If your ex-partner wants to reunite with you, he’ll be honest with his answers too.
You both should know that the only way you can re-establish your romantic relationship is through efficient communication.
Identify your problems
Once you’ve had an honest talk, where both of you talked about your feelings and thoughts about your relationship, you’ll be able to work on solving those issues you had while you were together.
Both ex-partners should bring out their problems and the reasons why they grew apart in the first place.
Then both sides should be open to compromises.
If your ex-partner wants you to change something about you that was bothering him (and I’m not saying that you should change who you are just to get back together with him but there are some little things we’re allowed to change for our loved ones), you should work on it and change it.
If your ex-partner has some habits that you weren’t okay with, you should also ask him to change them and explain why they were bothering you.
What were some obstacles in your relationship and why didn’t it succeed? Was it a long-distance relationship?
Or maybe one of you wasn’t ready to engage in a relationship?
Whatever it is, you have to talk about it because the problems won’t disappear if you don’t talk about them.
On the contrary, they’ll only become bigger and more difficult to solve.
Focus on your relationship
What is the most important thing to you? To save your relationship, right? To successfully get back together with your ex?
Then both of you should only focus on your relationship.
Don’t think about other people or your old relationship or anything else. Think about solutions for your relationship issues.
Think about how difficult that period was for both of you while you weren’t together. Do you really want to feel like that again?
I advise you to do a social media detox. Keep your relationship private, at least until you’re both completely sure that you want to rekindle and start over again.
So, stop sharing your photographs on Snapchat, Instagram or any other social media that you use. You’ve more important issues to solve right now.
Spend some time together, far away from everyone else
When you decide that it’s time to have ‘the talk’ about your relationship, you should do it in some place that is away from all other people from your lives.
Let’s call it a ‘neutral territory’, so it shouldn’t be at your or your ex-partner’s place.
Right after you decide to try again, but this time to really work hard to make your relationship work, you should plan a trip to someplace just for the two of you.
Spend some time together and talk about everything you feel the need to.
Don’t call your friends immediately to celebrate your reconciliation with them as first, you should celebrate it with your ex-partner and try to make up for all the time you’ve lost.
Remember, you and your relationship are the most important things right now.
All other people who care about you will understand you and why you don’t have time to hang out with them.
Rekindle the flame between you two
Think about some ways you could rekindle the flame between you two.
There are so many ways you can do so and planning a romantic trip for just the two of you is a good one.
You need to get your ex-partner to fall in love with you again.
He does love you, as if he didn’t, he wouldn’t want to rekindle your relationship but maybe he just isn’t in love with you anymore.
You need to be super romantic and prove to your ex-partner how much you really care about him and your relationship.
Think about some place that reminds both of you of some better and happier times or a place you two always wanted to visit together.
This is a great opportunity to finally do it.
Or you can recreate your first date. That’s always a great way to rekindle the flame that has gone in your relationship.
It’s also a great way to remind yourselves how far you’ve come from the moment you started dating.
Pamper your ex-partner. Buy him a gift or surprise him with something he always wanted to have.
You can collect all of your pictures and give it to him in a box together with all the other memories you kept while you were dating.
It’s just like I said already, you’ll have to be more romantic and work hard to make things work again.
Giving your relationship and your ex-boyfriend a second chance requires a lot of hard work and patience.
If you decided to forgive your ex-partner and move on, you really have to mean it
No matter who made a mistake or who was guilty of the break-up, if the other side decides to forgive and move on with the relationship, they have to be ready to do so.
Nevertheless, it’s easier to say than to do; trust me.
If your ex-partner has lost your trust, you need to be honest with him and say that you need some time to think about your relationship and that you will try to gain his trust again.
You need to be sure that you’re ready to forgive him and forget about his betrayal and your heartaches so you can continue with your relationship.
Don’t look back and always focus on the future.
If you are sure that you love your ex-partner and your feelings are reciprocated, then you can cross all obstacles together and solve all your issues.
Don’t involve your friends and family too much in your relationship
It’s good to listen to other people’s advice, especially if it comes from the people close to you. Your friends and family love you and they want the best for you.
However, you should never allow anyone to interfere in your relationship.
You can listen to what they have to say about your relationship but you shouldn’t blindly follow their advice.
Only you know the whole truth about your relationship and only you two are allowed to make decisions about it.
Even if it turns out that it was a mistake to give your relationship a second chance, you won’t feel bad about it because you’ll know that it was only your choice.
You can never be completely sure who you can trust and whether your friendships are really sincere. You always have to be very careful with trusting others.
There are some people who will only pretend that they care about you but at the same time will try to hurt you and try to interfere in your relationship to ruin your chances of being happy with your significant other.
Remember, all issues can be solved if you both really want to work on your relationship
Don’t listen too much to other people’s advice, even if it comes from your friends and family because only you and your ex-partner should make decisions about your relationship.
Think about whether rekindling with your ex is really good for your own well-being.
Sometimes, no matter how hard we want something, we have to accept the fact that it’s not good for us and we have to let it go.
It’s exactly like many people would tell you that 13 is an unlucky number and you shouldn’t trust them because I’m sure these 13 tips will be lucky for you and all these tips on how to successfully get back together after a break-up can help you for sure.