I bet there doesn’t exist a guy on this planet who hasn’t wondered how to approach a girl he likes. How do you get a girl’s number and how to ask a girl out? How do you get a girlfriend?
You can have tons of experience but when you find yourself in front of the girl of your dreams who has everything you need, all of it fades away and you become completely numb and clueless.
Or maybe you’re an insecure, shy guy who hasn’t had much luck with the opposite sex so far and who sees dating games as rocket science but hopes to change that?
Are you trying to figure out how to ask a girl out over text or with the help of online dating or do you want to do it in person?
Either way, this is, without a doubt, a nerve-wracking process.
Well, you’ve come to the right place to get rid of your anxiety and insecurities.
Here is a step by step guide to how to ask a girl out to a date for the first time.
1. Find out more about her love life
Before you get the answer to the long-running question ‘How to ask a girl out for a date?’ firstly, you have to know whether she’s single or not.
After all, you don’t want to make the situation uncomfortable for both of you and ask a married or taken girl out because she’ll definitely reject you.
And even if she doesn’t, do you really want to be someone she cheats on her boyfriend or husband with?
If this is a girl you know from before, snoop around her social media profiles and look for traces of a romantic partner or ask around your mutual friends about her love life.
Remember that a girl can be officially single but still emotionally involved with her ex or be trapped in some kind of almost relationship.
You can use your detective skills to find out whether she’s emotionally available and if she’s not, I suggest you give up on her in time unless you want to deal with loads of her emotional baggage.
However, figuring out whether a girl you see at a bar and know literally nothing about is taken or not is a little bit harder, even though it’s not impossible.
First of all, look for a wedding ring and secondly, pay attention to her behavior. Is she checking you or other guys out or she is guarded and acts like she has a wall around her?
At the end of the day, if neither of these strategies works out, there is nothing wrong with straightforwardly asking her whether she’s single and available.
Even if a girl is taken, she’ll admire the way you respect her before making a move and if not, better for you.
2. Work on your confidence
All dating advice will tell you one thing—you could be the best-looking guy in the world,
Have a smoking hot body and an amazing personality to go with it but if you get all nervous and shaky when you’re about to approach a girl,
The chances that you’ll actually get her number or that she’ll agree to going out with you are low.
Whether they like to admit it or not and whether most men like to hear it or not, the truth is that most women get hooked on men who act like they own the room.
That’s why players get the most luck—because they’ve hit on girls a million times and they have the confidence that they’ll succeed with one as well.
No, this doesn’t mean that you should jump from one girl to another to become more attractive to the opposite sex.
However, you have to work on your self-esteem if you want more women to fall for you.
Act like you know what and who you want and show her that you’re not afraid to get it.
Even if you don’t think of yourself as the perfect man, pretend that you do and I assure you that she’ll believe you.
Remember—there are no such things as different leagues when it comes to dating.
Don’t devalue yourself by not wanting to approach a girl you think is better than you and trust me that you can knock any woman off her feet if you’re just confident enough.
If you think lowly of yourself, she will share your opinion. However, if you’re convinced that you have a lot to offer, you’ll send a positive vibe and she’ll like you before she even gets to know you.
3. Wait for the right moment
It doesn’t matter whether you plan to text a girl to ask her out, whether you want to do it through Tinder or some other dating app or you want to do it in person;
In every possible scenario, you have to find the perfect moment to do so.
If this is a girl you’ve been talking to for a while, you won’t suggest your first date if you know that she’s in the middle of a family emergency, if she’s overloaded with work or if she has exams.
On the other hand, if we’re talking about a girl you saw in public and know nothing about her, don’t ask her out while she’s in the middle of a conversation or while she’s super busy.
Of course, there is a huge difference between someone you see on a regular basis and a girl you suppose you won’t meet ever again.
If we’re talking about a woman you’ll run into very soon, you have enough time to wait for the perfect moment and to observe the situation carefully before making a move.
On the other hand, if you see this as your only chance and have no idea whether you’ll see this girl who charmed you ever again, be brave and go for it.
Ask her out even if she’s in the middle of something or if she’s surrounded by her good friends or family; after all, you have nothing to lose.
Another important thing is to pay more attention to this girl’s mood.
If she’s angry, cranky or about to cry, maybe it would be best to leave her alone and wait for another opportunity.
In this case, she is likely to turn you down without even giving you a look. She is clearly dealing with some problems and the last thing she wants is someone hitting on her.
Therefore, it would be perfect if you could wait for her to be in a good mood.
See whether she has a smile on her face and if she looks happy in general. This way, you have more chance of her saying yes.
4. Look your best
You see, girls are quite different from guys when it comes to physical appearance. They’re not obsessed with abs the way men are with boobs or ass.
Basically, you don’t have to look like a fitness model to get a girl’s attention (or get a girlfriend) because your body is probably the last thing on her mind.
However, just because nobody is asking you to be perfect, it doesn’t mean that you can let loose completely and disregard your appearance altogether.
Even though most girls won’t be fascinated by your abs or toned shoulders, the truth is that they’re also human beings and can’t help but notice whether you’re attractive or not.
After all, you’re just about to approach this girl and you still haven’t had a chance to impress her with your personality, so your looks are the only thing that can drive her to you.
Therefore, hitting the gym or engaging in some kind of physical activity is always a plus.
Besides helping you get more girls, exercise will also make you feel better and more confident.
Another thing is your clothes. You don’t have to be dressed like you’ve just gotten off a runway but you won’t be wearing shorts or sweatpants in a crowded club on a Saturday night, will you now?
The point is to be dressed for the occasion and not to look like you’ve put on the first thing that you found in your closet.
If you have doubts about what to wear, keep it simple; wear jeans and neutral-colored shirts and you’re good to go.
Also, pay attention to your personal hygiene.
Make sure you smell good at all times but don’t use too much cologne because you don’t want to make everyone around you noxious.
5. Send her signs that you like her
Before making concrete action, it would be great if you could flirt with the girl you like. Your flirty behavior will prepare her for what’s coming next and you’ll help yourself relax more.
If you send a girl you’re into the right amount and type of signals, half of your job is already done.
This way, it will be a lot easier for you to actually approach her and she is more likely to say yes to your proposal.
There are some situations in life when non-verbal gestures say more than actual words and flirting is one of them.
Start with checking her out. Try to make deep eye contact and stare directly at her as this is a universal sign that says. “I like you.”
Don’t look away when she stares back at you. Instead, continue maintaining eye contact and keep on seducing her.
Smile every time you see her and make sure she realizes she’s the reason for your good mood.
If you two have some kind of communication or hang out in the same group of good friends, initiate physical contact.
For example, ‘accidentally’ touch her every time you have the chance to; put your hand on her waist,
Touch her shoulder when you’re making a point or grab her hand when you’re in the middle of a conversation.
Sit next to her every time you are together, whisper as close as possible to her ear while you’re talking and never forget to hug her or kiss her on the cheek when you two greet or say goodbye.
6. Check out her feedback
It would be great if you could accomplish what you want just by sending your non-verbal signals to the girl you’re into.
However, sadly, for most men, things don’t actually work in that simple manner.
As a matter of fact, you have to follow this girl’s feedback and her body language signs before proceeding with any action.
The last thing you want is for her to think of you as a creep she can’t get rid of.
Besides, it is crucial to respect everyone’s boundaries and personal space.
Therefore, you won’t continue ‘accidentally’ touching her if you see that she is moving away every time you approach.
The first thing you should pay attention to is eye contact. Does she stare back at you or does she look away?
Don’t be discouraged even if the latter happens; maybe she is just shy and doesn’t want you to notice right away that she is interested.
It is possible that she is teasing you or playing hard to get so this is definitely not the step in which you should give up.
Does she involuntarily smile when you enter the room? Do her friends talk to you, trying to find more about your interests and relationship status?
Does she bite her lip when she’s talking to you? Or does she roll her eyes every time she sees you nearby?
Does she laugh at your silly jokes? Does she touch your hand or shoulder when you say something funny?
Is she flirting or she putting in the effort to flirt back? All of these are good signs that she likes you back and that it’s safe for you to make a move.
These are all of the questions you need to ask yourself before making your move.
Even if you have mainly negative responses, they are not automatically signs for you to back off; maybe the girl of your interest just needs more time to relax before agreeing on going out with you.
On the other hand, if you’re getting mixed signals and don’t know what to think regarding this girl’s feelings for you, just rely on your intuition.
Try to be realistic but every time you’re in doubt, follow your gut and I can assure you that you won’t be mistaken.
7. Plan what you’ll say
The number one mistake a lot of dudes make when they’re trying to ask a girl on a date is that they get too nervous.
Of course, this is something you can’t control and as much as you try, you can’t help but get tongue-tied, have sweaty palms and let your insecurities get the best of you.
After all, this is a girl you’re into and the last thing you want is her rejecting you.
On the other hand, even if you don’t like her that much, you’re scared that you’ll get embarrassed and that she’ll ruin your self-esteem.
In order to avoid all of this from happening and for you to display more confident behavior, the trick is to plan ahead what you’ll say.
Naturally, you can never know what her responses will be so you can’t memorize every line by heart, nor can you predict the outcome of the entire situation.
However, you can think of the things you want to say.
What pick up lines will you use? When you compliment her, will you focus on her appearance or personality?
Will you ask her on a date right away or will you try communicating first?
Will you go with a more serious approach or will you break the ice with some jokes?
Make an action plan and if necessary, write down all of the steps.
You can also consult with your friends about this matter; ask your guy friends for advice and your girl friends for feedback.
At the end of the day, if you have poor experience when it comes to hitting on women, practice before going for the real deal.
I’m not telling you to lead on some innocent girls and use them as your tools
But there will be no harm in starting a conversation with someone of the opposite sex every now and then, just to help you relax.
8. Plan an activity
When you’re asking a girl out, you have to show initiative and decisiveness and the best way to accomplish that is to invite her to a specific activity rather than vaguely propose a first date.
If this is a woman you have had some kind of contact with already, put some effort into investigating the things this girl likes doing.
Get to the bottom of her interests and come up with a first date idea accordingly.
Of course, you won’t tell her that you’ve been stalking her. Instead, you’ll make it all look like a coincidence.
This way, she’ll think that you like the same things she does and she’ll be more than happy that she found someone so similar and compatible with her.
So, instead of asking her if she wants to go out on a date, casually mention that, for example, you have tickets for a concert of her favorite band and ask her if she wants to tag along.
However, make sure she realizes it’s a date and not just a friendly get-together.
Another thing to be careful about on your first date is to avoid making it too complicated.
Keep it simple and that will give you more chances for her to say yes.
Avoid things like road trips (because she might be uncomfortable traveling with someone she just met), too adventurous places (because she simply might not be into that kind of stuff),
Hitting the pool (she would probably not want you seeing her in a swimsuit or without make-up on right away)
Or activities which include spending the night (she’ll reject you because she’ll think you expect her to sleep with you).
Remember that the final goal of this date is for the two of you to get to know each other better and to have a chance to talk so inviting her out to a noisy club is not the way to go.
Instead, a simple lunch, dinner or drinks will be more than enough.
Make a plan but don’t stick to it too firmly. The point is for her to like you for you, not because of an amazing, expensive date idea you have figured out.
The same applies if we’re talking about a girl you have no clue about.
Yes, in this scenario, you can’t surprise her by proposing something you know she’ll like but keeping things as casual as possible is always the rule.
Also, when you’re suggesting a date, don’t ask her to go out with you late at night unless you want her to think she’s nothing but a booty call.
Every girl will take you much more seriously if you propose a date at a reasonable hour.
9. Start a conversation
Many guys make the mistake of inviting a girl on a date out of the blue.
They just approach a girl at a bar, introduce themselves and straightforwardly proceed to ask for their number and ask them out.
Even though this cold approach is bold, sadly, it is unlikely to work out, no matter how hot you are and despite the pickup line you might use.
You see, girls get hit on by guys all the time. Therefore, most of them developed a sort of defense mechanism which helps to defend them from different creeps.
Consequently, almost every girl’s first reaction is to tell you no.
She’ll reject you before she even gives you a chance and before she even takes a good look at you.
Besides, you’re a stranger and it is completely natural for this girl to be scared of going out with someone she knows nothing about.
This might sound silly to you but trust me—women have different perspectives on these things since they have faced many uncomfortable situations.
Knowing all of this, you should realize why it’s important to find a way to start a conversation with this girl before asking her out.
I won’t lie to you—as soon as you approach her, she’ll be aware of your intentions but she’ll find your efforts cute and your conversation will help her relax.
Your conversation starters will depend on the situation; if you are at a coffee shop or bar, you can buy her a drink,
If you are at a gym, you can compliment her workout routine and if you’re at a club, you can ask her for a dance.
Either way, the most important thing is to use your charm and sense of humor to your advantage.
Proceed with some typical small talk; try introducing yourself on a deeper level than just saying your name and age.
Finally, when you’re about to part ways, if you see that she is digging your story, ask for her phone number or just suggest to meet the very next day.
10. Take action
Some girls need time before agreeing to date a guy, no matter how much they like him, Even though you shouldn’t be too pushy, waiting for too long will get you nowhere either.
Don’t beat around the bush and as soon as you see that she is into you, go for it.
All dating tips will tell you to take action, be direct and fearless, unless you want to end up trapped in the friendzone!
The most important thing about this step is for this girl to realize that you are asking her on a real date.
You’re not going out with a bunch of other people, you’re not using her to kill time and you’re not about to hang out for the sake of hanging out or because you want to be friends—
you’re asking her out because you like her and it is your job to make this clear.
11. Don’t make a big deal about it
Okay, so you’re super excited about going out with this girl.
Don’t beat yourself up about this because that’s cute and perfectly normal when it comes to someone you like.
However, she shouldn’t notice that this is rocket science for you.
In fact, it’s your job to make her think that you’re just casually bringing this date up and that you haven’t spent hours or day and night thinking things through and planning ahead your every move.
You see, even though they say they want guys who give them all the attention in the world, the truth is that the situation is quite different when it comes to most girls today.
I’m not saying that you should ignore them or play mind games to become more desirable but being too needy or desperate is also not the way to go.
If you show this girl that she is so important to you, you’ll scare her off. She’ll be afraid that she won’t be able to meet your expectations and she’ll back out before she even gives it a try.
Forget about sending her letters or long paragraphs of text messages. Forget about dozens of roses, balloons or other romantic gestures.
I know that you want to leave a good impression and be a gentleman (after all, that is what all girls theoretically ask for, isn’t it?) but trust me—being too formal will only cause a counterproductive effect.
Instead, do your best to take the pressure off of your potential date and make your proposal sound as natural and as relaxed as possible.
12. Talk to her in private
According to most dating advice, one of the worst mistakes you could make when asking a girl out is doing so while you’re both surrounded by people.
It is awkward, brings about tension and can make this entire situation even more messy.
First of all, you’ll make her feel uncomfortable.
You’ll never know whether she said yes because she didn’t want to embarrass you in front of your friends or she rejected you because she wanted to appear cool in front of hers.
Besides, it is more likely for you to lose your focus this way.
You don’t have to perform well in front of her only but also in front of a bunch of other people, which will probably make you forget everything you planned ahead.
If she rejects you when you two are alone, things will be less awkward.
However, if she does it in front of others, you might end up feeling humiliated, with your self-esteem ruined.
Also, another argument in favor of asking a girl out in private is your manners. It is rude to interrupt someone else’s conversation.
This is especially the case if she’s out with her girlfriends.
Maybe they decided to have a night for themselves and agreed on ignoring every guy who approaches them, which means you don’t stand a chance right from the start.
Therefore, asking a girl out in private is, without a doubt, the thing to do if you want to get a positive response.
Of course, this is more easily done if she is someone you keep on running into but it can be done even if we’re talking about a girl you are scared of never seeing again.
In this scenario, wait until she walks toward the restroom or tell the waiter to send her drinks and to ask her whether it would be okay for you to approach.
If you can’t get your opportunity, wait for her to be headed home and make your move there.
Just tell her that you’ve been looking at her all night, that she is gorgeous and that you would like to stay in touch.
You can leave her your phone number or ask for hers.
13. Accept her answer with dignity
I’ll be honest with you here—when you’re figuring out how to ask a girl out, you can go by the book,
follow all the rules and steps but still don’t get a chance with the girl of your interest.
There is no perfect recipe for asking a girl out, nor can anyone guarantee with certainty that you’ll succeed and that everything will go as planned.
However, even if she turns you down, you have to accept it with dignity.
Remember that it’s her right; maybe she is interested in someone else, maybe she still hasn’t recovered from her past relationship or hopes to get her ex back,
Maybe she enjoys her single life and doesn’t want to get into the dating games or maybe she simply doesn’t like you.
Tough break, I know. Nevertheless, don’t take it too personally and remember it’s not the end of the world.
The last thing you should think of doing is calling this girl names, insulting her or trying to put her down, especially if she turned you down politely.
Even if she was rude, it’s your job to walk away because her behavior says something about her.
Besides, at least you’ll know you’ve tried. You’ve managed to win over your fear and insecurities and you’ve put yourself out there.
You’ve given your best and that is much better than not giving it a shot at all. She just decided not to give you a chance and that has nothing to do with you.
In fact, you can see it as valuable experience and the type of practical work that will come in handy in the future, with some other girls who will surely give you a positive response.
Just don’t lose hope.
When we advised you to take this girl’s answer with dignity, we meant you should do the same if she decides to go out with you.
Remember how we said not to make a big deal about everything?
Well, it is okay if you smile and show her that you’re glad about getting a chance.
On the other hand, you shouldn’t jump around and start acting like this is the only time you’ve managed to persuade a girl to go out on a date with you.
If she starts to think that she has fulfilled your dreams by giving you a simple yes, it will give her a lot of power over you and that is not what you want right from the start.