Non sa cosa vuole: 11 motivi e cosa fare

Signore, vi capisco. Non siete sole, credetemi. Ognuna di noi, almeno una volta, si è fermata per un momento, ha espirato e si è detta, “He doesn’t know what he wants.”

Spesso il problema non è in noi stessi. Abbiamo definito chiaramente i nostri desideri e le nostre esigenze. La maggior parte di noi vuole quel tipo di amore vintage e una relazione seria. And now you’re thinking: “I swear to God if I hear him say that one more time, I’ll …”

Okay, okay, calm down, you will get wrinkles, don’t frown, and don’t stress. Somehow, it seems that whatever we do, it is simply not enough for them.

Men often seem distant when it comes to things that are important to us, which is good old courtship and romance (especially if you’re a romantico senza speranza come me).

La probabilità che almeno una volta nella vita vi imbattiate in un ragazzo che non sa cosa vuole è a dir poco enorme. Quindi, cosa si può fare quando succede?

Let me help you. You can learn about the most common reason “he doesn’t know what he wants” and what you can do about it. So, let’s get started!

He Doesn’t Know What He Wants: 11 Possible Reasons Why

If a man doesn’t know what he wants, there’s no need to panic yet, but don’t minimize the seriousness of his statement. The best possible method to deal with these men is to learn about what’s going on in their subconscious. Here are the most common reasons why a man would say that he doesn’t know what he wants:

1. He’s only interested in hooking up or the physical part of your relationship

A volte i ragazzi sono interessati solo a rimorchiare, ma si rifiutano di riconoscerlo se iniziano a sospettare che tu voglia qualcosa di più.

Also, sometimes it seems that everything he cares about is the S word, and that is the end of it. Even though it is a new relationship, it’s fun and exciting, but should it be like that?

Oh yes, let’s face it, we know how to romanticize things too much. We would like to be his numero uno. Vogliamo mazzi di fiori, cioccolatini, messaggi di buongiornoe baci gentili, e vorrebbe solo compagnia a letto alla fine della sua giornata lavorativa.

Riuscite a indovinare? Non è un'equazione molto complicata.

“I don’t know what I want” is equivalent to “I’m interested only in the physical part of our relationship” or “I want to rottura with you.” And that is when they start ignorandoti all'improvviso.

2. He’s simply not into you

Sì, lo so. Fin dalla nascita ci viene insegnato che se un bambino all'asilo ci tira per i capelli, ci pizzica, ci prende in giro e anche se ci ignora, è perché gli piacciamo.

Beh, attenzione agli spoiler. E se he’s simply not into you?

Of course, it hurts to know that someone we like doesn’t feel the same for us, but that is the reality. Le preferenze e i gusti personali sono cose che non possiamo controllare negli altri. Ognuno ha il suo tipo di persona ideale.

Quindi, non importa quante volte si dica che si è stati reginetta del ballo, che si è laureati in un'ottima università o che si è indipendenteLa chimica non è ancora reciproca.

3. Non ha intenzione di smettere di frequentare altre persone

Ahi. Potresti anche smettere adesso. Un uomo sinceramente interessato a te non direbbe mai una cosa del genere. Se volete un relazione a lungo termine with someone, you definitely won’t see other people.

But a man who doesn’t have any serious intentions with you won’t find that idea a horrible one. If you’re not on the same page, don’t fall into his “casual trap.”

If he’s suggesting this, it is more than obvious he’s looking for something casual, ma con molte persone, ovviamente. Too bad his Tinder profile didn’t say so, but now you know. Now save your pride and let him have a low-key fling with someone else.

4. C'è qualcos'altro che lo preoccupa a livello inconscio.

Sometimes the reason why a man doesn’t know what he wants is that he’s pressured by external things in his life. For example, he might be having problems at work or with his family.

Queste pressioni esterne possono influenzare il suo amore vita e confonderlo su ciò che vuole veramente da te.

If you think that this could be the case, just give him enough time and wait for him to come to you and tell you what’s really going on.

5. He’s carrying the burden of a past toxic relationship

His past often influences what he wants and why he doesn’t know what he wants. Il suo relazioni precedenti could’ve been a mix of relazioni tossiche, gli ex che agiscono come un pazzo, ex fidanzate arrabbiate, e chi più ne ha più ne metta.

Forse non ha avuto l'opportunità di sviluppare e migliorare la comunicazione con il partner e di definire chiaramente i suoi desideri.

Le sue relazioni passate a volte influenzano il modo in cui vive le relazioni potenziali nel presente.

6. He’s interested in being friends with benefits

Ciò che attrae le persone in tutto il mondo è questo filo invisibile che spesso chiamiamo chimica.

He walks into a room, and you’re suddenly hot, you’re blushing, and when your eyes meet – oh-la-la. It seems like he’s undressing you with his eyes, and you can’t resist it.

His “Christian Gray” linguaggio del corpo segni say one thing, and he enjoys your company, but it doesn’t seem like he’s defined your relationship. Dove porta tutto questo?

Nel regno conosciuto come amici con benefici?

You’re not the only person in the world who has this problem. Men see friends with benefits as a perfect fling every now and then, minus the pressure and the “where is this going” question that they hate so much.

7. He’s still not over his ex

Except talking about you, for starters, he just can’t shut up about his ex. What’s up with that? They’re solo amici, he says? I don’t think so. Do you talk about your friends that much? I thought so.

Lo so, non piace a nessuno. Why in the world would you like to be someone’s replacement? Someone’s bad copy? That’s what he thinks.

You’re great and everything, but you can’t be her. You will never be her. You have two ways to approach that topic. Either be upset or act like an adult. Ask him honestly about it, seek an honest answer and move on if that’s possible.

8. Ha problemi di fiducia

Beneath that male shield that he’s got pulled up to protect himself that you can’t get him to remove, he still has the emotional and fragile side to him. Anche gli uomini sono vulnerabili.

Certo, fingono di essere uomini forti che hanno difficoltà a versare una lacrima, ma qual è la causa? E se è stato ferito in passato? Perdita di fiducia di una persona che un tempo si amava e anche perdere una persona cara non è facile.

We quickly bond with other people, and the loss we may experience is hard to bear for many reasons—the habits we have acquired with them and the memories and feelings we have for them.

Once you don’t have any of those anymore, you’re left hurt, which may affect your future relationship whether you like it or not. It simply happens.

9. Vuole fare le cose con calma

Although we know that couples are very much in love with each other at the beginning of a relationship, sometimes it is not good to spend time together 24/7 (assuming you’re in a relationship).

Maybe it’s not so strange now that he doesn’t know what he wants. Non si tratta necessariamente di una cosa negativa e per alcune coppie non è un problema, ma Alcune persone hanno bisogno di stare da sole. Maybe that’s why your sweetheart feels so confused.

He might think you’re thinking of moving forward in your relationship. How about moving in together? A ring on your finger? Men get brain alarms over these things, and it would be more than a good idea to talk to your partner about it.

10. He doesn’t want to hurt you

Here’s the truth. A man who doesn’t want to hurt you and who certainly doesn’t want the reputazione di un rubacuori will often say he doesn’t know what he wants. Maybe that’s exactly what you need to hear. Maybe sometimes it’s better to hear the filtered version of “you’re not for me.”

11. He LITERALLY doesn’t know what he wants

He wants a perfect waist, skinny barbie showgirl, but also a lovely shy girl who can cook and clean after him. Someone he can take home for the holidays and not whisper in her ear, “I told you that skirt is too short.”

It’s a rare case you get both of them in one lady, fellas, but either way, you have to be clear with your wishes.

Cosa fare quando un uomo è confuso su ciò che desidera

There are a few things you can do when a man doesn’t know what he wants, including talking to him about it, dandogli un po' di spazio, reverse psychology, and showing understanding. You’ll find all of these explained below:

Parlatene con lui

Sometimes, the best way to ask someone about something or simply point out a thing that bothers you isn’t by circling around it. Siate onesti, schietti e diretti con lui.

Don’t push him away. Tell them what bothers you. Don’t be afraid to get emotional and real because that is simply how you feel.

If he still pretends like he doesn’t care, well, it’s time for you to step away. You can always leave some space for a “call me when you figure things out,” but if you don’t want to, andarsene con orgoglio. Siete stati onesti e aperti con lui fin dall'inizio.

Dategli tempo e spazio

This is one of the most challenging methods (speaking from experience), but it’s totally necessary. The most important fact of all is that this actually WORKS! Well, in 90% of cases.

By giving him time and space, you’ll relieve him of the pressure and give him enough time to think about what he really wants. Ogni uomo apprezza una donna che è pronta a farlo. (Questo ve lo diranno tutti i coach di relazioni).

It shows that you’re not appiccicoso o bisognoso. It shows that you both respect yourself and him. If that’s not a valid enough reason to ignite his desire to call you his girlfriend, then I don’t know what is.

Metodo della psicologia inversa

If you constantly feel like you’re chasing him, trust me, he’s wasting your time. And why would you want to waste your time with someone who’s obviously not interested in you?

Prendete quel tempo e usatelo per qualcosa di più utile. Here’s an idea: iniziate a cercare qualcuno che apprezzi il vostro tempo e il vostro impegno! Un controllo della realtà ogni tanto è ciò di cui tutti abbiamo bisogno.

Inoltre, aggiungere un po' di psicologia inversa Se volete, ignorate le sue chiamate e i suoi messaggi e aspettatevi che inizi presto a corrervi dietro. Tutto diventa interessante per gli uomini quando non è più disponibile. (Triste ma vero).

You’re no longer an “errand boy” that he can have any time he wants. You’re someone worth respect now.

Mostrare comprensione e pazienza

Don’t blame him for not knowing what he wants. If you do that, he might pull away even more. Instead, let him know that you understand how he feels at the moment (even if it’s not true). He will appreciate your efforts to stay calm when your mind is in total overthinking mode.

Se dopo un po' di tempo non cambia nulla, prendete in considerazione l'idea di passare ad altro.

“Maybe I want this, or that, I’m not sure….”

Don’t ignore the signs. There is a good sign, a sign that your partner will do his best to work on the relationship, and a common goal: improving your relationship and those horrible bandiere rosse che non piace a nessuno.

Se dopo un po' di tempo non cambia nulla, allontanatevi.

Lack of attention, ignoring you, if he’s taking you for granted. Umm, really, girl? I wouldn’t want to be taken for granted. No matter how much you like someone or enjoy someone’s company, don’t waste your time if you don’t feel a connection.

He obviously isn’t sure. He’s probably lonely, and due to his loneliness, he’s spending time with you. But if you’re not fulfilled with that relationship or the amount of time you’re spending together, that’s a red flag right there, and you should seriously move on.

Cosa vuoi tu?

Lasciate che vi aiuti in questo caso. In sostanza, vogliamo qualcuno che lotti per il nostro amore, che ci conquisti ogni giorno con i suoi bei gesti, qualcuno che ci protegga e ci capisca.

Quest'uomo è quell'uomo? È quello giusto? Ti piace come un pazzo? Pensi davvero che ci sia un futuro per voi due?

It’s okay to be a little bit selfish. Before we want happiness for others, we want to be happy ourselves. Se il vostro intuizione Se la relazione non ha un futuro potenziale, perché stressarsi?

Sembra molto sciocco quando qualcuno vi dice che arriverà qualcuno di meglio, ma qualcuno di meglio esiste sempre. Perché non aspettare?

Agire o reagire?

You just can’t let go of that sensazione istintiva avete. Ha paura di mettersi in gioco seriamente, relazione impegnata? Forse ha solo bisogno di un migliore amico che lo capisca per ora e qualcuno che voglia provare lentamente?

There are many clear signs you can recognize if he really wants to give your relationship a chance or if he’s just not that into you.

If he really wants to try, that’s a very buon segno. Forse, tra qualche mese, sarete in primo posto, e il tuo amore vita potrebbe fiorire.

This rule does not only apply to frightened boys and girls. Every relationship requires patience, work, and good communication. That’s how a committed relationship works.

Listen to and understand your partner’s needs and desires. There are two of you in this relationship, not one of you.

Now you’ve finally heard them. Those sweet, sweet words you’ve been waiting for for so long. “I want a relationship with you.” And the skies are blue again. The birds are singing, and everything’s better now.

Toc toc. Chi è? Finalmente la felicità. Felicità chi? La vostra felicità.

It seems like yesterday now, doesn’t it? You were having a hard time, and not a single piece of relationship advice from relationship experts worked. Il suo uomo aveva un paura di impegnarsie forse gli avete anche dato un ultimatum, ma guardati ora.

You’re spending a lot of time together, getting all these cute good morning messages from him, and you’re finally happy with this ending in your own life. It’s not a silly novel you’re reading this time – this is your own life.

So, believe that everything will fall into place if you’re meant to be together. Sadly, this is something lots of people forget.

Per concludere

I’ll summarize some of the main tips to implement when he doesn’t know what he wants. Trust your gut feeling, be patient, and give him some space.

Inoltre, credete di meritare un rapporto di reciprocità, relazione sana, non unilaterale.

La conclusione è semplice: per trovare l'amore, la strada può non essere ideale. Ma la strada è lì, quindi continuate ad andare avanti. Dopo tutto, tutte le strade portano da qualche parte.