Are you asking yourself how to be attractive? Do you think people find you attractive?
Do you think there is something you should change in order to be more successful with the guys?
Well, I think there are two approaches to attraction: The psychological one (the way you feel and act) and the physical one (the way you look).
But first, why do we care about attraction anyway?
So, it all depends on the desirel we have in mind—the reason we want them to be attracted to us.
Types of attraction
Romantic attraction is not the only type of attraction out there.
Sure, most of us want to look like complete knockouts—mostly to impress the person we are interested in—but there are more reasons why we want to be attractive.
Here are the main goals of attraction:
- Sexual attraction (desire to only have sexual intercourse)
- Romantic attraction (desire for a romantic relationship)
- Physical attraction (desire for non-sexual touch)
- Emotional attraction (desire to emotionally open up)
- Aesthetic attraction (desire to impress others with your looks)
OK…back to the two approaches—how to achieve your desires.
When it comes to the psychological approach to attraction, we look at the things you think and how you behave.
Everything that goes around in your head is mirrored in your relationship with others.
If you’ve been a bit under the weather, your energy will give away your secret no matter how much you try to hide it.
If you think that you’re ugly, you will radiate that mood. If you think you’re fat and unattractive, your body language will talk instead of you.
Your thoughts will affect the way men perceive you.
This is not a serious problem if you admit to yourself that you indeed behave this way.
If you blame others for the things you’ve done, then you won’t be able to solve the problem.
If you start by looking at your own backyard and accept the mistakes you’re doing, then getting rid of this barrier in your head of not being good enough won’t be a hard thing to do.
When it comes to the physical approach to attraction, there isn’t really much you can do or influence.
There are some rules which work, some scientifically proven stuff on getting a man’s attention which will be listed below.
As far as physical attractiveness is considered, just follow what you’ll read, and along with that red dress put on something extra—confidence.
If you want people to understand you and want you, you need to follow the rules of attraction!
HOW TO BE ATTRACTIVE: THE PSYCHOLOGICAL APPROACH
1. Don’t talk, listen
Encourage people around you to talk about themselves. No one wants to be in the company of a person who only talks about themselves.
It’s okay to tell a story or two, but don’t give yourself the starring role.
You’re giving the wrong impression.
By talking just about yourself, you’re making people think you’re only focused on ‘you’, meaning you don’t care about anyone but yourself.
Give the spotlight to people you’re talking to. Give them your whole attention.
Leave the phone, and stop looking around you. Focus on the person you’re talking to.
This will create a positive response in that person’s brain which will leave a positive impression of you.
2. Choose your words carefully
Avoid negative words and hurting people. You have to know that not everyone can handle the truth sometimes.
So, when you can, keep your mouth shut. When you feel you have to say something, it carefully with words chosen specifically not to hurt the person you’re talking to.
People are attracted to positiveness and happiness.
If you always have an evil comment or a snarky remark to something, it will get old. Sometimes it’s better to sit one out.
3. Boring is not attractive, so stop it!
I think there aren’t a lot of boring people in this world, but there are a lot of those who look boring when they are actually not.
There are a lot of those who are afraid to show their weird and crazy sides, so they stick to the everyday questions like: “How you’ve been?”, “Is it going to rain?” and things like that.
People appear boring because they are afraid to show who they really are.
They are afraid to show who they really are because they are afraid of being judged.
Well, no one is perfect. We all have our little quirks; it depends on whom you’re going to run into.
If your weirdness doesn’t suit someone, then you’re better off without that person.
If it suits someone, you should keep that person in your life. Just, never, please never be boring just to fit in because boring is not attractive.
4. Show that you’re available
One of the most attractive traits a human being possesses is availability.
When someone needs you in whatever context (business, friendly, emotional…), it isn’t enough to just show up.
You have to show that you are available to that person for whatever they need.
Show that you’re willing to sacrifice your time because you want to sincerely help someone. Show them you care, and you want to connect.
Show them you have their backs not because you’ll benefit from it but because you want to support them without any hidden agendas.
5. Don’t be selfish
It is in every human being’s nature to think about themselves. Usually, this kind of lifestyle backfires sooner or later.
Of course, you’re going to think about yourself, but you don’t have to only think about yourself.
Open your eyes, and look at the world around you. Try to notice when someone is having a bad day.
Maybe a word or two from you will make them feel better. It won’t cost you a thing, but it will mean something to them. Be generous and gentle.
Thinking only about yourself just shows your insecurities more.
When people see your flaws and how hard you try to hide them, this can push them away.
On the other hand, transparency and honesty about who you are can only draw more kind people closer to you—people who want to help you and in the end, people who will be attracted by you.
6. Choose to be happy
Every person has that little voice inside their head which keeps telling them they are not good enough.
That voice can really be a bitch sometimes. It can convince you that you’re ugly, fat, and stupid if you take it seriously.
Your happiness depends on controlling that voice.
If you’re going to let that voice be the thing that leads you in life and tells you what you can and cannot do, it will destroy you.
Your confidence will go down the drain, and there won’t be a way out.
If you choose to shut that voice up, you’re choosing to be happy.
I’m not saying you should be delusional, and ignore the things you have to work on.
I’m just saying you should choose the brighter side of the road to walk on.
Your internal state will be seen from the outside.
If the optimistic side of you wins, then you’re going to radiate positivity, and you’ll be more attractive.
If it’s the other way around, you still won’t have any luck with winning someone over.
HOW TO BE ATTRACTIVE: THE PHYSICAL APPROACH
1. Body language
The language your body speaks can be more attractive than anything you wear. I really mean it.
You can be dressed in a potato sack, but if you have the right moves, believe me, you’re going to be irresistible.
If you use your body language right, you can increase the level of attraction. Here’s how:
a) Keep an open torso
It’s once again about availability—not the psychological one but the physical one.
Keep your torso open because in that way, you’re inviting people in rather than scaring them off.
Every time I think about this body language move, I think of Sheldon and Penny from the Big Bang Theory and the scene when Penny, who takes acting classes, tries to explain to Sheldon how to act more natural in front of the camera.
“Invite them in Sheldon; open your body, and invite your audience in!”
Then he practices inviting the audience in by opening his arms and spreading his legs which looks hilarious, but it’s true.
If you hold onto your handbag, keep your arms crossed or hold a drink right in front of you, you’re sending the wrong message.
You’re telling everyone that you’re unavailable.
b) Show your hands
It is considered to be rude if you’re talking to someone, and you keep your hands in your pockets.
Well, there is a reason for that, and it makes perfect sense.
According to numerous research on behavioral psychology, hiding hands is a sign unavailability.
By showing your hands, you’re proving to people that you’re willing to connect with them and let them reach you.
Never hide your hands in your pockets, under the desk or behind your back. It gives out the wrong vibe and makes you unattractive.
c) Keep smiling
Confidence—along with a big smile—are the best things a person can wear. Your smile fits you the best, and what’s even better, everyone’s got one.
Every smile is unique in its own way. Try smiling to someone, and they will definitely smile back at you.
d) Keep eye contact
The expression ‘The eyes are the windows to the soul’ is true.
You can see everything when you look someone in the eye. Prolonged eye contact can tell a lot about your feelings toward someone.
An honest and sincere look can show how much you care about someone. You don’t even have to say a word. Your eyes will speak for you.
Avoid looking down because it will look like you’re ashamed of something or you’re uncomfortable.
Also, while you’re looking at someone, be careful not to look for too long because it will look like you’re staring. Then, you’ll be the weird one.
e) Stand tall
To look confident you have to feel confident. I need to tell you something.
I can’t count the number of times I’ve walked past a group of people, and I was for some reason uncomfortable, probably because I knew they were looking at me.
That discomfort inside me was seen from the outside.
My posture was horrible. I was hunched, and my eyes were staring directly in front of my feet on the floor.
What kind of message was I sending?
I was showing that I was uncomfortable, that I had zero self-respect, and that my confidence was nowhere to be found.
Stand tall while you walk, and show that you feel good about yourself. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Keep your eyes forward and your head high. This is the easiest way to be confident.
2. Red is hot. Wear red
Wear red if you really want someone to notice you.
There is a scene in Matrix when Neo is following and talking to a guy in the crowd of people in black suits.
Everyone looks the same, and there are a ton of them.
The guy is explaining to Neo how the perception of the outside world can trick you and that you have to be cautious at all times.
While he’s telling him that, Neo notices a woman in a red dress in the crowd of men in black suits.
That woman is gorgeous, and he can’t take his eyes off of her. The next moment he is held at gunpoint.
Do you see? Red is powerful and captivating. Red has a sexual appeal to it no matter who wears it – size 2 or size 8: it looks sexy all the same.
Actually, there was a global study with participants from different cultures. The study was about men wearing red shirts or different colored shirts.
Women were asked to pick the more attractive man from the picture.
The pictures were taken in black and white and on some of them, the background or the shirt was changed to red.
The pictures with the red color in them won.
Women said that the more attractive men were the ones who had the color red either as a background or as the shirt.
This is how the color red is indeed powerful.
3. Don’t buy knock offs
By wearing fakes, you’re leaving a bad impression of yourself. You’re actually showing everyone how lame you are.
If you believe in yourself and you’re proud to be what you are, you don’t need to pretend to be someone else.
If you don’t have enough money to buy a Rolex or Gucci bag, don’t buy a copy of it.
People don’t care what you wear—at least normal people don’t care if you wear branded clothes or not.
It all comes down to how you feel in your own skin. You can wear thousands of Gucci’s, but it won’t make you feel or look better. That’s the whole point.
4. The high-pitched voice is attractive
One of the typical feminine traits which gets a man going is their high-pitched voice.
There was another research which showed that men associate a high-pitched voice with a creature physically smaller than they are.
In other words, they associate it with women, and immediately, they feel attraction.
It’s the same way for women. Women prefer a lower and smokier voice in a man.
5. Groom yourself
It’s natural to look for a partner who looks healthy and strong.
That’s why we are subconsciously looking for someone who takes care of their body and their looks.
We are all looking for a person who is well-groomed, smells nice, and is clean and well-dressed.
You wouldn’t fall for a slob who doesn’t take care of their body, right?
6. Show off your curves
Biologically speaking, when men are looking for a person to be with, they are unknowingly looking for a potential mate.
Humans are programmed that way. Our main purpose is to create offspring.
That’s why thin figures are not what men are attracted to.
Men want a curvy woman by their side because a curvy figure is proof of good childbearing.
This might sound strange, but scientifically speaking, it’s true.
Also women with curvier hips are proven to be less prone to cardiovascular diseases and diabetes.
In other words, again scientifically speaking, curvier women are proven to be healthier.
7. Don’t wear too much makeup
Women live in a delusion that men like when they have full makeup on.
It’s true that red lips create sensual attraction, but too much makeup can create the opposite effect.
It is said that faces with less makeup look more trustworthy than faces covered in heavy makeup.
This actually makes a lot of sense. By revealing your face, you’re revealing your shortcomings—things which you’re not satisfied with.
This only shows that you’re not afraid to be who you are, and you’re not ashamed of how you look.
Think of it as completely opening yourself to the world. You’re bare naked, stripped of everything. You are who you are, and it’s a good thing.
I hope you’ve learned what you have to do and how you have to behave to be irresistibly attractive.
Actually, the whole point is to be yourself and not to be ashamed of it.