Have you ever felt like the love you’ve been receiving was somehow always less than the love you’ve been giving away? Have you ever handed your open heart to someone just so they could crush it to pieces?
If you have, then you know all about the pain something like this causes you. You know very well that these heartbreaks change the essence of who you are and that they distort your self-image completely.
But the worst part is that everything that went on killed all your hope that there is something good in everyone. All of your hope that such a thing as true love exists and that it will ever come into your life.
And consequently, after all the disappointments and emotional pain you’ve been through, you’ve become convinced that you’ll never find love. That you should give up all of your hopes that one day, you’ll open your heart.
But let me tell you one thing—what someone did to you, you should never even think about giving up on love because of that person. Because if you do, it means they have won.
1. You are not alone in this
When you are single and have the intention of giving up on love altogether, you are convinced that you are the only person in the world who has these types of thoughts. But the truth is quite different.
In fact, there are a lot of people who think that their search for love is in vain and that it should finally come to an end. Millions of other women who went through the same dilemmas you are having now also lost all hope the moment before love entered their lives.
So, no, you are not the only one waiting for your soulmate to come along. Not the only one fighting to embrace your single life and not the only one who got so disappointed that she accepted the fact that she’ll be forever alone.
I know that you probably don’t care about other people’s opinions and that your struggles are all that matter to you. But just think of all those handsome, single guys who think the same way about love as you do.
And these are exactly the guys you should pay more attention to because I’m sure that the skepticism you both feel toward love is something that will connect the two of you.
2. Love requires hard work
I hate to be the one to burst your bubble but the truth is that real love has little to do with what you have seen on all those romantic comedies on TV. Don’t get me wrong—I am not saying that you shouldn’t believe in fairy tales but you also need to be aware that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship and you shouldn’t hope to find one.
Yes, there is a possibility you will experience love at first sight but you need to be aware that life-lasting connections rarely start this way. Instead, true love requires a lot of effort, time and hard work and it doesn’t happen overnight.
And that might be one of your problems and the reason you plan on giving up on love. We would all like for things in our relationship to always go as smoothly as possible but the reality is somewhat different.
The truth is that you have to fight hard to maintain a healthy, long-term relationship and it is time to ask yourself if this was something you were ready to do in the past. Or did you have a habit of backing out at the first glance of trouble?
3. Love will come to you when you least expect it
Even though you shouldn’t give up on love, you shouldn’t run after it either, because this can often be counterproductive. This might lead you to desperation and into thinking that it’s time for you to end your chase completely.
Because the more you go after love, the more you feel like it is running away from you. Well, you are not imagining things—because we usually can’t seem to get the things we are most desperate for.
Remember that like everything else in life, love has its own timing and that you can’t rush it to cross your path whenever you feel like it. If love keeps escaping you, it happens for one simple reason: you are still not ready for it.
But this doesn’t have to mean that love will never come into your life. Because it definitely will. And it will happen when you least expect it.
4. Love is worth the wait
Even though being single rocks if you play your cards right, I won’t lie to you by trying to make you believe that love doesn’t have any advantages.
The truth is that love is amazing and that it can make your life much more beautiful. And it is without a doubt worthy of all the wait and of all the troubles you had to go through before you got it.
Don’t forget that everything happens for a reason. All those wrong people weren’t there to teach you that you aren’t cut out for love or that you should turn your back on it.
Instead, all of them had a purpose to prepare you for what is coming next. And that is nothing less than true love.
5. You will heal
Let’s face it—you wouldn’t have given up on the idea of love just like that. Instead, you probably went through some severe emotional trauma which changed your perspective on life and your views on love and romance.
And obviously, all that has happened to you has changed you. The person you loved the most did you this much harm so what is there for you to expect from others?
Well, let me tell you that no matter what you’ve been through, you will heal sooner or later. One of these days, you’ll wake up and you’ll be sorry that you allowed that one toxic person to have this huge impact on your life because that is the last thing they deserved.
You’ll understand that the person who hurt you wasn’t worthy of destroying all of your faith in love in general. You’ll understand that they will have won if they’ve managed to scar you for life and you’ll be sorry for wasting so much time consumed with bitterness and resentment.
6. You are allowed to be afraid
Falling back in love after you have had your heart broken is scary—there is no doubt about that. You are afraid of going through the same stuff again and you are not sure whether you could handle all of this pain once more.
That is perfectly normal because this is your body’s defense mechanism and its way of protecting you. And that is not something you should be ashamed of.
You are not weak just because you are scared of falling in love but that doesn’t mean that you should be the one who has given up on love for good because of this fear. Trust me—everything that you are feeling now will just be a part of the past before you know it. Soon enough, you’ll liberate yourself from this fear and you’ll understand that it had no purpose.
7. You are a complete person on your own
Another thing you need to remember after deciding to quit love forever is that you don’t need a life partner to complete you. You are strong enough to go through life on your own and that is something you should be proud of.
So this definitely shouldn’t be the reason to give up on romance. Just because you can make it alone, it doesn’t mean that you should.
I am not telling you to look for someone who will give your life meaning or to get yourself involved with the first person who comes along out of fear of solitude. Instead, I am advising you to wait for a man who will be your partner in crime and who will be strong enough to walk through life shoulder to shoulder with you. Because only this is real love.
8. Not everyone is like your ex
When one asshole hurts you, it is only natural for you to think that everyone will be just like them and that there doesn’t exist a person in this world who will treat you differently. You assume that everyone who comes near you is out there to get you and that everyone you let in will break your heart the same way your ex did.
Consequently, you build thick and high walls all around your heart, trying to protect it. You become overly careful out of the fear of running into the someone similar all over again. And you think that giving up on love is the only way to keep yourself safe.
Let me tell you that you are wrong and that not everyone is like your ex. There exists someone who will give you everything they didn’t and who is meant to be yours.
And why would you allow your toxic ex to destroy all of your chances with this person? Why would you let them still have a place in your life even in this indirect way?
9. Stop comparing yourself to others
Another thing that might have made you give up on romance is the fact that you keep seeing your friends and family doing the same thing. You’ve lost all of your trust in the opposite sex and that is not just due to your disappointments—you are also dragged into other people’s relationship problems and their negativity overwhelms you, whether you like to admit it or not.
Everywhere you look, there are people asking for relationship advice. People getting themselves involved in meaningless flings and affairs who have managed to convince you that love has lost all of its value. Thanks to modern dating, you’ve started seeing yourself as a foolish, hopeless romantic just because of the fact that once you thought that there existed such things as soulmates and everlasting love.
Maybe you thought your parents would be together for the rest of their lives but they got a divorce? Or some of your closest friends also went through a serious relationship drama or a shattering break-up?
So, if these couples you believed in so much didn’t make it, what is there for you to expect? How can you possibly hope to have it any better?
Whenever you catch yourself thinking this way, remember that we all have our life path and destiny. You shouldn’t be comparing yourself to anyone and other people’s sad love stories shouldn’t be the source of your pessimism.
Instead, turn to those happy couples around you. Look at all those people who really made it and who stayed together through thick and thin, just as they promised.
Find hope in them that true love really does exist and that someday it will happen to you as well. If they could have made it and if they could have found their match made in heaven, then why would you think you’d have it any worse?
10 .You are not too damaged for love
Before you give up on finding a loving relationship again, be aware of the fact that you are not broken just because your heart has been crushed. It doesn’t mean that you are unlovable or that you are not meant to be loved.
I know this person from your past tried their best to convince you that you had all of this pain coming. They tried to make you feel like you were good for nothing and that you’d never find happiness after they were done with you.
The person who abused you in more than one way and who made your life a living hell made sure to convince you that you were too damaged for love and that no one in this world would ever think of being with someone as broken as you. And with time, you started believing them and you thought that the only solution for you was to put steel armor around your heart and to cage yourself in your own shell, without letting anyone in.
I know you won’t believe me now but none of these things your ex made you believe are true. Because there will come along a special someone who will try hard to jump over those walls or to tear them down. And eventually, they’ll succeed in doing so.
There will come along this special person who will help you heal without ever pushing you too hard. A person who will love all of your broken parts and who will help you glue yourself back together.
11. The present is what matters
The thing that made you stop believing in love is your past. This is what keeps dragging you down and doesn’t allow you to move on.
I know you are convinced that your past will repeat itself and that you are ready to do whatever it takes to avoid this but the truth is that you never know what will happen. You can’t control everything that is going on, so why keep trying to?
Why do you still hold on to the things that you should have left behind ages ago? Why do you still let your past affect your life?
And why do you overthink about your future so much? I am not saying that you ought to shut your brain off completely and that you shouldn’t think through your decisions before you make them.
But it is about time you start living in the present moment. For you to embrace every single day and to make the most of it.
Time for you to forgive and to get rid of all the grudges and the emotional baggage you carry within yourself. And when this happens, trust me—kicking love out of your life will be the last thing on your mind.
12. Embrace your single life
Instead of being focused on finding a loving relationship and whether to chase love or to run away from it, put all of your energy into enjoying your single life and all that it brings. Instead of racking your brains about what to do with your love life and future relationship status, focus on becoming the best possible version of yourself and on taking all that your single life can give you.
Take your life into your own hands and do whatever makes you happy, unless it hurts others. Forget about love completely and the sooner you do, it will come to you.
13. Self-love is the most important type of love
The last but definitely not least important thing you must remember if you feel like giving up on love is that loving yourself is what matters the most. You can’t expect anyone to give you the treatment you aren’t even giving to yourself.
You can’t demand respect and appreciation if you are the one putting yourself at the bottom of your own priority list. You can’t expect someone to spoil you if you don’t know how to pamper yourself.
And most importantly, you can’t expect someone to love you unless you learn to love yourself more!
A teacher. A dreamer. A writer. A woman who’s been through all of the things you are going through. A woman who’s learned on her mistakes and whose advice you can trust. A woman who is trying to find her place under the stars. A woman just like you.