Loving yourself is actually more difficult than you think. But although self-love is so hard to achieve, it is crucial for your complete mental and physical health and for the quality of your life.
You may not know that you don’t love yourself enough because you keep it hidden deep inside but there are some signs which can help you see that you should love yourself more and here are 20 of them.
You always put others first
One of the first signs you should love yourself more is the fact that you always put others first, no matter what. This is an obvious sign that you think others are more worthy of your time and attention than you are.
Don’t get me wrong—it is great if you are the type of person who can take care of other people’s needs but it doesn’t mean you need to prioritize everyone else in your life.
Instead, you need to decide which people deserve your love and attention and which don’t.
And most importantly, you need to understand the importance of loving yourself first.
You are never selfish
For as long as you can remember, you have always been an empath. You were always that girl who would help everyone out and who would try to resolve everyone’s problems.
And over the years, you’ve learned that being selfish is one of the worst qualities a person can possess.
With time, it’s like you’ve come to the conclusion that you don’t have the right to be selfish.
But I am here to tell you that there is nothing wrong with being selfish in a relationship, whether with friends, family or a partner, from time to time. I am not telling you that your selfishness should have a negative impact on others around you—I am just advising you to prioritize yourself more.
You are surrounded by toxic people
Another sign that you don’t love yourself enough is the fact that you are surrounded by toxic people. Most of your relationships, including romantic ones, are unhealthy.
And the worst part is that you are very much aware that these people and relationships are not good for you. You are aware that you should let these toxic people go. But you don’t change anything about your life, do you?
And why is that? You obviously don’t love yourself enough and consequently you think that this is the best you deserve and that you are not entitled to have anything more or better.
You are always the one to take responsibility
It is a great quality of yours if you are able to take responsibility for your words and deeds. That means that you are a mature individual who is ready to deal with all the consequences of your actions.
But what you need to understand is that every relationship is a two-way street and that you can’t always be the one to blame.
And blaming yourself is exactly what you’ve been doing for as long as you can remember; when you were involved in a group project at school, you always blamed yourself when things went wrong; when a friendship of yours would end, you would think everything was your fault. It’s the same with everything else in your life.
You are only critical toward yourself
You are not a critical person. Instead, you’ve always been someone who tried to justify everyone around you.
But somehow, you are the only person you can’t seem to find any excuse for.
According to you, everyone except you deserves a break and a second chance.
And when you come to think of it, it appears like you love everyone around you more than you love yourself and that is definitely not how things should be.
You are insecure
Another sign that you lack self-love is your insecurities.
Let’s face it—we are all insecure from time to time and there is nothing unnatural about that. But you keep feeling like your insecurities are getting the best of you.
You constantly feel like you are good for nothing and that you are not enough.
Every bad comment, even if it’s a joke, can affect you and can ruin your day. On the other hand, whenever you hear something nice about you, whenever someone gives you a compliment, you have a hard time accepting it or believing it.
If you wonder why it is like that, the answer is quite simple: you don’t love yourself enough and consequently your insecurities make you think you are hard to love for other people as well.
You never fight for the things you want
When was the last time you were really passionate about something? The last time you knew what you wanted and you weren’t afraid to get it? When was the last time you were ready to do whatever it took just to reach a certain goal?
I bet you can’t even remember.
When you think about it, you actually never fight for the things you desire and that has a lot to do with your lack of self-love.
You simply don’t think you deserve any of the things you want and you don’t love yourself enough to put an effort into something that you desire.
You feel you need to fit in
Another sign that it’s about time to start loving yourself more is the fact that you feel the constant need to fit in.
It’s simple—you don’t feel good in your own skin and you can’t accept the real you. Therefore, you can’t expect others to do the same.
You try really hard to blend in with different social stereotypes, thinking that you’ll like yourself more if you become just like everyone else.
It is obvious that you don’t know that your uniqueness and your qualities which make you stand out from the crowd are exactly the things which make you different and the things you should love about yourself the most.
You never spoil yourself
When was the last time you bought yourself a present? The last time you went to a spa or when you dedicated an entire day just to yourself? The last time you found the time to read a book you wanted or visited a place you always wanted to see?
You can’t remember, right?
These are all the things you would do for a person you love. You would always go out of your way to spoil your boyfriend, friend or a family member.
But that is not something you are ready to do for yourself, is it? And that brings us to the conclusion that you don’t love yourself the way you should.
You don’t like the way you look
When you come to think of it, you haven’t been satisfied with the way you look for as long as you can remember.
Even when people around you give you compliments about your looks and when you see they find you attractive, you still don’t think of yourself as beautiful.
I know you are not perfect. After all, none of us is. But the problem is that you’ve never learned to love yourself, despite your flaws. You’ve never learned to love your imperfections and to accept them as part of who you are. You’ve never learned to focus on your beautiful sides and you’ve never learned to love yourself completely.
You don’t respect yourself
There is one thing you need to know: there is no love without respect. It’s the same with self-love and self-respect.
You can’t love yourself unless you respect yourself. And sometimes it’s even more difficult to learn to respect yourself than to love yourself.
And when you come to think of it, you understand that you’ve never actually truly respected yourself. You never appreciated any of the things you were doing or any of the accomplishments you achieved.
You’ve never respected your integrity and your personality and consequently you could never demand respect from others either.
You don’t take care of your health
One of the most obvious signs that you should start loving yourself more is the fact that you don’t take care enough about your health.
You simply don’t eat enough or you don’t eat healthily. You don’t visit the doctor as often as you should and you simply don’t take care of your health.
And this is not the way you would treat someone you love, is that right? So why you do you keep treating yourself this way?
I know you probably don’t disregard your health on purpose but the fact is that you are doing it and that this behavior has to have a reason.
The only logical explanation is that you don’t love yourself enough. You can’t seem to find the time or the energy to dedicate to yourself and you wouldn’t do that if you loved yourself the way you should.
You don’t speak up for yourself
Whenever there is something bothering you, you don’t react. Instead, you just let things be, even if you are aware of the injustice done to you.
You never confront people and you don’t speak up for yourself, even when you know you are right.
The truth is that you don’t love yourself enough to even try and make a difference in your life and to fight for something.
You don’t think your opinions matter
Another reason you never speak up for yourself is the fact that you subconsciously think that your opinions won’t be heard.
You think you are not important and therefore your opinions and attitudes are also not important.
And you think this way because you don’t love yourself, even though you might not be aware of it.
You don’t know how to say, “No”
Another sign that you don’t love yourself enough is the fact that you don’t know how to say, “No”. You don’t know how to set boundaries. And not just that—you don’t respect your own boundaries and other people around you just follow your lead.
The truth is that you don’t respect your time and energy enough to say, “No” to some people. You will go out with someone even if you don’t feel like it or you will try to help them even when you know it will cost you a lot.
You doubt yourself
When you come to think about it, you are constantly doubting yourself and every choice and decision you make. Whenever you put your hands to something, you wonder if you are doing the right thing.
You are constantly questioning every little word you say and every little thing you do, thinking you could have said or done it differently.
Although doubting your calls from time to time can be a great thing, if you are doing it too much, it is a sign of a lack of self-love.
You compare yourself to others
You constantly compare yourself to everyone around you, starting with celebrities and ending with your friends. And when you do this, you somehow always come to the conclusion that all of these people are better than you.
In your eyes, they are more beautiful, more successful or smarter than you. Instead of focusing on the things you are amazing at and instead of working on your self-improvement, you choose to lament your fate and to continue comparing yourself to everyone else.
You concentrate on the negative things
When you think about your past, all you can think of is the wrong choices you’ve made and the things you could have done differently.
And we’ve all done some things we regret. But you are different because you act like you’ve never done anything right—you only focus on the negative things.
You keep thinking how you could have changed your life if you had done things differently because you obviously are not satisfied with it.
But the truth is that you are the only one who is keeping yourself from being happy. The truth is that you’ll never be satisfied with yourself until you learn to love yourself.
You are not confident
Another sign that you lack self-love is the fact that you are not confident in yourself. You simply think you are destined to fail and that you’ll never succeed in anything you set your mind to.
I am not saying you should be an egomaniac but the truth is that you don’t love yourself and therefore you don’t believe in yourself either.
This lack of self-confidence is affecting all aspects of your life and is holding you back from reaching your full potential. And it will continue doing so until you find a way to improve your self-confidence.
You don’t enjoy your own company
When was the last time you enjoyed spending some time on your own? Every time you are alone, you have dark thoughts and you think about all of your flaws, imperfections and the things you’ve done wrong.
You may think these thoughts are natural and they certainly are if they only come from time to time. But if these are the only things you can think about whenever you are on your own, you definitely have a problem.