A Part Of Me Died When I Gave Up On You

You know I tried my best for us to work out. You know I gave you everything I had and you are very well aware how much I invested in our love.

You know I did everything I could to make you a better man. You know I was ready to move mountains for your sake and that your happiness was all that mattered to me.

You know you could always count on my support, no matter what. I was there when everyone else turned their backs on you.

I was not just your girlfriend—I was your friend, your shoulder to cry on, your advisor… I was your family.

But you never appreciated any of this. You never appreciated me.

You were taking me for granted, assuming that I would always stay by your side. Everyone was always more important than me—your friends, your family, your job, other girls in your life.

You had more respect for all of those people who betrayed you numerous times than for me who had always stuck by your side through thick and thin.

No matter what happened and how much of myself I gave to you, I was last place in your life.

I hoped you’d eventually change. I hoped you’d see how much I loved you and that no other woman would ever love you like I did.

I really believed that you would come to your senses and that is why I stayed every time I wanted to walk away from you.

Of course, you weren’t always like this. You had your moments and you had your way of keeping me around. Whenever you saw I was about to leave you, you would turn into the most caring and loving guy on the planet.

And for so long, I held on to those moments, thinking they were proof of your love but as soon as you’d see I wasn’t going anywhere, you would return to your old ways.

And when I look at things from this point of view, I will never be sure whether you ever loved me for real or if you just enjoyed having someone to love you that much.

When I come to think about it, all of that is irrelevant now.

The only thing that is important is that I got tired. I got tired of your almost love. I got tired of begging for your attention.

I got tired of waiting for you to choose me over everyone else. And the only thing that could relax me was this: Wash away your built-up stress

After many years, I finally had the courage to walk away from you. I don’t know what the last straw was or what pushed me into making this decision.

All I know is that it was one of the hardest decisions of my life.

I know you probably think this was an easy thing for me to do. I know you don’t want to admit to yourself how much you hurt me, so it’s probably easier for you to think that I walked away from you because I became selfish or because I stopped loving you.

But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

You can’t even imagine how much strength it took me to give up on you. This may sound silly but it was one of the bravest things I have ever done.

Despite everything you put me through, I still blamed myself for walking away from you. I thought I was being selfish for leaving you behind.

I was terrified if you would be able to make it without me.

I know everyone around you thinks you are this tough guy who can take everything that life throws at him. I know you’ve always wanted to present yourself as someone who is capable of living without anyone by your side.

But I know you better than that. I know you have a sensitive, vulnerable side as well. And I keep thinking about that side of yours. I keep wondering if you need my hand to help you walk through life.

I keep wondering if you miss me, if you ever think of me. Although my ego would like that to be true, the last thing I wish is for you to suffer.

I have no resentments regarding you—I forgive you everything, because I know this was the best you could do. You will always be special to me and I will pray for you for as long as I breathe.

I really do want you to be happy, because I want to remember all the good things we shared. Actually, I want us both to be happy. I am just sad that we couldn’t achieve that happiness together.

I am writing this to you because I want you to understand how much giving up on you took out of me. I want you to know how devastating that was for me.

I want you to know that this was my last option but I just couldn’t be in this destructive relationship anymore.

Most of all, I want you to know that one half of me died when I gave up on you. And the other half of me will never forgive myself for doing that.