I’m sure you’ve already heard about the no contact period.
Basically, you cut all ties with your ex for 30 days (or in more radical cases, 3 months) after the break up to make him feel your absence, and realize that he misses you and wants you back.
Sounds perfect, right? Well, there are some things most girls do wrong during and after this period, and here are 8 of them.
Remember: It’s up to you to learn from other people’s mistakes and not repeat them.
1. Making it all about your ex
Say this out loud as many times as you need: This no contact period is not about my ex, it’s about me.
Yes, one of its purposes might be trying to get him back, but the main goal is to do my best to heal myself and fix my broken heart.
Sadly, not many girls know that. So, instead of using these 30 days as a chance to get back on their feet and at least try to keep on going with their lives, they make it all about their exes.
These girls literally put their life on hold and spend this entire period waiting for him to come back.
They focus so much on proving him a point and showing him that they can make it perfectly fine without him that they don’t actually move an inch from the exact place he left them.
So, what is the point of it all? If you do the no contact period this way, you haven’t accomplished anything.
It’s like you just spent another month unhappily dating this guy.
2. Only cutting the communication
One of the most common mistakes almost every girl makes during the no contact period is understanding the words “no contact” too literally.
You see, this doesn’t mean that you should only stop texting, calling, or talking to this guy in person.
In fact, no contact is much more than cutting the communication lines with your ex.
It’s not going to the places you know you might encounter him (not even just to look at him from a safe distance), not talking to your friends about him, not asking questions about his life.
Most importantly, it means no cyber-stalking him or constantly asking yourself Does he miss me during no contact?
Yes, you heard right. If you want to pull this off the right way, you are not allowed to type his name a hundred times a day into your search bar.
You can’t scroll through his stories, friends lists, photos, or status updates using a fake profile, and you can’t spend nights rereading your old conversations.
Because if you do so, you’re just pretending that you’re going no contact when in fact you’re still obsessed with him.
All of your effort is in vain if you kick this guy out of your life physically but don’t try to do the same when it comes to your inner self.
If he is out of your life, do your best to throw him out of your head and heart during this period as well, and see what happens.
3. Making him jealous
The no contact period is not a chance for you to jump into a new relationship.
Of course, I’m not saying that you’re not allowed to start dating someone new, but you have to actually like this guy to start something with him.
He shouldn’t serve as a tool to make your ex jealous.
Trust me when I tell you this: Rebound relationships never brought any good to anyone and they certainly won’t help you repair your broken heart.
In fact, a situationship like this will only make you even more miserable. And that’s the last thing you need at this point.
Besides, you don’t want to be the bad guy here and throw an innocent man directly into your personal drama.
Nobody deserves to be a puppet you’ll only take advantage of until you get what you want from your true love. That is not cool and it certainly isn’t fair.
After all, if you are hoping to get your ex back after this month is over, it will be a hell of a lot harder if he realizes you were dating someone new in the meantime.
How can he trust your love if you managed to get over him and fall in love again in this short period of time?
4. Regressing to the person you used to be
As I already stated, the no contact period is (or at least should be) all about you.
It’s about turning yourself into the best possible woman you can become, working on yourself, and taking the time to reconsider your relationship and your overall dating and relationship behavior patterns.
Therefore, one of the worst things you can do is go back to your old self the moment the clock strikes midnight and the sun rises on the 31st day.
No, I’m not telling you to change yourself completely and become someone else during this month.
I’m just begging you not to repeat the same mistakes regarding your ex.
I won’t lie to you. There is a possibility of this man not coming back to you.
However, just because you managed to stay out of his life for an entire month, it doesn’t mean you should stalk him after that period is over.
5. Expecting results right away
Another mistake most girls sadly fail to avoid lies in their lack of patience. You can’t expect results right away, as much as you want them.
No, you won’t wake up the day after the no contact period is over and magically forget that your ex ever existed.
He won’t turn up uninvited, knocking on your door on the 31st day.
Things simply don’t work like that. However, just because miracles you hope for don’t happen right away, it doesn’t mean that results will never come.
So, if you still feel like you can’t live with this guy after this period is over, you can then try to reach out to him.
You can put an effort into building some kind of communication with him or even tell him directly that you want another chance.
Nevertheless, all of this should happen as spontaneously as possible. Besides, it is a process that takes time.
You can’t just call him out of the blue, asking to get back together, unless you want him to see you as a complete lunatic.
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6. Falling into despair
This is also a thing that almost every girl does after the no contact period: falling into despair because nothing has happened.
Even if your ex doesn’t contact you, even if he doesn’t accept your attempts to get back into his life, it is not the end of the world.
It is not a green light for you to get all depressed and convince yourself that you’ll never find someone to love and who’ll love you back.
Not a sign that you should let the pain get the best of you or that you should give up on your romantic future altogether.
Yes, the fact that he obviously doesn’t want to get back together sucks. And it hurts like hell.
Therefore, you’re allowed to grieve for some time. However, stop looking at it as the biggest disaster that could strike you.
Instead, see it as a valuable lesson. There are times when you do everything right and play by the book yet still don’t get the result you wanted.
And that is all part of life. It’s not fair, I know, but you’ll just have to find a way to deal with it.
Just remember that you made it without this guy for an entire month, so you’ll without doubt succeed and keep on living without him from this day on.
7. Going back to the past issues
However, if the no contact period works out for the best and you manage to get your ex boyfriend back, don’t ruin this second chance you two got by going back to your old problems.
Of course, you shouldn’t ignore them and expect them to solve themselves, but please, don’t make it the centre of your relationship.
Don’t see this reconciliation as a chance to nag this guy about every little thing he’s ever done to you.
The best would be if you two could sort everything out right in the beginning.
Once you both agree that you can and want to rebuild your relationship, there is no more resentment and grudges.
Leave the past in the past, where it belongs, and don’t let it ruin your present and future.
You can’t change what happened, so why burden both you and your boyfriend with it?
Otherwise, don’t expect a different outcome than the last time.
If you keep on bringing up the past instead of focusing on how to make things better this time round, you’ll be just dragging both of you back into this endless circle of drama, and it’ll be just a matter of time before you split ways once more.
But this time, it will be for good.
8. Staying friends
You still have strong romantic feelings about this guy, there’s no doubt about that.
Even though staying friends with your ex is a great thing, it’s simply not possible in this scenario.
Don’t use friendship as an excuse to stay close to him.
Don’t lead yourself on and waste more of your precious time, waiting for something that will never come.
Besides, you shouldn’t settle for crumbs of this man’s love and attention when you very well know it that he can’t give you his heart and the type of love you want from him.
Why would you even think of torturing yourself and going through this charade, when it’s painfully obvious that you’ll just end up more heartbroken than before?
Even if he asks you to be friends, don’t pretend to be indifferent and accept his proposal.
Don’t worry, there is absolutely nothing desperate in coming clean about your emotions and honestly telling this guy that you two can’t be friends.