Porque é que ainda estou solteiro? 12 razões prováveis (+ como mudar isso)
Is your relationship status SINGLE? Has it been like that for too long? Well, my friend, welcome to the club…
Tell me something honestly… Do you ever wonder about things like “What is wrong with me? Why am I single? Why can’t I find true love? Why the hell, why? Porque é que ainda sou solteiro?“
Eu sei que sim, e não tem nada de que se envergonhar porque esse tipo de pensamento é completamente normal na sua situação.
And I know you’re expecting me to say that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you and that love is waiting for you somewhere around the corner. But, I’m not here to give you that kind of comfort.
Let’s just cut the crap and call this what it is. Hey, don’t get me wrong here. I’m not saying that something is really wrong with you or that you’re damaged in any way.
Okay, there is nothing wrong with you, but it’s obvious that something is que o impede. And I’m here just to help you understand what’s keeping you from finding love.
Porque é que ainda sou solteiro? 12 razões comuns
Even though I’m sure most people don’t think so, vida de solteiro nem sempre é só sol e arco-íris.
Okay, sometimes it’s good to do all the things you want without having to pay attention to whether it’s going to hurt your partner or not.
But the truth is that it hurts like hell when you’re going through a difficult period in your life and have no one to share your sorrows with.
Bem, falando por experiência própria, às vezes dói imenso chegar a casa vazia depois de um dia de trabalho muito difícil e não ter ninguém com quem falar sobre o assunto.
Por vezes, não ter aquela pessoa especial para enviar um texto de boa noite é de partir o coração.
So without any further ado… Let’s find out why are you still único and what’s stopping you from letting someone into your heart.
You’re struggling with philophobia…
You’re probably asking o que é a filofobia is now, right? Well, it’s not actually some kind of health condition – it’s a phobia or fear of falling in love.
It occurs mostly when people have been hurt in past relationships and are afraid that it might happen again. They know what they had to go through because of that, and they don’t want to go through the same thing ever again.
The thing is that they aren’t actually happy because they’re single, but they think it’s for the best.
They don’t want to start a relationship with someone because they think they will fall madly in love with them and give them the power to control them and their life.
If you are afraid of falling in love, then you’re definitely philophobic. Here’s a little guide on how to deal with it and superar o seu medo de se apaixonar.
Ou talvez até com agliofobia?!
É muito semelhante à filofobia. Só que esta fobia é um medo da dor emocional e física.
So, as I already said, they’re afraid of being hurt. And people who have this kind of phobia don’t even want to give others a chance because they don’t want to risk it.
They simply think that their heart isn’t able to take and lidar com outro desgosto. Para eles, ser solteiro é a única forma de se protegerem e salvarem.
E a fobia de compromisso?
I think this is a pretty clear one. If you’re com medo de compromissos, then the answer to your question “Why am I still single?” is all too obvious.
It’s because you don’t want to commit to another person. You’re used to one-night stands, and you probably don’t go any further than a first date.
Se quiser saber mais sobre esta fobia, consulte este artigo do nosso treinador de relações e descubra tudo sobre fobia de compromisso e como lidar com ela.
I just want to say another thing and close this phobia topic: the only phobia you should have is monophobia – the fear of being alone.
Trust me, that’s the worst. You can live with all the others and find a way to cope with them, but this phobia will break your heart every day, piece by piece.
O seu medo do que pode acontecer faz com que nada aconteça
Please stop with the “what ifs.” What will happen, what God meant for you to happen, will happen, and you can do absolutely nothing about it.
Portanto, não vale a pena ficar obcecado com isso, certo?
Sometimes you have to take risks in life. It’s always better to take a risk and be hurt than to waste your life struggling with the medo do desconhecido.
O medo é também o maior inimigo da intimidade
I know this is the reason why am I still single, and I’m working on it. It’s just so hard for me to let someone get too close to me. I’m so afraid of that closeness.
Tento evitá-lo o mais possível e, mais cedo ou mais tarde, acabo por afastar o meu potencial parceiro.
A maioria dos especialistas em relações concorda que medo da intimidade é o pior obstáculo para manter uma relação saudável.
Actually, we all know that it’s a way we form and strengthen the bond between our partner and us.
A sua baixa autoestima sabota-o
Se tiver baixa autoestima, you should know that it’s your worst enemy. Not just when it comes to finding love but in so many other things.
It’s probably one of the core reasons why are you still single. So, work on boosting your self-confidence, your self-awareness, and you’ll see how it’ll increase your chances of meeting your soulmate.
If you’re struggling with low self-esteem, it will never allow you to take the first step. You won’t be able to live life to the max, and you’ll always doubt your own worth.
Remember, it’s not who you are that is holding you back – it’s actually all those things you think you aren’t and will never be.
Os problemas de saúde mental são também uma grande barragem
If you’re struggling with depression or anxiety, it may also be a reason why you can’t build a healthy relationship with someone else.
No matter how big those issues are, don’t ever let them be bigger and stronger than you are.
You can’t be TOO independent for a relationship
It’s okay to be independent and maintain your independence even after getting into a relationship with someone. It’s actually good for the relationship.
However, you shouldn’t think that you’re self-sufficient and that you don’t need anyone else. Because you do, as we all do.
You don’t need anyone stronger or braver than you because you already are all those things. It’s just nice when you have someone to offer you a helping hand when life throws you to the bottom.
Ver também: Uma carta para a mulher que escolhe entre o amor e a sua independência
A sua bagagem emocional precisa de ser esvaziada
One thing’s for sure… You’ll never be ready to move on until you livrar-se do saco emocionale que carrega das suas relações passadas.
Don’t live in the past anymore. Get back to your real life. Your present and your future are important. You need to put a full stop on everything else once and for all.
It’s good to be careful, but there is no point in obsessing over things that are out of your control or that you simply can’t change.
As feridas do passado tornaram-no muito defensivo
Finding love isn’t an easy job. It’s a process that lasts a while, and you’re sure to get hurt somewhere along the way.
However, don’t let it change your opinion on amor verdadeiro. Don’t let it make you create some kind of defense mechanism that “will” keep your heart safe in the future. Because, unfortunately, that’s impossible.
Also, be an open book and allow everyone to read you. Open your heart to love. Don’t be afraid to let someone new in.
Sim, há sempre o risco de nos magoarem, mas também podem amar-nos incondicionalmente e melhorar a nossa vida de todas as formas possíveis.
You’re nitpicky
I’m sure you’re like, “What the hell is this? What does nitpicky mean?”. If the people around have told you several times that you’re too picky, that’s it. It means you ask for too much.
It means you have high and maybe even unrealistic expectations for your potential partner that they can not fulfill, of course, and that you eliminate them as soon as they fail to fulfill them or do something you aren’t okay with.
It’s okay to be, let’s say, selective when it comes to choosing your romantic partner, but it doesn’t mean that you should strive for perfection. Because the truth is that there is no such thing as a perfect person.
If this is the case, if you’re demasiado exigenteEntão, precisa mesmo de ver a realidade.
Don’t compromise your standards, don’t settle for less than you deserve, but also don’t be too picky because it’ll definitely lower your chances of meeting the right one.
Or, maybe you’re a narcissist? ?
Please, say no. In my opinion, narcissists are one of the worst types of people. It’s perfectly understandable that they can’t form and maintain a relationship with another human being because they only think about themselves all the time.
So, if you aren’t completely sure but are doubting that you may have some narcissistic traits, you can check out this article that perfectly describes some traços narcísicos que pode não reconhecer imediatamente.
Narcissists are self-sufficient. They don’t need others because they think they’re so much better than everyone else.
And they’ll get into a romantic relationship with someone only if it’s beneficial to them. That is, only if they can take advantage of that person.
Como é que deixo de ser solteiro? 8 dicas eficazes
Just to be clear, I won’t teach you here how to become a pro at flirting and seducing. If that’s your goal, then check out this guia completo sobre como namoriscar subtilmente como um profissional.
I’m here to help you open up to love. I’m here to help you attract your soulmate faster.
Now, I don’t want to dwell on this anymore. So, let’s get you back in the dating pool.
Sair e divertir-se
Don’t obsess too much about finding love. Basta vestir-se bem, sair, divertir-se e conhecer novos amigos. Quem sabe, talvez a sua alma gémea está escondido num deles.
Passar tempo com os amigos e a família é também uma obrigação. As pessoas que nos são próximas têm sempre um efeito positivo na nossa autoestima, o que é muito importante se quisermos escapar à vida de solteiro.
Just swim around in the dating pool for some time. And let love find you…
Afastar expectativas irrealistas
You know how those A.A. therapies start? Everyone needs to introduce themselves and admit they have an addiction. Well, let’s just try to imagine we’re having that kind of therapy right now and start with the introduction.
My name is April Callaghan, and I’m a single woman who can’t build and maintain a healthy relationship with a guy because of my highly unrealistic expectations.
I’m sure there are many of you girls who could do the same introduction. It’s no wonder we’ve been disappointed so many times by guys. E, o facto é que expectativas irrealistas são uma via de mão única para a desilusão.
Don’t get me wrong – it’s good to have and cultivate some expectations. But the point is that you need to learn como gerir as suas expectativas numa parceria… Learn how to be more accepting and less expecting…
Encontrar alguém que o ajude a desempacotar a sua bagagem emocional
Okay, you’ve been hurt in the past by someone you deeply loved. You were traído por aqueles que disseram que nunca lhe fariam isso. The person you loved the most stabbed you in the back… I know, those are the most awful feelings.
No entanto, agora é preciso deixar tudo isso para trás e abrir um capítulo completamente novo na vida.
O facto é que a sua vida amorosa está a sofrer por causa disso bagagem de relações passadas. And you’ll never be ready to let someone new into your life until you get rid of it first.
Vulnerabilidade não é fraqueza!!!
This goes for all the single people out there. It’s so wrong and deeply unhealthy to keep everything bottled up inside of you just because you’re afraid to open up to someone and show your vulnerable side.
Don’t think it’ll chase them away. I’m sure this will surprise you, but it’s actually the other way around.
It’ll make them stay and fight for you even more. It’ll make them fall in love with each and every one of your weaknesses.
Showing your weaknesses to others, celebrating your flaws, and embracing your vulnerability… This, my dear single friend, is the right bridge for a true connection.
Don’t run away from conflict
Quase todos os especialistas em relações dirão que é preciso aceitar as brigas na sua relação porque só pode tornar mais forte a ligação entre si e a sua cara-metade.
Ou, como eu sempre digo, onde há amor verdadeiro, existem também algumas divergências e conflitos.
So, the first time you and your potential partner get in a fight about something, don’t immediately give up and run away.
It’s not a healthy way to deal with those kinds of situations, and it’ll definitely lower your chances of meeting the right person.
Experimentar encontros em linha
We’re living in this modern world of social media, and online dating has become completely normal. There are a lot of people who’re numa relação duradoura with someone they’ve never actually met in person.
Para ser sincero, os encontros em linha têm aspectos positivos e negativos.
Por exemplo, é possível saber tudo sobre uma pessoa antes de a construir uma relação séria mas também pode apaixonar-se loucamente por eles antes mesmo de iniciar uma relação romântica.
However, my honest advice to you is to go ahead with it. Download a dating app, create a good profile, and start swiping through the profiles. I’m sure your soulmate is waiting for you on one of those dating sites.
Casamenteiro profissional, porque não?
I’m sure all of you have heard about matchmaking and know how it works. You hire a matchmaker, they conduct an interview with you to find out some basic information about you and your life in general, and your job is done there.
That’s when they start searching for your best matches in their database, based on the information you gave them.
So, you need to be completely honest during the interview because it’ll help them find your potential partner faster.
Also, you need to understand that matchmaking is a process and, of course, it’ll require some time. But the good thing is that it’ll definitely increase your chances of meeting your soulmate.
A verdade sobre a compatibilidade
I know that you’re probably looking for someone you’ll partilham uma química intensa e compatibilidade com, mas a verdade é que muitas pessoas têm uma visão distorcida da compatibilidade nas relações românticas.
It’s true that you should have some common interests and values. However, most people forget that our true strength lies in differences, not similarities.
Para formar uma ligação emocional muito profunda com outro ser humano e construir uma relação bem sucedida, é realmente necessário aceitar e abraçar as diferenças.
You shouldn’t let them divide you. On the contrary, let them bring you closer to each other.
No total
I hope this article has helped you to come to a conclusion and the right answer to your question, “Why am I still single?”.
And no matter what the reason is, you don’t have to worry about it. Just follow all the proven advice above and let it take you to a sua alma gémea.
And always remember, you shouldn’t date someone just so you can say you’re finally in a relationship. Just so you can change your relationship status on social media.
No. Find someone who’ll change it deep down in your heart. Date someone you can see yourself building a relação saudável e por quem se apaixonou loucamente.
No final do dia, o AMOR é tudo o que realmente importa.
If there is no love, there is no true happiness. If there is no love, there is no devotion. If there is no love, there is no loyalty. If there is no love… Well, there is nothing real, nothing true… There is absolutely nothing at all.
