Perché sono ancora single? 12 probabili motivi (+ come cambiare le cose)
Is your relationship status SINGLE? Has it been like that for too long? Well, my friend, welcome to the club…
Tell me something honestly… Do you ever wonder about things like “What is wrong with me? Why am I single? Why can’t I find true love? Why the hell, why? Perché sono ancora single?“
So che è così, e non c'è nulla di cui vergognarsi perché questo tipo di pensiero è del tutto normale nella vostra situazione.
And I know you’re expecting me to say that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you and that love is waiting for you somewhere around the corner. But, I’m not here to give you that kind of comfort.
Let’s just cut the crap and call this what it is. Hey, don’t get me wrong here. I’m not saying that something is really wrong with you or that you’re damaged in any way.
Okay, there is nothing wrong with you, but it’s obvious that something is che ti trattiene. And I’m here just to help you understand what’s keeping you from finding love.
Perché sono ancora single? 12 motivi comuni
Even though I’m sure most people don’t think so, vita da single non è sempre tutto rose e fiori.
Okay, sometimes it’s good to do all the things you want without having to pay attention to whether it’s going to hurt your partner or not.
But the truth is that it hurts like hell when you’re going through a difficult period in your life and have no one to share your sorrows with.
Beh, parlando per esperienza personale, a volte fa un male cane tornare a casa in una casa vuota dopo una giornata di lavoro molto difficile e non avere nessuno con cui parlarne.
A volte non avere una persona speciale a cui inviare un testo della buonanotte è straziante.
So without any further ado… Let’s find out why are you still singolo and what’s stopping you from letting someone into your heart.
You’re struggling with philophobia…
You’re probably asking quale filofobia is now, right? Well, it’s not actually some kind of health condition – it’s a phobia or fear of falling in love.
It occurs mostly when people have been hurt in past relationships and are afraid that it might happen again. They know what they had to go through because of that, and they don’t want to go through the same thing ever again.
The thing is that they aren’t actually happy because they’re single, but they think it’s for the best.
They don’t want to start a relationship with someone because they think they will fall madly in love with them and give them the power to control them and their life.
If you are afraid of falling in love, then you’re definitely philophobic. Here’s a little guide on how to deal with it and superare la paura di innamorarsi.
O forse anche con l'agliofobia!
È piuttosto simile alla filofobia. Solo che questa fobia è una paura del dolore emotivo e fisico.
So, as I already said, they’re afraid of being hurt. And people who have this kind of phobia don’t even want to give others a chance because they don’t want to risk it.
They simply think that their heart isn’t able to take and gestire un altro cuore spezzato. Per loro, essere single è l'unico modo per proteggersi e salvarsi.
E la fobia dell'impegno?
I think this is a pretty clear one. If you’re una fobia da impegno, then the answer to your question “Why am I still single?” is all too obvious.
It’s because you don’t want to commit to another person. You’re used to one-night stands, and you probably don’t go any further than a first date.
Se volete saperne di più su questa fobia, date un'occhiata a questo articolo del nostro relationship coach e scoprite tutto su La fobia dell'impegno e come affrontarla.
I just want to say another thing and close this phobia topic: the only phobia you should have is monophobia – the fear of being alone.
Trust me, that’s the worst. You can live with all the others and find a way to cope with them, but this phobia will break your heart every day, piece by piece.
La paura di ciò che può accadere fa sì che non accada nulla
Please stop with the “what ifs.” What will happen, what God meant for you to happen, will happen, and you can do absolutely nothing about it.
Non c'è quindi motivo di ossessionarsi, giusto?
Sometimes you have to take risks in life. It’s always better to take a risk and be hurt than to waste your life struggling with the paura dell'ignoto.
La paura è anche il più grande nemico dell'intimità
I know this is the reason why am I still single, and I’m working on it. It’s just so hard for me to let someone get too close to me. I’m so afraid of that closeness.
Cerco di evitarlo il più possibile e, prima o poi, finisco per allontanare il mio potenziale partner.
La maggior parte degli esperti di relazioni concorda sul fatto che paura dell'intimità è la peggiore barriera per mantenere una relazione sana.
Actually, we all know that it’s a way we form and strengthen the bond between our partner and us.
La bassa autostima vi sabota
Se avete bassa autostima, you should know that it’s your worst enemy. Not just when it comes to finding love but in so many other things.
It’s probably one of the core reasons why are you still single. So, work on boosting your self-confidence, your self-awareness, and you’ll see how it’ll increase your chances of meeting your soulmate.
If you’re struggling with low self-esteem, it will never allow you to take the first step. You won’t be able to live life to the max, and you’ll always doubt your own worth.
Remember, it’s not who you are that is holding you back – it’s actually all those things you think you aren’t and will never be.
Anche i problemi di salute mentale sono una diga enorme
If you’re struggling with depression or anxiety, it may also be a reason why you can’t build a healthy relationship with someone else.
No matter how big those issues are, don’t ever let them be bigger and stronger than you are.
You can’t be TOO independent for a relationship
It’s okay to be independent and maintain your independence even after getting into a relationship with someone. It’s actually good for the relationship.
However, you shouldn’t think that you’re self-sufficient and that you don’t need anyone else. Because you do, as we all do.
You don’t need anyone stronger or braver than you because you already are all those things. It’s just nice when you have someone to offer you a helping hand when life throws you to the bottom.
Vedi anche: Una lettera alla donna che sceglie tra l'amore e la sua indipendenza
Il vostro bagaglio emotivo deve essere svuotato
One thing’s for sure… You’ll never be ready to move on until you liberarsi del bagaglio emotivoe che vi portate dietro dalle vostre relazioni passate.
Don’t live in the past anymore. Get back to your real life. Your present and your future are important. You need to put a full stop on everything else once and for all.
It’s good to be careful, but there is no point in obsessing over things that are out of your control or that you simply can’t change.
Le ferite del passato vi hanno reso molto difensivi
Finding love isn’t an easy job. It’s a process that lasts a while, and you’re sure to get hurt somewhere along the way.
However, don’t let it change your opinion on amore vero. Don’t let it make you create some kind of defense mechanism that “will” keep your heart safe in the future. Because, unfortunately, that’s impossible.
Also, be an open book and allow everyone to read you. Open your heart to love. Don’t be afraid to let someone new in.
Certo, c'è sempre il rischio che vi facciano del male, ma possono anche amarvi incondizionatamente e migliorare la vostra vita in ogni modo possibile.
You’re nitpicky
I’m sure you’re like, “What the hell is this? What does nitpicky mean?”. If the people around have told you several times that you’re too picky, that’s it. It means you ask for too much.
It means you have high and maybe even unrealistic expectations for your potential partner that they can not fulfill, of course, and that you eliminate them as soon as they fail to fulfill them or do something you aren’t okay with.
It’s okay to be, let’s say, selective when it comes to choosing your romantic partner, but it doesn’t mean that you should strive for perfection. Because the truth is that there is no such thing as a perfect person.
If this is the case, if you’re troppo esigente, allora avete davvero bisogno di un controllo della realtà.
Don’t compromise your standards, don’t settle for less than you deserve, but also don’t be too picky because it’ll definitely lower your chances of meeting the right one.
Or, maybe you’re a narcissist? ?
Please, say no. In my opinion, narcissists are one of the worst types of people. It’s perfectly understandable that they can’t form and maintain a relationship with another human being because they only think about themselves all the time.
So, if you aren’t completely sure but are doubting that you may have some narcissistic traits, you can check out this article that perfectly describes some tratti narcisistici che potreste non riconoscere immediatamente.
Narcissists are self-sufficient. They don’t need others because they think they’re so much better than everyone else.
And they’ll get into a romantic relationship with someone only if it’s beneficial to them. That is, only if they can take advantage of that person.
Come smettere di essere single? 8 consigli efficaci
Just to be clear, I won’t teach you here how to become a pro at flirting and seducing. If that’s your goal, then check out this guida completa su come flirtare sottilmente come un professionista.
I’m here to help you open up to love. I’m here to help you attract your soulmate faster.
Now, I don’t want to dwell on this anymore. So, let’s get you back in the dating pool.
Uscire e divertirsi
Don’t obsess too much about finding love. Basta essere eleganti, uscire, divertirsi e conoscere nuovi amici. Chi lo sa, forse la tua anima gemella si nasconde in uno di essi.
Anche passare del tempo con gli amici e la famiglia è un must. Le persone vicine hanno sempre un effetto positivo sull'autostima, il che è molto importante se si vuole sfuggire alla vita da single.
Just swim around in the dating pool for some time. And let love find you…
Accantonare le aspettative irrealistiche
You know how those A.A. therapies start? Everyone needs to introduce themselves and admit they have an addiction. Well, let’s just try to imagine we’re having that kind of therapy right now and start with the introduction.
My name is April Callaghan, and I’m a single woman who can’t build and maintain a healthy relationship with a guy because of my highly unrealistic expectations.
I’m sure there are many of you girls who could do the same introduction. It’s no wonder we’ve been disappointed so many times by guys. E il fatto è che Le aspettative irrealistiche sono una strada a senso unico verso la delusione..
Don’t get me wrong – it’s good to have and cultivate some expectations. But the point is that you need to learn come gestire le proprie aspettative in una partnership… Learn how to be more accepting and less expecting…
Trovate qualcuno che vi aiuti a disfare il vostro bagaglio emotivo.
Okay, you’ve been hurt in the past by someone you deeply loved. You were tradito da chi aveva detto che non ti avrebbe mai fatto una cosa del genere. The person you loved the most stabbed you in the back… I know, those are the most awful feelings.
Tuttavia, ora dovete lasciarvi tutto alle spalle e aprire un capitolo di vita completamente nuovo.
Il fatto è che la vostra vita sentimentale sta soffrendo a causa di questo bagaglio di relazioni passate. And you’ll never be ready to let someone new into your life until you get rid of it first.
La vulnerabilità non è una debolezza!
This goes for all the single people out there. It’s so wrong and deeply unhealthy to keep everything bottled up inside of you just because you’re afraid to open up to someone and show your vulnerable side.
Don’t think it’ll chase them away. I’m sure this will surprise you, but it’s actually the other way around.
It’ll make them stay and fight for you even more. It’ll make them fall in love with each and every one of your weaknesses.
Showing your weaknesses to others, celebrating your flaws, and embracing your vulnerability… This, my dear single friend, is the right bridge for a true connection.
Don’t run away from conflict
Quasi tutti gli esperti di relazioni vi diranno che è necessario accettare il litigio nella vostra relazione perché può solo rendere più forte il legame tra voi e il vostro partner.
Oppure, come dico sempre, dove c'è amore veroCi sono anche disaccordi e conflitti.
So, the first time you and your potential partner get in a fight about something, don’t immediately give up and run away.
It’s not a healthy way to deal with those kinds of situations, and it’ll definitely lower your chances of meeting the right person.
Prova gli incontri online
We’re living in this modern world of social media, and online dating has become completely normal. There are a lot of people who’re in una relazione a lungo termine with someone they’ve never actually met in person.
Ad essere onesti, gli incontri online hanno lati positivi e negativi.
Per esempio, si può imparare tutto su una persona prima di costruirla. una relazione seria con loro, ma potreste anche innamorarvene perdutamente prima ancora di iniziare una relazione sentimentale.
However, my honest advice to you is to go ahead with it. Download a dating app, create a good profile, and start swiping through the profiles. I’m sure your soulmate is waiting for you on one of those dating sites.
Un sensale professionista, perché no?
I’m sure all of you have heard about matchmaking and know how it works. You hire a matchmaker, they conduct an interview with you to find out some basic information about you and your life in general, and your job is done there.
That’s when they start searching for your best matches in their database, based on the information you gave them.
So, you need to be completely honest during the interview because it’ll help them find your potential partner faster.
Also, you need to understand that matchmaking is a process and, of course, it’ll require some time. But the good thing is that it’ll definitely increase your chances of meeting your soulmate.
La verità sulla compatibilità
I know that you’re probably looking for someone you’ll condividono un'intensa chimica e compatibilità con, ma la verità è che molte persone hanno una visione distorta della compatibilità nelle relazioni sentimentali.
It’s true that you should have some common interests and values. However, most people forget that our true strength lies in differences, not similarities.
Per creare un legame emotivo molto profondo con un altro essere umano e costruire una relazione di successo, è necessario accettare e abbracciare le proprie differenze.
You shouldn’t let them divide you. On the contrary, let them bring you closer to each other.
In totale
I hope this article has helped you to come to a conclusion and the right answer to your question, “Why am I still single?”.
And no matter what the reason is, you don’t have to worry about it. Just follow all the proven advice above and let it take you to la tua anima gemella.
And always remember, you shouldn’t date someone just so you can say you’re finally in a relationship. Just so you can change your relationship status on social media.
No. Find someone who’ll change it deep down in your heart. Date someone you can see yourself building a relazione sana e di cui si innamora perdutamente.
In fin dei conti, l'amore è l'unica cosa che conta davvero.
If there is no love, there is no true happiness. If there is no love, there is no devotion. If there is no love, there is no loyalty. If there is no love… Well, there is nothing real, nothing true… There is absolutely nothing at all.
