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Why Am I Still Single? 12 Probable Reasons (+ How To Change This)

Why Am I Still Single? 12 Probable Reasons (+ How To Change This)

Is your relationship status SINGLE? Has it been like that for too long? Well, my friend, welcome to the club…

Tell me something honestly… Do you ever wonder about things like “What is wrong with me? Why am I single? Why can’t I find true love? Why the hell, why? Why am I STILL single?

I know you do, and you have nothing to be ashamed of because that kind of thinking is completely normal in your situation.

And I know you’re expecting me to say that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you and that love is waiting for you somewhere around the corner. But, I’m not here to give you that kind of comfort.

Let’s just cut the crap and call this what it is. Hey, don’t get me wrong here. I’m not saying that something is really wrong with you or that you’re damaged in any way.

Okay, there is nothing wrong with you, but it’s obvious that something is holding you back. And I’m here just to help you understand what’s keeping you from finding love.

Why Am I Still Single? 12 Common Reasons

Even though I’m sure most people don’t think so, single life is not always all sunshine and rainbows.

Okay, sometimes it’s good to do all the things you want without having to pay attention to whether it’s going to hurt your partner or not.

But the truth is that it hurts like hell when you’re going through a difficult period in your life and have no one to share your sorrows with.

Well, speaking from my own experience, sometimes it hurts like hell just to come home to an empty house after a very difficult day at work and have no one to talk to about it.

Sometimes not having that special someone to send a goodnight text to is heartbreaking.

So without any further ado… Let’s find out why are you still single and what’s stopping you from letting someone into your heart.

You’re struggling with philophobia…

confused woman leaning on the counter and looking aside

You’re probably asking what philophobia is now, right? Well, it’s not actually some kind of health condition – it’s a phobia or fear of falling in love.

It occurs mostly when people have been hurt in past relationships and are afraid that it might happen again. They know what they had to go through because of that, and they don’t want to go through the same thing ever again.

The thing is that they aren’t actually happy because they’re single, but they think it’s for the best.

They don’t want to start a relationship with someone because they think they will fall madly in love with them and give them the power to control them and their life.

If you are afraid of falling in love, then you’re definitely philophobic. Here’s a little guide on how to deal with it and overcome your fear of falling in love.

Or maybe even with agliophobia?!

a woman ignoring man looking at her while standing close to each other

This is pretty similar to philophobia. Only this phobia is a fear of emotional and physical pain.

So, as I already said, they’re afraid of being hurt. And people who have this kind of phobia don’t even want to give others a chance because they don’t want to risk it.

They simply think that their heart isn’t able to take and handle another heartbreak. For them, being single is the only way they can protect and save themselves.

What about commitment phobia?

woman leaving room at night while man sleeping in the bed

I think this is a pretty clear one. If you’re a commitment-phobe, then the answer to your question “Why am I still single?” is all too obvious.

It’s because you don’t want to commit to another person. You’re used to one-night stands, and you probably don’t go any further than a first date.

If you want to know more about this phobia, then check out this article from our relationship coach and find out everything about commitment phobia and how to deal with it.

I just want to say another thing and close this phobia topic: the only phobia you should have is monophobia – the fear of being alone.

Trust me, that’s the worst. You can live with all the others and find a way to cope with them, but this phobia will break your heart every day, piece by piece.

Your fear of what can happen makes nothing happen

thoughtful woman sitting alone at home and looking at floor

Please stop with the “what ifs.” What will happen, what God meant for you to happen, will happen, and you can do absolutely nothing about it.

So, there is no point in obsessing about it, right?

Sometimes you have to take risks in life. It’s always better to take a risk and be hurt than to waste your life struggling with the fear of the unknown.

Fear is also the greatest enemy of intimacy

pensive woman looking aside while sitting with a man in cafe

I know this is the reason why am I still single, and I’m working on it. It’s just so hard for me to let someone get too close to me. I’m so afraid of that closeness.

I try to avoid it as much as I can and, sooner or later, I end up driving my potential partner off.

Most relationship experts agree that fear of intimacy is the worst barrier to maintaining a healthy relationship. ​

Actually, we all know that it’s a way we form and strengthen the bond between our partner and us.

Your low self-esteem sabotages you

a woman standing in front of the mirror looking thoughtful

If you have low self-esteem, you should know that it’s your worst enemy. Not just when it comes to finding love but in so many other things.

It’s probably one of the core reasons why are you still single. So, work on boosting your self-confidence, your self-awareness, and you’ll see how it’ll increase your chances of meeting your soulmate.

If you’re struggling with low self-esteem, it will never allow you to take the first step. You won’t be able to live life to the max, and you’ll always doubt your own worth.

Remember, it’s not who you are that is holding you back – it’s actually all those things you think you aren’t and will never be.

Mental health issues are a huge dam too

depressed woman looking down while sitting at the table

If you’re struggling with depression or anxiety, it may also be a reason why you can’t build a healthy relationship with someone else.

No matter how big those issues are, don’t ever let them be bigger and stronger than you are.

You can’t be TOO independent for a relationship

woman sitting alone on the balcony raising legs on the fence

It’s okay to be independent and maintain your independence even after getting into a relationship with someone. It’s actually good for the relationship.

However, you shouldn’t think that you’re self-sufficient and that you don’t need anyone else. Because you do, as we all do.

You don’t need anyone stronger or braver than you because you already are all those things. It’s just nice when you have someone to offer you a helping hand when life throws you to the bottom.

See also: A Letter To The Woman Choosing Between Love And Her Independence

Your emotional baggage needs to be emptied out

sad woman looking back while sitting near the window in apartment

One thing’s for sure… You’ll never be ready to move on until you get rid of the emotional baggage you carry from your past relationships.

Don’t live in the past anymore. Get back to your real life. Your present and your future are important. You need to put a full stop on everything else once and for all.

It’s good to be careful, but there is no point in obsessing over things that are out of your control or that you simply can’t change.

Past wounds have made you highly defensive

a woman pushing a man with a hand while he trying to flirt with her

Finding love isn’t an easy job. It’s a process that lasts a while, and you’re sure to get hurt somewhere along the way.

However, don’t let it change your opinion on true love. Don’t let it make you create some kind of defense mechanism that “will” keep your heart safe in the future. Because, unfortunately, that’s impossible.

Also, be an open book and allow everyone to read you. Open your heart to love. Don’t be afraid to let someone new in.

Yes, there is always that risk that they might hurt you, too, but they may also love you unconditionally and make your life better in every possible way.

You’re nitpicky

woman turning from a man sitting beside her at the counter bar

I’m sure you’re like, “What the hell is this? What does nitpicky mean?”. If the people around have told you several times that you’re too picky, that’s it. It means you ask for too much.

It means you have high and maybe even unrealistic expectations for your potential partner that they can not fulfill, of course, and that you eliminate them as soon as they fail to fulfill them or do something you aren’t okay with.

It’s okay to be, let’s say, selective when it comes to choosing your romantic partner, but it doesn’t mean that you should strive for perfection. Because the truth is that there is no such thing as a perfect person.

If this is the case, if you’re too picky, then you really need a reality check.

Don’t compromise your standards, don’t settle for less than you deserve, but also don’t be too picky because it’ll definitely lower your chances of meeting the right one.

Or, maybe you’re a narcissist? 😲

confident woman lying in the bed and taking selfie with phone

Please, say no. In my opinion, narcissists are one of the worst types of people. It’s perfectly understandable that they can’t form and maintain a relationship with another human being because they only think about themselves all the time.

So, if you aren’t completely sure but are doubting that you may have some narcissistic traits, you can check out this article that perfectly describes some narcissistic traits you might not recognize immediately.

Narcissists are self-sufficient. They don’t need others because they think they’re so much better than everyone else.

And they’ll get into a romantic relationship with someone only if it’s beneficial to them. That is, only if they can take advantage of that person.

How Do I Stop Being Single? 8 Effective Tips

Just to be clear, I won’t teach you here how to become a pro at flirting and seducing. If that’s your goal, then check out this comprehensive guide on how to subtly flirt like a pro.

I’m here to help you open up to love. I’m here to help you attract your soulmate faster.
Now, I don’t want to dwell on this anymore. So, let’s get you back in the dating pool.

Just go out and have some fun

friends having fun on a party

Don’t obsess too much about finding love. Just fancy up, go out, have fun, and meet new friends. Who knows, maybe your soulmate is hiding in one of them.

Spending time with your friends and family is also a must. Those close to you always have a positive effect on your self-esteem, which is really important if you want to escape your single life.

Just swim around in the dating pool for some time. And let love find you…

Wave aside unrealistic expectations

disappointed woman turning from a man during conversation

You know how those A.A. therapies start? Everyone needs to introduce themselves and admit they have an addiction. Well, let’s just try to imagine we’re having that kind of therapy right now and start with the introduction.

My name is April Callaghan, and I’m a single woman who can’t build and maintain a healthy relationship with a guy because of my highly unrealistic expectations.

I’m sure there are many of you girls who could do the same introduction. It’s no wonder we’ve been disappointed so many times by guys. And, the fact is that unrealistic expectations are a one-way street to disappointment.

Don’t get me wrong – it’s good to have and cultivate some expectations. But the point is that you need to learn how to manage your expectations in a partnership… Learn how to be more accepting and less expecting…

Find someone to help you unpack your emotional baggage

upset woman turning back from a man standing near the car

Okay, you’ve been hurt in the past by someone you deeply loved. You were betrayed by those who said they would never do that to you. The person you loved the most stabbed you in the back… I know, those are the most awful feelings.

However, now you need to leave it all behind and open a completely new chapter in life.

The fact is that your love life is suffering because of that past relationship baggage. And you’ll never be ready to let someone new into your life until you get rid of it first.

Vulnerability is not weakness!!!

man comforting his girlfriend and embracing her

This goes for all the single people out there. It’s so wrong and deeply unhealthy to keep everything bottled up inside of you just because you’re afraid to open up to someone and show your vulnerable side.

Don’t think it’ll chase them away. I’m sure this will surprise you, but it’s actually the other way around.

It’ll make them stay and fight for you even more. It’ll make them fall in love with each and every one of your weaknesses.

Showing your weaknesses to others, celebrating your flaws, and embracing your vulnerability… This, my dear single friend, is the right bridge for a true connection.

Don’t run away from conflict

couple having conflict sitting on the bench

Almost every relationship expert will tell you that you need to embrace fighting in your relationship because it can only make the bond between you and your significant other stronger.

Or, as I always say, where there is true love, there are some disagreements and conflicts too.

So, the first time you and your potential partner get in a fight about something, don’t immediately give up and run away.

It’s not a healthy way to deal with those kinds of situations, and it’ll definitely lower your chances of meeting the right person.

Try online dating

women using dating app while lying on the couch

We’re living in this modern world of social media, and online dating has become completely normal. There are a lot of people who’re in a long-term relationship with someone they’ve never actually met in person.

To be honest, online dating has both good and bad sides.

For example, you can learn everything about someone before you actually build a serious relationship with them, but you could also fall madly in love with them before you even start a romantic relationship.

However, my honest advice to you is to go ahead with it. Download a dating app, create a good profile, and start swiping through the profiles. I’m sure your soulmate is waiting for you on one of those dating sites.

Professional matchmaker, why not?

women talking with a matchmaker while sitting in the office

I’m sure all of you have heard about matchmaking and know how it works. You hire a matchmaker, they conduct an interview with you to find out some basic information about you and your life in general, and your job is done there.

That’s when they start searching for your best matches in their database, based on the information you gave them.

So, you need to be completely honest during the interview because it’ll help them find your potential partner faster.

Also, you need to understand that matchmaking is a process and, of course, it’ll require some time. But the good thing is that it’ll definitely increase your chances of meeting your soulmate.

The truth about compatibility

man and woman holding hands while standing close to each other

I know that you’re probably looking for someone you’ll share an intense chemistry and compatibility with, but the truth is that a lot of people have a distorted view of compatibility in romantic relationships.

It’s true that you should have some common interests and values. However, most people forget that our true strength lies in differences, not similarities.

To form a very deep emotional bond with another human being and build a successful relationship, you really need to accept and embrace your differences.

You shouldn’t let them divide you. On the contrary, let them bring you closer to each other.

In Total

two person forming a heart shape with hands at sunset

I hope this article has helped you to come to a conclusion and the right answer to your question, “Why am I still single?”.

And no matter what the reason is, you don’t have to worry about it. Just follow all the proven advice above and let it take you to your soulmate.

And always remember, you shouldn’t date someone just so you can say you’re finally in a relationship. Just so you can change your relationship status on social media.

No. Find someone who’ll change it deep down in your heart. Date someone you can see yourself building a healthy relationship and falling madly in love with.

At the end of the day, LOVE is all that truly matters.

If there is no love, there is no true happiness. If there is no love, there is no devotion. If there is no love, there is no loyalty. If there is no love… Well, there is nothing real, nothing true… There is absolutely nothing at all.

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