If there is love and if both partners are willing to put in some effort, it’s possible to regain broken trust.
However, you have to be aware that rebuilding trust takes time but with these efficient steps to rebuilding trust in a relationship, it won’t be difficult for sure.
I agree that all people deserve a second chance but it’s not easy to forgive someone who betrayed you, no matter how much you love that person.
After breach of trust in a romantic relationship, a person feels hurt and they’re most definitely left with some trust issues.
It’s so difficult to forgive someone and try to rebuild trust in your relationship when you just can’t stop thinking about how it will happen again one day.
You’re afraid that you’ll be betrayed again but that you won’t be able to repair that brokenness again.
And it’s perfectly normal that you feel that way because your loved one has hurt you; the person you love the most broke your heart.
However, you’ll see that in time, you’ll find a way to forget about that and find the courage to forgive your partner once you see that they’re really sorry for what they did.
That’s when you’ll realize that you have to let go of that fear and that it’s time to move on with your significant other.
If you want that process to be a little bit faster and less painful, check out these steps and healthy ways to rebuild trust in a relationship.
Do you still truly love your partner?
Pay attention to this first step because this is the most important thing you’ll need to do. You have to sit down and have an honest conversation with yourself.
You have to clear out your own feelings. Your partner has made a mistake, they’ve betrayed you and it has greatly affected your relationship. But did it only affect you?
Did it affect your feelings toward your partner too?
You need to be honest with yourself and answer the most important question and that is, do you still love your partner the same as you loved them before they hurt you?
Nothing is worth it if there isn’t love. So, if your answer to the previous question is negative, you should give up on your relationship.
If you have any kind of doubts and if you aren’t sure how you exactly feel, you should give yourself some time to understand your own feelings and then you should decide how to make your relationship work again.
Even if you are the one who hurt your partner, you should do the same. Think about your feelings. Why did you make a mistake and why did you hurt your significant other?
Yes, we are all human beings and yes, we all make mistakes but if you really care for someone and love that person, you wouldn’t make them suffer.
That’s why you should think about this because sooner or later, you’ll understand that you don’t love your partner the way you used to and then you’ll hurt them even more and break their heart.
Give both of you some time
Before you even agree to have a serious talk about your relationship, you should give both you and your partner some time. As the old adage says, ‘time is a great healer’.
You both need to be alone for some time and think about your current situation. You have to think about your feelings, all the issues you have encountered and your relationship in general.
You should take some time just for yourself, some alone time, because that’s actually what you need the most right now.
It’s good to be surrounded by friends in these difficult situations but it can also be overwhelming for you.
They’ll try to give you some advice and tell you how you should act and whether you should forgive your partner or not and that’s not what you need right now.
You need peace. That’s why you should go someplace where you’ll be absolutely alone and relax. You need that alone time to think about your relationship, so you can make the right decision by yourself.
No matter how much your friends and family members love you, they can’t give you the right advice or tell you what you should do or make that decision on behalf of you. You’re the only one who can do that.
Remember that we all deserve a second chance
Before you make any decisions, you have to remember that we are all human and that makes us all weak. We make mistakes but each and every one of us deserves a second chance.
I won’t lie to you, you’ll never be able to forget that violation of trust, even if you do forgive your partner but you’ll be able to move on; together.
You’ll be able to make your relationship work after all but only if both of you are willing to make some effort.
If you forgive your partner and give them a second chance, you’ll be the bigger person. And it’s up to them how they’ll use that chance because it’s probably the last one they’ll get from you.
You should at least give them a chance to tell you their side of the story. You should give them an opportunity to say what made them make that mistake.
Do you really think it’s worth the fight?
You’ll have to think about your relationship.
Think about all your memories together and about the happy and beautiful moments you shared throughout your relationship and then think about those not so great moments.
Think about your arguments and fights, all the issues you have had. Did your partner hurt you before? Did you ever lose your partner’s trust in the past and what did you do to earn it back?
Have you ever made some plans together for your future? Have you talked about making your relationship official any time soon?
Do you really want to end things with your partner just because they have made a mistake?
These are all some questions you should ask yourself and then decide whether your relationship is worth the fight or not.
You have to go through the healing process first
Have you ever heard the saying ‘time heals everything, give time time’? Because it’s absolutely true. Don’t hurry your decision. If your partner honestly loves you, they’ll wait.
You were hurt by the person you love and you are suffering. You have to go through the healing process before you’re even ready to talk to your partner about the future of your relationship.
You need to process all your feelings and that takes time. If it’s too painful for you to be alone, you can ask your best friend to hang out and you can confide in them how you feel.
You’re allowed to cry, to call your partner and tell them how you feel but you shouldn’t insult them or call them names because one day you may regret it.
You have to work on yourself…
Don’t think about fixing your relationship now because the first thing you need to work on is yourself.
Both of you have to think about what exactly caused the broken trust in your relationship. I’m sure that there were some situations where both of you could have acted differently.
Use this time when you’re apart to think about your own mistakes.
Be honest about it and admit that both of you hurt each other in some way and that both of you are guilty of that broken trust in your relationship.
What were some things that your partner asked you to change about yourself? Did you do it? Admit your wrongdoings and try to change those before you decide to continue with your relationship.
… then you should work on your relationship
After you’ve realized your own mistakes and worked on changing those, you can now call your partner and ask them to talk about repairing your relationship.
Admitting your wrongdoings will give you a better understanding of your partner’s mistakes too.
You need to repair the trust in your relationship and that isn’t something that can be done overnight.
First, you’ll need to identify the underlying causes of the broken trust in your relationship. Then both of you should be open to compromises.
If your partner asks you to change some things, you should accept it and try to change them. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should accept to change who you are to get your partner back.
You have to identify all the problems and issues that led you to this situation.
Needless to say, you won’t be able to overcome your trust issues or that lack of trust immediately but with the time and effort, everything will fall into place.
Identify your problems together
Both of you should be willing to work on your relationship and save it together. As I said above, you have to start by identifying all issues and problems you had in your relationship.
This is the right time to tell your partner all the things you wanted to say before but you didn’t for some reason. Get it all out of you.
Don’t keep everything to yourself because that might be the biggest reason for a lack of trust in your relationship.
Promise each other that you’ll always have time for one another and that in the future, you’ll talk about any subsequent issues before they build up.
Don’t blame others for your broken relationship
Your friends, co-workers and some family members may have advised you about your relationship but whatever happened, it’s only your or your partner’s fault.
You should hear everyone out because most of those people want you to be happy but only you can control your life and only you are the only one responsible for your acts.
If you did something wrong, only you should be blamed for that.
The easiest thing for a betrayer to do is put the blame on someone else. But you’re an independent person and no one can make you do something you don’t want to do.
So, sit down, acknowledge your mistakes and accept the blame for them. You should be apologizing to your partner rather than making excuses and putting the blame on other people.
Honest communication is everything
The key to solving all of your problems is communication. The only way you’ll overcome your issues is by identifying them and working together on their solutions. It’s the only way to a healthy relationship.
This is the best relationship advice anyone can give you. If you choose to repair the trust with the help of a family therapist, the first thing they’ll tell you is to tell one another how you honestly feel at that moment.
A lack of communication in a relationship always leads to a lack of trust. If you don’t communicate with your partner regularly, there will always be some doubts and secrets.
You should never bottle up your feelings, even if you think they might harm your relationship because sooner or later, those feelings will come to the surface and then the real problems will arise.
It’s perfectly normal that you have some disagreements and quarrels from time to time and that’s actually good for your relationship. That’s actually how you’ll strengthen the bond between you two.
You must feel free to open up to your significant other in every situation. Don’t keep some things or your emotions to yourself, no matter how bad or negative they are.
I know that opening up to your partner is sometimes difficult, especially if you are in a short-term relationship because you are afraid of how your partner will react.
However, it’s essential if you want to overcome this crisis in your relationship.
It’s okay if you’re angry and frustrated with your partner if they made a mistake. You should let it all out. Let them know how hurt you are and how much you’re suffering because of their wrongdoings.
Tell them how you need to see that they’re ready to change and how they’re really sorry for what they did to you before you decide to forgive them.
An apology isn’t enough. Tell them that their words don’t mean anything to you anymore, without being followed by actions.
Listen actively and try to understand your partner’s feelings
However, for a better understanding, you should listen to your partner too. I’m not trying to justify their actions but maybe they have their reasons for them.
After you have given both of you some time and after you’ve thought about your relationship, you should accept to listen to them and hear what they have to say in their defense.
You didn’t deserve to be betrayed or hurt but think about your behavior toward your partner. Maybe you have neglected them for a long period or maybe you stopped expressing your love.
The only way you’ll be able to fix your problems and overcome the trust issues in your relationship is if both of you speak honestly about your feelings and the things that were bothering you in your relationship.
Once you identify where the problem is, then you’ll be able to fix it.
Acknowledge your mistakes and offer a genuine apology
Whoever made a mistake and betrayed and hurt the other person has to offer their sincere apology to their partner first.
No matter what you did, you have to be aware that you can’t change it now, you just can fight for your partner’s forgiveness.
Own up to your past actions. Acknowledge all of your mistakes and don’t try to make excuses for them, otherwise it’s going to make the situation even worse.
Show your partner every day that you’re honestly sorry for what you did and that you’ll do everything to gain their trust back.
Show them that it was just a stupid mistake, something you will never do again and how that shouldn’t be stronger than your love.
Prove to your partner that even though you made that mistake, your feelings for them are still strong and honest.
Don’t allow yourself to lose the person you love because of one moment of weakness, because of that one stupid mistake.
Don’t ever repeat that mistake again and don’t ever hurt your partner again. Fight for your loved one and fight for your relationship.
Don’t say you forgive them if you still aren’t ready to do it
If you still aren’t ready for the talk, you need to tell your partner that. If you still need some time alone, you need to tell your partner that too.
Don’t allow them to pressure you into immediately making a decision. If you do make a decision without thinking thoroughly about it, you’ll most definitely make a mistake and regret it later.
Don’t say you forgive your partner just because you love them and you’re afraid that they won’t wait for you to be ready to honestly forgive them.
Even if they don’t want to wait for your forgiveness, it’s going to help you to make the right decision as that means they don’t love you and they don’t deserve your love, they don’t deserve you, nor your time.
Once you clear some things in your head and once you clear your feelings, you’ll know what the right thing to do is.
Once you do forgive them, leave it all in the past
Once you do make the decision to forgive them, you just have to leave it all in the past. You shouldn’t bring it up in your future fights because you decided to leave it in the past and move on together.
It’s not fair to say that you want to move on and then bring it out every time you have some disagreement. After you’ve forgiven them, you should close that chapter forever and move on.
If you decided to forgive your partner, that means you’ve decided to move on with your relationship. You did it because you love them and you want them in your future.
And that’s the only thing you should focus on then—your future.
Broken trust is never completely only one partner’s fault
If you want to rebuild the trust in your relationship, you should be aware that both of you are guilty of those trust issues.
Maybe one partner did something that was the last straw but both of you have contributed to that. You have to make your relationship a priority if you really want to make it work.
Each partner has to realize what did they do wrong and work on fixing those things and improving your relationship.
You need to promise each other that things will change from now on.
You have to promise that you’ll be each other’s top priority and that you’ll make time for each other even when you have the busiest schedule.
After you reconcile, you’ll need to spend some time alone together and far away from everyone else.
Not only will you have to forgive one another and work on regaining the trust in your relationship but you’ll also have to remind yourselves why you fell in love with each other in the first place.
You’ll have to fall in love with each other again. You can’t start from the beginning but you can remind yourselves how beautiful it all was when you just started dating.
Pretend that you just met each other and spend some time getting to know each other better. Plan the most romantic date and relight the flame in your relationship again.
Arm yourself with patience
You’ll have to arm yourself with patience indeed because this is not going to be easy and it’ll take time for sure.
But if you both truly love each other, you’ll work this out and leave it all behind you like it was an awful dream.
Rebuilding the trust in a relationship is a process that takes time and patience. You have to go through each step carefully and slowly because every step is important.
It’s not going to be easy because you’ll have mixed feelings and you’ll feel pressure from your partner and some other people close to you but your love will help you fight all of that.
If you’re the betrayed one, you’ll find the strength to forgive your partner and after some time, you’ll feel ready to forget all about it and move on.
If you are the betrayer, you’ll wake up every day with only one goal and that is to earn forgiveness from your partner and gain their trust back.
You’ll manage to do so in time because love is stronger than anything; true love can overcome all obstacles which get in its way.
One day, when this is all over, you’ll be thankful for this period in your relationship because this is something that will bring you closer and make the bond between you even stronger.
You’ll be proud of each other, how you handled all of this and how you fought for your relationship and didn’t allow one mistake to ruin it.
Show your partner how much you appreciate a second chance
Not all men are lucky enough to get a second chance from the woman they love, so if you’re the lucky one, don’t waste it or make the person who gave it you regret it.
After your partner has forgiven you and after they have given you a second chance, you shouldn’t stop showing them that you’ve changed and that you’re sorry for your wrongdoings.
Continue showing affection and proving your love every day. Don’t allow them to doubt you or your feelings ever again.
Take that second chance seriously because that’s probably the last one you’ll get. Use it to love them even more and to show them how much you appreciate it.
Don’t allow them to regret giving it to you. You deserve it because you honestly love your partner; you just have to prove it to them again.
Back up your words with actions
If you promised your partner that you won’t message other people on your social media, you should block those people or give your partner the passwords of all your social media accounts.
If you promised your partner that from now on, they’ll be your number one priority, don’t ever ditch them because of your friends or any other reason.
If your partner asked you to try to improve your relationship with their family, you should invite them over or invite them to hang out somewhere together.
Whatever you’ve promised each other that you’ll change or fix, you have to stick to it and try to do it no matter what.
Of course, there might be some things that your partner has asked you to change that you can’t do because that would mean that you would be changing your entire identity.
If that happens, again, the only way to solve it is by communicating. Your partner will understand you and you’ll come to some compromise, for sure.
Don’t seek revenge
No matter how much your partner has hurt you and how awful they made you feel, you shouldn’t seek revenge or do something that will hurt them back.
Don’t think that it’ll make you feel better because it won’t. Revenge will actually make you more bitter and you’ll be even more miserable after it.
You can’t hurt the people you love on purpose and feel good about it. It would also only mean that your feelings aren’t actually sincere.
After you get revenge on your partner, it’ll be even harder for you to move on together. There will always be some resentment and some unresolved issues.
Even if you decide that you can’t move on with your relationship and forget your partner’s mistake and that the best thing for you is to end that relationship, you should forgive them.
Get professional help if you think it’s needed
If you think that none of these steps are working for you, then, of course, there is always an option to go to couple’s therapy.
Both partners need to agree to do it and you should search for the best counselor in your surroundings and arrange an appointment.
Couples counseling will not only help you to rebuild the trust in your relationship but it’ll also help you to have a better understanding of each other and to solve all of your problems through healthy conversations.
A clinical psychologist, Les Parrott, Ph.D., said, “If you don’t have trust, you don’t have anything. There’s nothing to build on. It’s just sand that washes away,” and that’s absolutely true.
Without trust, there is no love.
I really hope these steps to rebuilding trust in a relationship will have you regain the trust and save your relationship. It’s up to you whether you’ll fight for it and decide if it’s even worth the fight.
How long is it going to last? Well, that’s surely a question neither I nor anyone else can give you the right answer to.
All I can tell you is that rebuilding trust isn’t something that can happen overnight.
It takes time because one person needs to gain back the trust of another person and the other one needs to feel safe to trust the other person again.
So, as you can see, there are two processes that need to happen and both of them are complicated and need time.
Time is your biggest ally too. With time, you’ll be able to see if your partner regrets their mistake and if they are really trying to gain back your trust.
Time will tell you if your love is honest and if your relationship is strong enough to overcome these obstacles.