Being in a relationship is inevitably going to result in one of two things. You’re either going to spend your life with this person or you’re eventually going to call it quits.
That’s just the factual reality of the dating world.
And in my own personal experience, I’d much rather break up in time if I see that the relationship is going nowhere fast, because what’s the point in sticking around if you know that this is not your person?
Which leads me to my second point.
No matter what you’ve read or heard, guys suffer just as much as girls do post-breakup.
They’re only human and if you think your ex-boyfriend has magically risen above his heartbreak and entered a new relationship with a healed, happy heart, you’d be dead wrong.
See… guys want you to think that things don’t affect them and that they handle breakups like the macho men they are.
But do you want to know what the actual truth is?
They miss you every second of every day, and their self-esteem takes a huge hit (especially if you were the dumper), but they just don’t have the balls to face their emotions the way girls do!
We all know the drill when it comes to girls.
Call on your best friends, buy copious amounts of wine, then bitch about him on your couch until the wine kicks in and you start feeling like the boss-ass bitch you are and realize you’re better off without him.
(That is until tomorrow comes and it all starts feeling all too real yet again).
Repeat the process for a few weeks until you get your head in order with the help of your support system, finally unfollow him on your social media accounts, and pick up your broken pieces without needing anyone’s help.
The emotional pain is still there, but you’re not denying it.
You’re willing to face your negative emotions and hard times head-on and take the relationship advice from your girlfriends knowing they’ve got your back.
And with time it really does get better. He’s just one guy and this heartache is going to pass if you process it in a healthy way.
How Do Men Deal With Breakups?
With men, things are a little different. Men can’t deal with emotional baggage the way girls can because it makes them feel less manly.
They’ll deny their heartache, enter new relationships without processing their pain, and use social media to make you feel they’re doing better than they actually are.
And why? Because they can’t handle being alone as well as girls can, so they turn to a rebound relationship and online dating in search of a new girlfriend instead of dealing with the pain of their previous relationship.
They go no contact, instead of resolving their issues with their ex-girlfriends, which doesn’t allow them to truly get over it when the relationship ends.
This compromises their future relationships because they can never go all in, due to lack of closure.
A heartbreak is something that requires sensitivity, understanding of your own psyche and well-being, along with emotional support from loved ones.
Guys deal with this by doing almost the exact opposite.
They skip the necessary steps and jump right into the acting out part (drinking their asses off with their buddies, random hookups then drunken phone calls to their exes, calling on their mutual friends and bitching about the other… etc.)
And the next day, when reality kicks in and they realize how detrimental their behavior truly is to their healing, they just suppress it all and go for round two.
They miss you and they’re hurting, but they’ll never say it face to face.
And the toxic cycle just keeps on turning until they can’t take it anymore and realize that every little thing they’ve done to get over their ex-girlfriend has been counterproductive to the very fact.
Guys’ brains are just wired differently. They are supposed to be these strong, macho men (in their own heads) and any sign of actual emotion is strictly frowned upon.
God forbid they should admit that they’re hurting and actually go through the process like a sane person would, right?
But I’m here to show you that guys really don’t have it all figured out. They just want you to think that they do.
You might see your ex-boyfriend on a night out and posting photos on social media like a party animal, but what you should know is this: This whole tough exterior with his shit figured out is merely a coping mechanism.
Because if he actually let himself FEEL what he’s feeling, the ground would crumble underneath his feet and his head would shatter from all the unresolved issues he’s been suppressing for so long.
Trust me when I tell you, guys’ behavior after a breakup is anything but what they’re letting on.
Inside, there’s a fragile man with a broken heart, trying to mend the pieces in all the wrong ways.
So before you call your ex heartless for moving on so fast, completely ruling out ever getting back together, consider the following signs that prove the exact opposite.
Observe his behavior and try to make sense of it. If your ex has been exhibiting these 7 signs after the breakup, trust me, honey, he’s hurting big time.
1. He unfriends you on social media
One day, you were scrolling through your Instagram and suddenly realized his presence is nowhere to be found.
So you went to check his profile and what do you know… he’s deleted you from Insta! Quickly, you go to your other accounts and find out the same shit happened everywhere.
And you’re baffled. After so much time together, he just nonchalantly decides to delete your presence from his online world.
Naturally, you’re pissed! You take it personally (even though you probably shouldn’t) and immediately call your girls to bitch about this.
But what you don’t realize is that this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.
Guys are taught that they should be impervious to pain and heartbreak is the epitome of it!
So to make it easier on himself, he deletes every trace of you from his social media accounts not to have to be reminded of the pain he’s suppressing.
Guys don’t deal with this shit at all. They just wipe it under the rug and put on a tough exterior.
But if he had to see your face every day as he’s scrolling through his Insta, Facebook or Snapchat, his heart would break all over again.
It hurts him to see your face. It pains him to know he let you go. He might even shed a tear over it, but he can’t let it happen.
So he ignores how he feels (heartbroken), deletes any sign of your social media presence, and pretends it’s all okay.
2. He can’t see you face to face
Post-breakup, the emotions usually run high and all logic goes out the door.
Both of you are hurt, confused, and hesitant to just let it all happen without making any sense of it. And lashing out often happens due to lack of common sense so soon after the breakup.
With guys, it’s all on an even bigger level. Your ex-boyfriend can’t see you because he hasn’t dealt with what’s happening at all.
He’s hurt, angry, and perplexed, and very likely to resort to anger and yelling because you are the reason for this pain.
And I don’t mean it in a negative way. You’re the one he lost, and therefore he’s in pain and angry.
Seeing you only reminds him of how poorly he’s treated you and therefore lost you, so he lashes out big time.
The very thing he’s so desperately trying to avoid is staring him straight in the eye and trying to have a conversation with him, and he can’t handle it.
He wants to get away, but there are things to discuss.
Who gets the dog? Who’s the one who has to move out? Is this really happening or do you just need a break to figure shit out?
Talking is mandatory because that’s the only way to get closure.
He’s unable to see you without feeling crappy, and that’s why he avoids seeing you face to face. It brings out so much shit that he’s just not ready to deal with.
3. He starts showing up to places you frequent
Sometimes, guys’ behavior after a breakup is so transparent. It’s too obvious that he’s going through the motions and he gives it all away with his unorthodox actions.
For example, you know he never goes to your favorite coffee shop, especially to just lounge about and do nothing.
But all of a sudden, there he is. Sitting there, sipping his coffee and pretending to be surprised that he’s bumped into you.
Like he doesn’t already know that this is where you get your after-work caffeine fix with your girls. So he says hi, chats you up, and marvels at this wonderful coincidence.
Only it was all planned in advance. See, he can’t get you out of his head, but he also doesn’t want to seem desperate by calling you and asking how you are.
He’s too much of a man for that. So he decides to show up at places he knows you’ll be, and have a mini convo to see you and get his fix.
Actually, there’s nothing wrong with this. The guy clearly misses you and since he can’t simply talk to you about his feelings and hash things out if possible, he’ll resort to these measures just to see your face.
That way, his reputation is untarnished and he’s not letting his emotions get the better of him.
Luckily, you know better and you can enjoy the fact that you’ve left such a big hole in your ex’s heart.
4. He starts obsessively texting you
Avoidance didn’t do the trick since he clearly can’t get you out of his head, and pretending that he’s okay is silly since he can’t lie to himself.
So he comes full circle and goes back to you. It’s eating him alive not knowing how you are and what you’re doing, and since nothing else worked, he starts blowing up your phone.
First, it appears to be just friendly banter – where you are, how you’re doing, what’s been going on in your life – and for a minute, it all seems normal.
But then he starts dredging up the whole breakup thing and going all detective on you.
Why did you guys break up in the first place, how did you let it happen, he might even start blaming you for how it all went down, and all that because he’s hurting and he wants you back.
A guy who’s over you and turned a new page wouldn’t be blowing you up this way and pinning blame.
A guy who has his shit together doesn’t reminisce about the breakup and mention getting back together, as if it didn’t take you so long to finally move on.
His behavior is shady but it all comes from a place of misplaced hurt. He still has feelings for you and he can’t process them right.
So he texts you, calls you, and initiates conversations to try to make sense of what’s going on and help himself move forward.
5. He creates a false narrative regarding the breakup
One of the most concerning types of guys’ behavior after a breakup is distorting the truth about how it all happened.
Clearly, you know what went down and he does too. There’s no point lying to yourselves.
But when one partner cannot deal with the aftermath of the breakup, they tend to create their own version of the truth.
This is a coping mechanism that lets them face what happened easier and look better in other people’s eyes.
Suddenly, you’ll start hearing stories about your breakup that bear zero resemblance to what actually took place.
If you were the one who dumped him, all of a sudden, he’ll turn things around and make it seem as if it was all his idea.
He was the one who initiated the breakup because you were suffocating him or he just couldn’t handle your bossy personality anymore.
Whatever he starts telling people, it’ll be a blatant lie.
And do you know why he’s doing this? It’s because he’s so hurt and feels betrayed by your breakup that the only way to feel better is to be the victim in other people’s eyes.
He can’t change what happened but he sure can tell his own version and, in that way, move on knowing he’s no longer the bad guy.
This behavior is unhealthy and hurtful toward you, so it’s on you to talk to him and make him see how wrong and toxic this is.
6. He becomes an asshole
Yup. Sometimes guys turn into complete assholes after the breakup and they’re the only ones who can make any sense of that shitty behavior.
They look at it this way: ”You’re the one who dumped me, so now I get to hurt you back.”
They become obnoxious and unbearable. Anytime they’re around their ex-girlfriend, they start calling her names, being nasty, and acting as if she’s a bitch simply because she couldn’t handle being around his sorry ass anymore.
This is the worst type of behavior a guy can exhibit after a breakup.
It shows his lack of respect for his ex and it proves my point – guys suck at handling their emotions post-breakup!
You’re the one who stood by his side while he was going through shit.
You’re the one who held his hand when it wasn’t easy for him. And how does he repay you?
By hurting you and treating you like an enemy. I don’t know how much this is going to help, but the only reason he’s doing it because deep down he’s still hurting.
He’s not over you and he can’t accept how things ended, so he turns you into his enemy.
For some guys, this only lasts for a short amount of time until they realize how childish and cruel they’re being. Here’s hoping that yours is among them!
7. He jumps into a new relationship
One of the weirdest guys’ behavior after a breakup is moving straight into a new relationship.
What the hell is up with that? It doesn’t even have to be an actual relationship. It can also be a hookup or a one-night stand that turns into more than that.
But unfortunately, this is what his male ego tells him to do.
Instead of facing his shit head-on, he feels the need to show everyone how tough and manly he is and the best way to do that is by being seen with another girl.
Why? Because then, he’ll show everyone just how strong and impervious he is.
Nothing can get to him, not you or his heartbreak. And his new relationship is the start of a new him.
Only, that’s just a front. He’s anything but equipped to handle a new GF, since his old one is still clearly taking the top spot in his heart.
A guy who’s dealing with his pain doesn’t do anything rash.
A guy who has his ducks in a row doesn’t feel the need to impress the public with his array of new chicks. He just doesn’t care what anyone thinks!
It’s his life and his choices. The only person whose opinion he should consider is his own and yours.
Too bad guys tend to be so stubborn in their supposed manliness that they fail to see how childish it makes them. Ironic, huh?
So if your ex-boyfriend is parading around town with his new girlfriend, don’t take it too personally (even though it hurts as fuck, I know). He’s acting out and pretending to be okay.
But just know that one day, his pain will catch up with him and he’ll finally be forced to face his demons.
How To Get Closure?
By realizing that you can’t change the past, but you can take control of your present. Guys will be guys.
If you were lucky enough to have dated a true gentleman, you’re likely in the clear with regards to the troubling signs stated here.
Some guys handle breakups surprisingly well and treat their ex-girlfriends with the utmost respect, and so they should!
But there are guys whose behavior starts being extremely detrimental to their own well-being and reflecting very poorly on you too.
That’s an unfortunate instance, but your main takeaways should be these:
1. If he’s acting out, making rash decisions and behaving like a completely different person, it’s all because he’s hurting on the inside and he’s refusing to face his emotions.
Don’t take it personally. It has everything to do with him and nothing to do with you.
2. Seeing him with a new chick is one of the hardest pills to swallow, especially so soon after the breakup.
BUT, that only means he’s not over you, guys who process their emotions in a healthy way don’t just jump from one relationship to another. They’ve got heart.
3. Unfollowing you on social media means that it’s too painful for him to see the face of the girl he let go on a daily basis.
So instead of clearing the air with you and by being frank, he deletes all traces of you online, thinking it’ll help him cope (Hint: it won’t, at least not in the long run).
4. And lastly, when guys turn into complete jerks post-breakup, it only means they’re too immature to handle their demons like adults.
By trying to appear macho, he does the exact opposite. When you see him this way, just walk away and feel sorry for him.
He’s the one who’ll have to face his shitty actions one day, not you.